I just watched a fascinating show on the Style network. I had never heard of it, but when I read the little info bit on my tv menu about it, I thought it might be interesting. It's called, "Sperm Donor: 74 Kids and More."
"Ben, a former sperm donor, journeys to meet over 70 children his donations have created." I didn't know what I expected, but it wasn't what I got. I think I expected a sort of weirdo, in a way. Like, who donates sperm that much and why? But it turns out that Ben is a handsome lawyer in Boston who donated during his law school days. A few years after his donations, he found out about a website that basically connects donors to children (or their parents) who wish to know who their anonymous fathers are. It also connects siblings of a donor. He signed up. They also showed two of his biological daughters (both over 18) meeting in person for the first time. They looked so much alike! They seemed to instantly bond.
I actually think Ben is a really likable guy. Now, he's engaged. And his fiance has issues with the fact that he wants to meet, and has met, some of the children. He isn't trying to form relationships with his biological children, but thinks if the opportunity to meet them, even just once, comes then he should take that opportunity. He also told his good friend about it over a few beers. His friend's reaction was hilarious. He thought it was awesome that Ben has 74 kids. It went something like this: "You have a whole team! No! You have, like, a whole league!" Maybe it was the beer talking, but it was pretty funny.
I have to wonder, can Ben be legally bound to be financially supportive of his children? I don't know much about this kind of law, maybe some of you know. And if you were his fiance, how would you feel if you found out about it? By the end of the episode, it seemed like she was questioning the whole engagement over this issue. It was a very interesting show.
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Comments (27)
I can't really saw how I would feel if I were his finace'. Don't think I'd break the engagement off, though.
But I don't think he should be financially responsible. That would be crazy if he did, though. lol Supporting 70 plus children? Financial ouch!
I dont think that a sperm donor can be held financially responsible because I think there is something in the contract that prevents a mother from trying to get support.
Since watching the show, I researched online if there was any legal precedence that would grant financial support to a child who resulted from a sperm bank donation.
There was a case where child support was granted, but it may have been because the donor was friends with the mother and was not anonymous. The children called him "papa." That seems to have been the reason he was legally found to be obligated.
SO, does meeting his children possibly change his status from anonymous donor and unliable for support to known father with a different status?
Donors are not legally or financially responsible for any child created from donation. They are donating cells, not the right to a living being.
I donated eggs to a couple, and though we stay in contact once or twice per year it was in our legal contract that in no way am I legally or financially tied to the child. If the child wants to meet me after she turns legal age, then it's okay, but until then I'm not to have any sort of contact with the family other than what we've agreed upon.
Sperm donation is QUITE a bit different from egg donation though. More children can be conceived as a result, and it opens up doors for issues in personal lives. If I were his fiance, I'd probably be a little weird about it. I mean, this guy has over 70 children related to him genetically. Should it bother her? No. They aren't his children, they're only genetically linked to them. Meeting them is his decision. Forming relationships with them, probably a bad idea. He isn't and won't ever be a parent, he's just a biological link.
I'd try to be understanding. Law school is ridiculously expensive and that was easy money. I think if my boyfriend did that, I'd understand. I've heard of some donors who have been sued because there was no mention of health problems, but I think that's all I've heard.
@PoeticSoul@revelife - I would try to be understanding, too. I mean, our past makes us who we are now. His donations are a part of his story, a part of him. I feel like, if his fiance was truly in love with him and ready to marry him, she wouldn't seem ready to cut it all off because "I want you to myself." I can understand a difficulty absorbing the news, but overall, I actually find his donations a gift.
I don't know why she would let it end the engagement.,
First of all, he was a sperm donor. Its not like he had sex with 74 women and they all got pregnant and had babies. It helped him through law school, and he got to help 74 families! WOW! What an impact he has had!!!!
I know someone who has donated sperm, so I asked him about the legal obligations.
He said that in the paperwork you sign it removes you from all legal and financial obligation to any child resulting. (this is in Canada though, not sure about how it works in the USA).
And I asked his wife how she felt about it, and her comment was "why would I have a problem with it? He donated sperm, he wasn't a prostitute".
My husband wants to donate his sperm, and I don't mind it one bit. I actually encouraged him to donate his sperm - he's an extremely healthy and fit man (and attractive to boot!), so why not? There are people out there who want babies, and my husband has the ability to provide that in an anonymous manner. He's not sleeping with the women - he's not having an intimate relationship with the women! He's merely donating his sperm. So what?
I'm the jealous type, massively at times, but that would never bother me. The man didn't have sex with them and he didn't make the babies himself. All he did was donate the sperm. If my husband did that, I would encourage it. Like someone else said, it's easy money.
I actually found the Cracked.com article on sperm donation to be really interesting and informative. And I'd never considered that it's fairly easy for biological children of donors to track down "anonymous" donors:
http://www.cracked.com/article_19497_6-terrifying-things-nobody-tells-you-about-donating-sperm.html
I think thats really cool actually, and I can totally see where he is coming from. He doesn't have to suddenly be like sup we're like family now! but getting to meet them must be pretty cool :)
i cant believe they actually thought it was a good idea to use his sperm 76 times!! what if his offspring meet and not know they are related and wind up developing a sexual relationship? that's really disturbing!
If I were the fiance... I *might* think it was a little weird that he was setting out to meet them. I can see how that would make it seem that his focus is on family that he wishes he had, rather than on his future with her. But who knows? On the other hand, he didn't have a relationship with any of these women, so... I have no idea what I would think.
As for the legal issue, whether the contact makes any difference, that's an interesting question. How old are the kids that he's meeting? I'm assuming they are all over 18.
@WaitingToShrug@xanga - In the episode I saw, he met two children. Actually he met the mother, grandparents, and the two kids. They were both less than 10, I'm not sure their ages. But they were kids and the daughter had a hard time understanding. I actually think it might have been harmful for him to meet them that young. They might expect a father figure since now they know and have hugged him. Yikes.
*puts on unpopularity hat* I actually think it's wrong on principle. No child should have to be born and find out that half of who they are comes from someone who can never have an interest in being a father to them. I believe becoming a parent goes far beyond the biological and that donating sperm isn't just donating cells. No matter whether a man meets his children or not, he's still their father forever, and they have to live with his choices. I believe women who use donated sperm are making a selfish decision that will hurt their children, even if they don't realize it.
@Pickwick12@xanga - That's a good point. Just to play Devil's Advocate though, what if a man can't produce viable sperm? I feel like it's an alternative to adoption. Their father figure would still be there. What's your opinion on adoption though? Many times children are given up for adoption because they're not wanted, but the parents/Mother is pro-life.
Also, I was raised by a single Mother, and I don't see how that's any different. Of course having two parents around is ideal, but nowadays there are so many different family types, and I think most have their benefits.
I don't know how I feel about the whole thing. I think it's sort of neat that he wants to meet his kids, but like the article mentioned, I think there needs to be a certain level of discretion and consideration for the children.
as an adopted person i find this very fucked up. knowing who's penis you came from is something a lot of people take for granted. its a big part of you. if you dont know, it eats at you.
@leave_it_lovelier@lovelyish - If a man can't produce sperm, I think adoption is an amazing way to go. There are thousands of children who need loving parents and are waiting on them right now.
I promised myself that on my 30th birthday, if I wasn't married or in a stable relationship, I would donate sperm. I'd love to be a father some day.
@ohthethingsido@xanga - That thought crossed my mind as well. Its, like, the most twisted form of inbreeding!
I had a discussion about this in my class the other day. One man fathered 150 offspring through sperm donating. Numbers like 74 and 150 are a little ridiculous I think. I do not think the donor would be responsible for anything. But i feel there should be more regulations in the states. According to the NY Times article, there are more regulations on selling a used car than on giving away sperm to make a child. To reduce the risk of accidental incest by so many half-siblings, many countries have put a limit to the number of offspring a donor could have, but that doesn't seem to be enforced in the US. Just a little tidbit of info I thought you would find interesting. :)
The thing that has always bothered me about sperm donation is the possibility that "half siblings" could meet and marry at some point without knowing they were related. It could really mess up a family's gene pool.
My dad was a sperm donor and I have half-siblings somewhere that I'll never meet. As wonderful as I think sperm donation is, I really wish I could meet my siblings. My parents never had any other biological children aside from me, and I hate knowing that I have siblings out there that I'll never get a chance to meet and form a bond with.