Saturday, 02 April 2011
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Is Motherhood A Waste?
I was reading a blog that Momaroo had published http://www.momaroo.com/744358272/kids-having-kids-is-trendy-in-my-circle/ and I came across one of the most ignorant opinions I've encountered. Here's the direct quote:"It's hard to support someone with so much potential (which could be applied to greater causes) wasting it on motherhood. I have no problems with anyone becoming a mother, obviously SOMEONE has to do it but I don't think people under 25 should really be the ones to do it."
Now, I won't go pointing fingers and naming them (you can clearly read it yourself there unless they delete it at some point in the future) but I was flabbergasted. I guess I shouldn't be because people do say some of the most ridiculous things online.I should say that my mom was a SAHM (stay at home mom). I enjoyed the security that gave me as a child. I always knew that someday I wanted to be a mother and give that same sense of security to my children.
I did, however, as a teenager truly want to be a lawyer. Eventually that changed and I wanted to be a social worker. I'm very sensitive towards children though & as much as I would have loved to do that job & help children I didn't think I could emotionally handle some of the heinous situations children are put in and have to confront some of these head on (thank God there are those who can do this).
Then I thought of being a teacher but that came after I had to leave college due to lack of funding. So I worked as a cashier for a couple years until I found work as a childcare provider/assistant preschool teacher. A stressful job at times but also very rewarding and I enjoyed it most days.
Then I became a SAHM after working daycare for three years. I do not feel at all that I lack ambition or drive or goals just because I WANTED to become a mother, especially a sahm. I find it insulting that someone would have the nerve to proclaim motherhood a waste.Parenthood is what shapes future generations. Without motherhood the person who made that ignorant comment wouldn't be here - none of us would. Mothers are human and aren't perfect and some mess up more than others. However, that in no way, shape or form gives rise to the notion that motherhood is a waste.
What do all of you out there think? Is motherhood a waste or one of the most awesome responsibilities bestowed upon us as women (and the same for fatherhood for men)?
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About the Author
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- From: Thoughts_of_Motherhood@xanga
- Name: Thoughts_of_Motherhood
- Location: Fort Worth, Texas, United States
- About Me: I'm a stay-at-home mother of two wonderful children, my son who was born in 2006 and my daughter who was born in 2009. I'm just a mother who is learning the ropes like any other mother. Along the way I'd like to learn why other parents do what they do whether it is similar or different to my own style.
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Comments (59)
i'm not sure how people can be so ignorant. motherhood is definitely NOT a waste. i'm a stay at home mom and i wouldn't have it any other way. i got to experience all my son's firsts and I'M the one teaching him and raising him. not that there's anything wrong with daycare, i just feel like this is a bonus for me. and i also don't think you have to be 25 or older to have kids. i had my first at 20 and i'll be having my second in 2 months at 23. and i just wrote this blog today. :) worth a glance. http://beebizzle.xanga.com/744818689/its-all-worth-it/
ps. i don't HAVE to be a mother, i choose to be a mother :) and a damn good one at that.
No, I don't think motherhood is a waste at all! I chose to be a SAHM too, despite being smart and all that jazz. Life, to me, is far more important than simply a career. To each their own though. I wish society were more accepting of women's choices. Women should be able to stay home raise children then easily enter the workforce at some point, if they choose. There's so much negative reactions towards a mother who decides to return to work, it's weird. She may lack recent employment/job skills but she is probably far more responsible than some recent college graduates.
Ummm...without mothers and parents in general, our child would be wild. There are all those accounts where children are raised in the wild and they become animals. Parenting is the most important job there is. It's that nurturing and teaching that is so important. I think as moms we can be mothers AND do whatever else we want to. The opportunities are endless!!
I know I commented on your original post too, but to once again give that commenter the benefit of the doubt, perhaps her main beef was with people becoming moms so young. Since the original blog post was about a bunch of high schoolers having kids, I can see where she is coming from. While I will never agree that motherhood is a waste of potential, even if you become a teen mom, I do wish that the girls the original poster was talking about were mature enough to wait longer. Some people truly are ready to become young moms, and that's great! But like the post said, those girls were basically treating their kids like accessories.
Unfortunately, I've seen this in action as well, where a bunch of young girls (perhaps they were college aged but they certain didn't look it!) all had young children and the girls were so busy talking about when to pierce their baby's ears that they didn't even notice that one of their kids was crawling around eating food off of the restaurant floor. YUCK. Another kid was crying the whole time and her mom just ignored her until her giant flower fell off her head. She put the headband back on then continued to ignore her screaming baby. I wanted to punch all of them.
Children are not accessories or baby dolls to dress up for your amusement. *Most* (not all) high schoolers just don't have the maturity to be the kind of mother a twenty-something woman could be. They are still too selfish. But there is no magic "age" when you are suddenly ready to become a mom, just maturity, in my opinion.
The commenter who said motherhood was a waste? She clearly will not be mature enough for quite a few years...
I do have a problem with single very young women who can't financially support themselves starting up families and living on welfare for the rest of their lives. It really pisses me off, I understand there are accidental pregnancies, but a generic birth control pill could almost entirely eliminate that. Or you could just not have sex?? Sorry but when you have three kids by "accident" it's no accident. And you just expect everyone else to take care of you....really pisses me off. I don't want to spend my money on welfare for someone who just wanted to be on teen mom and never wanted to bother getting an education or trade school.
Everyone seems to have an opinion on how others should live their lives...Some would say that my decision to focus on my career right now is a waste of my fertile years. If I'd had a baby at 22, someone else would say it was a waste of my musical talent. So I think everyone just needs to do what's right for them, but be willing to accept the consequences (as well as the criticisms of others.) Parenthood is such a personal choice, and yet it seems to be one of the favorite targets for criticism from busybodies.
@ROASM@xanga - I hear you, girl
@ROASM@xanga - While this comment would be appropriate on the linked momaroo featured blog I don't think it has anything at all to do with the topic here. The topic here isn't really even about age or welfare. It is about motherhood/parenthood in general and if you would agree with the quote from the commenter on the original momaroo featured blog in that it is a waste of one's potential when someone chooses to be a parent.
Here is a conversation I had with a woman after a funeral at which an amazing choir performed:
"Well," she says, "I certainly wish I could sing like that; I can't sing at all."
"Oh I'm sure you sing your own song; we all do. May I ask, are you a mother?"
"Yes, I am."
"Ma'am, there is a hierarchy of beautiful things in this world, and while I have not yet seen them all I promise you that motherhood is very near the top. So you have sung your note, and I imagine you have several times."
Is motherhood a waste? If so, than I am a waste, as are all my siblings and everyone in this whole world for we are all here because of our mothers. And for those here who are Christian, remember that the cause of your Hope and Joy has a mother as well! In spite of all the sacrifices mothers make for the sake of their children, turning away from jobs, wealth, dreams and so much more...can you imagine what the world would be without them? It would be utterly devoid of human life, and thus devoid of beauty, love and anything else we hold dear as human beings.
So for all of you mothers here at Momaroo, God bless each and every one of you, and may all that you sacrifice for the sake of your children be returned ten-fold by them and what gifts they bring into the world because of your love and care.
That is one of the most ignorant comments ever, so I agree with you.
The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world. Kudos on your decision. Well wishes for you and yours. =)I feel that the comment has an up side and down side. I wholly, completely agree that anyone under 25 should not have children. People under 25 are still children, still growing, still learning and changing. After 25, I'd say it's okay to start planning for children. Under 25? Nope. No. Never. [Yes, I'm apparently an "extremist" to the mobs of under-25-mothers.]
On the other hand, NO, motherhood is not a waste. I do think too many people reproduce, and most shouldn't lol, but motherhood isn't a waste. And if I ever have children (I hate children with a passion), I would be a stay at home mom. I've always said that. I don't want my children raised in a day care center by strangers, never knowing the security of family and trust, etc. If I ever had kids, I'd probably be a SAHM until said kid was at least 15-16. That's not a waste at all, in my opinion.
If I'm going to have a kid, I want to be old enough to say I've enjoyed my life enough that I feel okay to spend time raising another, and then I want to devote decades to that life - not just have it and let it be raised in a day care center. I would be a SAHM :).
Motherhood isn't a waste, but it also isn't something everyone should do, and definitely not in the first quarter of their life. Nothing is wrong with SAHMs.
I believe that motherhood is such an important role, that someone should be mature and ready for it; as quoted from the post under 25, usually, is not the best time! Actually, motherhood is such a crucially important aspect in a womans life that they should really consider their circumstances before they even consider childbirth.
@xKateElizabethx@xanga - That's quite a generalization. Though I'm an expectant mother who is 22 years old I will say that most of the time, when you're under 25, you're not ready. I'd like to be offended but, I'm not.
As for the original post, motherhood is NOT a waste. Though it is wasted on "poor" mothers quite often. Yuck. :(
I was going to originally respond to this in a comment, however, I have decided that a post would suffice.
http://x-fingerprints.xanga.com/744858735/motherhood-a-waste/
@EccentricSiren@xanga - Agreed
@ROASM@xanga - I agree with that there. Though I think your comment was best suited for the last post that dealt with young girls getting pregnant for the hell of it. And not exactly on this topic.
@mevlink@xanga - Agreed
You completely took it out of context. Read the comment as a whole. You definitely aren't getting the point the commenter was trying to make and I'm actually more disgusted by your ignorance than the ignorance you claim filled the entire comment. You need to look at it from their point of view rather than yours as a mother.
@EccentricSiren@xanga - This. This right here. No one that is doing something productive with their time is ever wasting anything. Whether you're having and raising children or advancing your career, as long as you're doing something that makes you happy, and hopefully that makes others happy to, who are we to say you are wasting your time or potential?
I personally dont like it when people think motherhood is the one and only BEST thing to happen to the entire universe. People give themselves far too much credit for what biology bestows upon them. There is nothing magic about squirting out a kid. The miracle is raising that child into a productive, intelligent, empathetic human being. If you ask me many mothers and fathers fail at this... Rarely do you ever hear someone say,"I want kids and I want to be the best parent EVER therefore Im going to take parenting classes and expand my knowledge on child psychology."
Nope, most of them wing it! If you ask me, when you are winging the most important job in the world, youre not telling me that you care. Or that you think this role is that important. The world is not a better place, clearly because moms and dads exist. The world is ONLY a better place when we raise the standards of what it means to define parenthood.
I think a lot of times people believe that being a parent by default makes them awesome. Any moron can reproduce, just watch the Jerry Springer show.
Parenting is not necesarrily a waste of time, but there is more to life than proving you can get pregnant. The world is not having a shortage of human beings and the world is certainly not more peaceful because each year there are more babies. Its about quality, not quantity!
Yes, I think raising children is one of the most AWESOME responsibilities we moms and dads have. I know I've said this before, on your orignal post, but I'll say it again.
Motherhood is forever. I could have a great career, not saying I won't, but that is, for the most part, just temporary. One day, we all retire. But, being a mother is for LIFE. It's also incredibly special raising little ones and definitely NOT a waste.
I want to be a mom and I've always known I wanted to be, but I feel like it's a responsibility I don't want to take for another 10-12 years (I'll be 28-30). I want to have a stable home, job and relationship for my child. I'd definitely never look at it as a waste, I just feel like it'd be too hard to raise a child while I'm in school and just getting my feet planted in the world of career and marriage.
@xKateElizabethx@xanga - "I feel that the comment has an up side and
down side. I wholly, completely agree that anyone under 25 should not
have children. People under 25 are still children, still growing, still
learning and changing. After 25, I'd say it's okay to start planning for
children. Under 25? Nope. No. Never. [Yes, I'm apparently an
"extremist" to the mobs of under-25-mothers.]"
That's really ridiculous. There are people under 25 who are way more mature than those over 25. It's all based on maturity dear.
@EccentricSiren@xanga - I totally agree. The only way to not waste your life is to spend it doing what you personally want to do. If you want to be a mother, then that's dandy. Go ahead, but please be sure you can be a good mother, too. If you want to work for a few years then maybe have a baby or two, good for you too. If you just want to focus on your career and worry about meeting mister right later down the road, THAT'S JUST FINE TOO. Only you can say if you are wasting your own life.
M
Sounds like you simply gave up and are justifying how you think it's ok by making your stay-at-home-mom-ness seem brilliant. Being a mother DOES kill the best years of your life, but again, somebody's got to do it, even if it was through a mistake, loss of ambition, or, hopefully, reaching your ambitions and then deciding to settle down. I feel it should always be the last one, not one of the first two.
I don't want to be a father. My career is more important to me, and I'm not willing to give that up. Further, it costs so much money to raise a kid, money I could be doing other (in my mind) better things with.
I wrote a post listing the reasons I'm childfree. Maybe I'll submit it sometime? I think it might be good for some to see the other side of the coin.
I think that to become a mother before the age of 25 would waste MY potential. I am sure this is not the case for everyone but honestly I see a lot of girls waste their lives popping out babies and never achieving their goals.
Parenting is a career of its own. I believe that every child should get the amount of attention that a child with a stay at home parent gets. However this is less likely to happen is a couple under the age of 25 starts having children without proper education or income.
So in the end, yes motherhood before you are ready is a waste of potential.