Tuesday, 31 May 2011
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They'll Let Anyone Have a Kid
I need some input here. This boy is driving me crazy. I have this friend, we'll call him Joe, and Joe has a serious problem with relationships...and really life in general. To understand we have to start at the beginning.A few years ago he got his girlfriend pregnant and married her. I told him that it was pretty stupid on his part. I told him not to marry the chick, even though she was pregnant, but you have to know that this girl was pretty bad news and treated him like s#!t.
I don't know if he was blinded by love or just plain dumb, but he went ahead and married her. She cheated on him countless times, treated him horribly, and pretty much made him do everything with the kids (feed them, change diapers, etc. And one of them wasn't even his).
She hardly ever helped him, and when she did she threw a huge fit first. Eventually she left him, but he still had their vehicle so she pleaded she wanted to come home so he paid to go half way across the country to get her.
I told him it was a trap, and not to let her out of his sight for a second, but he honestly thought she loved him. BIG MISTAKE! She stayed with him maybe for two weeks and then one day after coming home from the store he got out the car to start unloading groceries and she took off with the kids and the vehicle.
This girl is a piece of work...she now has 3 kids from different guys, she's a stripper, and she seems to keep bouncing from place to place with hardly any stability. She did a number on Joe. Joe never sees his little girl because he is expected to travel half way across the country to see her every other weekend or some stupid arrangement like that and he can't afford that. So according to the tramp he's a horrible father, while basically she has ruined him.
On to the present: Now he swears he'll never be treated like that again so he goes through women like pairs of shoes. He's nowhere near like the guy I met four years ago. He's a man whore, but when he's not being a man whore he's being a girlfriend whore jumping from girl to girl.
He claims that he is just looking for someone who has their head on their shoulders. Now I should mention that he's had a little crush on me for a few years now. I graduated from college and work a full time job. He basically is looking for someone like me. The only problem with this is he dates these young 18, 19 year olds who don't have a care in the world.
Now some people are more mature for their age, but these particular girls are not. But now my friend has gotten himself into quite a pickle. His last girlfriend is pregnant with his baby, and they just recently split up. (I'm not sure of the real reason. He said he couldn't handle the constant fighting.)
He already has a new girlfriend, who according to him is "the one." She's in college and has her head on right (which if this is true she would dump him because no smart girl is going to deal with double baby momma drama, you know?).
I want to get some sense into him, but I don't know a good way to get him to listen. You might wonder why I care, but he is my friend and as a child without a good father figure I would hate to see his children grow up not knowing him. I don't want him to wake-up one day and be like...man I sure did screw up and his kids are already teenagers and are not receptive to "now I want to be your daddy."
And I know you can't make people do something they don't want to do, and you can't change people, but if anyone has any suggestions on a good way to get through to him I'm all ears.
What do you think would make him listen?
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About the Author
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- From: lemons_to_lemonade@xanga
- Name: lemons_to_lemonade
- Location: New Orleans, Louisiana, United States
- About Me: I say what I mean, and I mean what I say. I'm usually for the most part pretty honest. If you want to know something then ask, but don't get mad if you don't like the answer. Life is too short to go through it unhappy, and if you figure out how to do that please let me know. I'm sarcastic and sometimes upfront and rude, but every question deserves an answer. I'm tired of giving people what they want. I'm constantly searching for an answer when I'm not even quite sure what the question is. I firmly believe that if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything. And I don't think I should be the one to have to change to make someone else happy. This is me, take it or leave it.
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Comments (13)
He doesn't want to listen to you, so you might as well mind your own business. He's a grown man, let him figure it out on his own.
Also this really has nothing to do with the kids, so why is this on Momaroo?
I kind of feel like this should be on datingish...
Anyway, I'm sorry but, some guys never learn. If I were you, I'd stay his friend for sure, and give him as much advice and help as you can, but when it comes to dating him, stay the hell away. He's already got two kids floating around and chances are if he keeps sleeping around he'll have even more. You don't wanna be helping him pay off his child support debts. Find someone who's on the same level and has the same ambition and goals as you. This guy may have been hurt by his ex, but he needs to grow the fuck up real fast or he's gonna permantly screw up his life, if he hasn't already.
I have the same sheets as the one in the pic! lol
That's all I have to say.Sounds like you don't think he deserves a good relationship even if he can find one, so why are you friends with him in the first place?
As for "they" letting anyone have kids- who, exactly, are "they", and why should they have control over other people's reproduction? Some people would be better off without children, but those people are the only ones who get to decide that.
@WaitingToShrug@xanga - The whole title was You have to have a license to fish, hunt, or drive a car but they'll let anyone have a kid. It's just a saying. Momaroo just shortened the title. And basically it just means that you have to have a license to do so many things but anyone, responsible or irresponsible, can have kids. I wasn't suggesting that someone should choose whether or not someone else could have children. And I do think he deserves a good relationship, but he needs to be a good guy if he expects to keep a good girl. I was trying to get advice on the best way to get some sense into him. He's on a downward spiral and I was trying to help him before he loses everything.
@six6vi@xanga @omgroxie@xanga - It was on datingish too. The reason I submitted it to momaroo too was to get different perspectives. I'm not trying to "fix" anything for him. I'm just trying to get him to realize what he could loose. I think moms have different perspectives on relationships involving children. We look at what would be best for the kids, not just the romantic relationship. And that's what I wanted from Momaroo...advice to give him so he can see what's best for his kids. I have my own opinion on it all. I just wanted other people's opinions as well. He always asks me what I think so I just wanted to make sure I give him "the best opinion" I could.
@lemons_to_lemonade@xanga - Well you didn't ask for anyone's opinion on that really, all you did was post a boring rant.
@lemons_to_lemonade@xanga - Okay, I understand that you didn't mean it literally, but actually, that someone should choose who should have children is exactly what that saying implies. I dislike sound byte type sayings that people use without stopping to think about what they really mean. And when you speak of someone with such contempt, I don't believe that you think he deserves a good relationship. He sounds like a loser, I'm wondering exactly what you get out of being friends with him, unless it's that he makes you feel better about yourself.
The reason I say that is because I had a relationship like that when I was 18-19. This guy I dated and dumped was an idiot regarding all of his life choices, including romance. I thought that I was helping when he would call and ask for my opinion and I would tell him how stupid he was being. In reality, he was looking for any excuse to stay connected, and he wanted sympathy. I got some kind of kick out of thinking, "Look how much more together I am than this dude". Eventually, I realized that the connection wasn't a real friendship and ended it. I think you should, too. That may be the thing that finally gets through to him.
@lemons_to_lemonade@xanga - Okey doke.
he needs psychiatric help..
You can't change his mind. He'll figure this out fast if he has any common sense. Love is blind so he may not see this for a while. Let him make his own mistakes. Hopefully he'll learn from them and won't make the same mistakes again.
Just wanted to point out that you listed 'being a stripper' amongst a bunch of other character flaws and it's fairly narrow minded and offensive. There are some perfectly normal women who are great parents who JUST SO HAPPEN to be strippers. ...just so you know.
As for your friend... he's really beyond your help. If he can't be convinced to talk to a professional about why he's intentionally destroying his own life... then he's just going to keep doing the sort of things he's already doing until he eventually figured out that HE'S his own biggest issue.
@raspbxrrryjam@xanga - Sorry that you were offended, but let me explain. I have known three women who were strippers. One broke up a family, one (which is her) was found in a hotel room cracked out after work and had her kids taken away from her and the last one was one of my friends who I cared a lot about. I was not trying to say because she's a stripper she is a bad person nor was I trying to label strippers as being bad people. However, all three women did say when they were living that lifestyle they were very unhappy and made a lot of bad choices. The girl I'm talking about stopped doing it but then decided to go back to it. That's just how she is though. She's not stable. She jumps around. I have actually taken classes where stripping was one of the things we studied from a psychological view.
I think I am very open minded about a lot of things. I'm not judging all strippers based on the ones I know. I was just talking about her personally, and for her stripping is a flaw because she can be a weak person and it puts her in an environment with a lot of temptation. I'm sorry that you were offended by it, but that was not my intention.
@lemons_to_lemonade@xanga - Oh no worries. I wasn't really that offended. There's a REASON strippers have the stereotype that they do... most of them are worthless, terrible people. (I've been friends with enough to know!)
I guess that's why I feel like i have to be like "Hey! They aren't all bad!" Because on rare occasions... they're normal, awesome people... which most people would never know... because there are so many running around giving the good ones a bad name. ;D