It stems from not having a good relationship with my father; both in the past and the present his life has mostly been of one working and staying away from the family, with the exception of 2 weeks in the summer. Due to this absence of him in our lives, in my life...I have been looking elsewhere ever since.
Lately it has gotten worse, and by that I mean my desire to have a father has been more intense and sometime my envy just consumes me completely. What usually happens is that I observe a father and his interaction alone, is he a good guy when his wife and kids aren't around?
I eventually observe them in the presence of their wife and kids and see how they do in that area... For the record most of the people I have dad envy over are men I interact with at my various churches, it's not like I'm a a park sitting in my car with a pair of binoculars.
Although related and yet on a separate note, there's the part of me that also wants to be a father to 4 children. God willing and wife willing
I woke up this morning after a 3 hour dream of helping my future June deliver our first born son, I got to hold him and in that instance both subconsciously and in real life I was smiling and crying at the same time.
God knows my heart and my mind, my desires and my shortcomings and I'm trusting in him and praying with my eyes open; that is, I'm doing what I can to find my June and trusting in him all the while with my future as a husband and dad. I do pray quite often for reconciliation with my own father, but I also pray for a good father-in-law.
I don't think it's conflicting to pray for both, but God certainly knows that I would like both if given a choice, because I've had my fair share of things that I learned the hard way to which I can attribute some of it to having an absent father in my life.
In God's timing for being a husband as well as being a father. I'm looking for you June, are you looking for me?
~Nathanael~Do you have good relationships with your fathers? Do you have dad envy? How do you cope?