Friday, 06 January 2012
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Cancelling Your Child's Birthday
On the TV series "Good Luck Charlie" the parents (Amy and Bob Duncan) have to make up for not throwing Gabe his much delayed 12th birthday party in one episode. They had cancelled his original party because he had been misbehaving. They agree to give him a 12-½ birthday party, but only after he is good for one week.
I have seen several parents threaten to cancel their kid's birthday birthday party or Christmas, but it's a threat I've never seen anyone follow through on in real life.
Is this something parents really do? Would you cancel your child's birthday party because of behavior?
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- From: Nidan
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- About Me: I'm a Martial arts instructor, and an advisor to the parents who hire me. I have a lot of experience at teaching, and a great reputation as a mentor. I've been with the Xanga community since 2003.
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Comments (38)
I would yes cancel a party but I would still have a small at home celebration. Like a cake and pizza.
Maybe one friend. No party though.
BTW I've had a party canceled on me :'( I was sick though not bad. lol
Still felt like the end of the world.
My husband had this issue growing up... he conveniently was always grounded right before his birthday so his birthday party was cancelled. Sounds suspicious huh lol.
So with our kids- no way would we cancel a birthday. If my child were really acting up before their party- we'd still have the party, but they may be grounded from all the cool new toys they just got for a couple days. (all circumstantial)im a teacher and ive had a student cry and cry at me not to call their mom to report their out of line behavior in my class because she would have her birthday party cancelled.
I think it is cruel to cancel a birthday party on a child. That is not going to make the child behave himself but rather create more resentment in him/her. I hate that kind of parenting.
@angys_coco@xanga - I agree! It's terribly cruel.
My mother never punished us on our birthdays or Christmas. Now the day after she may take what we got & put it away until our punishment was over or the punishment would go back into effect but she even says it's cruel to do that to a children. Christmas is well..Christmas! And your birthday is a celebration of the day you were born.
@Shinbi_Belldandy@xanga - That's exactly is my point. In fact my mother had cancelled my birthdays for other reasons and had nothing to do with me bad. That is why I think it is cruel to do that to a child. I completely am against that kind of parenting. If you go to punish a child like that, that child would never grow or be nurtured.
I wouldn't think so. I'd probably find another way to discipline the child, other than cancelling the birthday. Even if you ground the child, but still have the birthday, I think that's okay. It does seem harsh to do that.
Wow. Reading the comments makes me feel lucky and like I had great parents. I never got caught doing anything worthy of that kind of punishment, but if I did, I would have understood why my parents did it. My parents never punished me in a way that as out of line with what I got caught doing.
I would never cancel a birthday party for a younger child, however, if a child is over the age of 10 or 12 (really depends on the maturity of a child) they would (or should) understand that having a birthday party is a privilege and not a right. In order for me to cancel a birthday party, the child would have to do something extraordinarily horrible. They would still get presents, cake, and ice-cream with one friend but nothing extravagant or brag worthy. I also would not cancel Christmas, but I would have no problem exchanging gifts for ones that are slightly less nice.
i'd probably do the same as @MommyMarty22@xanga and @Erika_Steele@xanga: family celebration [maybe one friend], but no party. however, the kid would have to do something really bad [or misbehave for a long time] for me to do that. i just think that if a child is a complete brat and you still throw them a huge birthday party, you're teaching them that they deserve a birthday party. i would want my kids to know that birthday parties are privileges, not rights.
i wouldn't cancel Christmas celebrations because we would be celebrating the birth of Christ and not the misbehaving child.
I haven't heard of anyone actually cancelling a birthday but I know my neice has had the threat of no Christmas or that Santa wouldn't bring her anything.
I grew up attending a church that considered Christmas, and the celebration of one's Birthday to be pagan, so I grew up not doing either. I suppose you could say that I grew up normal, but I will absolutely give my kids a birthday party. I don't see anything wrong with one day a year, when it is all about that kid. If I ever have multiples, I may even separate the birthdays,so that each one could have his or her own special day. For me to cancel birthday or Christmas, that child would have to be so naughty it is ridiculous.
To the original poster: you said that you had never heard of anyone canceling birthday or christmas before? If you are want to, you can do a search on the net, there was a story a couple years ago, where this guy sold his kid's Christmas gifts on Ebay. The kid had been acting up for awhile before hand, had gotten several warnings and was told what would happen, and the kid still misbehaved, and so the dad carried out the threat. I believe a casino in Vegas bought the loot.
I never had a party.
I could never do that to a child. There are other ways of punishing them - maybe confiscating gifts for a week, or something, but to cancel a birthday party? Sorry, that's really horrible.
@angys_coco@xanga - Or they'll stick the parents in a home & abandon them. I've seen it happen.
I think it's fair enough if it's like an outside party with their friends and it's repeated bad behavior. Not for like an isolated incident, and not canceling like... a party with family and all that, because it's important to acknowledge their birthday, but a birthday party is a luxury, a privilege, not a right, or something a child is entitled to. Some kids don't even have them. And I can't even remember how many years I was promised them right up until my birthday and ended up not getting one for no reason at all, so I definitely think it's reasonable to use it as a punishment, since I've seen a lot of parents just flat out lie about birthday parties or use them to bribe kids, I definitely think it's reasonable to take it away as a punishment for incredibly bad behavior. But like I said above, it shouldn't be just for like one little thing... like the kid talks back once, or something, and bam, it's gone, but for repeatedly bad behavior or something incredibly terrible, then I think it's totally reasonable. Their birthday should still be acknowledged though. It doesn't mean they always need a fancy party with all their friends and a million presents if they acted like a complete and total brat for the past three weeks, though. You have to draw the line somewhere. You can always have a cake, a couple of little gifts, and a small gathering of family to acknowledge the birthday and still follow through on not having the big party you originally had planned. I think that's fair.
I would cancel one, depending on what happened. Birthday parties aren't a right that kids should get regardless of how they act.
@MommyMarty22@xanga - I had multiple canceled for that reason and because of random January snow storms. It caused me to hate winter.
OP- I would only if she did something as serious as killing someone. Canceling a birthday or holiday or anything like that is just a little extreme. Kids deserve to have a birthday party or be given gifts during the holidays.
@dream_guru5@xanga - yeah... Mine is in Feb. Hello Fellow Aquarius.
@MommyMarty22@xanga -
I was born on the cusp of Aquarius on one of the last days of Capricorn so I'm a Cap but can fall under both... sorry.. I studied Astrology for years. You know the whole birthday canceled due to random blizzard then. Lol
@dream_guru5@xanga - same here Aquarius / Pisces lol... It's cool you get the best of both and ignore the bad. lol
It depends on his age. If my boy was being a turd and was somewhere along the lines of....8-ish, I'd still let him have his party. If he were 16 and acting like a total asshole, I would absolutely cancel it.
That issue never came up.when my kids were little. Nothing happened to warrant so serious a move.
my parents forgot my birthday a couple times and parties were not allowed. Fuck them!
I agree with the_rocking_of_socks@xanga, it all depends on age. My daughter has not gotten the type of party she wanted because of her mouth.