Tuesday, 23 August 2011
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My Struggle With Choosing NOT To Abort
I've always been "pro-life" and very against abortion, except in extreme cases such as rape resulting in pregnancy and those sorts of things I'd rather not think of.
But recently I've had my run in with "the choice" and had to make a decision. Here's my story.
I found out I was pregnant about a month ago, maybe a little longer now. I'm quite young too, lets just say I'm under 21. My mother, who is my BEST friend, always said that she'd never let me get an abortion but when it came down to it and we had found out that I was pregnant (by at home test), she basically ended up telling me that if I kept it then she'd disown me.. Well, I obviously kept it to myself and told no one aside from my mother and the "baby's father" or "baby daddy". He said "he was 100% supportive because we got into this together and we'll get through it together" because I thought I was getting it "taken care of" because there was no other way,I couldn't do it I thought, and especially without my mothers support.So we began making appointments, first was Planned Parenthood which ended up being way too crowded and uncomfortable, I ended up having an anxiety attack in the waiting room and left before I was called back. I made an appointment at a smaller local clinic for pregnant women, where I ended up having to talk to a counselor and getting a sonogram. But this place didn't have ACTUAL doctors, they were a tiny free clinic with volunteers.
Well walking into the appointment, I was still 100% set on the abortion. With my mother by my side we walked in. I was called back about an hour after arriving to talk to the counselor. She told me all the things that I didn't know about abortion, or didn't want to know. About how it was done, about the long-term effects, the risks, and all the negative things. Asked me why I chose it instead of adoption or parenting, which my excuse was financially I couldn't do it and that's about the only logical one I could think of.Well, she informed me that babies first and most important need was AFFECTION and CARE and LOVE, which I thought was bologna until she showed me a study that was conducted in orphanages. The orphanages where they were WAY overcrowded and babies bottles would be propped up rather than holding the baby and feeding it as the other orphanages were doing and babies were getting attention and affection, had more deaths. The babies that didn't get the attention would just wither away.. Its sad. She assured me that there is PLENTY of resources and assistance out there financially that I could receive. I was still telling myself "I'm getting the abortion." So after about an hour and a half with her it was time for the sonogram. Reminder: I thought I was still not very far along, that it was simply just an egg still you couldn't even tell it was a baby. Well, the tech asked if I wanted my mom in the room and went to get her.
After my mom was in the room and I was on the table she began. My throat got tight, the tears were welling up in my eyes, as I fought them back to my surprise there was a baby wiggling away and moving its arms and flopping around on that screen. She measured it on screen and I ended up being 11 weeks and 5 days. I couldn't even look at it anymore. She printed the 3D and 2D ones out and handed me the strip of picturesof MY BABY. My mom and I got to the car and she started almost talking to herself about how we'd be able to do it, ME and HER COULD PROVIDE THIS CHILD WITH WHAT IT NEEDED! I was confused and lost, had she really been thinking about letting me keep it? Was she serious?
I'm about 13 weeks and 3 days now. I think you may already know what my choice was.. I had a baby inside of me not some imaginary little dot or whatever I thought it wasand I was sure that at first it'd be hard, but I was determined. After seeing MY baby, I no longer cared what ANYONE had to say or if they were supportive or not. My mother was the one who convinced me to keep it, as long as I had her support I knew I'd get through it. The babys dad, well thats another story. He's now nothing more than a "sperm donor" as I like to say. He already has 2 kids and he's mad at me for keeping this life alive inside of me. But he wasn't there, he didn't see what I did, and this is MY body not HIS. His reasons, nothing but selfish.
Have any of you ever been in a similar position? Any advice for a young, single mommy-to-be?
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- From: MsRandomThoughts@xanga
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Comments (83)
Sounds like you went to a pro-life clinic and they gave you a big shot of propaganda and sent you on your way.
I mean, good for you!
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I admire your strength and courage. You will be a great mom. Blessings on you and your baby!
Wow. that's an amazing story!!! you described it very well... I hope nothing but the best. you have a long story ahead. but i believe in you. you already seem like you care. you will be a great mommy. :)
Best Wishes!
Just out of curiosity, why didn't you choose adoption, if you couldn't keep it financially but also didn't want to have an abortion?
I wish you the best :) I hope you have a healthy & happy baby.
I'm glad to know that there are clinics out there that allow INFORMED CONSENT. @Livin_All_I_Do@xanga - It would be propaganda if the negatives were not given. Any other medical procedure must be explained to you, risks included. Blind consent is not consent.
Thank you for sharing your story!
I'm sorry the babys dad isn't on board, but you sound like you'll be a great mom. I'm also glad to hear that your mom is supportive! that's great! You can do it! Having a baby is an amazing thing. Enjoy It! :)
@Livin_All_I_Do@xanga - Yeah, would it be okay to be snarky like that to someone who DID go through with abortion?
People like you are so frustrating. It's called INFORMED CHOICE. A woman cannot truly make a choice unless she knows all of the information involved. Including the risks to her. Including a higher chance of breast cancer, possible infertility, increased risk of future miscarriages,etc. She was fully informed, that's all.
Once the OP saw her living child, it became personal. Abortion thrives on keeping it impersonal.
OP - I think it wonderful that you went somewhere that respected women & believe that they have every right to know what is involved. A place that cares about women more than they care about the money the women can give them. A place that empowers you & allows you to know HOW each choice works so that you don't feel backed into a corner & have no way out except through abortion.
I wish you & your child all the blessings possible. Motherhood is an amazing. It isn't always easy. The beginning will sleep deprive you. But when you hold that child in your arms, it is all worth it.
Your mom sounds kind of confusing. First she tells you she'd never let you have an abortion, then when it comes down to it, she pretty much forces you to have one or else she'll disown you. Then she secretly wants to keep it?
I think your mom was just confused and scared as you where, Not wanting to you "destroy" your life ect. But when she saw the little one she reliazed what she was telling you to do. You mom sounds very supportive, I would just take one day at a time. I am glad you made an informed choice.
I thought it wasn't legal to have an abortion when you're past the first trimester anyway. and fyi, a sonogram is listening to baby only. if you could see it, that's an ultrasound.
@MyTwoCentss@xanga - That thing about breast cancer? Isn't true.
Thank you for speaking out - mothers will be mothers. She just a bit disappointed, when that baby comes out and gives you a smile that you can't replace even with a price of money, she will happy. you're doing the right thing and I give you the best of luck. Stay strong :)
@SeeBeeWrite@xanga - Yeah, that's what they want you to think. I've read the physiology behind it. I've also read a bit about the people who CLAIMED this research wasn't true later on having a change of heart & admitting that this is in fact the truth. They just will do all they can to tear it down. I've actually written a blog about this very subject a couple of months ago or so.
^^ A beautiful story! I am very proud of you and you mom.You made a wonderful choice.Wont be easy.But I know you can do it.
On behalf of your child, and every child that was almost aborted (including myself, my birthmom had the appointment and the money, but never went) I thank you for you choice.
I think its wonderful that your mom is standing by you. Moms are awesome.. you guys are going to be fine. Just keep your chin up... and I'd save this post (like print it and put it away somewhere) as something you can share with your little one when they are older.
And I'd also like to apologise for the overwhelming amount of negativity in the comments... the girl just make a very hard choice thats going to change her life and we should be lifting her up, not cutting her off at the knees.
@enoughtodiefor@xanga - FYI, "Sonogram" and "ultrasound" are basically synonyms. Google it. Whatever you call it, you see a picture of the inside of the body.
Beautiful story. And I'm so proud of you!! I know it's a hard decision but I do think you made the right choice. <3
Oh and another thing, my cousin was in the same situation and ended up getting an abortion. She later had a bunch of complications health wise and became so depressed that she tried to commit suicide and would have succeeded if her brother hadn't of found her in the bathroom at 2 am passed out. And she isn't even Christian or religious whatsoever.
When the baby comes, remember to sleep when he or she sleeps. Don't stay up and clean and do chores, find a way to do that while holding your baby, or while your baby is playing. If you don't sleep when baby sleeps, your mind... it will be gone.
You are an amazing young woman, and your mom is great as well. I'm sure your mom was just confused and scared like you. The best advice I can give you is just do the best you can and keep your family close because they will be your biggest and best support system throughout your pregnancy and your child's life. I wish you the absolute best of luck with everything.
I hope that you can take care of your baby because it's a lot harer than just giving a baby love and affection. They need food, clothes, diapers and a host of other things. Those things take money, and with the economy the way it is and many states cutting funding for many young mothers and their children, it's going to be harder than ever.
Sounds more like your mom talked you into having a baby.
I think that if finances were a problem then you could have adopted out your baby instead of just aborting it. I only believe in abortion as a means of medical necessity. As in the life of the baby or child is in danger if the pregnancy were to continue.
Whether you keep the baby or put it up for adoption, I think you made the best choice by not aborting. Abortion isn't meant to be a source of birth control.