Monday, 26 December 2011
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You Look Too Good To Be A Mom
I was having a light conversation with one of my Twitter followers the other day, and they asked me what I was doing for Christmas. I told them we were taking my son to his paternal grandparents' house. He then proceeds to tell me, "You're a mom? Wow! You look too good to be a mom." It reminded me of this incident about 8 months ago when a gal pal and I went to a club for the first time since I had my son. She is single and on the prowl, so when a group of guys invited us to their booth, she said yes. I was just happy that we could finally sit down. Anyway. She is chatting up this guy that she found really attractive, and I was people watching. A guy in the group came over and started small talk. I told him I was not single, and he agreed to keep the conversation appropriate. Somehow, the subject of children came up and I mentioned I have a son. His eyes got wide and he said, "What?! I don't believe you. You can't have a kid. Your body is too good to have had kids."
I don't know what that means, but I didn't quite know how to react. I thanked him for the "compliment" but at the same time, I was still thinking, "What the?"
I know that it's somewhat of a stereotype that moms dress frumpy, have no social life outside of play dates and family night, and have that dreaded lower stomach "pouch." I just don't understand why the term "mom" seems to have become so looked down upon that people say things like that. I am pretty sure he didn't mean it the way I took it, but it doesn't change the fact that I felt the way I do about it. I like to dress up like any other woman does. Just because I wear high heels outside of the house doesn't mean that I stay that way. When I go home, I am in hoop shorts and a t-shirt. Sometimes, I stay in hoop shorts and a t-shirt if I am just running to the store.
I get that a lot of women "let themselves go" after they have kids out of sheer laziness. Those aren't the women I am talking about. Some women have kids and their bodies looked like the children moved back into their womb. I was blessed to be able to not gain too much weight while I was pregnant, and I was also blessed to be able to have lost it all fairly quickly and have no stretch marks whatsoever. However, I had time to work out two hours every day and had a job as a nanny in a house that had workout equipment as well. So when the kids took a nap, I hopped onto the elliptical.
The women I am referring to are the ones who actually do care but don't always have the opportunity or time to focus on themselves. I'm referring to the mothers who are so busy taking care of their families that they don't even think about themselves. Most women work (some long hours and away from home), and have to take care of the family. Some women go to school on top of that, and we can't forget the single moms who work, go to school, and take care of their kids. The Stepford wife standard is just insane. We aren't perfect. It's a lot more efficient and comfortable to clean the house in sweat pants and house shoes instead of high heels and a pencil skirt. You wake up early and get the kids ready for school. You get yourself ready for work. You come home and make dinner, finish errands, maybe do homework if you are in school, and somewhere in all the hullabaloo you are supposed to worry about how your arm flab looks in your sweatshirt?
::Sigh::
Am I just over reacting? Like I said, I thanked him for his "compliment" but I feel like something like that shouldn't be completely considered a compliment. Would someone be offended if someone said, "Oh, yeah you look like a mom"?
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About the Author
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- From: ThaPlatinumOne@xanga
- Name: Shannon
- About Me: Model, Mother, Student. I hold no punches. Hippie at heart. Hit me up on Twitter! @ThaPlatinumOne
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Comments (22)
i struggle with this. sometimes i want to look like a mom but not overly mom. so i don't know. i wouldn't be offended i don't think.
Nowadays, the "mom-o-meter" seems to be off. I mean, there used to be stereotypes of "look at their hands" "look at their eyes" "Stretch marks" "Self-respect gone"
but no.Some moms have kids early, others are born with genetics that allows them to look like playboy bunnies after giving birth. And some genuinely work hard to maintain their youth, physical well being, and looks.
I don't dare say "you look like a mom" now. Being married to one, I know I'd get socked in the mouth and the police won't press charges against a hysterical person like that.
It no longer bothers me, but I am used to it because people are shocked that I am almost 40. I get you don't look like you have kids especially for someone so ummmm old (and old is whispered as if I don't know how old I am). I thought this 18 year old college student was going to have a stroke when he was trying to flirt with me and he found out I as old enough to be his mother.
Unfortunately there are stereotypes. Mothers are supposed to look like soccer moms at best or the stereotypical frumpy woman in ugly jeans and a baggy t-shirt. I take it as a compliment that people think I don't look like that. If someone told me you look like a mom, I'd punch them.
Pfff!!!!
You should see my momma! She's weighed 115 lbs till she was 45, and now she weighs 125 at age 52. She's 5'5. Having a baby is no excuse to be fat long term!
I love the shirt on the baby boy! So cute!
The problem is that the stereotype of what a mom looks like is not flattering, yet moms actually look just like everyone else after all. I seriously doubt they could do something where people could pick out the parents in a large group of people with 100% accuracy. Yes, pregnancy changes a woman's body but lots of things changes a person's body.
Why would anyone be offended by that compliment? Or was this post some weird way to brag..?
I think it's funny that a lot of people are shocked that moms can look...normal. And not like they've let themselves go.
If some one said I looked like a mom I would take it as a compliment... It means I can nurture and comfort... (That would be the only way they could mean it.
) lol I just look to good. lmao j/k j/k
I had my son's 5 months ago I still have a tiny bit of a tummy and am in no rush... I know by summer I'll be back in a bikini though... I have time...
Anyhow that's kinda like a back handed compliment... Although they are complimenting your body they are dissing who you really are and what you chose in your life.
Yes after women bear children there bodies change but it doesn't necessarily mean fat...
We get thicker and have some chunk for a few month but eventually we get back into shaper with a little more curve on the booty hips and breasts. (Which my husband loves, so i'm fine with it.) As long as my body is toned I don't mind the thickness.
That's what you call a brick house :D
I'm not a woman, but if I was and someone told me I looked like a mom, I'd be super offended. There is the stereotype that once you have a kid, you let yourself go; unless you double as a Victoria Secret model. Mom pants come into mind. So do minivans, knitted anything and possibly turtlenecks. Like all stereotypes, they can be wrong, but mainly tend to be right, thus why they get so popular. Just be happy that you were on other side of the fence, you are a mom, that by all means could pass off as a sister, when your kid gets older. Many times better than the alternative. I've worked with many women, and I've flirted with my share of moms that looked like college hotties, and dressed like 'em, so even though I still think of the stereotype, it's hard to get away from it, I know that it is not always the case. Take the compliment, feel good and tell your husband that he is with a hottie according to other men, or not if he is the jealous type.
my sister had a baby boy 3 weeks ago, and she looks exactly like she did before she had him...back to like 100 pounds....wow...
I'm just surprised people think moms aren't like everyone else. Like somehow they all look super bad or something. It's a compliment, sure, but it's a compliment out of complete ignorance, based on a silly stereotype. Which, in my opinion, is completely stupid.
Maybe he was just more surprised that you weren't a single lady, since it seems that most gals who frequent the clubs are single, and the fact you have a son was a double surprise? I don't know. I'm not really sure why some people think that moms have a certain look, unless they are only thinking of their own moms, who are surely looking more grandmotherly now. Would you guess from my picture that I've had two kids? My mom has the same figure I do, she's had 8 children (the last one at age 43). She's a hot mom AND grandmother of 6. I guess it just depends on what the comparison is, whether someone "looks like a mom" or not.
It's just ignorance, anyone of average intelligence should be able to dig back into their memories and find plenty of different types of moms with different bodies and different styles of dress. I see skinny moms ALL the time. Somehow, when certain people have a stereotypical image of something in their heads, anything they see that doesn't fit that image doesn't seem to really soak into their brains!!
.Carrie Ann.
@Erika_Steele@xanga - Okay, I can completely understand that young kid's confusion because this whole time I thought you were maybe mid-twenties at the oldest! That is pretty funny.
Guys use a different conversation intensity when women say she has a child. Generally a turn off if for us if we're trying to meet a woman and start a family, a plus if the guy is a "hit it and quit it" type since it might be easier (or harder depending on the mental state of the woman), or neutral if a guy is just looking for someone to talk to.
If you don't look it, it means he was going to hit on you at the same intensity as he does with women who don't have a child.
If the majority of mom's didn't look horrible compared to their pre-motherhood selves, then no one would blink an eye at an attractive girl saying she's a mom. Really, the only people you have to blame are your fellow mom's.
Some people are born with "young" genetics. I still find it rather rude when a man tells me I look like my grandson's mother, and not his grand mother. It's considered a tasteful come on. I don't know what they want for a response. Do you? So, I'll tell them, I started having kids when I was 14.
I'd be really offended if someone told me I looked like a mom. Just like anyone would be offended if they told you that you look frumpy and lazy :) haha. Because even though moms are the hardest working people on the planet, they still get a super bad stereotype.
I'd feel the same way. Thanks for saying I look good, but fuck you for assuming moms look like shit.
I think people are trying to deliver the compliment that you look younger than you, don't look stressed, are fit, etc. but the way it's delivered implies that you should look that way lol
"You look like a mom" could mean you look nurturing and such, but I'd be wondering lol
You're 24 years old. Of course the first thing they will think of is that you don't have kids.
I think you should have just shut up and taken the compliment, personally.
I've had plenty of people ask me out, thinking I was attractive, later finding out I had a child and they were like "what, whoa! how old, you look great, ect." It's not an insult.. it's a compliment.I remember shortly after I had my son I was sitting in Wal-mart in the food court waiting for my ex's mom. I had my son in the big part of the cart, in his infant carrier, so you couldn't see him from a ways away. A table of boys wouldn't stop looking at me... and as they got up and walked passed me, they looked in the cart and did a double take. It's happened to me on multiple occasions.
It's happened with one of my friends and I as well. We both had our kids in the back seat, in their carseats, and two guys walked across the street. They looked at us, then saw our kids in the back seat and said "WHOA, HOT mamas, look out!"
OF COURSE you should take it as a compliment.. I'm not going to be insulted when someone calls me a "hot mom" or says "you don't look like a mom." because when they think mom, they think 40 year old woman they would never be attracted to.