Before I begin, let me just say that this post was written in anger, disgust and sadness. So please excuse and blunt sentences, overuse of exclamations and maybe even slight confusion of my rambling... I was watching this show about orphans around the world, and it was SO amazingly sad. Sad that you have to wait 3 or 4 years just to be approved of adoption. Unless you're a celebrity - a heterosexual celebrity.
How many children and babies have died from starvation and been sold off for sex trade during that 4 years?
Some of the laws are so slack. Single people are more than capable of looking after a child. I am a single mother, my child has clean clothes, cleans sheets, a nice house, plenty or food, and plenty of love and attention!
They want the children being adopted to be put into what they consider a proper family "Husband and wife." I really, really doubt that those kids sitting in a cot all day staring at a wall, starving, with soiled nappies, really actually care about that! Do they actually care about a mansion and a daddy or mummy who earn $1million a year? All this crap that's got to do with adoption is so bloody useless! Sure the people wanting to adopt out should have checks and assessments, but why not make it take one year instead of 4?
These children get taken off their families in exchange for rice and money (in Cambodia they get a $20) and get adopted out to families, which is alright, except it's all done illegally, and the people who adopt them out get about $10,000 for them. The demand for adopting children in those countries is very high, and since they can't find enough orphans to adopt out, they go to people's homes and buy their babies off them.This lady from USA went through the process of adoption and she decided on a Russian male. A couple of years later they told her that they'd had a baby picked out for her, so she went over and met him and etc.
When she finally got this baby, her and her husband took him back to their motel in Russia, and were looking after him. They gave him a bottle and he only drank half a bottle in half and hour. After that they went and changed his nappy and found a huge, crazily infected nappy rash all over his bottom.
In the video she said they were treating it. So they took him out into the lounge room and laid him on the lounge and she was saying how his eyes just all of a sudden dilated and were fixed on nothing, then he took this BIG breath, exhaled, and never took another breath again!The government thinks they are protecting the children by making sure that the people adopting them out are good enough, but they are just giving those children a death sentence by letting them just lay there and die in their cots because it's taking years from someone to adopt them out.
If by chance they actually survive, they are already 5 years old. Not many people want to adopt out a 5 year old that may already have behavioral issues or mental issues, or has already bonded with someone else and, consequently, won't bond with them. So, they go without families, for the time being, or until they end up dying. It's so sick, and so so so sad. If I could adopt, I would do it in a heart beat. All kids need to be loved. Imagine how much one of those children would thrive if it got a kiss and a cuddle everyday for the rest of it's life instead of being fed, maybe changed and that's it for the day.The government and people who make these laws are ridiculous. I know they think they are doing what's right, but obviously they aren't, and if you look into how real orphanages work, especially those in countries like Russia and China, you would see how horrible it is, and how these children and babies, new born babies are neglected and left to wither away in their cots.
In Russia alone there are 180,000 orphaned children. They need to change the laws so that, you have to be deemed responsible to care for a child, but it doesn't take several years to be completed. The government is just giving these poor kids a death sentence by dragging the process out for so long. Kids just need to be LOVED and looked after.
Gay, single or disabled, I'm sure there are many doctors and astronauts out their who had two Dad's or a single Mother who lived on the pension and who grew up to be completely normal, looked after, adults. MANY!!!!!!
Do you feel like adoption laws discriminate against gay, single and disabled adoptive parents? How could these laws be changed to benefit children waiting for adoption?
Recommend
Comments (29)
Of course they discriminate. Of course they should change. These children just want to be loved.
Two dads are better than none. (Didn't even read this, lol.)
I am a huge supporter of Reece's Rainbow which is an agency that helps those wanting to adopt children overseas that have disabilities, primarily those with Down syndrome. Those children are kept in orphanages until around the age of five and then moved to mental institutions. I can promise you that they wouldn't give a rats behind if the parent that came to love them was gay, straight, transexual, single, orange, green, purple, etc. They just want to be loved.
A young child that was just adopted a few weeks ago. She is three. When the parents took her back to their hotel for their first night with their new child they discovered she was so malnourished that they were unsure she would survive. She weighed 13 pounds. Three years old and 13 pounds. It angers me that this goes on in the world and yet so many are unable to adopt.
I share your anger.
I so feel the same way.
The demand for adopting children in those countries is very high, and since they can't find enough orphans to adopt out, they go to people's homes and buy their babies off them.
This is one reason why I strongly support domestic adoption over international.
The government thinks they are protecting the children by making sure that the people adopting them out are good enough, but they are just giving those children a death sentence by letting them just lay there and die in their cots because it's taking years from someone to adopt them out.
Yes, but the shitstorm they would face if a foreign couple that got cleared for adoption ended up being criminals or child abusers would be worse for their careers.
If by chance they actually survive, they are already 5 years old. Not many people want to adopt out a 5 year old that may already have behavioral issues or mental issues, or has already bonded with someone else and, consequently, won't bond with them.
Jesus Christ...seriously? If those same people are not willing to adopt a child at five then they were when the child was one or are worried about getting a messed-up child, then they do not need to be parents period...adoptive or biological. Problem children exist in all types of home situations and can be unexpected so prospective parents need to just deal with it.
Also, I am not sure if this is true in Australia or not, but in the US, domestic adoptions done through governmental agencies take less than a year on average and gay, single people can adopt. They are a hell of a lot cheaper too.
You are right about adoption reform, but you just went about it in a weird way.
i agree with you. I have thought about adoption but I don't have the thousands of dollars to do it.
I hate how hard it is to adopt. My husband and I would love to but honestly don't have that extra money. We love children. Yes we are a typical husband/wife family but even if we are it would take years. I use to think it was wrong for single/gay couples just because that's what I was told. But honestly all children need love and a safe environment and there are plenty of people who can do this but do not receive the chance to :(
I'd love to adopt but Abdel isn't American and adoption as it is done in America doesn't fall under the same guidelines as my religion concering the sponsorship/fostering of orphans. It's sad how many people wait for babies and then there are all these older kids who can't get adopted because it seems like most people only want perfect healthy white babies.
Anything is better than being a ward of the state. The child's well-being should be the priority, not the beliefs of the Christian lobbyists etc. We need to look at the research and the empirical evidence to point out what is best for a child and how best to protect them. We need not look at baseless belief.
Also, people need to understand the history of law, and why all the reformations took place centuries ago, which removed power from authoritarians and gave it to the people. If these backward conservatives understood the reasons (especially why they are referred to as 'backward'), all these stupid issues would not exist. I can tell you two of the reasons was to improve social stability and well-being. So again, what is better for a child? Whatever option that will have them suffer less.
Amen!
@snarkius@xanga - Lol, sorry I don't mean to be confusing ! & I'm only stating facts that I heard in this documentary that I watched. Also, I'm not saying people don't want to adopt 5 year olds, I'm just saying that in general, people look to adopt babies, or young toddlers. I'm also talking about adopting from places like Russia & China, where the documentary was based on.
"The government thinks they are protecting the children by making sure that the people adopting them out are good enough, but they are just giving those children a death sentence by letting them just lay there and die in their cots because it's taking years from someone to adopt them out."
& Yes I know that sounded weird. But what I meant was that they just make the process SO long. Of course they have to be thoroughly checked, but I in the documentary I was watching, It took this couple (From USA, as that's where the highest demand to adopt out) years just to even get to the step where they go & meet the child [in Russia].
My point to this blog was that, If it only took 2 years instead of 3 or 4, then maybe only half of them children and babies would be left to die alone in their beds. THe point of orphanages is to save children, but more & more and dying and being neglected and getting diseases. It just really saddens me. I know the laws are in place to protect the children and to do the right thing, and I agree that a person should be thoroughly checked before apopting, but maybe something could be changed to prevent to process from being dragged out for so long.
And the even qualify for adoption is hard. All countries have differnet laws, can't be gay, have to be married for certain amount of time, no history of mental health, no serious injuries, high income, not single, etc, etc...
@marleylove2010@xanga - Most of my frustration was actually coming from the situation itself. Your blog just reminded me of it and I used the opportunity to vent said feelings and I didn't really do it in the nicest way. Sorry.
I apologize in advance but posts like this just tick me off.
We are adopting and ITS NOT COSTING US ONE FREAKING PENNY OUT OF POCKET.
I am a HUGE advocate for domestic adoption through the foster system.
No, you won't get your perfect little baby fresh from the womb with no baggage (which by the way is a load of crap because EVERY SINGLE ADOPTED BABY/CHILD COMES WITH BAGGAGE).
It was NOT hard to get approved to become foster-to-adopt parents, and we took classes (only like 9 weeks) with couples, singles and *gasp* several gay people.. I am Canadian, my husband is NOT and WE STILL GOT APPROVED. And 4 of the couples we took class with got foster-adoptive placements within a month and adopted WITHIN the year. And IT WAS NO COST.
You know what this sounds like to me? A bunch of excuses.
@Spectrophile@xanga - Agreed
Orphaned children definitely don't care if you're gay, bi, single, rich, or any color of the rainbow. Adoption laws should definitely be changed, although I doubt there is an actual law that states that gay or single people can't adopt.
And as much as I would like to say that domestic adoption is great, I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for an international adoption. It took about a year for my parents to adopt me in Taiwan (they were there for 4 years working), but here in the US it took them 3 years to re-adopt me to get a certificate of foreign birth. They had already adopted me and I had been living as their daughter for 13 years, I was legally theirs with all the paperwork to prove it. And it still took 3 years for them to "adopt" me.
I definitely agree with @LadyGwenivere@xanga though, all adopted kids come with baggage. That's what happens when you're adopted. Even if it's because you think your birth parents didn't want you and it makes you feel alone in the world.
@LadyGwenivere@xanga - First of all, I'm assuming to live in America, and want to adopt from America?
This blog was mainly based on the documentary I watched which were based on Russian Orphanges and Chinese Orphanages. They are not excuses for me, or anyone else that I know because nor me, or anyone I know is looking to adopt.
Did you know the laws in the Ukraine forbid Gay married couples from adoption because it's not seen as 'traditional'. Refer to this link http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2009/09/14/elton-john-adopt-boy-age-gay-marriage/ which also states
""Foreign citizens who are single have no right to adopt children ... and the age difference between the adopter and the child cannot be more than 45 years."
In another article it states "Children here are not given any love, care or attention. Little babies are left in cots all day long! They are often cold, smelly, unwashed and very wet. There could be up to about 5 babies in a cot. One right next to another. Most of these babies were crying, although some didn’t seem to even have the strength to do that! The toddlers in the orphanage were tied to small chairs above a potty all day. Here they sat and rocked back and forth all the time. As they were so tightly strapped to the chairs this was the only movement they could make. Worse than this was potty benches. These were long wooden benches with holes cut into them for the children to use the potty. Like the potty chairs, the children are strapped to them all day.
In one case on the video an orphanage had had 400 babies dumped there that year. The camera crew could only count 12 babies there. The first being the babies had died and the second being they had been adopted. It was very unlikely that the babies had been adopted so that meant that an astounding 388 babies had died!
The film crew moved on to a second orphanage. It was during summer and as you would expert there was no air conditioning. Temperatures were extremely hot. In this orphanage were babies, 5 per cot. In these cots at least one would die because of the heat. Just one person was looking after these babies.
According to the Chinese government the Shanghai orphanage is the best in the country. However when the film crew looked at the orphanage records, a very different situation they saw. 4 out of every 5 children put in the orphanage would die within the year they were admitted. That’s 90%!
The workers in the orphanage are not given any training so it is no wonder that the children are badly treated."
As you probably have heard, the reputation of chinese orphanages are not nice, to say the least. And Russian and Chinese orphanages are usually the first choice for people looking to adopt internationally. If it's SO easy to adopt, and seeings as thought there are billions of people around the world wanting to, then why are so many children dying???
I'm glad that the adoption process you had and shared with others was simple and quick. But I think you've misunderstood me. I'm only loosely basing this blog on the documentary, but there are different laws for different countries. Luckily, I'm assuming you live in the USA, they have the most resilient laws for adoption, because as I've said, it has the highest rate of adoptive parents.
Honestly, I know your experience was great, and quick and easy, but that still doesn't mean that I'm making this all up for the sake of it, which it sounds like your accusing me of doing. These are facts, and I was sitting there watching this 2 hours long film, of real footage and photographs, with my Mother in tears. It does exist.
Like I said, I'm not making excuses for me or anyone else. But it is very, very real. The laws in different countries, can range anywhere from How much money you make a year, to how long you've been in a relationship, to what your sexual orientation are.
And as for the 'it only took us 9 weeks' and that it was "NOT hard to be approved." Well good for you. Although I don't see how they can deem someone responsible to adopt after only 9 weeks, and if it's THAT easy, well then maybe they should make it harder, so ax murderers or pedophiles can't so easily adopt children.
So I know what you're saying, it can be easy, easier than these people in the film I watched, but it also can be very, very hard, and as a result thousands and thousands of children die each year in orphanages around the world.
@WithLoveFromD@xanga - Refer to my comment above.
Elton John and his husband were refused adoption from the Ukraine, one of the reasons being his marriage wasn't "Traditional".
And of course kids come with baggage. I don't recall saying they didn't...?
@marleylove2010@xanga - well first of all, I am Canadian and adopting in Canada.
BUT I have at least a dozen friends (again couples, single and 2 gay couples) that have successfully adopted internationally (Russia, Romania, DR, China and Africa for example). None of the adoptions took longer then a year, and I saw video footage of the places the toddlers/children came from and they were nothing like you depicted in your post.
I might have missed it but please post the name of the documentary you sourced, and note that a lot of documentaries are filmed from the biased opinion of the film maker, and you have to take it with a grain of salt. I sincerely hope you do some more research and realize that the documentary was just one person's view of the situation.
@LadyGwenivere@xanga - Good for you guys! I work in mental health and have so many clients that are kids who've been adopted through the foster care system! :) I've approached my hubby about it, because there are so many kids in the system that need a good, safe, and stable home.
Grats to you both!
@Spectrophile@xanga - Very well said. I completely agree with you.
@WithLoveFromD@xanga - There are income limits and if you haven't been at your job for a long time or you live in an apartment, it's very hard to adopt.
@marleylove2010@xanga - are you aware of the term "failure to thrive"? Its what happens when the child/baby gives up the will to live, stops thriving, and in cases like you talked about, they generally do not recover. A child/baby who feels they are unwanted (Orphans) are high risks for failure to thrive, thats why so many child are dying in orphanages. Its not entirely the fault of "uneducated" caregivers.
As for the Ukraine, I agree with their laws restricting international adoption. W\hy? Because each country SHOULD look after their own children.
I'm still waiting for the name of the documentary you sourced.
@Xbeautifully_broken_downX@xanga - I love being a foster mum, and I love knowing that our house is different. We don't see our fosterchildren as "income" like many do. We became fosterparents because we can't have our own. We not only want to care for the children, but we also want to help families get back together when possible.
@Pluviaumbra@xanga - thanks :)
.
.
.
I'd also like to add that I do agree with a lot of government laws on adoption. I do not think just anyone should be able to walk in an adopt a child (ever hear of the child sex trade? its called fake adoption). I think anyone who wants to adopt should be able to at no cost, BUT they should have to meet the requirements. I agree that you should have a stable place to live, a stable income (in the case of a couple 1 should be a stay-at-home-parent). Adopted children are special and need to be handled carefully. YOu can't just adopt a child and pretend all will be well. Thats just not the way it is. As resilient as children are, there is always a difficult period of adjustment and attachment. and attachment is necessary for that child to properly thrive and grow.
When I said it was easy for us, I should have said it was a simple process. Nothing about these precious lives is easy. We applied, took courses, did homestudies, and everything else that was required. And it was not to benefit us, it was for the children.
think about it.. pretend you're a young woman facing giving her child up for adoption.. would you want to go through with it knowing that just anyone could end up with your child? Or would you find comfort in knowing that the people/person raising your baby went through great lengths to prove that they were able and ready to give your child the best life possible?
So yes, we can whine and complain about the laws.. or we can take a moment and understand that those laws are not there to make it hard to adopt, they are there to protect the children.
.. sorry im so shutting up now!
I live in Arkansas, and we just had a law overturned by the Arkansas supreme court that restricted unmarried couples from adopting in the state (thus preventing homosexual partners from adopting children). It was very controversial and was (I am ashamed to say) voted into law by the people of the state. This mindset is prevalent here in the southern US. No child should be denied a loving home because of intolerance. You would be surprised by the places where you find these kind of obstacles. The sad truth is that most of these children shouldn't have been born in the first place. While the international community can do little to help change adoption regulations in specific countries, we can focus on education and prevention. A box of condoms and a little knowledge can go a long way.
"The workers in the orphanage are not given any training so it is no wonder that the children are badly treated." I just scanned through the comments before I posted my previous comment. I just read through them and found this... I don't remember getting any training before I had kids. I don't see how that is an excuse. Can anyone name one place that requires parenting classes before a mother gives birth? Would you assume that a parent without "training" would treat their children poorly? I think the best assumption here would be to not attribute less-than-adequate care to a lack of training, but to the absolutely overwhelming task of caring for so many. And as for "axe murderers and pedophiles".. well, if the source you quoted with this "4 out of every 5 children put in the orphanage would die within the year they were admitted" is correct, then they probably have better odds with the axe murderers anyway, right? (and btw 4/5 is not 90%, it's 80%) I mean, surely 80% of potential adoptive parents are not axe murderers or pedophiles. The issue here is that children dying or being neglected in an orphanage is not a big story. A child being adopted out to an abusive home is. Regardless of what would have happened to the child if he/she had stayed in the orphanage. I'm not saying anyone should put babies in a cardboard box and hand them out for free like kittens at a supermarket, but sometimes it's important to put things into perspective and weigh the consequenses without being distracted by the sparkly media version of things.