Wednesday, 14 September 2011
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Playing Favorites
Okay, mommies, be honest. If you have multiple kids, do you ever like one more than the other one? I'm not talking about love, because I don't rightly know how to measure my love for my kids, but when I'm honest, since Becca's birth, I've always had a favorite. At first, it was obviously Hannah because Becca was a pain in the butt the first two months of her life. But things have sure flip-flopped around here. Becca is now even happier and more content than Hannah was as a baby, and I thought Hannah was pretty fabulous at this age. But a two-and-a-half-year-old Hannah is a different story. Sometimes I think she's evil. She drives me absolutely insane.
After being around so many women who have been hospitalized for PPD, I have to admit that I am attracted to the concept. Not that I think I am actually to the point of needing hospitalization, but sometimes I am tempted to say that I am, just so I can catch a break from my kids. But then I feel like such a horrible mother for thinking this, so I try to schedule enough breaks during the week.
I truly don't know how to do this terrible twos thing. I've been fairly confident in my parenting skills up until now. Hannah has been refusing to nap lately, but because she is a terror when she skips her nap, I've been trying to implement "quiet time" in hopes that she'll fall asleep. If nothing else, I finally get a break. The trouble is that Hannah will not be quiet. Whenever I put her in her room after following her bedtime routine, she pounds and kicks on the door, screaming, "MOMMAAAAY! LET ME OUT!!" You'd think she'd wear herself out, but you'd be wrong. She did this uninterrupted for 45 minutes the other day, and would have kept going had I let her.
But I get so angry. I don't know how to calmly handle the situation when I get so frustrated with her. Everything she does right now drives me absolutely bonkers. Any advice is welcome.
It's a good thing she's so stinking cute...
And then there's Becca. Like I said, she's my favorite right now. Can you blame me?
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- From: mevlink@xanga
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Comments (9)
C'mon, you gotta know about the terrible two's, surely? At that age "It's all about me"!! That being said, they are and will remain at that training stage, when you just have to show them that you're the one calling the shots and that you are reasonable, and not 'just a meanie'!! But, remember, Reward, Punishment,and Explanation are the calls to be made. Subject to personal justice, minor infractions, with explanation as to why and why not, accompany and are repeated everytime punishment is meted out. Major infractions at this age are standing facing the corner (you gotta wait until 4 or 5 to make them put their nose in the corner), or seated facing away from the T.V. or whatever action is going on. This is to let them know that isolation is the punishment for being bad, along with a simple explanation of same. And that is just the start of a looong training period, as it does take a long time for this to be taken in by them. Good luck! Peace
Oh, and fit throwing has to be tolerated, how long is up to you, until it becomes necessary to swat, NOT spank, them on the buttocks, diaper included, not the legs. This personal assault is seen by them as such and is necessary to convince them YOU ARE SERIOUS!! Tears will follow, and good luck with the broken hearted feeilng it brings to you, but all this is necessary to show them 1. you care, 2. you love them, and 3. you are not putting up with any bull!! Then you never bring it up again, unless they make you do so. Each ' incident' is individual and Must be treated as such, to show them that there is justice in you somewhere and that if they are reasonable, so can you be. I've got two grown daughters raised in said manner, and they are raising them in the same. My 'G' kids are polite and understand that reasonable starts within themselves. Such is the price paid for raising a non-monster child. Again, good luck! Peace
oh hon... just wait until she turns 3.
I love my boy, who will be 4 next week... but there are days I want to toss him in a mud puddle.. or a snow bank... hmm tempting
sorry side tracked.. =) I love our almost 11 month old girl too.. but yea i can see what you mean about liking the baby more sometimes. I mean, she naps! Usually 2-3 hours at a time. Its lovely.
What I did was turn my older one in to Mommy's Big Helper. I swear, asking them to do the littlest things to keep them distracted works wonders!!!
The other thing that I found works is make special time for the older child when the baby naps. My boy knows that he gets to watch a movie until baby is sleeping, and then he gets mummy to himself for awhile. Depending on the time of day we will put a movie on in my room and have cuddles on the bed, or we will read/colour or quiet activities... He LOVES Billy the Exterminator so lately we have been watching that on the net together.
Just remember, as my Mum always says, "this too shall pass". =)
Theres a reason its called terrible 2s :P When she gets older she will be better :) Its just that age
I think it's completely normal to have times where you like one child more than another. I have 3 children ages 13, 3(in a few weeks), and 6 months old. It really just depends on the day as to who I like more. It really just depends on who is requiring the most work to get through the day. On the one hand my 13 year old is completely self sufficient and then on the other hand he is a hormonal 13 year old who can be a big pain in the butt. The 6 month old really is the greatest at the moment because he doesn't give me attitude, doesn't talk back or not do his chores/homework. He is just happy to cuddle with me. It makes it easy to like him. I love all 3 of my boys so much. That being said every so often I need a break from them too.
Ok haveing 4 kids ages, almost 3, almost 6, 7 and 9 I will tell you it never gets any differant they are always going to push you to see how much they can. And on your bad days it will be worse! They will change the way they deal with being told no. And will get to the point you will say. COME ON! you are NOT 2 anymore stop acting like it. I would say that Ty is the fav. around here at the moment not sure it is cause I always longed for a boy or if it is cause He has been so ill and not knowing what is going on. It could be just cause he is so darn sweet and says please and thankyou for everything, on that note being aware that I am favoring one child over the others, I do try to do things with them and spend more time with them And what not. It is hard to do when they are at school till 4 pm. But we are a very very bonded family to start with.
I don't have kids so obviously my opinion matters nothing...
But I will say this much. For some reason, our culture has evolved to perpetuate the idea that it is wrong to like one child more than another and if you do, you're a horrible mother. NOT TRUE. Kids are people too, are you supposed to like every person on earth? NO! Kids are not only also people, they have their own personalities starting from being in the womb. Not all personalities get along. The world would be awfully boring if they did. To expect a parent to like every kid equally is like expecting someone to like any and all people all over the world with no exceptions. It just doesn't work that way and it's unrealistic to uphold "not playing favorites" as an ideal. As long as one kid isn't getting the "short end of the stick" when it comes to love, provisions, etc, parents shouldn't feel bad about liking one more than the other.
I have 3 kids ages three and a half, two and a half, and one, and my oldest is behind so she basically acts like the two and a half year old. I totally feel you on the aggarvation and impatience with behavior. And of course what makes or works with one, doesn't work with the other. One will sit and watch cartoons, but the other will follow me around, wanting to get in the way of me trying to clean or cook. When I get home from work I put on the cartoons and start cooking, and when my 2 year old starts his stuff I try to distract him with things like wiping down the table or counters or letting him "sweep" the kitchen. The crazy thing is that he gets the most pissy out of all of them but is also the sweetest...does that even make sense? I can honestly say I don't have a favorite...I just like them all in different ways. They all have their good days and bad days so there isn't one that I would rather be around more than another. The one thing that I am strict on and is a no b.s. policy is bedtime...8 pm and no later...sometimes 7 30. That way I get "me" time before my husband gets home from work where I can do what I want and just relax...otherwise I would go crazy. The problem with kids is that if you give in to the tantrums just one time they think they can get what they want from them every time. And my biggest problem is that my husband doesn't want to hear the screaming so he just gives in to them, and then I come home and have to listen to the fits because I don't just give in like he does. That drives me nuts!
wowwww the terrible 2x4s (cause it sure doesn't stop at 2)....i have a VERY strong willed 5yo and 3yo. my best advice for this stage is be FIRM. she knows you love her, now is the time to show her she cannot be the boss. she's pushing boundaries, and that's normal. you have to make sure the boundaries stay in place. yeah, she'll scream her little heart out...i remember my oldest screaming himself to sleep in his room moe than once for naptime...but those boundaries are what give her security. that's how she knows what to expect. just stay firm, it'll pass :) (then it'll be the baby's turn to practice her terribles!!)
as far as favoritism goes...i think we have different definitions for the term. some days (some hours) i like one son more than the other based on their behavior, but i wouldn't call it favoritism unless i treat them unfairly or loved them differently. i've said to both sons "you know i love you, but i sure don't like you right now!" but i wouldn't really think of one or the other as the favorite...i think you mean it differently than i do, though lol.