My c-section is getting closer. For those of you that want to mention a VBAC, please don't. I'm not a candidate....and it's not because my doctor isn't willing. It's a physical issue for me, so a VBAC isn't on the table. Because of this, I have to emotionally prepare for another c-section.
While I know it's necessary for the health of me and my child, it's still hard to swallow sometimes. I know I'll never get to experience vaginal childbirth and that kind of makes me sad. I have been watching TLC Baby Story episodes and I have to change it every time a woman is giving birth vaginally. I think it's because I'm jealous...I don't know. It makes me sad that I can't give birth the way nature intended. I can't experience pushing out a baby and then holding them in my arms immediately. Instead I will be strapped to a table completely numb and not able to see a thing.
So I find myself struggling at times. To keep a positive attitude about it, I think about the positives of a c-section....so here they are:
- I know when I'm going to give birth. This is extremely helpful considering we have no family here. So they can plan their flights around my scheduled c-section. Last time around my mom was here 4 days before I gave birth and I felt like those days were wasted.
- I don't have to go through another 14 hour labor. I just go in, get the epidural and have my baby cut out of me. Wow, sounds like so much fun! But it will seriously be so much better this time around because I won't be so exhausted from a day spent in labor.
- I get my keloid scar cut out, so I get a whole new scar. This is huge for me because I'm hoping this next scars heals properly. I love that I have a second chance.
- I already know what to expect in terms of a c-section recovery. I know it's super painful for the first week, but that it significantly improves with every day.
There is definitely a certain sense of loss that I can't give birth vaginally. But in the end, what's important to me is to have a healthy baby and it doesn't matter how she comes into this world. I kinda like having a scar (it would be nice if it wasn't itchy or painful though) and it's a constant reminder of what I went through to get my baby girls into this world.
Did you have multiple C-Sections? Did you feel a sense of loss over not being able to give birth vaginally? How were you able to stay positive about subsequent C-Sections?
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Comments (26)
I haven't had to have a c-section, but I think I would be okay with one as long as all other options had been exhausted. After all, you get a healthy baby from it either way, so that's what really matters, right? And with the way medical technology is these days, your number of c-sections isn't limited so you can still have as many babies as you want! (Think Michelle Duggar.)
I had a c-section for my first and we are trying for a second. Frankly, I'm excited about it, for all the reasons you mentioned. I love that we will just schedule it, unzip me, get her out, and zip me back up. I was never really attached to the idea of a vaginal birth anyway. I didn't get it when my dr apologized and said we were gonna have to do a c-section. I was like, cool, whatev. :) Outwardly. Inwardly I was screaming get this baby outta me in any way possible!!
I hated having a c-section :(
My water broke w/ no contractions, so they finally induced me, and my contractions started in 5 minutes, every 60 seconds. I wanted to die. After 8 hours, with no progress, after almost 24 hours "in labor", they did the c-section.
I believe it is part of the reason I failed at breastfeeding, and had so many problems adjusting to the first few weeks. I was stuck at a foreign hospital where they didn't speak english, and I coudln't get up to hold/feed my child without passing out, literally. (they don't take the child to a nursery here---you have to listen to them cry all night, want to eat every 20 min, and not being able to move).
I was so close to delivering "normally", within a few minutes, and I regret being so exhausted that I consented to the c-section.
My wife had 4 C-sections. The first one was a true emergency C-section. The middle two were "Dr doesn't want to try a VBAC." The last one was "If you want a tubal, it's a lot easier if it's in the middle of a C-section."
I've not had kids yet but it's amazing that you're thinking about the positives and sharing them here with people that might not be thinking about the positives to the c-section.
I'd ardently refuse a c-section UNLESS my life or the baby's was clearly in danger and all options were exhausted. I don't want major surgery done to me, not if I can help it.
These are my thoughts exactly! I am having my 3rd c-section on Thursday and still wish I could discover what it would be like to deliver naturally (vaginally). I am not a candidate for a VBACK either and it bugs me when people seem to think that I am taking the easy way out by having another c-section. Thanks for the positive reminder that it's ok.
Please see the CBAC threads on the ICAN-online.org forums. There are many women that understand.
I don't honestly want a c-section and I honestly don't even know if I want to ever give birth on my own. I may opt for adoption.
Also keep in mind that not every vaginal birth goes as planned. I delivered vaginally, but I did NOT get to hold my son right away. And after that, I spent 2.5 hours in the OR after getting fixed up because of all the damage that was done as a result of the vaginal birth. He's now 2.5 years old, and I still have some issues "down there" that I have to deal with on a regular basis. I also had zero pain medication before getting an episiotomy and 4th degree tear, so that's something I would NOT recommend to anyone. It was horrible having someone cut into me with no freezing or anything, because things weren't going as they should've with a normal vaginal birth.
I had two c-sections and both were great. My first was like a dream recovery, no pain, I didn't even take an pain-meds once I went home. During the surgery I was panicked, but the second time I was calm and totally ready for what was happening, I was even joking with the surgeon and nurses while they were doing it.
Sometimes I wish I could have gone au naturale, but it's not a big deal for me. My first son was big enough that my OBGYN was concerned I'd have to have an emergency c-section anyway because my pelvis is so tiny. I'd rather avoid those potential complications, and I'd rather have stiches in my gut than down south.
Who cares on how it comes out as long as it's healthy. ^^
@mycontinuity@xanga - Agree! ^^
The birth part is only some hours of your child's life,but every hour after that is the most important~ As long as the child is happy & healthy when he/she comes out (:
I was born via C-section because my mom was 41 when she had me~ & I'm super healthy! (:
I had a vaginal birth with my first son and it was the most painful,unpleasant experience Ive ever been through. The hospital made it worse and the doctors even more so. I didnt want to have another vaginal after that and felt very lucky to have a c-section with my second. My first son was born with shoulder dissotia(ms Im sure) where his shoulders werent turned in like a normal newborn but out like they would have been after birth. My second son wasnt born with anywhere near as many issues as my first(Jondice,colic etc). I will have to go through a second or third or however many children we have, c-section. Honestly Im looking forward to it. Recovery was so much easier with my c-section then vaginal. Good luck with your surgery and dont get too down about it, sometimes vaginal can be much worse.
To add to the list of benefits (maybe in the TMI ballpark, but I'm really good at that!), my best friend who had a c-section only bled for a few days afterward. I bled for almost the full 6 weeks after Hannah was born vaginally and things are finally clearing up now that Becca is almost 4 weeks old.
I think it's crappy to say, "Who cares how the kid comes out?" It makes perfect sense to me to feel that sense of sadness about having a c-section when you really hoped for a vaginal delivery. Yes, the ultimate goal is to have a happy, healthy baby, but there is still a sense of loss that you can't bring your children into the world the way you always imagined you would. I'm sorry things have turned out the way they have when it comes to your birthing experiences, but your sweet girl is beautiful and I'm sure your next kiddo will be amazing as well!
@escapeunscathed@xanga - that is so horrific what happened to you - being cut like that w/o your consent, and w/o any pain medication. I can't even imagine how horrible I'd feel. I was angry with my midwife for giving me a tiny little cut (she said it wasn't an episiotomy), and that is nothing compared to what you went through.
I am so sorry for you.
@marzish@xanga - lol Thanks. It definitely wasn't my ideal way to give birth, and I'm already scared to go through it again! My son was stuck and the vacuum thing wasn't helping get him out, and his cord was around his neck so his heart rate was dropping. So the final warning I got was "this is going to hurt a bit" before the doctor cut to get him out. The rest of the delivery was easy after that, and I finally got a spinal after that so I could get stitched up properly, but recovery was NOT easy.
kudos to you girl! I love positive lists, especially since they really make you think.
=]
And Planning in part the birthday is kinda cool.
After my one and only vaginal birth, I have a rectocele and cystocele which makes it difficult to empty a half-full bladder. I wonder if you bypass this challenge when you have a C-section. If so, consider yourself very lucky. This rectocele/cystocele is a pain!! I have opted not to have surgery to repair these, as the repair lasts only 5 years.. and then it may be worse than it is now!
My mom had a C-section for all three of her children. She told me it was hard at first because she really wanted to give birth to us naturally, but in time, it gets better. She also had two miscarriages after my oldest younger brother and I were born, so I think in the end, she was grateful for the fact that she could even have children at all. You just have to look at it from different points of view.
I understand what you mean though. I'm not planning on having a child any time soon, but when I do, I'd prefer to have a vaginal birth, but if a C-section is my only option, I'd be okay with it, I think. I'd be disappointed, but it would be alright.
I'm glad you're focusing on the "positive" side of a c/s! I'm sorry that things didn't work out the way you wanted to though. There really is a sense of "mourning" (for lack of a better word) after you don't have the kind of birth experience you wanted! But, you do have to move on from those feelings eventually, and it looks like you are, thats great! Best wishes with your c/s and the new baby!
@mevlink@xanga - I agree!
I am going for a VBAC next time around, and possibly not even a hospital birth. I'd prefer a birthing center so they still have all the stuff just in case...but don't have the politics of a hospital. I was emotionally (and physically lol) scarred by my last L&D experience. I also felt robbed of it all.
Its definitely crappy to hear people say that.
Also, yeah I only bled for 2 weeks postpartum.
After 40 hours of labour and only being 2 cm dilated I was pleading for a c section! I was just so relieved it was all ending and my baby was safe that I don't really remember it! 2nd time round was a little strange - walking into the theatre and being totally aware of all that was happening but I was very thankful not to be in an emergency situation again and am VERY grateful for my 2 beautiful sons!!! Hope all goes well for you!!
I've had 3 c-sections. The last one was the worst because I had my tubes tied...If you get your tubes tied just prepare for a longer and a more painful recovery. My first one was rough because I went through labor all day and over an hour of pushing for them to tell me they were going to have to do an emergency c-section. My stupid self refused the morphine drip the next day (which was a big mistake) and so that was more painful than it needed to be. But on the bright side my second c-section went perfectly fine and I drove myself to school a week after I got out of the hospital took my finals and graduated the next week. It was an easy and quick recovery. I was expecting so much worse because of all the labor and complications of the first one that the second one was a complete breeze.
I don't think you should feel bad about not delivering naturally. Just be happy that you are blessed enough to have children. There are so many women out there that can't. They would gladly trade places with you. Just keep positive. I know you're nervous and scared, but have faith it will all be ok. And if you notice anything weird about your scar...like pussing or something tell your doctor right away. You don't want them to have re-sew you up. That almost happened to me the last time. Everything is going to be great though and you're going to have a beautiful baby!!