Wednesday, 24 August 2011
-
Confessions of an Overwhelmed Mom
Being a mom is the hardest job out there. It's not a 9-5 job, where you can come home, crash in front of the t.v. and go to sleep for as long as you want. You're constantly on the move, cleaning up messes, wiping poopy bottoms, fixing bottles, changing outfits, doing laundry, doing housework, bandaging boo boo's, patiently waiting for the crying baby to calm down, etc..... I've often enjoyed articles in magazines, or on blogs, about confessions of moms. I've often enjoyed the honesty some moms share with the world about their struggles with motherhood. I'm jumping on that band wagon.
My daughter is now in the climbing stage. Need I say more? I'm teaching her to sit and not stand. If she stands on the chairs or rockers, she either sits down immediately or gets removed. Long story short, I had my back turned and she was sneaky. She climbed up on the rocking chair, did NOT sit down and ended up tipping the chair over until it fell. Big crash, loud cry... I was scared. I felt really bad. You have to have your eyes glued to your child every minute in order to prevent things like this and sometimes I feel as if I'm doomed to fail. Every bump and bruise sends me into a meltdown. I feel as if I'm a neglectful parent, when most likely, this is just normal every day things moms go through. So, let's get to the confession part....
There are days where I would love to get a job and leave my daughter with a nanny/babysitter/day care so that I'm off the hook.
Why does this make me feel guilty?
Because she's MY daughter, no one else's. She's my responsibility, and I shouldn't pawn her off on to someone else, just to get a break. Some days, however, it's very tempting. I'd love to let someone else get her potty trained, wipe the poopy bottom and deal with the bumps and bruises, while I've escaped to work. That said, I always come back to the feeling that being a stay at home mom and I shouldn't trade it for the world. Yes it's hard, but I need to suck it up, enjoy the time I have with my daughter and be grateful!
I once got into a debate with a fellow Xangan. He had mentioned how being a stay at home mom is easy, in comparison to actually going out and getting a "job". He said that fathers, who work outside the home, shouldn't have to come home and do chores. While I agree that the one in the home should do more work in the home, this common excuse really angers me. Hey, many women can do both, so stop with the excuses, some of you men! You can get off your butt too. I've learned that being a stay at home mom is the hardest job out there and sometimes the most thankless. That said, it can also be the most rewarding, it's just your attitude and perspective on it. I confess, my attitude and perspective is often skewed and I need to work on that! I love being home with her, but I have my moments. I do feel guilty once my moments pass. I would rather not have these moments at all!
Are you a stay at home mom, a work outside of home mom, or a work at home mom? Would you change that? Do you ever feel like you're doing things the wrong way?
Related Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to momaroo's Momaroo Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in momaroo's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: Brilliant_Innocence@xanga
- Name: Megan
-
True
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 72 Views: 0 110160 Comments: 0 1695 View all posts by Brilliant_Innocence@xanga
Comments (16)
I want to be a SAHM when I have kids. I think you're absolutely right not to pawn your daughter off on somebody else. You are the best person to teach her how to navigate the world, and she will appreciate it.
I like the book, "In Praise of Stay at Home Moms" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger.
Oh girl, we all (all SAHMs) have those thoughts from time to time, or sometimes every day. This past march my husband left on an almost year long deployment and left me all alone with a 4 yr old and almost 2 yr old. The last several month have been the most challenging of my entire life! I do not know how single parents do this! You are not a neglectful parent, you are normal.
I've been a SAHM and a working mom. I like both. Right now I'm a working mom, & I enjoy the break lol. Because it is nice to have a break from your kids every once in awhile wether it be an hour or a few hrs. And now since my SO isnt working, he gets to see what its like to sit at home & work constantly and I am showing him what he used to do it to me, go to work come home, lay down, watch tv, not do anything, JUST so he will know how hard it was to really be a SAHM, it is the hardest job there is (being a mom in general). But if I had my choice, I would be a SAHM mom and he would be working. I like being home with my kids, just as much as having a break from them.
I'm currently on maternity leave and will return back to work in 3 weeks. I have the upmost respect for SAHM because I don't think that's something I could do. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love my children ( I have a 5 yr. old daughter and a one month old son) but I love being able to get up and go to work and then coming home to two beautiful faces after a hard day's work. I am already going a bit crazy from being home all day and caring for a newborn. He's in the "high needs" stage and my daughter who is off from school for the summer doesn't want to take naps during the afternoons so I've been a complete zombie. Also, since my husband works all the time, we barely have time to go out as a family so I'm stuck at home all day watching the kids. I love being able to have this time to spend with my kids since my job is very demanding, however, I enjoy being a working mom because it makes me feel good knowing that I can also provide (money wise) for my family besides my husband.
I have been both, but let me also mention I have three kids, the oldest being 3 1/2. So being at my house is always chaos. Right now I work full time, and I prefer being a working mom. When I was a stay at home mom I hardly ever got any kind of a break. Now I know at least I get some time away when I'm at work. We can't afford daycare though so my husband stays at home with them, but the majority of cleaning still falls on me, which is very aggarvating. I was with all my kids as babies, and I wouldn't trade those years for anything. But now that they're getting older if I could afford it I would send them to daycare so that they could be around other kids.
It is very hard to be a stay at home mom. I have been off with mine for a little over a month now. I have had to work for their entire lives. So it is very different to be home 24/7 with them. They drive me crazy some days. And the endless word of Mommy. The constant cleaning, cooking and never having a moments break. Working for their entire lives has made it difficult for me. They dont mind me, They scream constantly, They fight, They make messes all day long. My house is very messy. But I would not have it any other way. Cause it has made me closer with them. We have our spouts about who drew on the walls or who is getting a bath first, or even who made the mess and who is gonna clean it up. Children benefit more from being at home with a parent. You can teach them more by yourself than someone else can in a child care facility. I would rather be at home. Not because I am lazy!!! Because my job was alot easier than this. But because I know in the end, I am teaching my children to grow and I am becoming a better mother. I know more about my kids now. And the constant I love yous and thank you mommys, Andcan you sit with me, And the intelligent conversations I have with my 4 year old is amazing. I have never done this before. And I LOVE IT!!!!!!!
I was lucky enough to have 4 months of maternity leave and was just getting the hang of the SAHM thing and I went back to work this past Monday. I think no matter what your situation, the grass is always greener on the other side... When I was staying home I longed for the intellectual challenge and peer-to-peer relationships at work. Now that I'm back to work, I miss my little man like crazy and long for the nice walks, days at the zoo, and flexiblility of doing my own thing every day. If my family could afford it, I'd stay home longer. But we can't, so the decision to go back to work is an easy one for me.
I'm a nanny. Mental relief for a mom with three boys.
Both my husband and I are active duty Navy and we are also stationed apart. (I'm stationed on Oahu and he is stationed in Georgia.) I only have 42 days of maternity leave and then it's back to work. Since my husband cannot be here for more than his leave balance allows, I'll be doing it all by myself--working, managing the home, cleaning, cooking, and parenting--until we can be reunited in about 18 months. There are parts of me that wish I could do the SAHM thing, but at the same time I feel like I need to work as well. Sometimes I worry that my baby won't bond to me like I hope she will because she'll have to be at daycare and she'll have to start as an infant.
My reservations about being a SAHM mom are because of my own mom. She was a SAHM almost my entire life and she never went back to work. Granted, that was her choice to not go back to work. She explained to me that it was because she wanted to be home to take care of us, which is noble, but it was because of that choice that she now cannot reenter the workforce at any real capacity. She was always saying that good moms are SAHM and moms that work don't care about their children as much. (Excuse me, mom? I work and I will LOVE my daughter with everything that I have! I earn money and benefits for the two of us. There is nothing wrong with me working!) She never learned how to be the mom that an adult needs--just the kind that a baby needs. Now that I'm not home with her anymore, she's at home alone and she is CONSTANTLY battling with the Empty Nest problem. My dad can never retire because he's the sole worker in the home. It's just from that example that I just have my own personal reservations about it.
I used to be a work outside the home for four days a week mom, until I got laid off a few months ago. I'm now a stay at home mom, because I haven't been able to find another parttime job yet.
I agree that they are my children, so I should take care of them most of the time. But this stay at home thing is driving me almost nuts!! The kids still go to daycare three days a week to be with children their own ages. But if I didn't have that I'd probably fall into a serious depression or something.
Don't get me wrong, I love my kids. But I need to be around adults too some times.
Now that I'm home I take care of most of the household, since I'm home anyway. But I can't do everything in the three days I'm home alone and the kids are in daycare. And I refuse to do household stuff on the days I'm home alone with the babies, that's our quality time. So yeah, I try to stuff the whole household in three days, but it just doesn't work that way. So my husband has to pitch in some times and he shouldn't complain, because he's doing waaay less than he used to when I was still working outside the house.
When it comes to the household though I'm wondering "How did I do it again when I was still working?" There's not enough time now as it is! Let alone if you also have an outside job to do too.
Props to SAHM who chose to be a SAHM. I can't wait to start working again :(
I can relate to this exactly. I'm a stay at home mom and some days i have moments where i would give anything to "go to work". Just an hour to myself sounds heavenly. But when i sit and think about it, i wouldn't trade it for the world. I love being around my son 24/7, and feel guilty for even thinking about being away from him.
Sure, some days i just have to swollow the guilt and pass him off to his grampa for an hour - but i try not to let it get to me. We all need breaks. But being able to stay at home with him every day is the best feeling in the world. :]
Think about it this way: you'd be a better mother to your daughter if you did take a day off to destress, and return to take care of her with a lessened chance of having a meltdown.
Right now I'm on maternity leave and absolutely loving being with my newborn son every moment. Okay, maybe not every moment (i.e. 3am and screaming...lol). I have another 4 weeks to take, and as a former work-aholic, I am anxious to go back. Luckily, my work will probably only fit me back into the schedule for about 12 hours a week, so I think I'll get the best of both worlds
All parents have unique stresses as the result of raising children,
but what is being done to help parents cope?
I am a doctorate student in clinical psychology at Baylor University, and for my dissertation I am studying stress and ways of coping with stress in parents. My hope is to use the data from my dissertation to create an effective way to help parents cope with stress.
I am looking for parents of children ages 5-12 in three categories:
1. Parents of children with an Autism Spectrum Disorder
2. Parents of children with Type 1 Diabetes
3. Parents of children with no diagnoses
The survey can be found here: https://baylor.qualtrics.com/SE/?SID=SV_0GJF7ldjuBwBWEk
If you do not meet the above criteria, please consider forwarding the survey to any parents you know that fit the above criteria.
People who complete the survey can participate in a drawing for one of three $50 giftcards to Amazon.com. (I truly wish I could give something to each and every person who takes the survey, but I am a poor graduate student, and I have to pay for the giftcards out of pocket) Additionally, people who refer others to the survey get their name added into the drawing for each person they refer.
Thank you to everyone who takes the survey!
I'm hoping to become a Forensic Anthropologist one day, so I guess I might become a SAHM who acts as a consultant to a lab every now and then when I finally have kids one day (a long way off since I am only 21 at this point!).
Still, I can understand how you feel when your child hurts herself while in your care. But as my mother once said, "Sometimes telling someone not to do something for their own good isn't going to work. Sometimes they just need learn the hard way." Parents will always want to protect their kids from any and all kinds of harm, but even it's a tall order even for Supermom or Superdad!
Well, now I REALLY feel like a bad mom, because when Hannah hit the climbing stage, I would give her a warning, but after that I just let her fall and gave her an "I told you so" speech afterward. Maybe not the best parenting technique, but let me tell you, she never climbed Becca's changing table ever again!
Anyhow, at least in our house, we don't agree with the "grass is greener on the other side" idea when it comes to being a SAHM. My husband works 50+ hours a week at an office job, and no, he doesn't particularly like it, but when I offered to trade, he immediately piped up, "NO THANK YOU!" After a weekend home with our two girls, he is happy to go back into the office Monday morning.
And I know it may sound bizarre to some people, but I truly envy my husband when he leaves for work each morning. No, I don't think I could go back to a full time job after being a stay-at-home mom, but I would give anything to have a part-time job outside of the house right now, just for my sanity. Unfortunately, with the economy in Michigan, you can't really find a job "just for the fun of it."