Saturday, 17 September 2011
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Big Lesson, Small Package
When you're pregnant, you fantasize about the perfect pregnancy, perfect delivery and perfect, healthy baby. We all know nothing about being pregnant is fun, delivery (from what I have heard) is painful and often really long and babies aren't always born perfectly healthy.
Five months ago, my healthy, normal pregnancy was cut short in the very beginning of the third trimester due to pre-eclampsia. My kidneys were almost completely failed and my blood pressure was stroke level. To make matters worse, my very active daughter refused to move for the last ultrasound and they decided to take her at 28 weeks and 1 day. Three days before that, I was in school and running up and down stairs. I had no idea nothing was wrong neither did anyone else.
She was born weighing in at 1lb and 11.5ozs and measuring in at 13inches long. She's 8lbs and 5ozs now and about 20inches long, but has been in the hospital for almost 5 months now. So far, she's gotten off the ventilator but she's on the next step the CPAP (it gives her pressure to keep her lungs open so they don't collapse again) and we want her to go to the next step a cannula that gives her extra oxygen. She was born with 5 holes in her heart, severely underdeveloped lungs- she couldn't breath on her own for a month and ROP in both eyes that got worse every week. (ROP is Retinopathy of Prematurity which was a condition where her blood vessels in her eyes were underdeveloped and her retina was detaching from her eyes it was a condition that could cause her to go blind if left untreated.) Since then, the holes have started to close and she had surgery about a month ago for the ROP and since then they found it was a huge success and after the surgery she looked around like it was the first time she truly saw things. When she came back to the home hospital from the one she went to for the surgery, they found out she had MRSA and that has just cleared up after a month of treatments. In her 4 months 3 weeks of life, she's been through more than I was in my entire childhood. They still think she has another 2 to 6 months before she came home and another year possibly on oxygen. It may be a year or two before we can even take her out in public which really bothers me, I kept fantasizing about showing my little baby off.I had an image of the perfect baby and the perfect life after bringing her home, taking her out and all the strangers gawking over her. Raising her from the first few days of her life and being able to just get up and hold her no matter what time of the day or night it is. Instead what I got was a baby who is beautiful, sweet, smart but locked in the hospital nearly until her first birthday and we won't be able to take her out to any place to have her 1st birthday and won't be able to have a huge party for her first birthday. But this whole ordeal has taught me patience and not to take a single thing for granted. Every smile, every time she looks me in the eyes and every coo I hold close. I've been there every day of her life and hold her every day, cuddle with her, play and do everything but I just have to move around a lot of cords. My husband is the only one of us who currently has a job so he hasn't been able to make it every day but he comes every day he can. Our little Diana has a strong support system already and it's just going to get stronger when she's home. I was never patient when it came to waiting but I'm slowly learning.
I always thought pregnancy had to be easier and funner than it is but I had a harder pregnancy I was always sick and had a lot of headaches and mood swings, plus Diana was always laying on my sciatic nerve but even though I was miserable and my third trimester was going to be worse, I wish I could go back and go through the pregnancy all the way to give her a stronger start. She is a little fighter, I have to give her that. And this whole thing has really tested me and my husband. We have been told situations like this make or break a couple and we've stood by each other through the whole thing, without him, I'd be a mess and we've gotten closer. We just celebrated our first anniversary and I know that if we can make it through this, we can make it through anything.
How was your pregnancy different from what you imagined? Did you have any unforeseen complications?
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- From: dream_guru5@xanga
- Name: dream_guru5
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- About Me: I have been studying dream interpretation, divining and astrology for years and I am certified in astrology. I am also trained (soon to be licensed) as a skin therapist. I am trying to get started online with dream interpretation and get known for tarot reading, soon to start I Ching and am studying palmistry. I'm 23 with a 4 1/2 month old.
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Comments (9)
This is very sweet to read. I have a child who I gave birth to when I was 6 months pregnant. I was really lucky that they caught what was going on with my body early on and went on bedrest at 5 months so that he was up to 4 pounds when born. It was such an emotional and physical struggle, living at the hospital with him and trying/wanting to breastfeed.. But you need to appreciate it for what it is.Your daughter is that much more special and important to you because you almost didn't have her. And you think about taking her out and having everybody see her, but the moment that you get the "okay" to, you will doubt it and wonder if it is really the right decision. Its one of those things that will always make you appreciate your child. It is a lot harder for me to be angry at Jackson, who is now almost 2. God does this for a reason. It has made you an amazing parent, and you are lucky. This child has a purpose!
I have realized, although I do want more children in the future, that pregnancy is simply not for me. My body could not handle it along with other factors that were happening to me at that point in time. I don't ever want to see another one of my children go through that again. But of course, I would.
Perhaps you are the same way, or perhaps not. Just focus on getting through the right-now portion of this, because it wont be forever.
Wow, this brought so many tears to my eyes. My little one made it to 39 weeks, but I was touch and go from 32 weeks on... from kidney stones to my liver and kidneys beginning to shut down. I had PIH and gestational diabetes. She was gaining the weight needed (albeit slowly) while I was steadily losing weight. I was on hospital bed rest starting at 34w and daily induction was discussed, but my body kept fighting for her and I am ever thankful. She's now nearly 9 months old and COMPLETELY healthy, as am I. I recognize how lucky I am and how badly things could have turned out. I hope for nothing but good news for your precious Diana... she will make it through this and will grow to be big and strong someday!!
When I wrote that, she was 4 1/2 months, she's now 6 months and moved to a different hospital that maybe our miracle cure. She had the biggest hole in her heart closed and a week later she went off the C Pap and they started to ween her down to next to no oxygen. She is 10lbs 12ozs and 21inches long and we shouldn't have much more of a stay in the hospital. She just got a cold and got thrown back again but she's still not needing pressure but the poor thing can't breath out of her nose so they stopped bottle feeding for the time being. I'm hoping this is the peak of her cold, she's been acting like she's starting to get sick for about a week. Thanks for your responses. Glad your kids are doing well now.
This made me cry. :( So sorry you all have to go through this. I know what you mean- you sit there for months dreaming about how everything will be. Then nothing happens how you pictures it and it can be quite upsetting. I got pre-eclampsia at 37 weeks and was induced. I had to have a c-section and my baby was in the NICU for 3 days because of an irregular heartbeat. Then she got transferred to Children's hospital for 2 more days. I know that is nothing compared to what your baby is going through, but at the time it was horrible for us. I've cried dozens of times because I missed the first several hours with my baby since she was in the NICU and I was stuck in bed. Everyone is healthy and happy now, as I'm sure you will all be soon, but the process is horrible. You're in my prayers, I hope she gets to go home soon.
You are a sure trooper. You've been through the fire, and are coming out the other end. And the fact that you and your hubby haven't done each other in with all the stress is something as well! I'm sure your little baby will keep making improvements. No one can ever know your strength except you, and others who have been through the same struggles.
That is amazing. I dont know if I could have done anything like that, but I am also a pro-choice person given the circumstance.
I have a sister with mental handicaps and my mother did everything right in her pregnancy and from my life experiences I seriously doubt I would have been able to cope with something such as this.
I hope you get to take a healthy happy baby home soon and I hope all goes well.
Good luck.
They have told us that she may end up with mild asthma when she's older, and maybe back when she's 2 to 3 years old to have a second hole in her heart closed up but that's the full extint of her long term problems. She should be a normal, healthy baby when she gets older. The first year or two will be the hardest and after that she'll be outgrowing the problems. We started bottle feeding her again and the doctor said it could be 2 to 3 weeks before we get to bring her home. It all depends now on how fast she starts to take a full feed. It's now being counted in weeks and not months so it is really looking good for us. :)
As of December 1, 2011 my 8 1/2 month old preemie came home. :)
I'm SO happy for your update! I hope she continues to grow more healthy and more strong. May you have a blessed Christmas with her home! *hugs* I hope things keep improving for you guys. :)