I guess I should start out by saying I'm a single mom to a very bright 2 1/2 year old. We've recently moved into a new apartment with my boyfriend who she refers to as dad though he's not her biological dad, but he loves her like his own.
Lately I feel like anything I say to her goes in one ear and out the other. I can tell her "no" a thousand times, threaten her with time outs and other various things. I can tell her not to do something till I'm blue in the face and still she does it anyway.
We've gotten to the point where we put her in 2-4 minute timeouts in her room with the door shut where she'll proceed to scream and cry, which breaks my heart. At the same time I'm at a loss as to what to do. I feel like everyday its a battle to just simply get her to listen
We're working on potty training as well and that was going good for awhile until recently when she decided to start going in her pants and using the "iI forgot" line when I asked her, "Why didn't you tell mommy you had to go potty?".
I would really appreciate some help/tips or even ideas on the whole discipline issue as well as the potty training because right now I feel as if she and I are just going round and round on a never ending cycle. Nothing is working!
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Comments (12)
I have the same problem with my almost 2-year-old. It seems like he does not even hear me when I tell him not to do something. I think it is just something that comes with the age. They push the limits. Maybe it would be better to have her timeouts on your lap. Don't tolerate the screaming. Two minutes is long enough for a time-out, but she needs to behave for those two minutes to count.
My son is almost 2 and he gets timeouts in a corner. I sit infront of him and put my legs ont eh two walls so he can't get up and go. He screams and fights but I sit and calmly explain what he did was wrong and when he is ready to say sorry with hugs and kisses he can go. It works. Try it out. We haven't tried potty training yet. Goodluck
We have a 2 yr. old and a 4 mnth old,both little girls. Needless to say doing double diaper duty was more than enough,so shortly after the baby was born we kicked potty training into a full time job. After a couple of weeks she got it;yeah we still have the occassional accident,but once we got serious about it then it was easy after that. We found the individual pottys that sit in the floor work best,that way she can go as she pleases,if not our daughter would run you to death all day long. The key at first is to set a routine,every 20 minutes or so ask and ask and ask,That will eventually sink in after a few days and you won't have to drive everyone crazy asking "do u need to go potty?" Also we created a potty chart that hangs on the 'fridge. Everytime she successfully makes it to the potty she is either rewarded with one or two stickers,depending upon the deposit! And even if she says she doesn't need to go,we remind her she gets a sticker and then she'll run to the bathroom and at least try. It works great for us.Also you can buy a portable potty seat, that folds up and will fit into almost any size purse,so that helps when we're out an about;she loves to use that potty as it's designated for public restrooms only. As far as discpline,good luck. Our 2 yr. old is very strong willed and if she cries long enough she'll just throw up, so we've tried timeout and taking toys and stuff away,but now when she knows she's in trouble she'll go and get a toy for you or say" i'm going to timeout.' Hopefully w/ time she'll just figure it out though! GOOD LUCK!
Alot of people wont agree with this but... BRIBE!! lol... When I was learning how to use the toilet during nights (cause obviously its alot harder to learn that than just potty training), my mom would give me a small present for 3 days of no peeing the bed, medium with 5 days and a big present when I would make it to 10 days... When you make it to 10 days, chances are you kicked the habbit :D
But.... I dont know much about kids myself.. Good luck with the terrible 2's :| lol
I am not yet to potty training my son, but when I worked in a day care I was in charge of the toddlers learning how to potty train. Trying to teach 4 little boys and 3 little girls how to potty was a huge step for someone who didn't have kids.
Anyway, what seemed to work the best for the girls was when they had an accident, we put on the baby diaper. I would ask the parents not to use pull-ups, because they really didn't learn anything. They could wet the pull-up and it was no big deal, but when they wet their underwear it was a very big deal. It ruined their entire outfit. Yes, it was more work for me and the parents, but I normally got the girls trained within 2 weeks or less (if the parents stuck with my method at home it took only about a week, when they didn't it took longer). I would spend the rest of the day calling them a little baby and treating them as one. Get a choice of what snack to have? Oh no... babies don't have that. Longer nap time? Yep, because babies need more sleep. Sure, it was probably a little mean, but it really stuck with the girls. They were NOT babies. When they would tell me that I would explain, very calmly, that only babies need to wear diapers and if she has to wear one than just must be a baby.
The next day when the girl was ready to be a "big girl" and wear underwear, I made sure I gave her every chance to feel like a "big" girl. I would ask her what toy she wanted to play with, because after all big kids get to make that decision. I would let them wash their own hands before lunch time, because big kids can do that. I would constantly use the line, "Since you're a big kid you can do this!" To make being a big kid seem like the greatest thing in the world. It worked for the vast majority of the girls (I had one that was mentally challenged and so I had to use different methods with her).
I have also heard about "potty watches" that go off every hour and a half. You may want to try those so that it helps her get into the rhythm of learning when to go. Good luck.
My wife and I are currently working through the same set of issues that you are. Our son is 2-1/4 yrs old and is basically doing everything that you mentioned. From just not listening when spoken to, to throwing those "terrible 2's" temper tantrums. He has already conquered the potty training phase though, so that is basically the only difference.
We don’t bribe, because we kind of see it as rewarding the bad behavior (but that's just us), so we have been using warnings, timeouts (around 2 mins.), and removing things he holds dear when he is being naughty. We have only been using these techniques for a few weeks now and things are sort of starting to look up already. The tantrums aren’t lasting as long as they were previously, and sometimes he actually listens when asked to do something the first time. (YAY!)
I will say that I really think it’s just the age. My son is constantly trying to push the limits of what we allow him to do. I really think it just takes time and consistency with those boundaries for this to pass. I wish you luck!
I hear ya! I have a 2 and a half year old, too. I think this is just how they are. We do time outs (and my daughter screams very loudly, too), and the occasionaly spanking, and I take away her toys. Sometimes, that's all you can do. Other things I've tried, would be distracting her. Maybe start coloring with her or take her outside so she can just let loose. Go to the park, even. Or maybe just put her down for a nap, if she still naps. I would suggest the book, "The no cry discipline solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. I love that book and it has some great tips.
As for the potty training? LOL, I have no idea. We started potty training and it's just an uphill battle. I actually find just changing diapers to be easier, for crying out loud. Just hang in there and try and stay consistent. That's my problem. I wasn't consistent enough. There's also the "The no cry potty training solution" book, by Elizabeth Pantley as well. I, also, would recommend that book.
@mydearparker@xanga - that sounds demoralizing and degrading for those kids. Verbally telling them the same thing would have been more useful and less abusive (and just as effective). Physically putting them into diapers is punishment.
@mybodyx@xanga - The diapers fit them, and they still wore their clothes. Its not like they were only in diapers and made fun of for simply wearing the diaper. Majority of the time if a kid has an accident once in the day, they are going to have another one. I tired putting them back in underwear after an accident and it never failed that the girls would have another accident. One day when a girl had nothing else but diapers, I tried this. It worked wonders. I never told them being a baby was a "bad" thing or that they were a "bad" baby or anything that was degrading... they simply determined they did not want to be a baby. The boys could care less if they were a "baby" or a "big boy" so I didn't go that route with them. The boys liked it to be more like a competition for them which the parents had no problem with. Of course I talked to all the parents before trying this and made sure I had thier consent and all of them were ecstatic that I was training their child.
@mydearparker@xanga - believe me, I would have been just as ecstatic if someone else was helping me potty train my son. Nothing I've tried works, not even bribes. My son also wants to be a baby. He has told me that he doesn't want to be a big boy. He just has 0 interest in going to the potty.
@Brilliant_Innocence@xanga - The No cry potty training book might be the first "parenting" book that I buy.
@Erika_Steele@xanga - Are you using pull ups with him? I found that pull ups sometime actually hinder learning how to potty. I know it is a royal pain to constantly change him, but if you commit to a week of absolutely no diapers (or at least only at night), it may help. Good luck!!!
I'm from another generation, having just turned 58. And no, I didn't do anything drastic like spank, but every child has currency. A favored toy, a special t.v. show, a blanket, something that you know the child really loves. For a breach of behavior contract, that favored item can be removed for a period of time. I'm no expert here, and you girls know your two year olds best, but this can and does work. Parents who say it doesn't, like time out doesn't work, aren't following through and making it stick, every single time, and not giving in. I'm not sure about the potty training since now days potty training seems left up to the kids, so I'll leave that one alone, except to say, that correcting bad behavior and working on that at the same time may be a little too much right now. And I'm hoping like crazy that you aren't expecting your boyfriend to do mothering things with her that you should be. She may just be missing you.