So, I really do need some advice here. My husband and I are going to a wedding this summer in Nashville, and we're going to have to fly.
Our baby will be 1 year old exactly (a few weeks after her birthday), and we are thinking about leaving her with my mom. We will only be gone for two nights and three days, but I am having trouble with the thought of leaving her.
My husband and I have never let anyone else drive her. We are the only ones who have taken her anywhere, and I worry about letting my mom drive her around. There's nowhere that she will need to go, but my mom is very adventurous, and I know she would like to take her to lots of different places, just for fun. Maybe to the park, the grocery store, out to dinner, or the mall. Who knows?
But I just cringe thinking about it, to the point where I am considering just taking her with us to the wedding. My mom is not the best driver, but I know she would be careful with her granddaughter in the car.
It's just a little over three months away.
Am I being neurotic? How old do you think a baby should be before you let someone else take them somewhere without you? When was the first time you let someone drive your baby somewhere?
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Comments (37)
Yes, you're being a little neurotic. Sooner or later you'll learn to loosen up, this might be the perfect opportunity.
yes, you are being neurotic. we left our 6 month old baby with a friend of mine for a week so we could go on a cruise. { my in laws brought us along on their cruise, so we had no family to watch him} yes it was hard to leave him, i cried for the entire plane ride, and the first 2 days at sea.. but you can always call home and check on your kiddo... you are leaving her with your mom, not a hired teenage baby sitter, or a homeless person... just make sure you leave her insurance cards, a note for the dr telling them that your mom is allowed to seek medical care, and all of the essential baby things.. everything will be fine!
personally, i don't see why your 1 year old needs to be left alone, so i don't think you're being neurotic. parents differ on opinions and beliefs about raising their children, and of course this is up to each individual parent. i mean, yeah, if you kid was 12, then there might be an issue here. but she's just a baby still! a lot of moms have problems leaving their babies, for any amount of time!
I think it's perfectly normal to have feelings like yours. Leaving your baby, for the first time, can be tough.
We've left our daughter with my mom, overnight, twice, now. Sure, we were nervous, but we quickly got over that. I would say, just try and enjoy the time you and your husband have together. You can call home, whenever you want. And, like someone else mentioned, you're leaving her with your mom. It willl probably be just fine!
Actually, we haven't flown anywhere with our daughter, but just the thought of flying with a toddler scares the crap out of me. So, I'd definitely leave her with my mom if we did have to fly anywhere, lol.
i say leave your daughter with your mom and go enjoy yourself with your husband! my mother-in-law does daycare for us while i work part-time and has been driving my son around since he was about 3 months old. let go! your mom and your daughter will do just fine!
I'm going to disagree with the others. We left our two for a vacation right after they turned a year old and I had a miserable time. Now that they are older I don't mind. If you're not comfortable take her with you!
I'm assuming you are done breast feeding, or that's not an issue. I'm going to go with you going without the baby, simply because I know what it's like to get married and have people bring their children. It doesn't always turn out the way you think it will. Like the baby behaving perfectly during the couple's ceremony. Ask yourself how you'd feel if you were getting married, and a baby made noise at all the wrong times. If you are really going bonkers over this, which I understand as well, ask your mom if she can come with you and baby sit while you attend the gathering and partying afterwards. I traveled to the Philippines with my husband to meet his family, with our 19 month old daughter, and my mother volunteered to come with us just to lend a hand. It turned out very well, and the rest of the family really enjoyed her company.
@White_Shieldmaiden@xanga - She's not leaving her 1 year old alone. She is leaving the baby with her grandmother, who, I'm assuming, raised her. I'm betting she can handle it. Sure, there are some grandmothers who wouldn't be up to it, but it's totally okay, even preferred, for a responsible adult other than the mother to care for a child on occasion. I absolutely do not understand women who have a baby then put him in daycare for 50 hours a week so they can develop their careers. I believe being a mother is a full time job, the child comes first, and you should pick one or the other. However, I also believe that if children are constantly attached to their mother's hip, they will be more fearful when a situation arises which necessitates another caregiver, they will tend to have issues if everything is not done exactly the way mom does it, and they will be more challenged in relating to other people and understanding subtly different ways of communicating. Just think about it; I speak from experience.
It sounds like a painful thing, being away from a child that age for a few days, but since your mother raised you, I'm betting she's pretty reliable. I think it's important for children to have other family and family friends with whom they feel secure. Staying with others from time to time also help a child to develop social skills, language skills, and confidence in new situations. Bless you for loving her enough to be concerned.
@reanimated_corpse@xanga - That's a great idea about leaving insurance cards and a note for medical emergencies.
@MangoWOW@xanga - I actually appreciate you telling me that i'm being neurotic. I really do need to loosen up, it's just hard because I've seen the way my mom drives. :-S
@Pollypinks@xanga - Yeah, I definitely don't want to be THAT person who has the loud kid at a very important ceremony :) It's a good idea to have my mom go with us. I just also want to leave my dog with her. :)
@Brilliant_Innocence@xanga - Yeah, I definitely do NOT want to bring a baby or toddler on an airplane. She would probably be loud - she already has plenty of issues with her ears, so I can just imagine what the plane ride would do to her.
@sweetmumbleb@xanga - Thanks! I appreciate the encouragement.
@marzish@xanga - :) i had to do all of that when we went on our cruise. most people dont think to leave that kind of thing. have fun on your trip, your kiddo will be just fine :o)
It really freaks me out when other people drive my kids. I don't mind people babysitting them, but for some reason I have a huge issue with the driving thing. I have 3 kids (oldest is 3 1/2) and I think someone else has driven them a total of 2 times. I completely understand where you are coming from. (And, yes, it is slightly neurotic, but every mom has their own thing they are neurotic about!)
@MangoWOW@xanga - Nah, she doesn't have to loosen up. My aunt is like this... with her 22 year old son. My cousin can't go/hasn't gone anywhere with anyone else, stay over at someone else's house (not even grandma), can't go to college by himself, can't get a job, can't drive (can't even go anywhere with his dad alone, mom HAS to be there).
His mom volunteered at the fire department with him, took all the same college classes as him.
My cousin is a very intelligent person (no mental or physical illness), his mom is just that insane. I don't know why he lets it happen; I guess it's all he's ever known.
I think you are just worrying too much. Your mom took care of you for all of those years and you are fine!! Im sure they will fine for a couple of days
You could always request that your mother limit the number of outings, therefore decreasing the possible danger to your child.
Think about it. Your mom raised you, and you didn't die.
I think she can handle your kid for a couple of days.
-Jessy
@christygraves@xanga - THANK YOU!!! hehe. I have left her with several different baby sitters and various nurseries but never, ever has anyone other than me or my husband driven her. something about houston freeways just makes me cringe.
@Daikatana@xanga - @der_lila_Stern@xanga - Yes, you are both right. And I do want to loosen up!!
@ncxcorexkid@xanga - I definitely don't want to be crazy like that!! I can already see my daughter being very independent, and she would go nuts if I acted like that.
I was so nervous the first time I had to leave my son. It wasn't that I didn't think my mom could take care of him, I was scared of how much I was going to miss him. I didn't like the idea him missing me and not being able to tell anyone. We survived all of the trips I had to make. I would definitely leave insurance cards, and the number to your child's pediatrician. I also left a list of things like my son's bedtime ritual, his morning routine, and quick ways to get him to calm down when he is moody, I didn't mind that my mom took my son out because it distracted him from missing me. Your mom is capable of navigating the freeways, but if you'd rather her stay home, make sure she has your daughters favorite foods etc.
Something could happen with YOU driving just as easily as anyone else. I understand you worry specifically about your moms driving, BUT....like you said...you know she will be careful while driving her grand daughter around.
She drove you around for at LEAST 16 years and you're just fine! Please don't stress. Obviously you're going to worry some, but don't let it bother you so much that you cant leave her.
I don't let people drive ME around; I'd be the same way if I had a kid haha. I'm terrified of cars (or really, stupid drivers) and people need to really gain my trust in order for me to put my keys away and let them drive. My mom isn't the best driver and I'd be uncomfortable with her driving with my child, however as long as she isn't driving far or on highways, you really don't have anything to worry about. Even if she was in an accident due to her bad driving, what's the worst that could happen on a side road? A fender bender? You have a reason to be concerned, but it's one of those things that you have to just let happen. Maybe you'll be worried, but don't let it consume you. Your baby will be fine :].
It'll be fine. I mean, it's not fair to your daughter either, that she is cooped up everytime she's with a babysitter...Ask your mother to steer clear of freeways, too, or even limit the driving down.
So, have fun, go ahead and leave your daughter with your mother. It will be fine. Loosen up. Don't turn into a crazy mommy locking their kid away from every possible danger in the world.
Honestly, my mother has been driving my niece and nephews around since they were born. She's actually driven them all home from the hospital (my sister obviously in the car...).
I remember how difficult it was to leave my babies. That's one of the reasons we decided against me going back to work, and we did all kinds of things to save money, including using cloth diapers and a clothesline. It was that important to me, so I understand your feelings. Just keep in mind also, that traveling for the baby won't be such fun. But if you can take gramma, what a great experience you might have with your mom for a few hours in a different town. Just to walk together with her, maybe some light shopping, whatever. I would cherish some moments like that with my adult daughter. See if you can make the most out of this experience, and if you have to leave your precious cargo behind, know that the one who loves the baby as much as you do is with her.
It kind of surprises me to see all the people saying that you're too neurotic. As if a mother's basic instinct to protect her child and be around her is wrong, or too strong.
You sound concerned about your mother's driving. YOU are the one who knows your mother, not the commenters of this post. Listen to your instinct. Let your husband be the one to tell you if you are being overly cautious or not.
Sure, your mom would probably do just fine, assuming that she is a normal person. But don't second-guess yourself if you're worried. A one-year-old is still well within the normal range for staying with mom and dad. If she gets to be 13 or so without ever venturing out with other people, that will be cause for concern. But she's a baby, and she's your baby- you have every right to be as cautious as you like with her.
I think it's perfectly reasonable to feel nervous. Maybe, just to test out how you feel, you let grandma take care of her for a day while you're still nearby? Just asking her to take care of her while you run a couple errands and seeing if she'd like to meet up with you at the mall or a park might help give you a chance to see how things go and I'm sure your mother would be delighted to spend some time with her grand daughter. And then you can always drive her back home yourself.
Just take it slowly. A short trip here and maybe an overnighter here and there can give you a chance to test the waters with your mom as well as a chance to maybe have a couple moments to yourself or go out for a nice dinner with your husband. Like you said: you have three months. It's plenty of time to test things out and come to a final decision and make necessary changes. Even if you decide to bring her in the end, you'd know that at least you've started to loosen yourself up a little and can maybe feel more open to the idea of leaving town without her when she's a couple years older.