Wednesday, 30 March 2011
-
Sleep Schedule WITHOUT Crying It Out?
Alrighty moms of Momaroo, I need your help/advice.Here I am, sitting across from my fiancé holding our son because I have once again gotten to my breaking point. Parker fell asleep last night at 1 in the morning, and by 3:30 was waking up every 20 minutes until 6:30 when I gave him his bottle and he got up for the day. It is now 12:15 in the morning and I am at my wits end in dire need of a full night’s sleep.
Everyone told me by 5 and a half months he would be on a schedule. For just a pinch over 2 weeks he was on a schedule and sleeping through the night. It was pure bliss. Then he spent the night at my mom's, and since then he has never been able to follow that schedule.
I try. I really really try. But he refuses to follow one. I know one of my biggest errors is I do not have a set time we wake up in the morning. I am so exhausted that I sleep whenever I can, so if he decides to take a 3 hour nap at 10 in the morning, I take it with him.
He also is a really fussy eater. His formula is one that CANNOT be saved, so it is really risky to try and force schedule feedings on him. Some days he will eat 24 ounces total. Some days he eats 36 ounces. Some days he will take 5 bottles, some days he will only take 3. He is growing just fine so his pediatrician is not worried, but she constantly tells me how important it is to put him on a schedule. But she doesn’t exactly spill the secret on HOW I am supposed to do that.
With his acid reflux, he does not sleep well at all once he does actually get asleep. He moves around like crazy, causing him to spit out his paci and once that is out of his mouth he freaks out and will not go back to sleep unless I race and put it back in his mouth before his eyes open.
Plus, He will not sleep unless a blanket is curled around him tightly, but that makes him hot. If I try to unroll it once he does get asleep, it wakes him up. I have tried very thin blankets and having him in just a diaper or just wear a onesie, and it never fails that the heat wakes him up.
Finally, it seems as if he has night terrors already as an infant. He has started to get VERY upset and nothing will calm him down. Once he fully wakes he is fine. But even if I hold him and talk to him sweetly, he whimpers, wiggles, cries, and whines until his eyes fully open.I have tried the routine of bath, bottle, and bed. It works and then 20 minutes later he is WIDE awake and will not go back to sleep no matter how hard I try. Not for another 2-3 hours. We basically have to play with him until he completely wears himself out and then we put him to bed for a few hours, he wakes up, and then I spent the rest of the night holding him rocking him to sleep.
I know, I should just let him comfort himself in his crib. I would be totally up for this except we live in an apartment. Parker’s cry has two volumes: LOUD, and earth shattering LOUD. No matter how much it pains me and my fiancé to hear him at 3 in the morning, I know it is 10 times more annoying for our vertical neighbors. I cannot allow them to suffer through his screams just to try and train him.
I know there are other ways to get your kid on a schedule aside from crying it out, but I don’t know any. We have tried to follow “The Best Baby on the Block” and NOTHING in that book worked for him.
I want to be able to have a time when he eats, when he naps, and at the very least sleep more than 4 hours at a time. I need to sleep more than 2 hours at a time. I knew the first couple of months I would be seriously sleep deprived, but I am not sure how much longer of this I can take.
I know, I know, a mother is always sleep deprived and blah blah blah… But seriously, I need my nights back! Even if it was just every other night. I just need some sleep, and I don’t feel like that is too much to ask for.So I am asking, BEGGING any moms out there that had this same problem of a baby that refused a schedule and they were able to somewhat turn it around without having to resort to crying it out.
How did you do it?Please. Anything would be most appreciated.
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to momaroo's Momaroo Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in momaroo's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: mydearparker@xanga
- About Me: I am a new mom of a baby boy. These are my thoughts and feelings about this little thing that flipped my world upside down.
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 5 Views: 0 9746 Comments: 0 144 View all posts by mydearparker@xanga
Comments (27)
I think you should talk to your neighbors and let them know you are at your wits end, but have to let him cry it out. You could even be nice and give them some ear plugs. It's a temporary thing (crying at night), so hopefully they are okay with it. He needs to know you will not go in there at the drop of a hat at night, so then he will put himself back to sleep. He is old enough to self-soothe and do this on his own. I can't imagine going this long without getting enough sleep. Sleep is the one thing i NEED, so i really feel for you. But i think you need to find something and stick to it. Consistency is key. He is obviously taking that 3 hour nap in the mornings because he's so exhausted from being up at night. You can find a good schedule/routine on the internet and try and follow that. Kids LOVE routine...they like to know what to expect and when to expect it. Also, he might be crying and wanting attention because he knows you'll play with him and rock him....of course he would want those things instead of sleeping! Hang in there....i wish you the best of luck, but i really think he needs to learn how to put himself back to sleep at night. The crying won't last forever and i think it's a good idea to give your neighbors a heads up so then you aren't going in there to stop his crying for the neighbor's sake. Once it's all over, it will be totally worth it.
Hi! I know how you feel believe me I've got 2 11 months apart lol but It really shouldn't be that if hes now 5 and a half months.. Do you think maybe hes teething I know with my daughter she was pretty good and on a schedule until she started teething at 4 months!! we didnt realize there was a connection at first until we noticed them coming out.. other the that I dont know my son is 7 months and hasnt gotten any teeth yet.. he does sometimes wake in the middle of the night but a pacifier or a bottle is all it takes for him to just knock back out.. I really dont believe in letting them cry it out... my fiance does but I honestly think thats cruel.. but try to have your fiance help you specially when you feel you can't take it anymore.. believe me youre lucky to have him with you so take advantage of that go lay down and the two of you can take turns :o) I hope this helps .. and believe me it truly does get easier as they grow older :o)
@MayanPrincess - Letting a baby cry it out is not cruel. I had to do this very temporarily with my daughter and she has been sleeping 12 hours a night for as long as i can remember. If you're willing to get up in the middle of the night all the time to give a bottle or whatever, then that's fine, but i like having those 12 hours to myself not having to worry whether my daughter will wake up. I assure you that 10-15 minutes of crying is not cruel. It's not like i would let her cry for hours....and you can tell the difference between a cry that you need to attend to and one that's just looking for attention.
I think... you may have to let him cry it out. @ShamrockLover@xanga had a good idea- explain it to your neighbors, give them ear plugs, whatever you have to do, but if you continue to rush in every time he cries, he will quickly learn that that is the way to get what he wants. Babies have to learn to self-soothe, and they can't do that unless you make them. Best of luck!
Poor baby! I really don't believe in cry-it-out at all, but especially that young. If he's crying regularly for hours and then you give him a bottle and then he sleeps, why not give the bottle earlier? At that age, babies wake often because they really shouldn't be going that long without eating, and because it can be bad for them to go into deep sleep for so long. That can be a risk factor for SIDS.
As for the overheating, my daughter loved to be swaddled too, so we always run a fan while she sleeps. It helps to mask noise too.@ShamrockLover@xanga - I understand that that works for you and that you have your own opinion.. Its just for me personaly I can't hear my daughter or son cry and not want to comfort them... I know it might not be the best way to "parent/ raise" them but I just can't do it.. something inside me tells me to atleast talk to them and let them know that mommys here.. and knowing me its alot for me to still feel that way even at all hours of the morning.. but every parent is different and every child is different.. luckily my children adjusted easily and well to sleeping at night... I must admit its alot easier by the second child.. but they really only cry if something is wrong with them.. either they definitely need a change asap or they are hungry.. and in rare cases they are sick or dont feel good.. all things that I believe shouldnt be ignored.. once those things are taken care of they quickly and effortlessly fall back asleep.. I think just like this woman that is trying to figure what she should do we all need to find out what works best for our lives and for our children.. I'm not here to bash on anyone elses opinions or way of doing things.. but I do believe that we all deserve to hear other peoples view of things in order to find what works best.. me personally I am glad to talk to other mothers and hear their point of views and theyre experiences ;o)
@MayanPrincess - Well said
Thank you
I absolutely do not believe in CIO. It IS cruel and it has been proven to cause attachment issues and brain damage from the stress.
You're going to have to start waking him up. What I'd do it wake him up an hour earlier. I'm sure its not consistent, but kinda take a mental average and go for an hour earlier. Pick a time for a morning and afternoon nap. Put him down for naps. Even if he doesn't sleep he'll start to accept the routine over a period of time. Try to put him down for the night when he's tired but not over tired. Night wakings, just keep the environment dark and calm to keep his body in that little groove. Try not to turn on any lights, or make loud noises. My son slept better (and still does) with music on. It doesn't have to be kids music, or classical just calm and appropriate (My son likes to nap to one of my Owl City albums). If you can bathe nightly go for it (we live in too dry a climate), if not don't make that a part of your night time schedule. Its confusing for it to be there one night and gone the next. If he's still going to bed late, keep moving it forward, but give him time to adjust I'd say one week minimum...but you know your baby better than I do.
Yeah it may take a while, but whats a month or so in the long run?
I'd also recommend cosleeping (not necessarily bedsharing). Keeping the baby in the room or bed with you gives them less time to get worked up so its easier to get them back to sleep. Me and my son coslept for the first 2 and 1/2 years, we only bed shared during infancy and when it was stormy/cold/he had a nightmare past about the first year. We also co-napped (which I know isn't possible if you aren't a SAHM). It really helped me to remain functional during those first few months.
Also, he could be teething, so you should look into that. :D
the walk and bounce the baby routine worked for me or you can ask your parents/ what to expect the first year book
@RainDropPixie@xanga - I agree with RainDropPixie. I'm definitely an attachment parenting type of person. It goes against every motherly instinct in my body to make my kids cry it out. I hated it before I tried it but I got desperate with my son (my first child) enough that I went ahead and let him cry it out a couple times. It NEVER took him 10-15 minutes and then he was good like others led me to believe it would be. I couldn't go past that and I felt like the worst mother ever by the time I finally went in there to comfort him. I've heard people who have done it and THEY sat in the hall crying - but then later on claimed it worked. Not to mention some of them said that it took their child up to an HOUR to stop crying. Others babies literally threw up because of it. So we co-slept. Some children have an easier time with it, I'm sure. But mine just aren't wired that way.
At 5 months, get an electric swing that can plug in and let baby sleep in there next to your bed. My daughter did that her first 8 months and LOVED it. We moved to co-sleeping with her only after I discovered (in the hospital while I had surgery on my neck twice last summer - so cosleeping actually was necessary since getting up out of bed hurt my neck the first couple weeks after each surgery) it helped her to quit waking up so many times in the middle of the night which meant she and I got a much better sleep. Also, it was easier to nurse her. I've only tried CIO with her once and that last all of 5 minutes - it wasn't CIO so much as I needed a break because I was getting frustrated. With my son (my first) I had to co-sleep from day 1 because he screamed SO hard if I wasn't right there with him (he was 3w1d early though so the nurses think that could be part of it). And he has been a great night time sleeper since 9 months. I'm definitely for co-sleeping as long as you're careful to do it responsibly.
There's a good book out there that may help you as well. It's called the "No Cry Sleep Solution."
I gave up with my daughter at 3 mos. and co-slept with her. She slept through the night just fine then. If you choose to co-sleep please research the safety issues surrounding it (especially don't have a pail of water by your bed.) I really believe babies are supposed to sleep next to their mothers. Good luck!
Here is a site that lays out some of the facts/research about CIO - I know you said you don't want to do that so I'm only including this article bc it has lots of links for alternative methods other than CIO. It is neither a pro-CIO nor anti-CIO article, it just tries to examine both sides of it.
http://www.parentingscience.com/Ferber-method.html
Also a site I used a lot with my baby (she was a gassy/fussy newborn) was
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/5/T051200.asp
Sounds like your baby has some physical issues that keep him from sleeping well - reflux and sensitivity to temperature? Maybe you can google and/or ask around to moms or your baby's doc for help with those things. If those things are addressed, maybe he will be more comfortable and able to sleep more and longer. My baby didn't have reflux but many babies do - surely someone can give you suggestions for that. Sometimes sleeping more upright can be helpful, like in a swing or car seat or with one end of the crib elevated a little. I, too, despaired of my baby ever having a schedule, at approximately the same time you are - around 6 months old.
Don't fall into the trap of believing something should be true for your baby just because everyone says so. They're all individuals. I wouldn't necessarily even take your doc's stress on schedules as the gospel for your child. My baby was more like 9 months before she started sleeping/waking at approx the same times. And so many factors can affect their sleep - teething, sickness, dreams, growth spurts, stress, etc.
For what it's worth, my gut instinct from reading your post is that your little guy has some tummy/physical discomforts that are interfering with him getting enough rest.
My heart goes out to you, I know how hard it can be. Good luck and feel free to message or email me anytime.
There is a chance you baby may never really get on a set schedule, some just don't. There is nothing wrong with that, though it does make it harder on you. Don't let the baby cry it out if it goes against your mother's intuition. It works for some babies but not for others. I tried it against my better judgment because everyone told me I should, and it traumatized my son. He became terrified of his crib.
I would first recommend giving your son his bottle before he has his bath. Try not to associate eating with going to sleep. When he wakes up in the night try to comfort him without picking him. If you have to lean over the crib rail and cuddle with him (I did at first), that is fine. After a couple days he will need less comfort. Help him find and put his paci back in his mouth so he can learn to do it on his own.
Most of all, chill out. Trust your own judgment, you know your baby best.
Have you tried putting him in bed with you? I know that isn't the popular thing to do, but if done properly it's been shown to be just as safe (or even safer, depending on the study) than putting a child in a crib. We use a bed bumper (NOT just any one...make sure it has no spaces where the baby can fall. We use this one because it goes under the sheet and matress cover: http://www.gobedbug.com/GOPAGES/infantcosleep.htm). Put him between the bumper and your body, with him in the crook of your arm. Make the room warm enough that you don't have to use a blanket...I just put the sheet/blanket across my knees. Never sleep with him if you've taken medication or have been drinking or are obese. I know that sounds like a lot of "warnings", but there are just as many (if not more) for cribs, and bed sharing has become more "in vogue" as people realize that it's safe and it works. Our pediatrician said it's fine if done safely, just like a crib-sleeping is fine is done the right way.
I've bed shared with my daughter since she was 3 months old (bassinet beside the bed before that). It took a few nights to get used to it, but I've NEVER had a problem with sleep deprivation. I seriously don't know what it's like to be a "tired new mom", and I had to get up at 6am and then drive an hour to work when she was just 5 weeks old, so I couldn't even take naps. She stirs in the night, but instead of waking and crying she just reaches over, takes hold of my arm, and falls back to sleep. I keep a bottle of water and some pre-measured powder on the nightstand for her night feeding...she doesn't even wake up fully, and I can feed her without getting up, and then go right back to sleep. I honestly think bed sharing is one of the best decisions I've made so far for my daughter. She's happy and rested, I'm happy and rested, daddy is happy and still gets to sleep next to me.
I know every baby is different and what works for one doesn't work for all, but give bed sharing a try. It might solve a lot of your sleep issues.
I was not/am no a fan of crying it out. I have twins. My daughter got on a schedule right away but it took my son awhile. He woke up 4-6 times a night until he was 10 months old. Then the next two months less and less until he was sleeping as much as his sister.
oooh I know those days! My son was exactly the same--right down to the acid reflux and the 20 min naps. And I understand when you say that he has you so tired that you sleep whenever you can. Dorian did this for about 7 months off and on- what ended it for good was when I decided to not let him nap in the day...I let him have 2 20 min naps but other than that he was limited to a 12 hour window for sleep at night. It meant keeping myself awake and ACTUALLY waking my cranky sleeping baby during the day...
@ShamrockLover@xanga - @WaitingToShrug@xanga - We almost got kicked out when Parker was a colicky newborn. They are not understanding because none of them are parents or they were parents so long ago they have forgotten what it is like. We cannot afford to let him cry it out. On top that, his acid reflux will kick in and he will throw up before he would ever calm down and go to sleep. Even if I could stomach him crying it out, I could never stomach him sleeping in his own vomit.
@MayanPrincess - I think he may be teething, but we (my fiance, Parker's doctor, and myself) have been thinking he started teething over 2 months ago. There are still no teeth... those are taking their dear sweet time. But yes, I know it will get better when he is older.
@ErinneC@xanga - His pediatrician told us that by 4 months he can go 8 hours without a bottle, as long as he is eating enough during the day. He is eating enough during the day. We haven't tried a fan in his room, but when he sleeps with us and we use a fan, he stares at it and he won't go to sleep until we turn it off.
@RainDropPixie@xanga - I am a SAHM (which I feel blessed to be), and we do co-nap. But I think we may need to start waking up earlier so he will go to bed earlier.
@thesexydevilgirl@xanga - My parents had the kids sleep in the bed with them until the next one came along. Hence why my brother slept with my mom until he was 11. My fiance and I cannot do that.
@Thoughts_of_Motherhood@xanga - Thanks. We may try that book.
@TiredSoVeryTired@xanga - We have been resorting to cosleeping, but we cannot continue. We would like to have our bed back for ourselves.
@quidam2010@xanga - Wow. Thank you. I will take a look at that.
@wearywalden@xanga - Thanks. :)
@WatershipDown - We have ended up with cosleeping and we have taken as many precautions possible. He sleeps a lot better with us than he does alone. However, keeping him in our bed has seriously put a strain on our relationship. We want to claim the bed for the two of us again.
@mommashannon@xanga - I have heard that boys are just harder to "tame" than girls. It just comes with the trade I guess.
@AltarEgo619@xanga - I am thinking I will need to do the exact same thing. Thanks.
@wearywalden@xanga - There is a chance you baby may never really get on a set schedule, some just don't. There is nothing wrong with that, though it does make it harder on you. Don't let the baby cry it out if it goes against your mother's intuition. It works for some babies but not for others.
Agreed
@mydearparker@xanga - I know exactly what you mean.. I guess it just depends for example with my daughter she was 4 months and I was still breast feeding one morning I was casually playing with her I was having her "play chew" on my hand lol all of a sudden "OWW" lol I checked and much to my surprise she had the edges of her 2 bottom front teeth out... she had shown NO signs whatsoever.. I said no more breast feeding for you lol and thank God because she kept getting a new pair of teeth every two weeks after that I was good because the doctors cleared her to eat pretty much everything so she just started eating what we ate cut up really small of course lol.. so i had just figured with my son it would be the same... he is now 7 months we thought he started teething about 2 months ago because he was slobbering on everything and chewing on his hands or whatever he could find.. but still nothing.. go figure at this rate it looks like it will take him another 2 months to get them .. meanwhile I'm so confused about feeding because with my daughter at this point she was having meat, chicken, pasta, vegetables, just about everything.. and with him im so afraid hes going to choke since he cant chew on anything.. go figure I guess even when they are siblings they can develop that differently.. anyway I wish you luck.. hopefully soon you guys will figure out your pattern so you can get more sleep :o) good luck :o)
Get the book No Cry Sleep Solution. It didn't work perfectly for us, but helped us to get our son's sleep a little better. There are a lot of great ideas in there! I'm also for bed sharing, my son starts in his crib and we settle him back in there a few times then he sleeps next to me and sleeps beautifully and when he does wake its only for a few minutes.
I've heard more often that babies tend to sleep better around 10 months, which makes more sense to me than 5. Their calorie needs are less as thier growth has slowed, so they don't need to wake up to eat any more. I know my 6 month old is definatly hungry at night he needs at least 2 good feeds a night.
Have you tried a cool mist humidifier for the heat thing? Not only will it keep baby cool, if he has breathing issues it will help and there is a white noise factor that helps too. My son has breathing issues and we use a cool mist humidifier a lot, he seems to sleep a lot better with it on then when it's not on, even when he doesn't need it.
Do you have a swing? When my son would wake at all hours of the night, the only thing that he liked was to be put in the swing and he would sleep well in it. This also might help with his reflux since he is in an upright position. I am sorry you have Nazi neighbors that don't understand what having a baby is like (or have forgotten) Good luck and I hope you find a solution that works well for you.Hi both my children had big sleep issues my daughter didn't sleep through the night fully untill well past the year and my son it was close it the one year mark.
Like your little on they were both colicky babies with refluxDr sears was my life saver he realistically helped me and my family get the best sleep possible his website has tonnes of realistic advice with no crying it out at all.http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T070300.aspAlso his sleep book and advise on parenting the fussy baby are great.I especially found his tips on sorting day sleep helped with the night time sleep problems , my daughter began sleeping 12-6am days after sorting out her day sleeps and one i had my sons tired times worked out he slept from 7-11 then had to be settled back and slept till 5-6ish.It takes longer than CIO however my children now have a healthy attitude to sleep and their are never any arguments at bedtime in fact the come and ask to go to bed if they've had a busy day. My two closest fried who are big CIO fans still have sleep issues with all off their kids.
Some baby's suit schedules and some don't keep note of your los feeds and sleeps their may be a pattern in some off the chaos that may not be the typical schedule off two-four hourly feeds and sleeps but is your los.
The reason their are many sleep books for infants is that most infants have sleep issues.
As a non-mom my advice isn't worth much but I'm giving it anyhow.
Can you put the baby in your room?See a doctor to check for sources of pain or colic.
Keep a fan on in the room with him also.
We put our 4 month old in a Jumperoo and it knocks him out in no time - we just let him get in a deep sleep, pick him up and put him in his crib.
Has your doctor told you to raise the head of his mattress? We put a pillowunder the head of ours and it helps with his spit up (and SIDS). We also don't lay him flat for atleast two hours after he's eaten - since his matress is raised its ok, we use his boppy and swing, etc during the day. Have y'all tried changing his bottle to help with the reflux? Only Nuk's or Tommee Tippee's work for us. You can aso try onion water to help with colicy fits, it'll help pass the gas and make him drowsy.