Tuesday, 01 November 2011
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Extended Breastfeeding: Am I A Mom or A Bottle?
This is a guest post from Baby Dickey.
Ryan is 15 months old and is still breastfeeding. My goal was 1 year. I don’t know what I thought would happen at that point… he’d magically stop? It’d just go away? It’s not so easy.
I’m not saying I want to quit because I don’t. I don’t see how I could! Ryan runs over and either gives me the sign for “milk” or he simply rips my shirt off – really. We’re trying to teach him that this is not okay to do in public haha… so then he just sticks his hand down my shirt. (See above).
There’s no way I could turn him away or say no! If he wants to nurse and I’m still making milk, why not?
Sometimes… the thought of quitting or having it end someday makes me want to cry. Then he won’t be my baby anymore! I can’t lose my baby! It’s just like co-sleeping. Steve mentioned the other day that he’d like it if Ryan slept in his crib all night so he could more easily sleep in our bed (we need a king!). I started crying. Seriously. Of course I love sleeping in bed with Steve, but I also love sleeping in bed with Ryan, my cuddle bug. And someday, he won’t want to sleep with me anymore! AHHHHHH!
Read the rest of this post at Baby Dickey.
How long did you breastfeed or are you planning on it? How did you wean or when did your child wean on their own?
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Comments (45)
I nursed my son until he was between 18 and 20 months. Here is how I found it the least traumatic to stop:
1. I stopped offering. He got milk when he asked.
2. When he asked for milk, I would ask him if he's hungry, of "would you like a .... (for him a cheesestick was his favorite at the time)?" I would give him a snack instead. - If that didn't work, and he still wanted milk, I nursed him.
3. Sometimes he asked to nurse simply for something to do. So when he would ask and this seemed like it might be the case, I'd ask him "would you like to play with cars?" Or, "would you like to watch Mickey Mouse on the tv?" Things like that. Often that satisfied him. And he began to nurse only when he felt the real need. And that was ok.
The main thing was this: I never rejected him. That made both of us a lot more comfortable with the process. He started asking less and less. It was a natural progression and was not traumatic. Although sometimes I miss it, and I think sometimes he does too. But now, a good hug and cuddle suffices.
I wanted to do child lead weaning with John, but if I stuck to that, he would still be nursing. When I stopped him, he was only comfort nursing. At first, I went cold turkey but that lead to all kinds of behavior issues so I told him that he was allowed 5 minutes a day. He eventually stopped needing the comfort to get to sleep.
At some point whether you are still producing milk or not, you are going to have to say no and the more he grows and starts to understand things and the longer you wait, it will be hard for both you and him. I hae seen someone in public breast feeding a five year old before and the comments that this woman got behind her back were not pretty. I thought it a little odd that this boy just walked up and stood there sucking her breast in public but I had sense enough to keep my comments to myself. It wasn't my place to say what she was doing was wrong or not. Not trying to judge but just giving food for thought.
He doesn't get any nutritional benefit from nursing past a year, so he's just doing it for comfort. And with the co-sleeping thing, he might not get to the point where he doesn't want to anymore...you're going to have to fight that battle.
@sarahsmurfette@xanga - Ditto! Worked well for my son and I. We were both ready at about the same time. I didn't do bottles at all and didn't supplement with ANY other liquids until my son was 1 so I thought it was going to be a huge battle when I decided to begin weaning. The process you described above worked very well for us.
@ShamrockLover@xanga - Breastmilk is healthy no matter the age of the child receiving it. That doesn't have to dictate when you stop but, there is always a nutritional benefit so long as the mother is healthy herself.
I've been breastfeeding my son for 8 months. I plan on stopping at a year and had been wondering how to go about it too.
@ShamrockLover@xanga - Most other pro-breastfeeding countries do it til the child is 1. The benefit to Mom studies are also done on baseline 2 year time frames. I'm interested in who gave you the info that there's no nutritional benefit past 1?
@sarahsmurfette@xanga - That's what my pediatrician said. A child starts on whole milk and table food at 1, so breastmilk or formula isn't necessary. If it's not necessary, then there can't be much value to it. Just thinking out loud
@ShamrockLover@xanga - My pediatrician thinks it's weird that ours is the only species that drinks another animal's milk...got me thinkin'. But we still drink cow's milk. Not my son though, he won't touch it.
Also thinking out loud, sex isn't necessary either, but it for sure has value.
I love that pic of you btw. Looks beautiful.
@sarahsmurfette@xanga - This is the best way to go, from common sense. Children have a whole trust relationship they build with everyone, so a full rejection could break the trust held by the child. As for when is solid food good for your child, no one knows. Really, no one knows. If your pediatrician says 1 year, another's may say 9 months. What they have found is that children that are not breastfed or are breastfed for too little, tend to be led to obesity and all the consequences from it. As long as you are not taking drugs, drinking and have a healthy lifestyle and diet, then breastmilk will always be better than anything found. As they get older, some things may not be found in milk that they do need, like a variety of essential amino acids and a diverse source of probiotics so they can digest food themselves. This of course is ignoring the whole psychological bonding that breastfeeding brings. I plain and simply commend you for breastfeeding to begin with. I know so many women that chose not to because it was difficult. Breastfeeding is not about you, it is about your child and to not give them the best because it is difficult for you is selfish. I know I am just a man so I can only imagine the difficulty, but having a child tends to be difficult for the mother AND the father. So we have our difficulties too.
@olopocram2@xanga - Wow kudos from a dude! That's awesome! I will say, though, that breastfeeding (mostly) was not a difficulty for me. It's so much more easy to just nurse a baby than to get up and go make a bottle. Damn, I'm too lazy for all that! But yeah, I wouldn't have had it any other way. It was a great experience for me and both my babies (and my bank account). And like you, most of the mothers in my circle didn't breastfeed either, my sisters included. I actually think it's sad.
uh well see the thing is..you'll make milk for as long as he continues to nurse pretty much eventually it'll stop of course but yeah.
@sarahsmurfette@xanga - My sister too. Needless to say I'm surprised my nephew is ok, at all. The other day he was given a chicken bone, leg bone, to just suck on with his 3 teeth. He dropped it on the floor. She asked me to pick it up for him. I looked at her and was like, WTC, our dog walks on that carpet and that's disgusting. If I had not said anything, I'm 100& sure that bone would have gone straight into his mouth again. I repeat, this is the same woman that chose not to breastfeed because it was too hard for her. And this is just one anecdote.
My son just turned two when I weaned him. For several months before he had only been nursing at nap and bedtime. Several weeks before I started weaning I would sit in the rocker and read to him until he fell asleep while he nursed. Then my mother-in-law took him for two nights instead of one during his grandmama visit. When he got back, I just refused to nurse him anymore since he already had been breast-free for several days. He would get cuddled and we would read and rock instead.
@ShamrockLover@xanga - They still get the antibodies even after one year. I know my experience is just anecdotal, but my son (except once) never got more than the sniffles until after he weaned.
I knew this women who breast feed her daughter until she was 5 :/ Im sure everyone agrees thats WAY too long to BF! lol
I set my goal at 2yrs which is recommended by health organizations.... I was lucky enough that I didn't have to wean my daughter. One month before her second birthday, she slowly stopped herself. After that point, there was never a time when she asked for it again. It was sad for me, but I knew it was good for her to make this decision on her own.
Good for you, I'm glad you're nursing past one year... it's the best gift you can give your child.I plan on breastfeeding all my bio children until 2 years old. When they hit 2 I'll just stop cold turkey. They'll eventually get over it. Though I won't breastfeed them in public once they hit 1 year.
By the way I want to correct my typo - I accidentally typed that most other pro-breastfeeding countries nurse for 1 year. I totally meant to say 2 years is the norm. Not 1. That's what I get for posting after I take my pain medication (I have pleurisy and pneumonia right now and it HURTS)...So it was kinda like a drunk text. Ha!
I plan on breastfeeding Gryffen until he's 2 years old. If he weans himself before then, great, but if not that's ok too :)
@sarahsmurfette@xanga - You make some great points.
Personally I think when the child is so big they are feeling you up in public thats a dead giveaway to quit. No offense. And you JUST DO IT, I mean not just cold turkey slowly transitioning is best. I did, every woman I have ever known did, its just like shots you need to get it done. Eventually he will have to be broken completely from bottle and cups, I would hate to see how you plan on dealing with that.
"There’s no way I could turn him away or say no"
I REALLY hope you learn to say NO to your child in this aspect and others. It is important to establish a bond yet, but it is also important to define the Parent/ Child relationship.
I'm personally not a fan of co-sleeping and I'm glad my parents didn't allow it my dad sleeps naked ew -_- we are not a pajama family.
I always envisioned taking naps with my kids rather than sleeping with them at night. I need my space! I am struggling with the idea of letting a guy in my bed at some point.
"Cuddling" is nice but it's not a sleeping thing.
I personally don't condone co-sleeping I think it hurts more than it helps. Kids need the independence of sleeping by themselves and frankly adults need adult time with kids asleep. I don't understand how people have sex yet they have a kid in their bed. That's you and your husband's place not your kids....
I definitely believe in the benefits of extended breastfeeding! I don't see any harm in not giving it up, but when you are ready to wean, I think the very first comment is just the way to go!
having said that, we're all comfortable with different things. Though I see the benefits of breastfeeding till age 2, I just couldn't personally do that. My goal was 6 months, but I only made it 6 weeks. If I ever have another baby, my goal would be 1 year.
im so not looking forward t stopping, my baby is only 2months as i love breastfeeding but i know its going to be hard to stop, he's already tugging at my shirt. I plan to stop at 6 months. but still pump and give him milk. I her that its harder to stop after 6 months. my baby is also sleeping in our room in his bassinet. but thats only cuz we live in an old house and it gets really cold and id freak out if he was in the room alone and it got cold. But dont worry he will still be your bab! he just wont be attached to your boobies :)