Tuesday, 14 June 2011
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Why Do All Moms End Up Being B!+ches?
I am so scared this is going to be my daughter. And then I think, "Of course it will be." Damn it!
As a teen, I thought my mom was a b!+ch and she definitely was not the boss of me. No way in hell am I going to get to avoid the unpleasantness.
Her dad/my husband is already telling me his future: plans to be an uptight jerk. He somehow thinks that getting rough and "cracking down", if she starts doing less than well, will solve the problem.
I can already see where things are headed.
Do you ever have a sense of impending doom at the thought of your kids becoming teenagers? Do you think there is anything parents can do to change how their teenagers perceive them?
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- From: Joobie82@xanga
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Comments (66)
I think about this all the time. I'm dreading the day that my daughter starts hating me. But I know it will happen.
Why buy trouble stressing over a what if? Enjoy today. Tomorrow isn't promised to any of us.
I have a teenage daughter. They way they treat you reflects how you treat them. Good luck! I raised my kids to always be kind. When she gets snippy, I remind her of that.
On the flip side, my daughter bugs me to do things with her and her friends think I'm cool so they want me to go places with them. Just as much as they try to ditch me at the mall, I try to ditch them first! ha!
Because you know (and I am sure often wonder) about what is the worst thing that could ever happen to your little girl that has magically turned into a teenage monster.
You have spent years protecting her against anything and anyone that could hurt her and once they become a teenager all of a sudden they are their own worst threat. What makes matters worse.... they like seeing you in this state of panic because they don't see themselves as big of a threat as you do.
I think you should know about the spring theory.... raising a teen is like hold a spring in your hand. Eventually... you have to let go. If you hold on to the spring to tightly, the SECOND you let go it is going to shoot so far you may never be able to find it. If you hold it too loose it may slip through your fingers too early and roll away forever. If you hold it with a firm grip, but not to the point of squeezing the life out of it..... the spring will have a nice bounce, but not vear too far.
Having a teen on your hands is the same way. If you crack down on every single little and big mistake.... they are going to rebel and once they get a sniff of "freedom" they are running for the hills. If you don't put a single limit on them.... they are going to test out boundaries themselves and never know when to stop. It is all about balance.
Good luck... and I think the best thing to do is never let your girl for a moment think you've stopped loving her. She can think whatever else she wants.... but one thing to never let her think is that you don't love her. Losing that is the worst thing in the world for both sides. :)
I do not look forward to the teenage years one bit. But my mom and I were very close. I called her that once and never again because I knew I was wrong. As for my daughter I'm sure I'll upset her but she will never be allowed to call me that. As of now my daughter is very sweet and when she tries the attitude it gets nipped in the butt. I don't believe in the mentality of "oh well she's a girl, she can have an attitude and mood swings"
Never called my mom a Bitch... She called me it when I was younger though... (She changed a lot since then. In a sense.)
I feel like my mom was the Teenage :/
I really think that how they treat you is a reflection of how you treat them as @TiredSoVeryTired@xanga said. My mom gave me zero respect, so I started returning the favor. Now that she treats me as a real person again, I do the same. I think it's easy to carry over the 'mom-mode' you might have used as a parent when your child was two or three to your child's teenage years, and that often goes over as a well as a lead balloon.
@sarahsmurfette@xanga - I will try using that mantra sometime, lol.
I have boys, so I'm in for a different world of teenage grief. But my four year old occasionally tells me he hates me. Oh joy!
I'm a Cali mom with Southern values. No one's using the b word in my household. They can go outside and rake up some cow manure if they like that language, lol. ( We live on a farm- but yes, I grew up city).
@mydearparker@xanga - Trust this girl. lol
My mom had a complete death grip on us. We werent allowed to do most of the things that other kids our age do. Just a lot of chores and early nights. Not even when I was 18 and out of high school was I "allowed" to be out past 9 pm and without parent supervision (Of course some days I'd manage but that was hard). I always hated my mom and thought she was a total bitch but I'd rarely openly defy her. At least I was smart about that.And then came my first year of college. I finally had enough of my mom and one day after a fight I literally just picked up my belongings and left to my dads house. My dad is much more loose, on parenting. As long as we arent getting into trouble he doesn't care. So for a full year I slacked on college, would go out drinking with much older people, come home at 6 or 7 in the morning from clubs and other peoples houses, and (while a bit ashamed of this) my number of sexual partners zoomed up from 3 to almost 20. Of course after a year or so I guess I had my fill and have calmed down considerably. I've been with the same partner for over two years, started doing better and catching up in school, and pumping out a lot of hours at work. I still go out with my friends but we don't get into trouble. Mostly we just go out somewhere to eat and play video games.
The only thing I can say that I got from having a strict mother (besides a strict sense of cleanliness now that I have my own apartment) is that I enjoy the little things. While young children were allowed to have sleepovers and go out to the mall I was not. So now when I do those things with my friends I actually get excited and appreciate the fun in it. But I do feel she ruined a lot of my childhood by making me miss out on so many experiences.But its a good lesson: Being too strict didn't help my mom at all. In the end I will rebel and when I did it was probably worse than a lot of the children who were given slack.
@MommyMarty22@xanga - I've thought it about my daughter but never said it...you know when a three year old girl decides that they just don't want to listen and would rather yell "NO!" to everything, the word comes to mind : ). I wouldd never actually call her that out loud though.
@TiredSoVeryTired@xanga - My blog was more about the fact that all teen girls at some point get an attitude, even if it's for a short time. I'm thinking it will definitely happen because my husband plans on being so tough which is not my style at all. I hope that she at least knows she can come to me if there's trouble, even if her dad doesn't like it.
I was quite a... moody teenager, but I never called my mom a bitch. Basically, we just didn't cuss in our house and that would have gotten me in even more trouble. Plus, it's not that a mom is a bitch, just because she's laying down the law. If my daughter ever called me that, well, maybe she'd see one? lol. Especially if it's over having to "clean her room" or other stupid thing teenagers find all dramatic. lol I know I told my mom I hated her, a few times. I don't look forward to those days and surely hope they don't come to pass.
@sarahsmurfette@xanga - "Do you ever have a sense of impending doom at the thought of your kids becoming teenagers? Do you think there is anything parents can do to change how their teenagers perceive them" Those were not my questions. The whole "impending doom" question was a little strong.
I was musing about this after a very rough day when my 3 yr. old was behaving like a diva.all.day.long. My husband and I had the conversation about how we were going to handle our daughter when she hit the teen year...and needless to say, our parenting styles are very different. I don't think about it all that much, just the days when she is 3 going on 17.
@AGreatPerhaps@xanga - Most moms aren't bitches, it just seems to happen that unless the mom is a "cool" mom, most teen girls at some point think about their mother this way, simply because there are rules they'd rather not have to live under...like wanting to go to an all-nighter when the mom won't let her go because she knows there's going to be boys in an unsupervised environment.
@Brilliant_Innocence@xanga - I was very moody too and although we were not allowed to curse, I did call my mom a bitch once. My father promptly smacked me in the face (I think it was a reflex) and I never did it again. I did think it many times though.
@Shy___Away@xanga - I don't really agree with that. Hormones play a huge part with teens...as do the kind of friends they have. I think a lot of teen girls (and guys) go through a long time span where they want to be their own person and do their own thing. Sometimes that leads to clashes with their parents.
I hope that my daughter feels like she can tell me anything but I am not going to be surprised if she has some bad days. She better not actually call me a bitch, but that attitude will probly show it's head from time to time.
@ChicaLaLoca@xanga - That must really hurt! What do you do when he says that?
@Joobie82@xanga - I didn't have an attitude as a teenager. Not everyone will.
I never thought my mom was that as a teen.... and if I would have called her that she would have smacked me upside the head. And it would have been well deserved too.
But my parents taught us mutual respect. As long as we showed them respect, obeyed the rules and all that, then they would respect us and we would have a certain amount of freedom. But the level of respect was such that the last thing we wanted to do was disappoint Mom and lose our parent's trust. So we didn't.
And thats the same relationship we want with our kids. There is no cussing or degrading our children. And in turn our little ones are learning that we speak nicely to our family and friends, and when they don't they face the punishment. They will be exposed to all that negativity soon enough, home should be a safe, loving, nurturing POSITIVE place.
LMAO i had this picture up in my room when i was younger and my mom saw it and totally hurt her feelings!!
i felt so bad! i totally didn't have it up b/c my mom was a bitch.. i just thought it was funny.
Eh, I am just glad that my daughters and I's relationship will not be anything like my mother and I's. I still resent my mother and cant tell her I love her because of all the fucked up shit she did. Im already doing better than her as a parent by not being addicted to crack and leaving my daughter with her other grandmother.. like my mother did by the time I was three. Needless to say, that behavior didnt stop then and we have a really bad relationship. Even now that she isnt on drugs.
I really dont care if my daughter will "hate" me. Im going to push her to be the best she can be and if she doesnt like that I really dont care. I most definitely am going to be strict. No boyfriends. No weed smoking. No drinking. Expected A's. Sports are mandatory. If she smokes weed, all hell with break loose and I will smack the shit out of her. Im the type of person to show you how much I love you by doing things for you. Like making you things, making your favorite things on a bad day, buying you things that remind me of you, and just doing special nice things that show I care. So, she wont be able to hate me all the time and will appreciate what I do to make her happy. She will thank me when she gets older for pushing her to be the best she can be. I know I resent my mom for not doing those things, so I have to do them for her.
I know it's hard to not worry about it, but honestly don't assume. I got along great with my mom throughout my entire teenage years and I only got into 1 big fight with her that led to me having an anxiety attack (this was after a traumatic event of a house fire, though). The only time I began to get annoyed with her at times was in the last few months before I was going to move out to start college.