Thursday, 03 March 2011
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Toddler Tantrums
Well, it's official. My son is now a toddler (minus the walking but we're getting there). I don't have all the pictures ready nor the time to post them at this exact moment, but I promise they'll come. I just wanted to take a few moments to share my weekly news-email that follows along with my son's age and updates me with advice and information on what's up at this stage in his development and life. The week's is titled, naturally, "1 Year Old," and contained the following blurb:TANTRUMSThey can be embarrassing, frustrating, and annoying – but less so if you recognize that tantrums are a natural part of babyhood (and toddlerhood). It's not that your child is trying to be manipulative or malicious with his outbursts. Tantrums signal his frustration when he's having trouble communicating or becomes upset at not getting what he wants. Especially when language skills are still developing and a sense of preference is growing, your child has little choice but to fall back on the primitive "babyish" responses of crying and screaming.
The good news is he'll eventually outgrow this phase. For now, here are a few sanity-saving tips to keep in mind:
Be responsive. Your child develops a sense of self-worth and happiness as you take care of his wants and needs, so it's best to fulfill his "requests" whenever possible and practical. If you can't give your little one what he wants and he reacts emotionally, be calm and comforting. It also helps to offer another option.
Recognize the good. Be sure to praise your child when he's well behaved so that he gets positive reinforcement for good behavior.
Practice prevention. You can prevent some tantrums by avoiding situations that may upset your child or by planning for them ahead of time – for example, by having snacks on hand to avoid a hungry meltdown. Giving your child the chance to choose among alternatives (food, activities, and so on) and minimizing your use of "no" will also help bolster his emotional resilience and stability.
Keep your cool. When your little one is having a tantrum, be calm and neutral about it. If you can, resist giving your child too much attention, which will only fuel the tantrum. Acknowledge his feelings: "Mad? You're mad because you want a cookie?" Then calmly state your rule: "No cookie now, but after lunch." A flailing toddler isn't going to absorb much discussion or teaching at this point.
Avoid arguing with your child – yelling or threatening is likely to escalate the tantrum and frighten him (the tantrum itself may scare your child because he feels out of control emotionally). Stay close to him and hold him if possible. If your child becomes violent, take him to a safe place where he can settle down.You can read more about tantrums here. I certainly plan to start being more aware of tantrums and how I handle them. Luckily Aiden's fairly easy to read and he tends to be distracted easily, but I know that his turning a year old marks a new realm of testing limits and pushing boundaries. Not to mention there's been quite a few incidents lately of him biting the source of his frustration, be it toy, me, or Grandmama.
I'll wrap this up with a quote and smile from the email:
Overheard
"Utter chaos. I think those two words best describe my life right now. Things are good but always crazy around here. I spent most of the morning cleaning the house and you can't even tell – it looks like I haven't lifted a finger in months." – Lane
I hope everyone had a safe and enjoyable weekend and I promise I'll get those pictures from the birthday party up soon!
How do you handle tantrums at home? In public? What's the worst tantrum your child(ren) has had?
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- From: bamsniko22407@xanga
- About Me: One more face in the crowd, blurred by the norm
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Comments (10)
if he's just having a plain out no reason tantrum, i ignore him. otherwise i just try my best to stay patient. my son turned 2 in december and i swear as soon as he turned 2 he hit the terrible two's lol.
Hint: If your toddler is having a tantrum at home, make sure all the windows are closed. Or neighbors will come over assuming you're abusing your child.
That made me mad.
I handle tantrums a lot better at home than I do in public - mainly because I never used to have a problem with her in public. It used to be if I had her out of the house, she was calm and content, maybe even excited. I find it so difficult to deal with them in public, though, when people start looking at me like "Why can't you be a good parent and keep your kid under control?" (I think I get more of these because I'm a young-and-even-younger-looking mom). At home I will just ignore her no-good-reason tantrums with no problem, but it's so much harder just ignore it when everyone is looking at YOU to make YOUR kid be quiet. I wish people were more understanding.
My youngest child once threw a nasty screaming tantrum in the drugstore because I took a piece of candy away from her (my bad!) that she had removed from the shelf and that I was not going to buy for her. She threw herself on the floor, making quite a scene in the aisle. I stepped over her and continued my shopping. She ran after me continuing to exercise those lungs of hers. I got, as many describe, those judgmental looks of death from everyone around. Suddenly, my witty brain kicked in and I started looking all around me like I was trying to find something. I looked right at the crowd of people in line at the pharmacy window and said, "Whose child is this? And WHERE is her mother?" I got a couple of laughs out of that and a much less judgmental audience.
@sarahsmurfette@xanga - Wow, I can't believe your neighbors would come over and actually say something! Luckily I don't live close enough to my neighbors for that to be an issue.
At home or out, I treat them the same. As mentioned above, if I can pinpoint the reason I will address it. My sons are older now, though, and use tantrums for manipulation. So they get a time out against a wall with my back deliberately turned from them until they are ready to be calm and get their "loves" which ALWAYS come after they've been disciplined. At a store, I'll find a section of isle where a boring support beam is and they'll face that until their screams/sobs subside.
Where I live, most adults are parents, and so the looks I get are empathetic "I know what you're going through, I've been there" looks, mostly. I love that. It makes me feel calmer and better able to handle it.
I learned something in my class today about how some tantrums are caused by positive reinforcement of attention. Sometimes the fact that attention is reinforced causes children to continuously do so. Apparently, there's a way of extinction (pretty much removing attention until tantrums stop) to stop it altogether but a really bad extinction burst will likely occur (which is really hard to ignore because the child will end up doing more than just having tantrums). Note that this is only accurate if it is for sure known that the tantrums are indeed reinforced by attention. Anyway, it wasn't really a suggestion but something I thought was interesting.
I don't agree with much of this post.. it just sounds like a "give you child what they want when you can and they won't throw tantrums". (sorry I am grumpy this morning)
Tantrums are NORMAL. They are a healthy expression of emotion. I am not going to sit there and go "you are upset because I said no.. blah blah blah". When monkey has a tantrum at home i do a quick check to make sure there is nothing he can hurt himself with, and I leave the room.
Also if he wants something and the answer is no (not "not now" children don't understand that until they can tell time) I will not stand there and negotiate. Its no, and thats it. And I walk away.
I treat tantrums the same out in public.
But we believe that if he wants to throw a tantrum, he can do it at home but he will not be getting any attention for it. I just simply leave the room. When he is done he will find me and we go on with our day. Very simple.
I've said it before, if you want to revolutionize your home, go get the book Have A New Kid By Friday by Dr Kevin Leman. It works, and i know a dozen families who will say the same.
When my son throws a fit in public, I start singing "On top of spaghetti...". Loudly. I figure if he's going to make a spectacle of us, we might as well give them a good show. By the time I loose my poor meatball, he's usually calm.
Kids throw fits. It happens.
Working in day care teaches a lot of how to handle little ones as well.
It really depends on the tantrum. Sometimes I ignore it, sometimes I distract the kid into playing with a toy (and 9 times out of 10, it'll work, which shocks me. :D ), sometimes I sing songs or say "Look! It's Elmo (or whatever)!" while pointing off to the window or out the door (we only have a half door).
Every once in a while, I get a tantrum that I really can't do anything but laugh because of the way the child reacts. There's one child that I have that trys to throw a "tantrum." She fakes cries. But my co teacher and I found out that if we tickle her or make her laugh, she doesn't do the fake cry.
I do have to say if they get to a certain point and can't stop crying (for whatever reason), I will at least give a hug.