Thursday, 12 January 2012
My Dearest Baby,
My Sweet Baby Boy or a Baby Girl,
Another year passed and you are still not here. Last night I had a very sharp dream and this dream was stuck to me for hours later. The dream was about you, but you must have been just a bean inside of my tummy. But a bean big enough to give a slightly round shape to my tummy. I caressed it with my hand -amazed that I finally had you there, right in me.
Truth is, you are bursting through my subconscious. I cannot wait to find out that I will have you –right there in my uterus, growing centimeter by centimeter each day. I will read to you out loud, so that you knew my voice very well before you come to this World, I will let you listen to my favorite instrumental music with me, so that it could soothe you as much as it soothes me. I will eat things which will be good for you, so that you did not have to suffer from tummy-aches before you are even born! I will not drink alcohol, for your own good, but you can be sure that you will have your first drink with me once you turn 18. I will do my best not to be a lazy bum and to do light exercise, so that I could send you some endorphins.
There is one thing that I have a problem with today. I am unable to find a Daddy for you. I know that I could be a single Mom and it would not bother me, but Baby, you need a Dad. A great, loving, caring and warm Dad, who will be there with me to see your first step, to hear your first word and laughter, to help you whenever you fall on your fragile knees... and above all: a Dad who will be there with me to LOVE YOU. While I teach you how to play tennis, he may teach you something else (hopefully not some bad words!).
I will do MY BEST to find the right man to fulfill the role of my husband and the role of your Dad. If we ever have an argument –it will be behind your back. When you grow up, you will understand that issues only between the parents should be shared with no one else. I will keep you safe from harm.
I will write a diary for you. Details on the days when: you made the first kick in my tummy; walked for the first time; when you laughed real hard at something; when you said a specific word. When you grow up a little, I will write down the smart or the funny things that you said. I will keep all your drawings and paintings. I will keep the first notebook filled with your handwriting. I will keep the copy of the first book which I read to you before you fell asleep. I want you to know as many things as possible about yourself. Ah, and now... how could I forget about taking pictures of you! We will take a lot of pictures. Then, we will print and frame them and hang them on the walls –just like people did back in the times, before people started to keep all of their photos on computers.
You are not here, but I love you already, with my entire heart.
And I am waiting to welcome you and love you once you appear in my life.
This letter will be my proof that I always wanted you, if you ever doubted that.
I love you, I love you, I love you.
P.S. I will do my best to give you a brother or a sister, so that you never had to be alone like me -the only child.