Friday, 09 September 2011
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Are Moms Allowed To Be Hot?
I've been "featured" on @TheTheologiansCafe several times, and the responses have always entertained me (my favorite being a debate a few years ago whether I was a hermaphrodite or not, heehee!). Yesterday, Dan posted my last photo of myself under the title "Are Moms Hotter?" For those of you who haven't caught on to Dan's facetious posting style, I hate to be a spoiler, but when you put your nerves out to be rubbed, he's going to rub them wrong. The majority of comments answered the question, many were confused by his statements that went along with it, and then there was the few truly stand-out responses:
"Genetics have a lot to do with the way a woman looks after she has had children. No amount of dieting or exercise can rid the body of stretch marks. Some women are fortunate, others are not...(cont.)" -LadySavina
Obviously, based solely on that photo which was posted because it COVERS most of the stretchmarks, assuming I'm one of the "fortunate" ones make sense. These commenters don't know me, or anything about me, other than I am willing to be in a swimsuit on the internet, which alone isn't the most endearing quality.
I get comments on my "genetic luck" a lot actually, and then I have the opportunity to reveal the freak-show under my shirt. Yes, I have been thin and fit my entire life, but along with my perhaps lucky disposition, I played soccer, basketball, ran track and cross-country, backpacked monthly, and hiked weekly, before I went domestic. When I was pregnant I worked on my feet and still gained ~60 lbs. all in my stomach and breasts, which left me with stretchmarks from my neck to my knees. During my second pregnancy I was worn out from playing with, walking, chasing my first-born, and after the 2nd popped out I worked out like crazy for the first 4 months. I walk to the playground, I watch what I eat (mostly watch as I shovel everything into my mouth, but...), I physically PLAY with my kids. Skinny is one thing, fit is another, and both definitely take work after you've been pregnant for a year and a half straight.
But why would anyone know that just by looking at me?
"I find it hard to believe that she's a mother of two.. working full time? and balancing kids? Unless she has a job that pays her incredibly well and she can eat healthy and work out, which is a sign of luxury, I dunno how she did it." -BenelliMan
I don't know where the "working full time" assumption was made, and the rest of it...what? I don't even know where to start with this other than to stop laughing. I replied back, "This is an interesting theory. I'm gonna pretend it's accurate, even if "luxury" translates into scraping by month-to-month on a very very VERY part-time freelance photographer's work schedule while taking care of my 2 kids under 2 during the week, and a husband who owns an automotive fabrication shop and has a car addiction's meager earnings." and I guess that's that.
Where do people draw these conclusions? Is it easier just to assume the worst or unbelieving when someone's life/thoughts/body/experiences are different than your own? Under what circumstances do we think that people might actually deserve whatever they have? Let's flip the script on the "are moms hotter?" question and ask instead, "are moms allowed to be hotter?" Being responsible for lives other than our own automatically makes us subject to endless scrutiny and criticism, and when we don't fall into the norm we become careless mothers or selfish narcissists, neither of which are "good mothers" even if our children are well-rounded, intelligent, friendly, successful people.
Well, back to being a lucky, luxury laden, not-mother-or-two, narcissistic, she-male for me. I'll write something interesting when I'm done laughing, and my brain recovers from today's quota of Yo Gabba Gabba!
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About the Author
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- From: milfncookies@xanga
- Name: Bekka Björke
- About Me: Bitchy babe raising hell and a family.
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Comments (24)
Well deal with it moms are hott that just a fact. And in a few weeks I will help to prove it
Sadly, I'll never be a hot mama. Even if I lose my post-pregnancy flab, I don't think my hips will ever fit into smaller pants.
Some moms are hot and some moms are not. Some grannies are hot, some grannies are not. Some days I'm hot and some days I'm not. Hot is in the eyes of the beholder, anyways.
I actually dream of being more attractive post baby than pre-baby because I never was amazingly fit. The older I get the more I realize I need to get in shape because it will be harder to do the longer I wait. It's good for moms to be hot and it's great when a woman post baby can get herself in shape and feel good about herself because it's a great example for children to see their mom being active and taking care of herself.
I had two kids back to back (c-sections for both) and I've had a hard time permanently dropping the weight and getting toned. Some women are lucky and bounce back like a rubber band but a majority of us take a hit physically and it takes a lot of work to get back to where we were. So, for all hot moms: good for you, bitches ; ). Seriously though, I respect moms who look good. I know it's not always easy.
My first daughter was 9lbs and my second was almost 10lbs, my body afterwards was FAR from perfect. I absolutely HATE it when people say I am "just lucky" that I bounced back so quickly. Actually, I worked my ASS off (literally) for months to get back into shape.
Yes, there are some lucky women out there that leave the maternity ward with a flat stomach; but it's RARE. If you see a mom looking "hott" it's most likely because she worked her ass off to get to it.
And also, I'm like you.....My stomach will only look good if I get surgery. I know I look good with clothes on...but with them off, is a different story. I have a six pack (that's actually noticeable) but extra skin by my belly button. I used to hate it (and some days I still do) but I know how to work it. ;) Just like how you are working the swimming suit. We just have to find clothes/swimming suits that will flatter our body better. You look awesome Milfncookies. ;)
I think you've gotta work hard to look hot after kids, and obviously, some women do it, others don't. Keep doing what you're doing and fuck what other people think!
i don't see any problems with a woman wanting to look her best, especially after having kids.
you don't become some alien just because you're a mother. you're still a human, still a woman, and as a female, i can definitely agree that we all want to look our best.
as long as what you're doing isn't unhealthy (e.g. starvation), go for it.
Why did someone say that working out is a sign of luxury? Getting off the couch is free...
In my experience, I think the most judgmental ones are mothers themselves. I was with a mom group once at my MIL's hometown and the general assumption among them was that the moms who have nails done, took time to put on make-up and non frump clothing, and workout are obviously neglecting their motherhood duties. The common phrase was, "Well, I am frumpy, but at least I am spending time with my kids and not foisting them on someone else."
So those are your only two options. You can be a good mother and frumpy, or a bad mother and hot. Stereotypes are really annoying.
@snarkius@xanga - I know first hand how moms can be incredibly judgmental towards others. I think some say that to make themselves feel better. Playing with your kids is some of the best exercise there is. It's free + it's being a good mom. Also, buying fruit & vegetables is not as expensive as pre-made foods.
I guess it's easier to criticize than to change.
Apparently, once you become a mother you can neither be hot nor sexual. (How we mothers have more than one child from multiple pregnancies is beyond me! lol)
After you become a mother, you cannot be hot. For shame, the complexes you will force upon your children if they see you wearing a bikini. After you become a mother, you must spend every single second taking care of them. For shame, the complexes you will force upon your children if they see you going to take a shower and you don't have them in the bathroom with you. After you become a mother, you can't do anything in America! If you are frumpy, you aren't teaching your kids to take care of themselves. If you aren't frumpy, you aren't teaching your kids to value people not appearances. Mothers can't win in America even in 2011.
I say mothers can do whatever they want and their children will still come out fine (except for obvious cases of abuse and/or neglect.) I hate that someone will look at a mom in a bikini and make any kind of negative remark related to her being a mother. It is sad. Women don't fade away once they age or become mothers.
well i certainly hope I can be hot, otherwise my husband will be disappointed that he's been mistaken about me all these years.
he had a battle buddy tell him one day "whoa, that's your wife?! she doesn't LOOK like she's had kids!"
I go back to my original thought. I tend to tie hotness to an unselfish attitude. A mother in general tends to be more unselfish because she ares about something other than herself. So I find that attractive. I don't tend to find it attractive to see a woman who is self-absorbed. So I tend to see the physical appearance as being tied to the personality.
I don't think there's a problem being "hot" wish I was one of those moms but I'm not. But I do think mothers need to prevent themselves in a way they think is acceptable of their children, specifically their daughters.
being hot is all in your perspective. my hubby, who wears rose-colored glasses, thinks I'm hot. some days that is enough for me.
Hot mom of two right here. Personally, I feel sexier since I've had children. I've got more curves. And no, I can't fit into my pre-baby jeans but who cares? The ones I wear now are even better even if the number IS bigger. Fortunately for me, genes DO come into play. I'm the oldest of 8 kids and my mom is hot too. :)
My mom was 120lbs before she got pregnant with her kids, and she bounced back to the same weight (if not under 130) after each of her three kids. I'm hoping I'll have the same luck. My sister bounced back quickly, too.
Thing is, my mom never had a chest (lol) so when she got pregnant and they grew so big, she took a picture of herself from her boobs up. Had it for years! I always thought that was hilarious, a memento to look back on after she lost them post-birth.
thats like asking if a guy should be allowed to work out, theres nothing wrong with it... my moms a bomb shell and gets hit on by lots of men, but thats because she was blessed with attractive looks! Ps.. im not just saying that.. my mom is really pretty and im proud!
Just because the person becomes a mother, doesn't mean her attraction is taken away.
Moms are allowed to be hot - but that onesie should not be allowed anywhere, ever.
Yes...let's hope so...
Hot mother of two right here! I definitely got sexier and felt sexier after having my children. I'm still skinny and have no stretch marks, genetic luck. My dads mom was the same, my mother... not so much. She gained about 60lbs each pregnancy and is 5'0. Stretch marks like a tiger! I never saw a problem with stretch marks, even before I was pregnant, and still dont. I dont think people shoud be ashamed of them. However, I do eat healthy and work out and did as long as I could with my pregnancies. Most of the women who called me lucky to not have gained any baby weight, ate like shit and sat on their asses their whole pregnancy. I always advocate eating healthy and giving healthy food tips to pregnant women when they ask. (Alot of my friends as me because they are young and dont want to gain alot of fat wieght, and I am sort of a health freak) A couple of my friends bounced back pretty quickly, but then some... Oh man, it gets pretty bad. A girl my size, went from 110ish to over 150 after she had her son. 40lbs is alot on a 5'3 medium frame. ....Wait... what was my point?
This blog was posted so completely out of context. My bad for approving them posting it!
@milfncookies@xanga - I think it's still a good post. Pretty much every mom has thought about this.