Tuesday, 23 August 2011
I've always been "pro-life" and very against abortion, except in extreme cases such as rape resulting in pregnancy and those sorts of things I'd rather not think of.
But recently I've had my run in with "the choice" and had to make a decision. Here's my story.
I found out I was pregnant about a month ago, maybe a little longer now. I'm quite young too, lets just say I'm under 21. My mother, who is my BEST friend, always said that she'd never let me get an abortion but when it came down to it and we had found out that I was pregnant (by at home test), she basically ended up telling me that if I kept it then she'd disown me.. Well, I obviously kept it to myself and told no one aside from my mother and the "baby's father" or "baby daddy". He said "he was 100% supportive because we got into this together and we'll get through it together" because I thought I was getting it "taken care of" because there was no other way,I couldn't do it I thought, and especially without my mothers support.
So we began making appointments, first was Planned Parenthood which ended up being way too crowded and uncomfortable, I ended up having an anxiety attack in the waiting room and left before I was called back. I made an appointment at a smaller local clinic for pregnant women, where I ended up having to talk to a counselor and getting a sonogram. But this place didn't have ACTUAL doctors, they were a tiny free clinic with volunteers.
Well walking into the appointment, I was still 100% set on the abortion. With my mother by my side we walked in. I was called back about an hour after arriving to talk to the counselor. She told me all the things that I didn't know about abortion, or didn't want to know. About how it was done, about the long-term effects, the risks, and all the negative things. Asked me why I chose it instead of adoption or parenting, which my excuse was financially I couldn't do it and that's about the only logical one I could think of.
Well, she informed me that babies first and most important need was AFFECTION and CARE and LOVE, which I thought was bologna until she showed me a study that was conducted in orphanages. The orphanages where they were WAY overcrowded and babies bottles would be propped up rather than holding the baby and feeding it as the other orphanages were doing and babies were getting attention and affection, had more deaths. The babies that didn't get the attention would just wither away.. Its sad. She assured me that there is PLENTY of resources and assistance out there financially that I could receive. I was still telling myself "I'm getting the abortion." So after about an hour and a half with her it was time for the sonogram. Reminder: I thought I was still not very far along, that it was simply just an egg still you couldn't even tell it was a baby. Well, the tech asked if I wanted my mom in the room and went to get her.
After my mom was in the room and I was on the table she began. My throat got tight, the tears were welling up in my eyes, as I fought them back to my surprise there was a baby wiggling away and moving its arms and flopping around on that screen. She measured it on screen and I ended up being 11 weeks and 5 days. I couldn't even look at it anymore. She printed the 3D and 2D ones out and handed me the strip of picturesof MY BABY. My mom and I got to the car and she started almost talking to herself about how we'd be able to do it, ME and HER COULD PROVIDE THIS CHILD WITH WHAT IT NEEDED! I was confused and lost, had she really been thinking about letting me keep it? Was she serious?
I'm about 13 weeks and 3 days now. I think you may already know what my choice was.. I had a baby inside of me not some imaginary little dot or whatever I thought it wasand I was sure that at first it'd be hard, but I was determined. After seeing MY baby, I no longer cared what ANYONE had to say or if they were supportive or not. My mother was the one who convinced me to keep it, as long as I had her support I knew I'd get through it. The babys dad, well thats another story. He's now nothing more than a "sperm donor" as I like to say. He already has 2 kids and he's mad at me for keeping this life alive inside of me. But he wasn't there, he didn't see what I did, and this is MY body not HIS. His reasons, nothing but selfish.
Have any of you ever been in a similar position? Any advice for a young, single mommy-to-be?