Saturday, 07 May 2011
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ATTENTION: Husbands, Domestic Partners and Shacker's Alike
Fellas, listen up: Please, please, oh sweet Jesus, please stop referring to ANY of the following as "helping out" or doing your partner a "favor":
1. "My wife is going to have dinner with a friend tonight so I've agreed to babysit so she can go. Maybe I'll get sex later because I was so nice to help out." Sweet men, this is NOT called babysitting.
To babysit, as defined by Merriam-Webster, is "to care for children usually during a short absence of the parents". Therefore, when you ARE one of the parents, you are simply "being a parent" by taking care of your child/children in the absence of their mother. You are not doing her a favor. You should not expect a treat for this act.
2. "My partner has seemed stressed lately and hasn't wanted much sex. I even cleaned up around the house yesterday to help her out but it still didn't work." You live there, right? If you wear clothes, eat, pee, take showers, and walk then you probably contribute to dirty laundry, dirty dishes, dirty toilets, dirty showers, dirty floors, etc. Right? If you cleaned, you did NOT do your partner a "favor", you merely pulled a fraction of your weight, once. Don't expect a cookie. You won't even get a bite.
3. "My girlfriend is working late tonight so I'm going to cook my own supper so she doesn't have to do it when she gets home. Surely I'll get some sex later for that!" Okay, this sounds nice and all. But lets look a little deeper into this: The meal in which you so kindly made as a "favor" to her is one that you will consume AT LEAST 50% if not all of. Correct? Yes, that's what I thought.
This, again, is NOT a favor. This is not you being Mr. Nice Guy, it is simply this: feeding yourself so that you can stay alive. Same goes for pouring yourself something to drink. Don't expect a reward.
I could go on but I expect you've gotten the point. My dog, my beloved dog, gets a treat almost every time she pee's, poops, comes to me when I tell her to, sits, shakes my hand, takes her medicine. Let me remind you, she's a dog. You will not get a treat for doing what you should, as a partner already be doing. Sorry.
And Ladies...you're not getting out of this so easy. I am forever hearing one of my "domesticated" friends say things like, "I have the best husband in the world! He babysat tonight and I got to go to the grocery all alone!"
I, the "untamed" cannot fathom that this act of keeping his own children while you go to the grocery as qualifying him to be the "best husband in the world". Or I have planned a girls day with a friend and at 5pm she says "I need to get home. Hubby is going to be wanting supper soon."
Again, I cringe at the thought that my one day beloved, till death do us part, missing puzzle piece, soul-mate cannot fix a meal for himself, that my daily plans might be cut short as my purpose of existence in this moment is to make sure he eats.
So please ladies, stop allowing this to be what marriage and partnership means. For those of us that have not taken that leap for these very reasons among many others, you are scaring the bejeebies out of us.
Note: My parents always referred to living with a partner out of wedlock as "shacking up". While I have no moral disagreement with this configuration and have done it myself, I refer to those in this configuration as "Shackers" in honor of my wonderful parents.
Are you guilty of this way of thinking - that your partner (the parent of your children) was doing you a favor by doing his/her share? Does this change your perspective on it in any way?
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- From: IHeartEarth@xanga
- Name: IHeartEarth
- Location: bowling green, Kentucky, United States
- About Me: Love.
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Comments (73)
omg hahahahahahahahahahahahaha love it!
I agree and disagree. I'll probably get hell for this, but oh well.
Like, for example, I think if a woman chooses to stay at home and be a homemaker/stay-at-home mom/whatever else there is and her husband works so-and-so hours a week to pay for said home, then yes, I think cleaning up would qualify as a favour. If your coworker helped out with some of your workload, wouldn't you consider it a favour? I don't think sex should be treated like a dog treat by anyone. That's weird, and probably not a very healthy relationship anyway.
Mostly it just seems like you hang out with a lot of men who have way too much sex on the brain.
LOVE this! I think I need to make a certain someone in my life read this...
Oh. Perfect.
@Grtt@xanga - Totally. If being a SAHM/housewife is your job, treat it like a job. Though more men should realize that housewives are on-call 24/7, unlike their 9-5s. I wish I got off at 5, shiet.
Perfect.
love it love it!
love this!!
@Grtt@xanga - Ah, you won't get hell....but you will get a different perspective. I think it's safe to say that most stay at home moms I know take on way more than 40 hours a week of duty. I mean truly, they never have a poop by themselves. :) With that said, whether there is a stay at home mom in the household or not, there are certain things that are just family duties and shouldn't be considered favors and aren't deserving of a "pat on the back". If SAHM is her "job" then it should have hours just like yours. Once those hours have passed, and both parents are home, responsibilities should be taken on as a family. Besides, if she doesn't have time to take a poop by herself she probably doesn't have time to pat you on the back either. :)
@forever_musing@xanga - Eh....print it out and casually leave it lying somewhere he frequents in the house. LOL!
i totally 100% LOVE this!!
@Grtt@xanga - I agree with you to a point.
A Father/husbands work does not stop when he clocks out of work though... Just like it's a 24 hour job for a mother/wife which includes holding the fort till daddy is home... Once he is home it's daddy's and mommies job to split at home / children responsibilities... Work is a 24 hour a day thing unless you both agree to be lazy folks...
Now if the mother also works outside the home then it's a free for all.
I am a stay at home mom at the moment and pregnant so I am actually to big right now to get much done so he is doing his job as a father and husband by taking care of what I can not.
When I wasn't pregnant how ever the house was clean when he got home and if he made a mess along with me and my daughter we both picked up. We both cooked dinner together...
It's not him helping out unless he took his day off of work to stay home during his hours and help then. I don't think it's baby sitting when he offers for a mom's day/night out but it is helpful, still though it is his job, just like it's the mom's job when he wants to go chill with the guys.
Now it's time for me to go eat some pancakes my 3 year old made me :D
@StatelessPilot@revelife - Catty refers to women who don't get along with other women... I thought
I'm only using my situation as an example... I do not sit at home all day and when I am home I don't just mearly mop up and vacuum. It's not easy fun and games. I do not take a seat till everything is done. It's more stress on the body then just simple dusting.
Now if I happen to finish up early and get some down time before my husband get's home.I will give him a break to chill as soon as he is home and rub his back and feet, just like if he had an easy day and I had a hard day he would do the same.
It's a partnership you are both their and share the responsibilities. If one person needs to up their game for the team then they do. Regardless if it's the man or women.
@StatelessPilot@revelife - Expecting someone to pick up after themselves and contribute to the upkeep of the home and children is demanding and catty? Thank you then, by doing all women a favor and making the decision to stay single. :)
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@MommyMarty22@xanga - My dictionary gives the following definition:
catty (adj.) deliberately hurtful in one's remarks; spiteful.
So yeah, doesn't mean just what you said. Not that it really matters anyway, since I have no desire to reproduce, that makes me an ineligible candidate for a mate in the eyes of 98% of women anyway, so chances are I won't ever get married due to that (I'm 24, no children, and sterile by choice, so yeah, most women wouldn't want me anyway).
@IHeartEarth@xanga - Um, read the tone of your post. You sounded like a t-total bitch the way you wrote that. You could have been nicer.
Like I said, I'm not into reproduction anyway, so 98% of women will have nothing to do with me, since most women want children more than anything. Me? You can keep raising children for yourself. I've got better things to do with my time and money.
@StatelessPilot@revelife - Well thank you for informing of what catty was... lol I really wasn't sure after you posted it... How do I as a women not know what that damn word means :/
That's kinda a hit at poor cats man... Why do they always get such a bad rep? some are pretty cool and chill...
@StatelessPilot@revelife - I don't have children. I have a dog. I'm 28 and very career focused. There are lots of women out there that don't want children. They do, however, want a mate that is considerate, mature, dependable, self sufficient, trustworthy and loving....not one that assumes her role in the home based on the fact that she has a vagina. My post wasn't just about people with children. It was based on what I hear and see from couples I'm friends with and am exposed to, some with kids, some without kids. They are the ones that make me not want to get married, just as I wrote in my post. If having these sorts of expectations makes me a t-total bitch, then I'll gladly accept the title. :)
@IHeartEarth@xanga - I'm not arguing against standards. I too believe that both parties should pull their own weight. However, I'm arguing against your tone. Do you realize how mean you sounded? I don't think you do.
You could have at least written this piece in a more respectful tone, as all I got from this article is that you're a complete and total misandrist.
It's the woman's job to provide for her husband. Yes it is a favor.
Know your place.
Am I the only one that wants to point out that not all guys, heck the majority of us guys don't help out around the house for sex. If you're in a serious relationship to begin with you tend to see it as doing your part, not doing a favor.
@StatelessPilot@revelife - Then why is it that soooo many women feel the exact same way? You think we all hate men? If you come to a "complete and total" decision on a person based on what YOU perceive the tone of 1 post to be, then perhaps you're a bit too judgemental. In writing a tone is perceived, it is not the same for everyone. Typically, the way you perceive something has more to do with yourself and less to do with content. If I said "ALL MEN ARE A-HOLES!" then there's not much room for perception there and I could understand defensiveness. However, I was addressing a particular group of men, and a particular group of women. So if you don't fall into that category,then I'm not talking to you and there's no reason to take offense. You perceived it one way: rude and mean. Some others perceived it another way: humorous and blunt. Such is life.
@Aaliyaan@xanga - If you don't do 1. 2. or 3. as I mentioned above, then it's not about you, nor any other man that does not fit into that category. And I TOTALLY agree that if you're in a serious relationship, sharing responsibilities around the house is simply "doing your part". :)
I think a lot depends on how much each partner contributes outside and inside the home. If there is a stay at home parent, then yes it is a favor for the person working a full time job to take on extra responsibilities. If both parents are working, then everything is fair game.