Thursday, 15 September 2011
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I Hate My Child's Name
With every name that a parent can pick, there are risks. Too common. Too rare. Too easily misspelled. An unliked nickname. The name becomes associated with something terrible. (Hello, Katrina)
My son has his grandfather's name as a middle name. It's a biblical name in the top 50 boys names for that year.
But...I knew my relationship with my father-in-law was rocky at best...to say nothing of my spouse's relationship with the honoree.
In the years since my son's birth, family secrets have come out; relationships have suffered; arguments went past the boiling point; and finally, my father-in-law divorced my mother-in-law and moved hundreds of miles away.
He's gone. He's out of his grandson's life. (For what it's worth, he was an ok grandfather...just a lousy husband/father/father-in-law, in my opinion.)
But...every time I have to fill out paperwork...they want my son's full name. And right between his cute first name and his father's last name...I have to write or type *that name*. Sigh.
It could be worse. The kid could be named after a family friend - the one that after the move is a thousand miles away...or named after the relative who died ten years before he was born.
So...are there any names in the family you've come to regret?
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Comments (52)
Name's a name.
I'm Korean-American, and my name is hard to pronounce. Non-Korean eople always mispronounce it-teachers, bank tellers, etc. I often went by a nickname when I was younger, and even now I chose a not-official English name that my friends (and even my Korean boyfriend) calls me by. So the only ones who call me by my real name are my family members, haha.
Eh my parents named me what I was named only because they didn't know they were going to have a girl, and they hadn't thought of any girls names. And my middle name is Marie because it's common. At least it's the middle name! :)
you can apply to have it changed.
My middle name was named after my mom's sister. They had a huge falling out after I was born and only started talking a little bit last year. After 40 years. So yeah, that was weird, but at least it's only my middle one.
I wonder if it's not a good rule of thumb to name your kid after someone who is already deceased. I always wondered what it felt like when a child was named after the father (or mom) and the parents get divorced.
Long story short... my daughter's "father" practically named her. He thought of Annalise for the first and Janette for the middle. I cut off the Anna part and created my own first name. Now that I found out that he his not her biological father, I dont like that a stranger named her. I LOVE her first name though. But Janette reminds me of Janet Jackson and I dont think she is that great of a singer. So 37% of her name I hate.lol. With my next kid I may not even give a middle name if I cant find the perfect one.
well... the way I see it you have 2 options.
1, change it. but your son might find out in the future and question you as to why you changed it and then you might have to explain (somehow) all the drama... or he might not even care. Hard to say.
or 2. Somehow find something good about the name. you said he was not a bad grandfather, and maybe its important to him that his grandson has his name as a middle name... If it causes you that much bitterness to just write the name, why not just write the 1st letter? (if thats an option). Biblical names often have great strong meanings.. maybe focus on that rather then the connection to the grandfather.
I don't love my son's name.. but his birth mum named him, and we won't ever change it. But we will be adding my dad's name as his 2nd middle name and changing his last name to our's when the adoption is final.
I agree with the person that said a name is a name. If I named my son after a family member that I had a falling out with (or his father and we get divorced), it wouldn't make me think about the other person when I wrote my son's name. However, if it bothered me that much, I'd change it.
My ex picked the name for my son.. we're not together anymore and I always had a hard time with it.. BUT he's 5 years old now and the name has grown on me- it fits him- though I am changing his middle name as soon as I can afford to. That's a whole 'nother story!
I dont hate my name but I hate that people butcher it or try to tell me what my name is. I had a teacher in kindergarten that tried to put me in special ed thinking I was hard of hearing because I never answered her when she called me. My legal name is Amina but she was calling me Wilhemina thinking it was a nickname.
Most of the time, it's the pronounciation that gets me. My name is pronounced "Uh-me-nah" but I've been called Am-in-ah, A-moon-a, Amanda, Amy, Aminda & worse others. There's more complicated names than mine yet those get said right. lol
One of my middle names is utterly atrocious. My mother was bullied into giving me it by my grandmother, some bullcrap about keeping family names. I'm changing it as soon as I'm 18, and my mother is totally behind me... as long as I never tell my grandmother.
My 3 year old son has his grandfathers name. Nicholas "JAMES" Lindsey. I hate the man. He hasnever even seen my child before and he will soon be 4. But his Dad was set on it. Even though I hate my Father in Law, I love my sons name. Because without that name for so many years, he wouldnt be the same. It what was chose at birth, and he will die with it, wether I like the grandfather or not. So think before you do anything with changing it. Never know, He may like his name. Let him be the person to decide when he is older. Just my opinion. But I totally understand where you are coming from. Hopefully you will decide the right thing!!! Best of luck to ya.
I was named after one of the minor prophets in the Old testament. Don't bother to ask me which one it is, as it is part of a running joke between my readers and I. But let's just say that very few strangers have gotten it right. I used to hate, that no one could pronounce my name. It drove me crazy, so I thought I would change it, to a nickname that a friend of mine at the time gave me. I was all set and willing to change it, just needed the money, when I met two people. Meeting these two people showed me that my name is actually not all that bad, and hey, it could be worse, I could have their name.
The first 1 was a 5 year old kid I met on a grey hound bus, when I was going to my first mission trip. The kid's parents were new age hippies, and members of the Unitarian Universalist church. His last name was Moon, so his parents gave him the first name of Harvest. Yep, Harvest Moon, there is a name that won't get him teased.
The second one was even worse. I met this poor poor 13 year girl, while at summer camp. It was the first and only time I have been to summer camp as a camper. Her last name was Hooker. Her parents named her, BAMBI!!!!
Seriously, the poor girl had the name Bambi Hooker. How can you do that to a child? how cruel are her parents?
So yes, a name is a name, and you shouldn't feel bad about it, becaue there is always someone out there with a worse one.
When I went to College, I met a guy on the bus, who was telling me about a friend of his. the friend, was asain, in fact he was adopted out of a Chinese orphanage, and was quite happy with his adopted family. He called them mom and dad, and his siblings, he called them brother and sister, they were one big happy family, even though he was the only adopted one, It didn't matter to him. He just wished that they had kept his chinese name. It seems when his Mexican American family adopted him, they also paid to have name changed, where they named him Jose.
You know how hard it is for a kid who looks Asian, to explain to his college professor, that his name really is Jose Sanchez?
Call him by his middle name?
@x_papergirl@xanga - His middle name was choosen in honor of grandpa--who divorced grandma and skipped town.
@ProudToBeAChristianFruitcake@xanga - Wow, Bambi Hooker. That's a name for the books! And to think it was weird that I knew an "Eduardo Miguel Lee." He is of Korean descent but his family immigrated from Korea to Chile before he was born.
While it was awful what happened to your family, I think you try to associate the name with something positive: Your son. See if you can just write the middle initial rather than the whole name. If it really bothers you so much, if you can afford it, change it. My siblings and I got our names because my grandfather liked those names, we weren't named after anyone in our family.
My daughters name is madison and my friend and i were remembering making fun of a girl bc she was a HUGE slut and would sleep around and we knew where she lived because my friend just moved down the street from her house and we forgot her name til we saw her on facebook"madison". >.<
First words out my mouth, me:"aw, damn it. poor madison. oh we'll *turns to emily* we'll just teach her early about birthcontrol".
My friend emily is just next to me laughing her butt off. >.<
My name is Sharon. I'm 19. Not really a popular name in my generation... I went by Aron for years, and just recently grew into Sharon.
No offense, but you seem to be bitching for the sake of bitching. It's a name. It's now your son's. Think of it that way. Not his. And really, you might have considered how much you didn't like him before you gave your son that name.
You can always have it changed, or god forbid he may like it and want to keep it. It's not like it's his first name. It's a middle name. Really unimportant for the most part.
@babybug329@xanga - oh, man. that's a bummer, then. would you ever consider changing his name?
@x_papergirl@xanga - I'm not the original poster. But, had it been me in that position and I really hated the name, I would change it, or at least just go by the initial and not the full middle name.
I'm named after my grandmother and my father's ex-fiancee. Yes. Weird. And my mother is the one that chose it. Whatev. It's MY name. Let your son own the name, it's HIS name now. You don't have to prodcast the middle name, and basically only a handful of people in his life are going to know it, and they don't need to know the history of the name unless he decides to share it.
whats his name? lol
then why pick a name you don't like in the first place it's that simple.
@ProudToBeAChristianFruitcake@xanga - haha thats funny! the teacher probably is like "What the crap? lol"
@smgcrossfire@xanga - That's my Grandmothers name =) You have a unique name still and yeah it's not popular anymore but oh well you'll always be remembered by having a unique name