Friday, 17 June 2011
I'm appalled, absolutely appalled right now. As I was just sitting here, chilling on Xanga, I found this post. I am ALMOST speechless, but of course, who has ever known me to be this pissed off and totally speechless?
I think perhaps I should start off by saying that I've been working in children's ministry for the past 5 years...and I'm GOOD at it. I love those children, and they know it, all of them, the ones I worked with then, and the ones I work with now. I do my best to be a good role model for them, to the point of getting over my own insecurities so that they don't learn to hate their body like I did.
I still have touch days, but I work every day to recover from my eating disorder FOR THEM so that THEY don't think that's acceptable. I guess I had it wrong, didn't I? In fact, I am the WORST example any kids could ever have, not because I struggle with my desire to self harm, or force myself to throw up, or starve. In fact, these behaviors should be ENCOURAGED.
No, no. I am a bad example because I am OVERWEIGHT. That's right, at 6' 186 lbs and wearing a size 9/10 I am OVERWEIGHT and thus worthless and setting a terrible example for the children. I feel I must give everyone an apology, I mean how dare I interact with kids NOW, much less several years ago when I was a size 18?
It was a horrible thing for me to do, and for that I am sorry. Nobody should ever try to teach children that they are OK, or that they are loved regardless of what they look like. How STUPID of me. I've been spreading lies. Everyone knows that you're only worth something if you fit into the current (thin) ideal of beauty. Eating less than 300 calories per day (and purging even that), and running 5 miles per day (on nothing), THAT is setting a good example for kids.
This is the only version of me children should be exposed to: the starving version with the sunken eyes, freezing cold in the first week of August and the 80 degree weather that goes with it. And me now? Down right offensive! Sorry kids!!!
Honestly, the above is bullshit. Children need those who love them, and they need to learn how to have a healthy spiritual and emotional life as well physical. If you're going to deny these children love because you don't like how the person willing to give it looks, then you are one sick bastard, and once again, you know what to do.