Tuesday, 24 May 2011
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Afraid of the Dark
We've recently discovered that Preston (2 years old) is scared of the dark. We put a little night light in his room but apparently that isn't enough.
This morning he came running into my room crying hysterically. But only because he heard daddy's car start and knew daddy was leaving. So I told him to go get his pillow (which is basically his lovey, he won't sleep without it) and he can come lay in bed with me.
He absolutely REFUSED to go down the hallway to his room because it was dark - all the lights were off. Once I got up and turned the hall light on he had no problem. He hesitated at his door but saw that the light shone in there too so he got his pillow and came and laid with me.
Now this isn't the first time I've noticed he's scared of the dark, just the most serious happening so far. Like, he's told both my husband and me that he's scared of the dark. All he says is "scared dark" but we know what he means, ya know?
So I guess I'm looking for advice. I really thought 2 years old (just turned 2 at the end of December) was too young to be scared of such things but I guess he's got more of an imagination than I thought? What could he possibly be scared of??
We don't watch scary movies in front of him at all and the only thing I can think is maybe Monsters, Inc. started it, but I'm not sure. I can't remember if it started before or after.
I have asked him why he's scared but I get no answer. Just a blank stare as if he has no idea what I'm asking, which he might not understand what I'm asking but still, we have asked. I hate him being so scared.
So, should we maybe get a bit brighter night light? Are there any good children's books that address this fear? Any other advice would be great.
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About the Author
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- From: beebizzle@xanga
- Name: beebizzle
- About Me: 23 years young. Married to my best friend. Mom of 2--a little newborn girl and my big ole toddler boy :)
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Comments (6)
I've noticed as my anxiety has gotten worse in recent years, and I've struggled with it that I am afraid of the dark not because of anything I'm afraid lurks in it, but just because it makes me feel so helpless. I HATE to lose one of my sense. Someone sneaks up and covers my eyes or ears, I'll have a panic attack, when I have some temporary hearing loss when my ears are stuffy it makes me more anxious. Don't usually listen to music with headphones in the dark because I can't hear or see what is going on around me. So I don't know if that's a common thing, but he might not be afraid of like... monsters or anything. It might just make him feel anxious and unprotected that one of his senses is unusable. Maybe it's a sort of anxiety thing, so just keep an eye on that. He's young so it's gonna be hard to tell. He could just have an active imagination, but since you are so careful not to expose him to things that might scare him, it's worth considering that maybe he just gets anxious when he can't see.
As a kid I was a coward for different reasons, and my parents very rarely had any luck... I don't know how much they tried. I remember a lot of yelling, and how they'd leave me alone in the dark and I felt absolutely petrified. Looking back on it... still not a great memory. So maybe... don't just leave him there and hope he'll get over it. I don't know that it ever helped me, and it probably traumatized me in some way... might not be so good for the kid. Pinpointing the source of his fear COULD help. I use nightlights now more for function than anything because my eyes don't adjust in the dark, and so they have to be fairly bright, and they're very nice... but I've noticed the brighter the night light the creepier the shadows. Which I don't mind so much, but if he's afraid there is something lurking in the dark, the illusion could make it worse. With him being so young, it might be something you just have to play around with. I'd also say that making bedtime and a regular sleep schedule a fun, relaxing thing for him might help. Reading to him before bed anything fun and cute and not at all scary could help distract him a bit hopefully. White noise machines help some kids too.
I've been scared of the dark ever since I could remember. I think you should get a brighter nightlight - nothing that shades it too much and make sure it's in a room where it lights up all dark corners. Also, leave the hallway light on until he gets older, or put a night light in the hall way too so he can see that there is light.
I remember my parents would send me to bed really early because I fell asleep better knowing they were awake in the living room watching TV and would hear me if I screamed.
As I got older, I learned to do things that helped me cope with my fear. For example, if I had to go somewhere that was dark in the house I would play a game with my parents where I would say '1' and my mom or dad would say '2' and I would say '3' and they would respond with '4' until I made it all the way to my destination, got my things, and came back to their bedroom, or my bedroom. I just needed to know they were close just in case something happened.
The door always had to be open in my bedroom until I reached my teen years. Then my door always needed to be closed and I had a big bedroom so I had two night lights - a dim one near my bed and a bright one near my bedroom door.
I am now married and still afraid of the dark. I have a scentsy plug in light near my side of the bed that I turn on at night. Sometimes my husband will convince me to turn it off and I feel anxious at first, but he reassures me that he isn't going anywhere.
I don't know why I'm so terrified of the dark, especially since I find comfort sitting in a closet and crying rather than sitting in the bedroom and crying. Small, dark rooms I can handle, large dark rooms I cannot. I don't know what's out there - I can't feel what's out there.
You can try other things. I'm sure there's better ways to help him cope. My parents never really bothered to try to comfort me other than a night light. I also used to sleep with a radio or a TV on, too.
I hope you find something that works. It's not fun being scared of something so simple.
Do not let your child sleep with a television or radio on at night that will enhance the dreams they have and it could lead to sleepless-ness which will make everyone more cranky.
I find that the easiest thing to do is leave the light out of the room... leave a hall light on with the door open that way they learn to be comfortable with whats in the room and also know they can see you or anything else coming.
Children who become dependent on night lights and or sleeping with their parents can become a real pain when the child gets to ages like 6 or even up to 10. My sister was always babied and she slept in the living room most of her preteen years.
Increase the confidence you instill in him and things will get better.
@CrisaRei@xanga - Your parents had some great ideas. If my baby, who doesn't like the dark to begin with, starts showing signs of greater anxiety, I'll put these to use.
I think it really depends on your child. Some children have anxiety and phobias of the dark. I have phobias that I can't explain. I know how illogical it is. Other children may just be afraid because they can't see. This is the case for my son. He wants to be able to see his stuff and make sure it is there. I explained to him that when the light is off, our eyes can't see because they need light. Then I proceeded to show him that all of his stuff was still there, by letting him touch it. I like @hollyswhirled - her advice. I wouldn't leave the TV/radio on. I would leave a light on in the hallway so they can see. However, every child is different and you have to find what works best for you.
@Erika_Steele@xanga - I agree. I slept with a candle last night cause I was home alone... It made me feel better but I know its temporary... so perhaps little steps will help you go along way?