Wednesday, 02 February 2011
-
How Do You Know You're Ready To Have Kids? Baby Fever!?
Okay, so I pretty much have an extreme case of baby making fever! I am twenty one years old, and have been with my boyfriend for five years in April. I do not ever see us splitting up.
Why aren't we married? I have no idea. He has never popped the question. I do not doubt his love for me at all. I kind of have a fear of discussing marriage with him. I fear he doesn't want to, so when someone asks us why we aren't married I quickly change the subject, which in turn makes him think I do not want to marry him. I think he is scared of me saying no. It's just something we have never discussed.
Now on to something we discuss all the time - having children. Over the past year I have had this extreme urge to have a baby. I seriously think about it all day.
I imagine what my child will look like. I get on Momaroo and read posts about people and their children. I make special trips to the baby aisle in Walmart to imagine what I would buy for my baby if I had one, and what I will buy him/her when they are born. I read Pottery Barn Kids magazines to imagine turning the spare room into a nursery. I take pregnancy tests knowing 100% I am not pregnant, but in the back of my head hoping that I am wrong. I had a list of future kids names, but recently forced myself to throw it away, because every time I heard a name I would like, I would rush myself to get the list and write it down. I am realizing how obsessed I really am.
So now I just want to know if anyone else is going through this? I once saw a post about this on Momaroo about the urge to make a second child, but no posts about baby fever with a first.
This is the part where you are going to think I am completely out of my mind. I have no job and I am in college. I am currently on a two semester break right now for financial reasons but I am definitly going back. I have been babied and spoiled all my life.
My boyfriend provides for me financially. He makes about six hundred dollars a week. I think that's enough to have a baby. Because we just spend all the money leftover from bills on ATVs, game systems, cd's, and going out to eat. My boyfriend is a very loving person. He adores children, including my little cousin. I do not have any experience with children, but he is sooooo good with them. My cousin asks him to babysit my little cousin instead of me! How crazy is that?!
I feel like I want a child of my own. I feel it will help me grow up, and give me a purpose in life. Right now I sit at home all day long while he works. I could be raising a little one. My dream job is being a stay at home mom. I wake up at 1:00pm because I have no reason to get out of bed. Also, friends are all moms and never want to hang out. We have more money than most of my friends and we are like the only couple around without children.
When I discuss it with him he says he kind of wants to have kids now, but kind of wants to wait a couple years. He will be 25 in April and I will be 22 in April. I think my boyfriend believes I am not ready to be a mom. I just know I can and will be a good mother when the time comes. Also, I have a fear of me or him being infertile. He takes lots of medicine for an illness he has. I want to know if I can even get pregnant. I know I can't do it and then undo it just to know. I just hope I am not dreaming of something that's never going to happen.
How do you know when you're ready to have kids?
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to momaroo's Momaroo Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in momaroo's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: StarlightstarbrightXoXo@xanga
- About Me: I like to read blogs.
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 2 Views: 0 6969 Comments: 0 154 View all posts by StarlightstarbrightXoXo@xanga
Comments (111)
Having your own family is a great thing, but it also requires a lot of financial and emotional responsibility. I thinking your boyfriend is right when he says to wait a couple of years. My advise is that you should start saving up (babies are way more expensive than you think) and finish up your degree. Having a degree will help you a lot in the long run, and it's a lot harder to get back to school once you have kids.
I want to have children someday, but it will have to be with the right woman and when I am capable of supporting a family. Those are just my two cents.
I think if you want one, you're ready. If you both do, I mean. I may get all harassed about this, but.. The way I see it.. you can't help what happens in life.. It's always up and down. Even if you're not completely stable financially when you find out you're pregnant, well you have like eight or nine months to prepare anyway, and who says you won't be ballin' three years from now? To me, money absolutely does not matter. We had none growing up. Any money my mom did have, she spent on weed anyway. So it would seem that I didn't have a very solid childhood, but I think I turned out okay. If you love your children and you put them first always, and they always know they're cared about.. Well, that's the best thing anyone can ask for, and it would seem as though they would have that. If your boyfriend decides he wants to start a family, I see nothing wrong with starting to try. Money issues should never hold you back from having children, I think that is absolutely retarded.
Just know that one of the most important things in making a relationship work is communication.Having kids can be really hard on a relationship, so make sure you are in the right place before you start down that path. If you can't communicate now, having kids will just make things worse. Talk to him about marriage. Just see where he's at. It can't be any scarier than talking about having kids.
@jules_surveys@xanga - I pretty much agree with this. No one is ever going to be the "perfect parent". You'll never feel like you have enough money [unless you're rich and famous I suppose], but love is what a baby needs most of all.
You sound like you're ready.
I don't get it, why are you wasting money on going to college if your dream job is being a mom and you want to stay home with your children? I probably misread that or something but makes no sense unless you are going to be working from home.
Anyways, you'll never be 'ready' for a baby I think. Usually it just happens or people go into the whole parenthood thing with a lot of doubts. You have the most important thing though, a loyal boyfriend, you've been with him for 5 years and you seem happy and money wise, although you could have more, I think it would be enough for a baby. Just discuss it with him, again but seriously this time. Don't do it if he doesn't want a baby yet or just because you want to find out whether you're 'fertile', that's just stupid. You can check your and his fertility at the doctors, you don't need to try and make a baby just for that.
Why can't you guys talk about marriage? That sounds really bizarre to me, and would be a big red flag, IMO, when it comes to reproducing with that person.
My husband and I believe the reason our relationship and marriage works so well is that we discuss everything, everything under the sun, nothing is off limits or untouched. And I think that's a good goal to have.
If you can reach that point, then I can't see why it would be bad for you to have kids - as long as you can both talk about it from a realistic standpoint and both be equally involved and "ready" (as ready as anyone can be!).
But I don't think anyone is ever really READY, or knows for SURE - I mean, I thought forever that *I* was the ready one and my husband would be the iffy one, but now that I'm actually pregnant, he is SO much more "ready" than me, haha. I mean, I'm way excited and everything, but it is just SO different when it's actually happening.
Also - as my husband always reminds me (especially at the beginning, when I was SO freaked out, haha): the baby isn't coming tomorrow. You get 40 weeks to figure things out, that's almost a year. So much can change. And you aren't guaranteed to get pregnant on your first try, either - the healthiest, most fertile couples only have about a 25% chance of conceiving each month. So keep that in mind when you talk about waiting, as well.
If you want to marry your boyfriend, that's something you should tell him. My boyfriend and I talked about that only a couple months after we were dating. We actually talked about what kind of house we would live in on our first date.
But, on to your subject of interest. I'm pretty sure he knows you want to be with him if you always talk about making babies. But I'm in the same boat as you. My boyfriend and I always talk about our future family and our life together. I'm 20 and he's 23. We've been together a little over a year and a half. I think you just know when you're ready. Timing matters though.
I wonder if you would feel the urge so strong if you had a job? It can be hard to feel like you have a purpose when you are staying at home all day.
I would also suggest opening up the marriage topic - if you plan to get married someday, wouldn't you rather just make your life a little easier by getting married before having kids? You will be able to go on a long honeymoon, not have problems with getting health insurance, and avoid having to explain to everyone why you had a baby on purpose, but don't want to get married.
I read momaroo all the time and never post because I dont use my xanga and the account is 7 years old. I had to comment on this because I'm really happy to know I'm not alone. I say, go for it. Talk to him. Maybe you will give me thecourage to bring this up. Any mother that wants a child this badly, will do a wonderful job.
I think the biggest problem with this entire post is that you can plan out having children together, but after 5 years you cannot even discuss marriage? I'm so confused on how this even happens.
20-21 and a 5 yr relationship doesn't mean you guys should be headed to marriage anyway. i'm in the same 5 yr relationship and gonna be 22 this year, not looking to rush anything, just enjoying my freedom and time NOT being a mom. babies are great, but then they grow up into little assholes lol jk seriously though, get some hobbies, learn a new skill, travel to foreign countries etc etc
also at this point you should been comfortable talking about anything (including marriage) to see if this relationships is even going anywhere.
Are you serious? I'm not saying this because of my previous comment, I'm saying this because you are dead wrong. Having a child young does not mean you are ruining your life. My mother had my oldest brother at 21, my other at 22, and me at 24. Her life was not ruined. She put herself through college as a single mother of 3 and made a very good living for herself and now has her own business. We might have not been rich, but we always had clothes, food, and a home. I had a happy child hood once she left my worthless father. He, by the way, was older than her and he was a waste of life. Never took care of us, never had a job. Age means nothing. I'm not saying 16 year olds should be having babies, but it happens and alot of those children turn out fine.
People watch teen mom and 16 and pregnant and see young moms as toxic, but its not always true. Ever notice the ones they put on teen mom, for the most part, are the ones that are usually bad mothers? there are plenty of good young mothers out there. You just don't see them on tv because it wouldn't get good ratings, compared to the mother that dates criminals and punches the babies father.
No one on here can tell you if you're old enough. Parenting is a learning experience and like some people have already said---NO ONE IS PERFECT.
@reloadthemetal@xanga - You are so quick to judge. My mother had me when she was 24 and I turned out fine. My family never had much money, but we were always happy. Age is just a number. Any woman has the potential to be a good mom or a bad mom.
@reloadthemetal@xanga - Wow, seriously? This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever read. I kind of thought it was a joke or something? Who are you to say when anyone should have children? Like I don't know. I hope the OP doesn't take anything you just said seriously.
Um, I'd say you're as ready as you can ever be. It's really hard to know when you're ready. I think if you are at least financially stable and you feel like you want to be and can be a good mom, you're ready. Financially speaking, babies are only as expensive as you make them. I mean, you don't have to have everything brand new or all the latest toys and tons of them! If you can afford clothes and food, you're good. And it sounds like you guys can definitely do that!
I was a mom at 21 (though married). Don't let anyone make you feel that because you're young, you can't be a good mom. They are dead wrong. Babies are a lot of responsibility but it is such a blessing! I'd say, go for it! And good luck!
Having a baby isn't all fun and games. Your body's going to change through pregnancy, you're going to lose sleep, your relationship with your boyfriend is going to be more complicated, and you won't have much free time for yourself or for your boyfriend, and you'll have to spend money on another person. Also, think about how your school schedule and your family and his family would feel if you had a baby right now. It would be better and wiser to wait until you graduate, get married to your boyfriend (if you can't even talk about marriage with your boyfriend and be honest with him about that, I don't think you two should have kids just yet.) and after you talk about it and realize that it's going to be difficult and that babies grow up to be rebellious teenagers.
@reloadthemetal@xanga - I agree with you. Everyone's saying "go for it!" but being a mother is hard work. In her situation, it would be better and wiser to wait some more.
i'm baby crazy too. i feel 100% the same way you do.. just know you aren't alone
@black_my_eyesx@xanga - @feelslikejuly@xanga - @jules_surveys@xanga - you all can say whatever you want about me or to me, but the truth is, some women feel like this when they're in a bad spot in life. this chick is way too young to even be thinking about having a baby. she hasn't traveled the world or done anything she wants to do. she hasn't lived a full life, and if she decides to ignore my advice and have a baby, she's ultimately fucking up her life. what i said is coming from experience (high school friends of mine who have popped out children and are losing their minds while trying to finish college and raise their children) and from what i've seen on tv, but mainly from experience. if your mothers had no trouble raising you, fine then. you're an exception to the rule. good for you. do you want me to give you all a gold star?
@cute_sushi@xanga - at least SOMEONE sees that i'm being real and refuse to blow smoke up anyone's ass when they're wrong!
*high five*
@reloadthemetal@xanga - First of all, if we're all supposed to live a "full life", before having kids, wouldn't we all be, well, too old to have kids?
Secondly, you're experiences don't trump everyone elses. For every young mom who "f's" up her life, there is another one who does awesome and IS a great mom, who goes on to finish college, have a career and be genuinely happy for how their life is.
Thirdly, who says she doesn't understand that being a mother will be hard work? Yes, she didn't say that in this post, but we shouldn't just assume she's a complete idiot either. That's insulting. While I could agree that having a baby just to fill a void in your life is a bad idea, plenty of other people have had kids for so called bad reasons and STILL ended up being great parents.
Also, I think it's completely asinine that you say she needs "psychological help". Oh please. She's having baby fever, like many young women. She's not crazy! She can be a good mom, despite you saying she can't. Who makes you the ultimate authority on who can or can't be a great mom? lol
@Brilliant_Innocence@xanga - ....see, you don't only get help when you're "crazy", as you refer to it. you reach out for help with, say, a drug problem, depression, anything that you're struggling with. this woman is struggling with wanting a baby when she obviously can't support it and give it the best life possible. therefore, she needs to talk it out with a therapist.
secondly, you spend the next couple of years after high school graduation finding out who you are and living a full life. if you decide to extend that time, it's your business, but generally, that's what you do.
third, i never said i was "the ultimate authority" on who can be a good parent and whatnot. sorry you see it that way. i think the majority of people who have replied to my comment are pissed off because they know i have a valid point, you included.
@reloadthemetal@xanga - The whole "finding out who you are" thing is such a crock. I mean, seriously. We're human beings. We're constantly changing and growing. I don't think you should have yourself completely figured out, before having kids, because then you never would.
No, people don't agree with your comments because they DO come across preachy and know it all. You're basically saying that anyone, who's young, can't possibly be a good parent, because they are young. Everyone else is just an "exception to the rule". No, there really are young parents out there who make damn good parents.
And really, the whole lie that your life is over, because you have a kid, annoys me to death. Yeah, you have to sacrifice your time and your desires a lot of the time. Big whoop. You can still accomplish things you want, you just have to juggle more responsibility than most others would. You can still be successful, you can still be happy. You just have to be determined to be and not be so damn negative. And the fact that other people want to tell her that she'll completely ruin her life, by having a child, frstrates me. How can ANY of us really know that? We can't.