Tuesday, 07 February 2012
The twins are now 2.5 months old. We live 15 minutes from my in-laws. They have been to see the twins a total of THREE times, this includes Christmas. Sad, just sad. My MIL kept telling people how we just needed to hire someone to help out since she works and can't help out a lot. I figured she just doesn't want to help. So I never asked her to come over and help.
After my mom left from helping, we hired someone, to my MIL we hired someone since she seemed to be telling everyone that's just what we needed to do as if it was any of her business or she really knew what we need as a family. But, my MIL hasn't been over a single time since we hired someone. I DON'T want her to come over to help. I want her to come over to be a grandmother, to hear how excited the girls get to see her, to develop a loving relationship with her grandchildren.
I don't need her help. But my children do need a grandmother. I thought she'd come over since we don't need the help, we just want the companionship, but she hasn't. This makes my heart so sad. My children are wonderful children. They are amazing. They are sweet and kind. They are inventive and strong willed. They are at such fun ages!
My mom said she read this and thought of me, "Whenever you think having twins is hard, think of the poor mom who has triplets." We chuckled at it. My mom had come to help me in the early weeks of the twins' lives and she said it was so hard. Yes, it was, and it still is. But my husband said it best at his grandmother's funereal (shortly after we found out I was carrying twins), "It's a double blessing!"
A double blessing indeed. Double the cries, but double the toothless grins. Double the poopy diapers but double the cooing. Isabel and Caroline love that there are two so they both can help. They adore the twins.
Today, I was humbled by my dance aerobic instructor. We were picking up our kids in the child care, and she looked down at the twins and said softly, "How precious! (then softly and almost sad sounding) What I wouldn't give to have another one." This instructor is MRS. SOUTH CAROLINA. Going on to compete in Mrs. America. Absolutely beautiful. Graceful. And puts on a fun class!
I have been told I was infertile and almost cried in the parking lot thinking of what she said. I remember thinking I'd never get pregnant and carry full term. I looked into adoption that same night because I had no desire to be pregnant, just the desire to be a mom. I thought of my sister and her fertility struggles. I thought of my miscarriages and the sadness that followed. I don't know Mrs. South Carolina's personal fertility history, but I hope it's not a struggle for her. It is so hard to go through that.
Then I thought of my MIL and how SELFISH she has been by not coming to see them. I don't care if she doesn't want a relationship with me. BUT, what kind of grandmother lives 15 minutes away and basically has NOTHING to do with their grandchildren. If she can't see the blessings in having 4 grandchildren this close to her, then IT'S HER LOSS. My mother would have given anything to have us stay in Charleston, but he did not get a job there. She was so happy we chose Columbia because it's only a 2 hour drive for her. She has been here at least once a week since the twins were born. In the beginning, she came because I needed help adjusting. But she showed up and surprised us on Saturday to see the granchildren, not because I needed help. But because she hadn't heard Isabel say, "Grandma!" and hadn't heard Caroline laugh in a week. She wanted to see how the twins had changed in the week and feel whatever little ounces they put on. She even saw the twins smile-the first time she had seen that.
So, if my MIL can't see what a blessing it is and she feels burdened by my four children (it's not like we ask her to feed them, clothe them, pick them up from school, take them to gymanstics, etc.), then IT'S HER LOSS.
I have a quadruple blessing. Thank you, Mrs. South Carolina, for bringing that home to me today.
MIL, it's selfish of you to deny my children a grandmother, I'm thankful my mother has stepped up and loves seeing the girls. Even if it is hard, it is a blessing!