Monday, 05 December 2011
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Bi-racial Children... Is It Fair?
I was recently told that I am doing my child an injustice because he is biracial. I was told that we will grow up confused and ultimately have to choose sides.I hate the whole race thing because its stupid to me. Its old and tired. I already had to go through ( and still do) crap about not being married to someone who is the same race, now this? Do people really think about weather their child will have problems because they are “mixed” these days? And what's to be confused about? He's half A and half B end of story.
Are you biracial?
Is it/was it hard for you?
Does society still put stigmas on mixed race people?
Do you think its unfair?
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- From: BeanieMama@xanga
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- About Me: Keep it real, Keep it simple, Keep it honest, Be yourself,Love yourself,Say what you mean, Mean what you say and don't apologize. Live each day as if its your last and you will never miss a moment. Im a mother, friend, daughter, sister, wife- That's me
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Comments (96)
My children are also biracial. I am white, my husband is black. I have received only one comment that I felt was super negative/racist about my children. And this grown woman said her little speech to my (then) 4 year old. It's like, excuse me, but if you have a problem, address me, NOT a 4 year old who won't even know what you're talking about.
Secondarily, I know what you're referring to when you say "pick a race." However. My husband's experience in school was more along the lines of "you act white." They said he spoke white and dressed white. The saving grace for him was the fact that he was a starter on the football team and the girls liked him. Otherwise, his ostracism would have probably been more hurtful. It it my hope that the way things were for my husband won't be the way things will be for my children. Times are different, although there are still those with bias wherever you go.
But the main thing is this: I love my children. They have a stable, loving home. With both a mother and a father who is interested and involved in their lives. I'm not saying that their lives will be perfect, but honestly, who is promised that? Who would even want it?
So while there are concerns about biraciality, the truth is that we all fight our own battles. Whether it's because you're dark or light-skinned, rich or poor, whatever it is there will always be bullies. We just have to instill into our children their worth. And their beauty.
Because lets face it, biracial kids are gorgeous. We all know it's true!
I was a carny for years at the midwest state fairs. I owned and ran a childrens' ride. I met and talked to quite a few black/white (both ways)couples with their children. They were the most "settled" seeming families with the fewest apparent anxieties I ever met. Long ago the idea turned me off. That changed. I was alone so I needed help at the fairs and learned to seek out 5-10 year old mulatto children of other vendors to be my helpers.I traded babysitting for advertising. The kids got free run of the ride to attract others. They were the best and most "adult" of all the kids out there.
I'm a halfer and proud! :D
But really...I'm half hispanic descent of sorts (not entirely sure of the family's routes) and half white. I think that racial mixing is a good thing! It causes less racism at the very core because I now fully understand more than one race. It has caused a little bit of trouble for me about which I won't lie. My boyfriend was full hispanic when I was in high school, and he was constantly making white people "jokes". At the same time, I had friends and peers who would make mexican jokes, because they didn't realize I was part hispanic. It doesn't really mean that it was harder for me, though, because I would have had to deal with those things eventually anyway. I haven't really been confused about anything...I mean I don't understand extremists of any side, so your "all-american white person" or "stereotypical mexican" don't mean a thing to me - I was raised how I was raised and ultimately how I live my life is my decision. There isn't anything to be confused about.
And to be completely honest...I believe bi and multiracial people are some of the most beautiful out there (but that could just be because I'm a halfer myself)!
I come from 3 different ethnic backgrounds - Filipino (50%), Puerto Rican (25%), and Swedish (25%). The only difficulty I've faced is deciding which option to choose when I have to indicate my ethnicity on a form and there's no option for "more than one", "mixed race", or "other". Otherwise, I've not had any problems with it at all. Oh, well I guess there's the problem of people assuming I speak Spanish because I'm brown (and I can basically just count to 10), but that hasn't been that big of a deal.
I think in today's world, it's not unfair at all. It's becoming increasingly common, and I'm glad it is. Often, kids of mixed ethnicity tend to get the best features of both of their parents, and are quite attractive, IMO. My cousin is half black and half white, and I've always thought she was absolutely beautiful.
I'm white, and I could see myself marrying someone of any ethnicity, as long as we loved each other and had similar core values. The man I am interested in now happens to be Hispanic, and I'll admit I've thought that if I ever did have his baby, that would be one good-looking (and musical!) kid.
Growing up I felt like I didn't fit in but so many are Biracial these days it hardly matters anymore. I was teased for having a white mom growing up on the reservation. But I love her no matter what anyone said. I love both sides of me. My kids never feel like they cannot relate to their biracial friends too. So I think going through that helped me relate to my kids. T
My 'second parents' are a biracial family. She's white, he's black...and they have three BEAUTIFUL little girls. But M is mixed as well, with Indian, African American and something else...so his skin color is more like a creamy mocha. lol The girls are such a light color, (and have kinda red/brown hair) that you wouldn't know unless you seen T and M together, that they are mixed.
T's (the momma) family actually stopped talking to her/having ANYTHING to do with her (and the children) for awhile because they were so upset...but everyone's coming around. M definitely doesn't care -- he's got 4 beautiful women around him always :)
<3 I'd love my little sisters and 2nd parents any color <3
That's absurd. My husband is white and Hispanic and no one minds at all. He's good looking too :D And our son is beautiful (I guess he's 3/4 white, 1/4 Hispanic - regardless, he's very handsome and looks just like his dad ;)
Being biracial is so common these days; I'm saddened to know that there are people who still feel that's a negative thing.
@cafengocmy@xanga - The term "mulatto" kind of turned me off of your comment. I think it's an insensitive word, and feels like a racial slur to me. Although I don't think you meant it as one, that's how it felt.
Those are just ignorant people. I'm biracial myself, and never experienced it as a bad thing. =] all my brothers and sisters and myself included are in bi-racial relationships, and three of them have kids. It's really a non-issue. So don't worry about it!
@sarahsmurfette@xanga - The term carries no baggage, is succinct and primarily, it requires less verbiage. I am not a fan of sensitivity circumlocutions.
@cafengocmy@xanga - It's actually listed in Merriam-Webster Dictionaries as "the first generation offspring of one white and one black parent", and not noted to be a racial slur or slang at all. So I would have to agree with you.
My mother-in-law feels that way, too. My husband and I had this argument with her at one point; she asserted that no matter how much she loved a man, if he were black, she would have never married him because "it wouldn't be fair to the kids". I think that sentiment might've been legitimate at one time in the past, but certainly not anymore. I don't think you've done your children any disservice at all; if anything, you've been able, on a personal and social level, to actively do away with racial stereotyping and prejudices and sensitivities by showing the world that, no, color of skin doesn't matter.
My sister and I are bi-racial (our mom is black and our dad is white). I really like it, and it didn't really bother me growing up. Some people had a problem with it, but usually that was restricted to older people.
@cafengocmy@xanga - I guess that having grown up in the deep south, it has a different meaning to me. It was used where I grew up in a negative context. Like you were inferior. Not "pure." My husband agrees with me, I just asked him. He grew up mostly in Virginia and I mostly grew up in Georgia. It is racist where we come from. It is slave grammar.
I suppose I can't really relate, but I think its unfortunate that some people have a stigma against mixed children. The fact that some one told you that you were doing your child "an injustice" is absurd! Oh they are going to have some issues filling out forms, so? I know plenty of people my age who are mixed and I either didn't realize until they said something, or I could tell and most of the time, mixed children are absolutely beautiful! :)
I'm bi-racial and people can be real assholes about it. In high school it got to be an issue, being classified as either this or that. And what sucked for me is that I was so racially ambiguous people just "had to ask". People say I look asian or hispanic but I'm really half african american and half white, mixed with a little native american. But anyway, I often just say that I'm black because I'm not white and that's how a lot of people will see it .Whether you wanna think there's a "bi-racial" classification or not; if you're not white you're something else. And sometimes you get those people who are like "well you're not black enough so I'll say you're basically white" or "off-white" so you have to deal with idiots like that, who think it's okay for them to classify you.
So yes, it's tough sometimes and really annoying but you eventually look past it and realize that people can be assholes and ignorant and they're not the kind of people you want to take seriously or even listen to. Plus the shift into college was better for me; people are more mature. So growing up in the middle/high school years may be more of an issue but afterwards it gets better.
There is still racial bias in the world and it is sad, but that shouldn't stop anyone from raising a family in a loving environment.
You should just say, "OH MY GOD, you're right!! What if s/he grows up to be PRESIDENT?!"
@ItsAllInTheHead@xanga - i instantly love you. i'm white black and native american and everyone thinks i'm mexican, well atleast the brown people do, granted...when i straighten my hair i do look spanish/mexican/italian but when my hair is curly i look very mixed.
do you find that you can look pretty much like any race?
for the sake of conversation i'm biracial but in reality WE ARE ALL BIOLOGICALY ONE RACE. i just did a paper in college about this. google it, its true.
haha but its way easier to say i'm biracial than i'm bi-skin tone
my childhood was hell, but i love being mixed as an adult! i was the "ugly" one as a kid, but it also depends where you grow up. i grew up in the burbs with a bunch of light skinned people. and no one else in my family was brown. but if i grew up in the city, it might not have been bad at all. i was one of two mixed kids in my school/highschool....
I don't think there's anyone in the USA who is "pure" anything anymore. So I don't get why this is an issue anymore. If you don't find a certain type of person attractive, good for you just don't marry them. If someone else finds them attractive, more power to them.
By the way - many mixed people are BEAUTIFUL. I love the skin tones that some of them have and the shockingly beautiful green or blue eyes that stand out in contrast. You couldn't get that any other way.
Living in Hawaii it's quite common for people to be biracial.
More than half my students are mixed as am I.
I never grew up with any problems, but I would think it's a little harder in the mainland because of the population being dominantly white (I do not say this with a negative connotation that white people are oppressive, I strictly mean this in a statistical sense).
In Hawaii everyone is actually proud to have multiple backgrounds. Some of my students have over five (as does my fiance). It really depends on where you live. If you were here, no one would ever question or worry about your children at all.
My husband is half Hispanic. Our children are technically one fourth Hispanic I guess. Seriously, why is this even still an issue and why in heavens name would anyone find it appropriate to say you are doing something unfair to your children? I would assume you love them and they are well taken care of. Sounds fair to me. I just don't get why some make it an issue.