Monday, 21 November 2011
Being 25 years old, I still feel much too young and unprepared (economically and psychologically) to be raising another human being. I see the world as a harsh place that thrives on competition. It favors one who is educated, well-rounded, and armed with privilege. Therefore, if I were to have a child, I would want to first make sure that I can give him/her the best possible resources to succeed in life. I would want to make sure that I have enough money to support the child and enough time to educate and instill a good sense of morals and responsibility in him/her. Ideally, I would also have a husband who will help me raise my child with the love and support he/she deserves.
Keeping all these conditions in mind, I am always astonished when I encounter mothers who have a very selfish attitude towards motherhood.
I know of a woman by the name of Kerry (name changed to protect her identity). Kerry married her boyfriend immediately after their high school graduation and quickly gave birth to a young girl. A few years passed, and Kerry soon realized that the boy she married was not who she imagined he was. They divorced and she moved back home. Her parents were more than happy to care for the baby girl while Kerry herself went to school part time, worked as a waitress/bartender, and partied (she was "a young woman after all," she explained).
More years passed, and Kerry entered her 30s. She then realized that she could hear her biological clock ticking, and was overcome with an overwhelming urge to have another child before it was "too late." It didn't matter that she still in the midst of her classes. It didn't matter that she was still living with her parents and working at a job that could not make ends meet (her parents support her whenever she was short on cash). It didn't even matter that she didn't have a husband in mind.
She just wanted a baby, and she wanted one NOW.
I watched her go through boyfriend after boyfriend. Most of them left when they realized what she was truly after. She began resorting to desperate measures, i.e. lying to her boyfriend that she was taking her birth control pill when she actually wasn't. Luckily for that particular boyfriend, he was dumped when Kerry realized that she couldn't get pregnant by him. The following boyfriend finally got her pregnant (I have no idea whether he was willing or not). After a complicated pregnancy and an even more complicated birth (a C-section that resulted in an infant who was so sickly that he had to be held in neonatal ICU for awhile), Kerry now has 2 very young children. She is still taking classes, still working as a waitress/bartender, still living at home and still depending on her parents for support. The only thing that has changed is her boyfriend. She now has a new one, since she realized that her baby daddy, like the first one, was not who she thought he was.
Personally, I am disgusted with Kerry. If she wants to be irresponsible with her life, fine. However, to drag another child into it is criminal, in my honest opinion. The child has no father, the mother is constantly absent, and the entire little family has to be supported by the grandparents. I have expressed my displeasure about her life choices to a mutual friend, however the mutual friend shrugged and said, "Who are you to judge whether she will be a good mother or not? Maybe her children will turn out to be highly successful. Besides, motherhood is her right, not a privilege."
That got me thinking. Mothers of Momaroo, what are your thoughts on Kerry's situation? Would you approve of her choices, and agree that motherhood is her right? Or, would you say motherhood should be a lifestyle that you prepare for, and only take on when you feel you are most qualified to?