Friday, 09 September 2011
I've been "featured" on @TheTheologiansCafe several times, and the responses have always entertained me (my favorite being a debate a few years ago whether I was a hermaphrodite or not, heehee!). Yesterday, Dan posted my last photo of myself under the title "Are Moms Hotter?" For those of you who haven't caught on to Dan's facetious posting style, I hate to be a spoiler, but when you put your nerves out to be rubbed, he's going to rub them wrong. The majority of comments answered the question, many were confused by his statements that went along with it, and then there was the few truly stand-out responses:
"Genetics have a lot to do with the way a woman looks after she has had children. No amount of dieting or exercise can rid the body of stretch marks. Some women are fortunate, others are not...(cont.)" -LadySavina
Obviously, based solely on that photo which was posted because it COVERS most of the stretchmarks, assuming I'm one of the "fortunate" ones make sense. These commenters don't know me, or anything about me, other than I am willing to be in a swimsuit on the internet, which alone isn't the most endearing quality.
I get comments on my "genetic luck" a lot actually, and then I have the opportunity to reveal the freak-show under my shirt. Yes, I have been thin and fit my entire life, but along with my perhaps lucky disposition, I played soccer, basketball, ran track and cross-country, backpacked monthly, and hiked weekly, before I went domestic. When I was pregnant I worked on my feet and still gained ~60 lbs. all in my stomach and breasts, which left me with stretchmarks from my neck to my knees. During my second pregnancy I was worn out from playing with, walking, chasing my first-born, and after the 2nd popped out I worked out like crazy for the first 4 months. I walk to the playground, I watch what I eat (mostly watch as I shovel everything into my mouth, but...), I physically PLAY with my kids. Skinny is one thing, fit is another, and both definitely take work after you've been pregnant for a year and a half straight.
But why would anyone know that just by looking at me?
"I find it hard to believe that she's a mother of two.. working full time? and balancing kids? Unless she has a job that pays her incredibly well and she can eat healthy and work out, which is a sign of luxury, I dunno how she did it." -BenelliMan
I don't know where the "working full time" assumption was made, and the rest of it...what? I don't even know where to start with this other than to stop laughing. I replied back, "This is an interesting theory. I'm gonna pretend it's accurate, even if "luxury" translates into scraping by month-to-month on a very very VERY part-time freelance photographer's work schedule while taking care of my 2 kids under 2 during the week, and a husband who owns an automotive fabrication shop and has a car addiction's meager earnings." and I guess that's that.
Where do people draw these conclusions? Is it easier just to assume the worst or unbelieving when someone's life/thoughts/body/experiences are different than your own? Under what circumstances do we think that people might actually deserve whatever they have? Let's flip the script on the "are moms hotter?" question and ask instead, "are moms allowed to be hotter?" Being responsible for lives other than our own automatically makes us subject to endless scrutiny and criticism, and when we don't fall into the norm we become careless mothers or selfish narcissists, neither of which are "good mothers" even if our children are well-rounded, intelligent, friendly, successful people.
Well, back to being a lucky, luxury laden, not-mother-or-two, narcissistic, she-male for me. I'll write something interesting when I'm done laughing, and my brain recovers from today's quota of Yo Gabba Gabba!