Tuesday, 12 April 2011
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Should We Adopt?
This weekend brought about some interesting development in the lives of 2 families we're friends with. Both are attempting domestic adoptions.
The one family went to the baby's birth and had her in their home for her first 2 weeks of life. Then the birth mom changed her mind hours before the adoption was final and took the baby back. It's been 2 weeks and the birth mom contacted the lawyer yesterday and told her she'd come and sign the final paperwork and give the baby back to this family. This morning it all happened. What a roller coaster for everyone!
The second family was handpicked by a young girl to adopt her baby through the pregnancy center I sometimes do volunteer work for. The baby's daddy had pressured her heavily to just abort and texted her monstrous and threatening things throughout most of the pregnancy. Her due date was this past Sunday.
The day before this guy decides he doesn't want her to give the baby up for adoption. Fortunately this girl kept all the texts and this guy has a rap sheet 6 pages thick so the odds of a judge giving this guy custody is slim. But still, it's a threat.
We may be interested in adoption later this year so adoption stories always get my attention. One starts to see the allure of international adoption when everyone I've talked to, who pursued domestic adoption, has either had children taken back or last minute the birth mom changed her mind.
What are your thought on or experiences with adoption?
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- From: Pepin909@xanga
- Name: Julia
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Comments (46)
I was adopted and one day when I decide to have children, they will be adopted :) Adoption is just as beautiful as childbirth.
I was adopted as well. There are so many children in this world that need homes, so having your own child seems kind of silly to me. I understand why people want their own baby, but adopting a child is even more special, I think.
I will always be an advocate for adoption! It doesn't matter where you adopt from. Whether the child comes from a foreign country or this one, it's giving a child a chance at a good life that matters.
i was adopted, and am adopting.. please do not do international adoption (don't jump on me). .
And here is my reason why, there are so many babies who need forever families right in our own backyards. You might not get your perfect new born but you will get to make a difference in the life of an otherwise "unwanted" child.
I am a huge advocate for domestic adoption because I know there are thousands of children waiting in limbo in the system.I am not totally opposed to international adoption, but feel it should be a 2nd option as there are so many children in our own counties who need families.
Another great option is to become foster parents. The system is so messed up and we desperately need more good loving foster homes who will love these kids like their own, not treat them like a paycheck.
it up to you
@LadyGwenivere@xanga - I understand what you're saying, but do children in poorer countries not need help as well? They are probably often suffering worse than American children in the system right now.
Domestic, please. Otherwise these kids are going to end up abused or stuck in the foster care system which is just about as bad.
I was adopted at 4 days old and it has been a completely positive experience. I even found my birth mom this past year with no details (this is what I knew: my birthday, the person who delivered me, the lawyer, and the hospital I was at, along with a handwritten but unsigned letter of love from my birth mom). It was really a miracle that I found her. It was the single most joyous moment in my recent years. I also found out who my biological father was, although he died only a few years after I was born in an accident.
Adopt domestically.
I think every person who wants a kid should adopt. Why create another being when there's already one out there who needs a family.
@zretrareo27@xanga - I agree. Domestic adoption should be more encouraged. I see these hollywood stars adopt a baby from all over the world. why can't they just do it domestically? that way kids will suffer less of confusion who they are later years of their lives.
@mikaekie@xanga - maybe poorer countries... but China? i still think we should be caring for our own first.. but that comes from me knowing so many children who dont have a forever family.
I have no experience but my husband and I are both open to adopting if we feel lead that way. We do have 2 children now with another on the way. We plan to do foster care in about 5 years.
@LadyGwenivere@xanga - My mil works for foster care and can't believe how horrible most of the foster parents are. In the area she works she said there's only 2-3 good families and can't wait for my hubby and I to become foster parents
They had the baby for TWO weeks?! My God, I can't imagine what they went through. Thinking that the baby was theirs.....loving and caring for him/her and then the baby being taken from them? How awful. ;(
I really don't care if anyone gets offended, but domestic adoption is the way to go. I believe that issues with orphans and such should be taken care of at home before you go and try saving other countries. I grew up in a household with parents that did foster care, and adopted 4 children. On average there is close to 500,000 children in the foster care system here in the U.S. everyday. 48% percent of those children are never reunited with their families! That's a huge amount of kids that never have a stable home and are shuffled from foster home to foster home. I've seen what happens to these kids. It can be prevented if more people adopted domestically and stopped going over seas and adopting. It's no wonder that drug rates are up, drop out rates are up, etc.
my aunt had trouble conceiving and decided to adopt. after hearing horror stories like this they got a baby from russia, and they have the peace of mind that his mother will probably never try to take him back, let alone succeed. he's now a wonderful part of our family =)
i fail to see how an arbitrary border affects the value of a child. children in other countries deserve to be happy just as much as children in this country do; there's nothing that's more deserving about an american child.
Do it! There are so many kids without parents who are going to live within the system until they're 18...give them chance to have a family. Why bring kids into this world when there are so many in need of a good home. Not that you shouldn't have kids of your own, it's a beautiful thing, but adopt as well, you'll change a kid's life. I am going to adopt sometime in the future, but I was thinking of international adoption. It's not that one's child's life in one country is more important than another, but other countries have less funding and lower standards than here in the United States
@MattsMami@xanga - Although I'm still considering international adoption, i do agree with you that we must fix our own problems before going elsewhere. Raise adopted kids in a good environment, they'll do the same. I would still adopt a child from another country, though, (along with a child from the united states since I'm considering on adopting multiple children) just because some countries have such low standards for their orphanages compared to here.
Adoption is awesome! Of course there are horror stories about both domestic and
international adoption (haven't you ever seen "Orphan"? LOL) but that's all they areSTORIES. Be open minded about the age of the child you would adopt too. My youngest siblings were adopted (domestically) and our family is what it is because of them. They are a huge light in my life, and the lives of all my other family members. I have some adopted (internationally) cousins too, and that can't be described as anything other than a success story.Things like this do happen and it can take years and be very hard emotionally on both sides. You have to see things from the birth moms perspective she is giving up her children even if she really does want them she cant keep them because she cannot provide. It does not mean she doesnt love her baby or doesnt want it she is just unable to care for the child. I could not imagine having to give up my baby. But on the other hand people trying to adopt eventually get a child, be open to an open adoption and you better your odds that way the birth mom can keep track of her child and know they are healthy and safe and loved, possibly even let her see them at scheduled times throughout the year. Once they are signed over she cant get them back but letting her be part of the childs life really is better for both families. Also dont just consider babies there are plenty of other children who need homes who may never get one before they are thrown out of the system at 18 they deserve love too. Once my children are grown im going to foster older children possible adopt, kids are our greatest gifts and they all deserve a home and parents or a parent that love them no matter what!
@ohveryoung@xanga - It is a beautiful thing.
@DebbiedooM@xanga - Very true!
@LadyGwenivere@xanga - It's really not about having the perfect baby. It's more about how much more disappointment I can handle. After having 4 miscarriages in the last 18 months, I'm not sure I have the wherewithal to start the adoption process and bonding with a baby only to have it taken back.
@zretrareo27@xanga - I'm so glad your story is a happy one!
@mommashannon@xanga - My sister was molested by a foster child brought into a family member's home, so I'm very hesitant to be a foster parent right now. I think I would like to do that after my child is grown.
@MattsMami@xanga - I wish the system made it easier to help these kids out.
@jenessa1889@xanga - International adoptions seem so much less risky and a child is a child no matter their country of origin.