Friday, 11 March 2011
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Chemicals for Coping
A match made in heaven or a crutch? I recently read an article about moms who drink to cope with the stress of being a stay at home mom or working outside the home. It was pretty scary that so many moms feel that they have to drink to cope with all the pressures of simply being a mom.
I'm not judging them. I look forward to a margarita and a few hours out with a friend. But that's not the same as drinking to cope. It is a good escape from the monotony, irritation and seclusion that being a SAHM to a 2 and 3 year old can sometimes bring.When my friend told me about a great doctor who prescribed her valium, I was a little shocked. I thought, "Wow, valium...isn't that a pretty heavy drug to prescribe?" She went on to tell me how it has helped her out so much to cope with the stresses of her day. She said that her marriage was better because she wasn't angry and moody by the time her husband got home.
Another one of her friends who is also taking valium said that it really helped her out too. It made me curious. I found that the practice of giving housewives valium started in the 50's when many women were having a hard time coping with life, felt dissatisfied, anxious and depressed. Women also tend to have more mental disorders than men and are more prone to anxiety/depression.So now I'm wondering, are there a lot of moms out there who are taking valium or any other sort of anti-anxiety/anti-depressants to help them? It is so much better than drinking alcohol (and possibly having to drive your kids to practice afterward), but is it making you coast through life in a sort of happy haze? Parenting is not easy, but I'm not sure that this is the best route.
I, myself, have considered going to the doctor for help because I, too, have been suffering from some anxiety and depression. I exercise 5 days a week and eat relatively healthy so that's not part of the problem.
Looking back, I actually wished my mother had been on some sort of prescription. She is a hard working and strong willed woman but sometimes life really did get the best of her and she would completely freak out. My mother in-law had to commit herself for a short time because she had a break down.
I know that there are many other incidents of this where motherhood caused immense stress, almost too much to handle.
I'd like to hear from some moms who have had to get help (prescription & non) to see their perspectives. I'm wondering - is it better to take some preventative measures? If I had a breakdown, how would that affect my children? Is it a good or bad idea to have some chemical (prescription) help for a little while?
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About the Author
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- From: JoyElizabeth82@xanga
- About Me: I love odd things.
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Comments (36)
i want a Valium.... {and yes, i am a stay at home mom.. with another on the way...}
I have never had alcohol nor cigarettes. I associate alcohol with woman beaters, pedophiles, and college parties. My so-called parents and all my peers smoked when I was a kid, so I guess I should be another statistic, but for some reason I never started smoking (aside from secondhand smoke). I no longer take drugs for anything, not even aspirin. Just because they're "legal" doesn't mean they're morally or physically safe. Besides, SAHM stress is largely caused by monogamy and misogyny, but oh no, no one wants to offer the bold steps of "alternative" lifestyles. So as far as I'm concerned people have no right to complain, especially if they're worsening their situations by being drunks and crackheads.
I am a work-from-home-mom and am 35 weeks pregnant with baby #2. I am currently on a low dose of Prozac, but I have struggled with depression related illnesses since I was 14 years old. I was off of the medication for a very long time, but this pregnancy has done a number on my hormones and I fell into a deep depression so severe that I could not take care myself and my growing baby, let alone my two-year-old. It had nothing to do with stress/coping though; it's just a chemical imbalance that I've always struggled with (and that runs in my family).
I can't speak for valium because I've never taken it, but I've taken almost every antidepressant out there at one time in my life and they definitely don't put me in a "happy haze." They correct my chemical imbalance so that I can once again function like a normal human being. When anxiety or depression starts to interfere with every day life, sometimes a low dose of an antidepressant or anti-anxiety pill can make a WORLD of difference. As a mom, I want to be the best mom that I can be, and I can't be that person when I'm pinned to the bed by my crippling depression. With a little help from Prozac, I am back to my normal self and proud of it!
@mevlink@xanga - good to hear from someone who's dealing with the same issue. I think my issues with it started when I hit puberty and let up a good deal in my 20's until I had kids. I'm pretty sure it runs in my family but I come from a family who doesn't believe in taking medication, atleast the older generation...so there's no "medical" history of it reported yet. We all just kind of know there's a problem. : (
@reanimated_corpse@xanga - Ha ha ha, they are good for relaxing! Hope your pregnancy hasn't been too rough.
@JoyElizabeth82@xanga - Were you the one to ask me if we have the same family when I posted about emotional/verbal abuse?
It definitely runs in my family but like yours, no one talks about it. My grandma had it, my mom HAS it, my sister has it, and I have it too. Probably a lot of my aunts/cousins do too, but they'd never talk to me about it.
Mine started right shortly after I got my period when I was diagnosed with premenstrual dysphoric disorder and put on some mild medication just for the two weeks leading up to my period each month. But as I went on in high school, a few days turned into a few weeks and a few weeks turned into a few months so I was put on stronger a stronger dose of Prozac. I hated it, so I quit for a while, but became so depressed my freshman year of college that I finally agreed to go back on medication because I was getting suicidal. It took 5 different antidepressants before we found one that worked. I was on Wellbutrin from then (2004, or was it 2005?) until I got pregnant with my first in 2008. I haven't been on anything since until this pregnancy.
But seriously though, if you have made changes in your life and still struggle to "feel like yourself," sometimes the meds are a lifesaver, for you AND your family.
I normally have a glass of wine at night to unwind, and for its health benefits. But that is just one glass. Sometimes I go out and have a drink in a social setting.
There is a huge difference between unwinding at the end of the day, and using any sort of chemical through out the day to cope. IMHO.
I understand there is a need and a place for chemicals that fix imbalances, but they are being over prescribed, over used, and abused.
I myself refuse chemical treatment. I have considered the use of marijuana (I do recognize that its a chemical -THC- but I'm not going to go an off myself because I missed a few "doses" unlike anti depressants and anti psychotics), because we are a medical marijuana state. But, so far this year my anxiety and insomnia have been just fine without any help at all. Lifestyle changes, more activity, etc have helped tremendously. My ADD is the only thing I'm currently battling this year, and I've seen what ADD meds do to people (namely adults)...and I refuse to become a personality-less robot.
Some people need "chemicals", most people want "chemicals".
I am on prozac, that started in November. It was originally prescribed to help me with my near constant migraines which were triggered by stress headaches. Was I able to cope before the prozac, yes one might say so. But my body was crying out in protest even if I was "handling" it all. No one can work 24/7/365 for years on end and just coast through like it's nothing. What were my so-terrible stressors? Maybe being a military wife. Having to be a single Mom a lot of the time because of that service. Being far away from family (and support). Hormone issues related to breastfeeding and stopping. Buying our first home. The list goes on. Put all that together, and yes I was having a hard time, thus the stress headaches which triggered my migraines. I think people need to recognize that raising children is THE hardest (and most rewarding but usually least thanked) job on earth. Sometimes, some of us might just need a little break, @a12906@xanga.
I don't recognize any of your arguments about moral or medical safety of medications of any kind. They have been used in different forms since the beginning of time, and I believe some of them are there for a purpose and are even God-given. I include alcohol in this, as Jesus also turned water in wine. Would He have done that if it were a chemical meant to cause spousal-abuse, pedophilia, or out-of-control college mania? I don't think so. But maybe you don't have the same beliefs as me. Your whole response seems like it is coming from a place of pain and trauma. Whatever happened, and yes I am reading between the lines, I am genuinely sorry for. But I do think it is wrong for you to put blanket judgements on things you have personal history and issue with.
Am I saying that anything in excess is not damaging? No. Not at all. But if for a time I need a prozac, or someone else needs a glass of wine etc, I think it is ok to accept that help and give yourself a break. The prozac has not changed me. I don't walk around in a happy haze, numb to the feelings and emotions of life. You know what it has done? Reduced my headaches from 26 to 2 days a month. That makes me a better Mom. It has taken my stress down a notch, which results in a me being a more patient Mom. It has helped my marriage because I'm not either in pain all day and night with a migraine, or exhausted from trying to cope with it and be the sole care-provider to my children all day.
All in all, I think this prozac has helped me to be a better Mom, and a better person because I'm not simply exhausted. Exhausted from pain. Exhausted from stress. Generally beat-down feeling. You know what crutches are for? To temporarily help stop the pain and further damage from a known injury. I see this in the same way. Until things calm down, until I no longer feel caught up in the whirlwind of life events taking place at one time, I think it is ok, and even BRAVE (because yes I had to deal with my own judgements about "anti-depressants" and ask for help).
@sarahsmurfette@xanga - thank you! I'm glad that your headaches have gotten so much better. I'm not sure I could survive having headaches all month long.
It is definitely something I'm looking into because there are some days when I can barely get off the couch and not from just being lazy. Some days I have zero energy and feel so beat down even if I had a full night's sleep. I've heard that's a sign of depression. I also have several other symptoms and have acid reflux due to stress. I don't want to take something that makes me feel hazy but from yours and other's testimonies, there are prescriptions out there that don't do that at all. So good to know.
@mevlink@xanga - It sure was! Seems like we could be seperated at birth. I had problems with my periods too, the week before it hit I was especially depressed and edgy; I still have that problem.
I told my parents that I needed help when I was 19 so they sent me to a "Christian" psychiatrist who did nothing. I guess his prognosis of the situation (I have no idea what it was, he just told me we were done one day) made them think nothing was wrong so I haven't had any help with it. I've been suffering in silence and haven't told my family at all about the suicidial bouts I've had...and they wouldn't know anyway since they live in another country : /. Since having my kids, I can say that suicide is not on the forefront at all but depression and anxiety have been, especially anxiety about e v e r y t h i n g. Social anxiety, anxiety about my marriage, my kid's future, money, school, house cleaning, friends, just everything I can think of brings more stress than relief. It's so uncomfortable to be like this. Some days I'm alright and then other days I'm so off. Sometimes it's weeks at a time.
@RainDropPixie@xanga - Your last statement is true, I've seen it many times. A friend of mine takes valium because she wants to feel over the top good, even though there's nothing really wrong with her. I do know many women who really do need them and it's amazing how much that can affect their lives positively.
@JoyElizabeth82@xanga - About the wanting versus needing drugs. I am also very aware of this. I know that my maternal Grandfather was an alcoholic, and my paternal Grandmother was addicted to prescription drugs. I have been wary of medications including alcohol for ever. When I had my wisdom teeth removed, or even after my c-section, I always asked myself before I took pain medication "am I taking this because I want to stop hurting, or because I want to feel good?" I think there's a big difference in those intentions. My doctor had to counsel me for over half an hour telling me why I needed the prozac, because I am afraid of medication in a way because of family history of addiction. I worry that there might be a genetic pre-disposition to abuse or addiction. But that doesn't mean I can't take anything that some people abuse. It took time for me to convince myself of that.
I take the prozac right now because I needed to stop the hurting. It doesn't give me a euphoric or good feeling in any way. I really hope you can find the courage to talk to your doctor about this and to consider medication if it is recommended. I was a weepy mess in the dr's office by the time I finally was able to ask for help. I waited, and suffered, for too long. It takes courage to say "I accept the help you give."
@sarahsmurfette@xanga - Unfortunately for us, it's alot about the money it takes to get help. I'm not sure that I can afford to prescription, let alone the visit. I've heard there are some government programs for family counseling so that's an option. How did you go about getting help?
@sarahsmurfette@xanga - Natural medications or remedies have been used since the beginning of the time- Prozac and alcohol have not.
Furthermore, man-made medications- and the man-made situations that make people sick- often do more harm than good, whether they're legal or not. How many times have you heard of yet another medication or medical "procedure" that was F.D.A..- approved being "discovered" as something that killed or handicapped thousands of people?
If you were having migraines 26 days a month brought on by the list of factors you described, chances are you could have easily found some natural remedies or better yet- eliminated those factors in your situation.
You didn't have to be a military wife, single mother, you didn't have to stop breastfeeding. There are plenty of better (less violent) men out there, plenty of people who are fully aware that there is nothing wrong with having more than one relationship. (Christians, A.K.A. monogamists and misogynists, have a hard time wrapping their heads around this, despite the fact that it would make housework, child rearing, etc. easier, which many would love.) There is plenty of evidence that ceasing to breastfeed (probably triggered by religious prudeness) does nothing but set your kid up for the health disasters you have.
Lastly, if you say you did not truly need Prozac and it has not changed you, why are you on it? Obviously my "blanket judgements" have at least some truth to them.
@a12906@xanga - Are you a mother yet? Do you have a chemical imbalance? And if you have, what do you propose a natural remedy would be for that sort of thing? Have you ever broken your leg and told the doctor that you don't want any pain medicine while it is being reset? It's very much the same as enduring mental issues when you don't have to and there is help to be had.
Have you been in love? Have yuo ever been deceived? Have you been married? Have you been responsible for moving a whole household? Have you ever been on your own, provided for yourself or taken care of several other people full time, besides yourself?
It is easy to judge but it is impossible to actually live life and not make some bad choices or be faced with very difficult ones where you don't know the outcome. It's the human condition that we cannot know everything or be perfect.
@JoyElizabeth82@xanga - Yes I am on my own, and have had to take care of myself. There are plenty of mothers who don't take drugs. I have been through shit you would not believe, and have had depression for years, but I am able to give up drugs and have yet to touch alcohol. This whole "chemical imbalance" concept did not exist until a few years ago, so I'm guessing it's another way for so-called doctors to make more money off you. I find it funny how many other countries are not as addicted to "anti-depressants" and "anti-psychotics" as the U.S. Sure, everyone makes mistakes- I admit even I make mistakes lol- but everyone can also learn from their mistakes and move on. She could- and should- have divorced her husband or had a guy "on the side" as they call it if her marriage is causing her 26 migraines a month. She didn't have to take drugs or drink. Monogamy, misogyny, and early weaning are not, I repeat, not, human nature. This is probably why she was having 26 migraines in a 30-31 day month.
@JoyElizabeth82@xanga - Just out of curiosity, have you ever left a bad relationship despite the crazy "Oh, but I love him so much" part of your brain (which I admit is sometimes present in my brain as well)? I doubt it. Have you ever tried to go against the materialistic grain and minimize the amount of things you own so that moving a whole household is not so difficult? I doubt it. Have you had to experience the shit that is the foster system after being abused and exploited your whole life? I doubt it. I, on the other hand, have done all of these things. So don't come at me like I don't know pain and suffering or what I am talking about, because I will just embarrass you.
@JoyElizabeth82@xanga - I really like what @sarahsmurfette@xanga said about prozac being like a crutch... I know that has negative connotations but what I mean is, when your foot is broken, the only way for it to heal is for you to stop straining it or putting pressure on it through the use of crutches. Depression can be just like that. Sometimes the only way you can heal your chemical imbalance is to stop straining it, which is why it sounds to me like you might be ready to try at least an anti-anxiety med or perhaps an antidepressant. If being glued to the couch (not out of laziness) just isn't "you," then it's definitely time to talk to your doc.
(Ps. to both of you, don't waste your time arguing with a12906. She is young and immature, and will disagree with everything you say anyway. And if you're lucky, she'll even tell you that child protective services should take your kids away. Not that I'm speaking from experience or anything...)
@mevlink@xanga - lol You're the one who admitted to having tried every "antidepressant" out there. Sounds to me like you use them a little more than a "crutch".
@JoyElizabeth82@xanga - About costs... I don't know what kind of insurance you have or where you live, but because I'm on the generic prozac, I think I pay only $8 bucks a month! I can't believe how inexpensive it is. I believe both Walmart and Walgreens have super inexpensive generic versions of most anti-anxiety or antidepressants.
@a12906@xanga - You seem incredibly unhappy and it bleeds through in your comments. I will believe that your way works when the one preaching it is healthy and happy.
@mevlink@xanga - Wow, that is inexpensive. I didn't know if there was a generic for Prozac or not.
ha ha ha...did she really say that? Oh goodness.
@JoyElizabeth82@xanga - Maybe if you're Christian, or can't shake a Christian society's brainwashings. I don't know if you know this, but not only can several people in a relationship know each other exists, but a relationship is about a lot more than sex. If that's all you think a relationship is, obviously you are not mature enough to "be in love", or "on your own", which you questioned of me.
@JoyElizabeth82@xanga - She also does not have to "cheat" to get a divorce. Women have made great strides in the last century.
@a12906@xanga - I'm only going to respond to the two parts of your comment that are personally the most offensive to me. My husband being in the military, and breastfeeding. You are writing about things you know nothing about. My husband? He's in the military, yes. The Coast Guard. They are the rescuers. They are they ones putting their lives on the line saving people every single day. Go ahead and make another blanket judgement and assume my husband is violent because he is in the military. Go ahead. The truth is, he's a hero. And he has never used a weapon in his line of service. (I am only addressing my personal family involvement with the coast guard and not every military servicemember who you should be THANKING, you arrogant, ungrateful, sadly mistreated and misinformed, unhappy child).
Secondly, my son self-weaned from breastfeeding. When he was 20 months. I did not arbitrarily wean him due to a chart, or any other factor. What would you have had me do, stuff my breasts in his mouth and rub his neck to force him to swallow? Again, this is a subject you know nothing about.
I am wasting my time writing to you for the sake of me. You say my husband is violent. You say I am a health disaster (which the migraines were triggered by stress headache cycles, which I bet you know nothing about, and probably have never heard of). You accuse me of depriving my child of health and well-being.
You are in great need of maturity and better life experiences, and that is the nicest I can be.