I met Liz at Waterfront Park this evening around 8:30 and took Analin off her hands so that I could enjoy the outdoors and so that Analin could enjoy the playground before bed. About twenty minutes into playing with Analin, a little boy, around four years old, came up to me and said:
"Excuse me mister. Do you do bad things?"
I looked down at him and smiled. I replied:
"No, I don't do bad things BUT I am a stranger and you shouldn't talk to strangers." After I said that he ran away from me. Hopefully I saved this kid a lifetime of grief.
What do you say to your kids about talking to strangers? How do you convey real dangers to them without making them afraid of everyone?
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Comments (14)
The chances are that you'll be hurt by your parents or a friend of the family more than a stranger. The media just likes to sensationalize things and blow things out of proportion because otherwise nobody will be watching their news. Even a person in "authority" such as a cop or firefighter can be a criminal just dressing up like that in order to gain a child's or adult's trust. And why not? Doesn't the majority of society in this country place their trust in someone in a uniform (well minus the President and the IRS)? I would tell my kids that if anyone tries touching them or getting them to go with them then they are to yell "fire" and hurt the person if need be in order to get away and then find somebody in authority such as a firefighter, police officer, EMT, teacher or mailman.
oooh I'm famous.
Right after I had the "don't get in a car with someone you don't know, even if they claim to know me" talk, I had to have a new babysitter pick my son up from church while I was gone at a job interview. Party foul. While all of the adults knew who the sitter was and that she was okay to pick up my child, my three year old FREAKED OUT and refused to get in the car. Good boy, bad mom moment. I have since told him I would never do that again, and that if anyone tried to get him to go somewhere he was to yell loudly, "This is not my mommy or daddy!" and run away. Then I told him he would be in super trouble if he ever did that to me. :)
@careegroup@xanga - LOL... I can just see a mischevious 7 year old calling out that you are not his mommy and causing trouble! Funny in the imagination, AWFUL in real life.
It's a tough one. We have always talked about the inevitability of certain kinds of stranger interactions, the reality that there are people in this world who do take children and how to try to make good judgements about who and how to ask for help if needed. We go over it from time to time when anticipating new situations (plane flights, sports events) - what to do if we're separated. For my kid at least it helps her if she's got a plan and some sense of who she can approach (moms with kids are pretty much a good bet).
She's also got a good gut sense and doesn't tend to go along with things that creep her out. I've never forced her to be friendly to anyone (including relatives) she's freaked out by - for this very reason. I ask her to be polite, but not act in ways that make her uncomfortable. I think a blanket "don't trust strangers" rule is unrealistic and unfair - we're all strangers when we first meet one another. And really, like @raisingmumin@xanga said, sadly, the real dangers are often much closer to home.
My mom tried to teach me the whole "don't get in the car with strangers" bit. It didn't work too well once I got older seeing as there's been a couple times I've gotten in the car with someone right off the street.
One time that happened, it was below freezing as I walked home from church. The other time, I was walking to school.
Now why would a random kid ask you that?
This is always what I tell children! Usually they approach me because I have candy. (Yes, 18 year old girl that loves candy right here) I always have them point me towards their parents and walk over and ask them if their child can have a piece. If thats not the case, I tell them that they shouldnt approach strangers and should stay where they can see their parents.
@raisingmumin@xanga - so abductions don't happen, then? that is something that the media 'like to sensationalize'? i don't think so, somehow. and i also think that a stranger can do more damage than either one of my parents, as my parents are obviously there to take care of me and a stranger is not.
you also said that a lot of people could possibly be pretending to be a member of the authorities, and then later said that you'd tell your child to get help from a person in authority..? what about what you just said about people pretending to be in a position of trust when they are not? your child would not be able to differentiate, would they? hmm.
@kidoncocaine@xanga - are you joking? a child is more likely to be molested or abducted by someone in the family or a family friend than a stranger. By now this is just fact, look it up if you want. I know parents are there to take care of you but not all of them take care of their children as i'm sure you now realize.
@A_DistantMemory@xanga - i understand that this happens and i was raised to not even accept car rides from an aunt or uncle if they saw me in the street, heading back from school. i know that people in a position of trust can sometimes abuse that trust, but while molestations are more common through family and family friends, abductions can be more from strangers who have been watching from a distance (AGAIN: i know that family members are capable of this too!).
I would tell my child to trust his gut in situations like these. If he's not sure about something, don't do it. If someone offers him something, like a ride home/candy/puppy/whatever, ALWAYS check it over with parents first.
@kidoncocaine@xanga - No abductions do happen. It's just that your more likely to be hurt by a family friend or by your parents/relatives than by a stranger off the street. I'm going to make sure my kids know that not everybody in authority can be trusted and I will tell them that there are bad people who pose as people in authority to get a person's trust. They'll be told to go with their gut instinct and I'll make sure they know how to defend themselves and use a gun/mace if necessary.
I basically tell them if they are not to talk to anyone who is not with me or a known family member/friend/teacher. I allow them freedom to play alone outside our home (of course I check on them frequently), walk to the park with the older sibs and even go alone to the toy section in the department store (granted I live in a fairly smallish city 80,000 ppl). I tell them that if someone approaches them and tries to touch, invite or handle them in any way to yell "This is not my mom/dad!" at the top of their lungs. They don't seem to fear all people but they are a bit wary when someone they don't know starts talking to them and come to me or another family member for guidance.