Saturday, 07 May 2011
Fellas, listen up: Please, please, oh sweet Jesus, please stop referring to ANY of the following as "helping out" or doing your partner a "favor":
1. "My wife is going to have dinner with a friend tonight so I've agreed to babysit so she can go. Maybe I'll get sex later because I was so nice to help out." Sweet men, this is NOT called babysitting.
To babysit, as defined by Merriam-Webster, is "to care for children usually during a short absence of the parents". Therefore, when you ARE one of the parents, you are simply "being a parent" by taking care of your child/children in the absence of their mother. You are not doing her a favor. You should not expect a treat for this act.
2. "My partner has seemed stressed lately and hasn't wanted much sex. I even cleaned up around the house yesterday to help her out but it still didn't work." You live there, right? If you wear clothes, eat, pee, take showers, and walk then you probably contribute to dirty laundry, dirty dishes, dirty toilets, dirty showers, dirty floors, etc. Right? If you cleaned, you did NOT do your partner a "favor", you merely pulled a fraction of your weight, once. Don't expect a cookie. You won't even get a bite.
3. "My girlfriend is working late tonight so I'm going to cook my own supper so she doesn't have to do it when she gets home. Surely I'll get some sex later for that!" Okay, this sounds nice and all. But lets look a little deeper into this: The meal in which you so kindly made as a "favor" to her is one that you will consume AT LEAST 50% if not all of. Correct? Yes, that's what I thought.
This, again, is NOT a favor. This is not you being Mr. Nice Guy, it is simply this: feeding yourself so that you can stay alive. Same goes for pouring yourself something to drink. Don't expect a reward.
I could go on but I expect you've gotten the point. My dog, my beloved dog, gets a treat almost every time she pee's, poops, comes to me when I tell her to, sits, shakes my hand, takes her medicine. Let me remind you, she's a dog. You will not get a treat for doing what you should, as a partner already be doing. Sorry.
And Ladies...you're not getting out of this so easy. I am forever hearing one of my "domesticated" friends say things like, "I have the best husband in the world! He babysat tonight and I got to go to the grocery all alone!"
I, the "untamed" cannot fathom that this act of keeping his own children while you go to the grocery as qualifying him to be the "best husband in the world". Or I have planned a girls day with a friend and at 5pm she says "I need to get home. Hubby is going to be wanting supper soon."
Again, I cringe at the thought that my one day beloved, till death do us part, missing puzzle piece, soul-mate cannot fix a meal for himself, that my daily plans might be cut short as my purpose of existence in this moment is to make sure he eats.
So please ladies, stop allowing this to be what marriage and partnership means. For those of us that have not taken that leap for these very reasons among many others, you are scaring the bejeebies out of us.Note: My parents always referred to living with a partner out of wedlock as "shacking up". While I have no moral disagreement with this configuration and have done it myself, I refer to those in this configuration as "Shackers" in honor of my wonderful parents.
Are you guilty of this way of thinking - that your partner (the parent of your children) was doing you a favor by doing his/her share? Does this change your perspective on it in any way?