Friday, 19 August 2011
I'm 24 weeks pregnant and scared to death, sometimes I feel like I don't want the baby then I feel awful for thinking it and other times I feel its the best thing in the world.When I found out I was pregnant I wasn't sure what I was going to do as I was only with the dad on and off. He didn't want another child (he has one with an ex) so he didn't want it either. When it came down to it, I couldn't do it. The thought of getting rid of the baby killed me so I kept it. My ex was coming around to the idea of having a baby until I told him he had to tell his ex as people were starting to question why I wasn't drinking or going out as much. She wouldn't have wanted to hear it from anyone else but once he told her, she went mad for a day or two then told him she loved him and wanted to work things out.So now I'm alone and pregnant. His ex (I'mnot sure if there back together or not) calling me all sorts of things. Then on top of that, when he sees me he treats me like a stranger as if I'm not carrying his child. I have tried so hard to be strong but it's killing me inside. The only good thing about it is I have my family for support. But I'm so up and down all the time I'm arguing with them and we have always been so close as a family. I can't tell them how I feel in case they think I'm being stupid for feeling the way I do. His mum who wants to be part of the baby's life.If she really does love him then I wish them the best but if she is doing this only because I'm pregnant then I can't believe someone could be so cruel after all he has done. I don't want him in my life but I do want him to part of my child's life. I can't help but think it's this woman who is keeping him from us. I did know before she found out he was interested.
My head is so battered I just don't know how much more I can take or how long I can be strong for.