My c-section is getting closer. For those of you that want to mention a VBAC, please don't. I'm not a candidate....and it's not because my doctor isn't willing. It's a physical issue for me, so a VBAC isn't on the table. Because of this, I have to emotionally prepare for another c-section.
While I know it's necessary for the health of me and my child, it's still hard to swallow sometimes. I know I'll never get to experience vaginal childbirth and that kind of makes me sad. I have been watching TLC Baby Story episodes and I have to change it every time a woman is giving birth vaginally. I think it's because I'm jealous...I don't know. It makes me sad that I can't give birth the way nature intended. I can't experience pushing out a baby and then holding them in my arms immediately. Instead I will be strapped to a table completely numb and not able to see a thing.
So I find myself struggling at times. To keep a positive attitude about it, I think about the positives of a c-section....so here they are:
- I know when I'm going to give birth. This is extremely helpful considering we have no family here. So they can plan their flights around my scheduled c-section. Last time around my mom was here 4 days before I gave birth and I felt like those days were wasted.
- I don't have to go through another 14 hour labor. I just go in, get the epidural and have my baby cut out of me. Wow, sounds like so much fun! But it will seriously be so much better this time around because I won't be so exhausted from a day spent in labor.
- I get my keloid scar cut out, so I get a whole new scar. This is huge for me because I'm hoping this next scars heals properly. I love that I have a second chance.
- I already know what to expect in terms of a c-section recovery. I know it's super painful for the first week, but that it significantly improves with every day.
There is definitely a certain sense of loss that I can't give birth vaginally. But in the end, what's important to me is to have a healthy baby and it doesn't matter how she comes into this world. I kinda like having a scar (it would be nice if it wasn't itchy or painful though) and it's a constant reminder of what I went through to get my baby girls into this world.Did you have multiple C-Sections? Did you feel a sense of loss over not being able to give birth vaginally? How were you able to stay positive about subsequent C-Sections?