Monday, 31 January 2011
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Overbearing Grandparents
I know my opinion isn't really a popular one, but I'm going to say it anyway. While watching one episode of teen mom, I thought that Jenelle's mother was being overbearing. Clearly, Jenelle isn't all that responsible and there are times where she really irritated me.
However, when I did see her trying to be responsible for her son, her mother just wouldn't let her. She gave her son a bath, got him dressed and her mother came in and redressed him. Now, you might be thinking that she did the right thing, because Jenelle did admit, I guess, that it was "too big". From what I remember, it didn't seem THAT big. If I gave my grandmother permission to dress my child, they way SHE thought was good enough, my daughter would be able to comfortable live in Antarctica!
And in the summer? She would never be in shorts or tank top. It's not that hot, to her, after all. Please. Plus, aren't PJ's supposed to be a little baggy? I mean, that's why they're comfortable. Or maybe, that's just me. I know that, because Jenelle isn't responsible and has made bad choices, people believe that her mother has a right to be overbearing. I'm not saying I don't understand WHY her mother feels she needs to take over, as someone does need to be responsible for Jace, but what would happen if Jenelle ever wanted to be responsible? I honestly don't think her mother would ever think that or let it happen. She's just over bearing.
Here's my own example, from someone I know.
This mom's daughter and my daughter have play dates, every now and then, orchestrated by my sister, most of the time. I've heard constant complaints about this mom, because she just drops her kids off to whomever and whenever, practically every day, so she can go shopping or do other things. That and she just doesn't discipline her kids and lets other people do it. When my sister got married, we all went up and stayed in a place together for a couple days. This was a chance for me to observe what was really going on.
Know what I saw? Every time this mother tried disciplining her kids, her mother would step in and tell her she wasn't doing it right. Whenever she wanted to go off and do things, her mother would watch the kids. Her mother just never said no. People put her down, as being a bad mom, because her mother would do EVERYTHING for the kids, even when the mother tried doing it herself. That is overbearing.
I mean, how can you complain that someone NEVER does something, when you don't even give them the chance?
Exactly. You can't.
I even live with an overbearing great grandparent. Of course, she knows best all the time. She knows everything my daughter wants or needs and is genuinely shocked when she's wrong. By stepping in and doing everything a mother is supposed to be doing, you're just undermining what she's trying to do. You're not building her up or encouraging her mothering skills, you're just tearing it down.
I mean, why should they be responsible, when the grandmother is just stepping in to do it, or ready to jump down the mother's throat for doing it all wrong. I'm sorry, it gets annoying, plain and simple.
Have you ever had to deal with overbearing grandparents or family members that overstep your role as a parent?
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- From: Brilliant_Innocence@xanga
- Name: Megan
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Comments (11)
Yeah... my mom doesn't try to do that just yet... but if she does... she won't see my son that much. She's more suggested to come and clean my house several times... she sees it as helpful... but I know her... she just wants to see my house... and judge it lol She did tell me that if I kept my pets (two chinchillas, which we found new homes for) that my son would get asthma... she asked me a week after he was born... if he was sleeping through the night? LOL... I kinda wonder how she will be as he grows up... my mil is amazing... she's helped me out a lot... but not been a burden... then again she respects me.
I knew what this was about when I read the title.
I think in another situation I would agree with the OP. However, seeing as how the mother is still raising Jenelle, I can't blame the mom for being overbearing. Jenelle has a bad attitude and I wouldn't trust her with my cat. I can't blame the mom for being a little crazy having to raise both her disrespectful and unruly daughter and her grandchild.
While I don't think it's fair that Jenelle's mom tells her how to raise her son, she's still living under her roof, her mom is still supporting both her and her son, so it's only right that she has a say in what she does. In all honestly, I don't think Jenelle's mother is too overbearing. When you become a parent to a child, you are responsible for that child ALL the time and not when you want to be. It seems as though Jenelle picks and chooses when she wants to be a good parent and then turns around and hangs out with her friends all hours of the night. If she wants to start being responsible, she needs to start sacrificing some of her social life and dedicate it to being a parent.
I think there is a difference between an overbearing grandparent in general and the "overbearing" in Jenelle's case. She has been given a chance to act like a responsible mom. She had the whole year with her son! And she CHOSE to go out and party every other night. Don't get me wrong, I don't think a mother has to be stuck in the house all the time. My boyfriend and I make a date night every other weekend, and let my mom watch my son. But she goes out partying almost every other night. I didn't party as much as she did BEFORE I had my son. I mean, how many chances do you need before you step up? I think in the instance with the PJ's, yes her mom should have left that alone, but overall, I think her mom acts just fine. If Jenelle thinks her mom is over-stepping her boundaries, cursing at her and physically attacking her ISN'T the way to go about solving the problem.
My boyfriend's mom was somewhat overbearing when she came to help out. I loved the help, but her type of help was basically to act like I didn't exist. She insisted on going to the ER twice in a week for my son because he had colic/gas and she said he wasn't normal. Then when we get there, despite the doctor telling her it's unncessary, AND my saying no, she told him to draw blood and take x-rays and ultrasounds of my son just to make sure he's okay. Not to mention, every time he made a noise like he was uncomfortable, she would shove a bottle in his mouth even after he just ate. I had to sit her down and tell her that as much as I love her being here and helping, that ultimately, I am the mother to my child. I simply asked for the same respect I give her in her position as a grandmother. My mom and I have disagreements all the time about my son, but we talk them out.
if it hadn't been for an overbearing grandmother, our little monkey would probably have died at the hands of his birth mom..(according to his birthmom his grandmother was a multitude of things, the least being overbearing) But then she has some pretty severe issues that Jenelle does not. Jenelle is just very self involved and immature. It sounds like she needs a big time wake up call. For the sake of the child, I hope it happens soon.
I am thankful my mom respects me as a mom, but she is always there to help.
I've never seen the show, but this sounds like a classic example of a phrase I've heard that seems to have a lot of truth to it: "Raise your kids and you can spoil your grandkids; Spoil your kids and you will raise your grandkids." If this girl is so irresponsible and thoughtless, no doubt her own mother had a lot to do with it.
On the one hand, I understand everyone's point that Jenelle's mom needs to still be the authority, as Jenelle is still legally a minor and under her mom's roof. On the other, I've been there first-hand with my sister who had her son at just barely seventeen and seen the damage undermining a new mom's attempts at taking care of her child can do. Yes, the parents of underage mothers still need to be able to lay down rules and oversee the grandchild's care, but don't just take over for the mom and put her down when she tries to be responsible even if she fails at first! My family all made my sister feel like the worst mom in the world but at the same time wouldn't even let her do the basics because "you're doing it wrong"; how will she ever learn to do it if you do it for her instead of teaching her?
But then, perhaps this has a lot to do with the types of parents that go on to raise girls who become teen parents. Lord knows my family has a truck-load of issues and teen pregnancy is just one of them.I understand where Janelle's mother is coming from in many aspect. The episode you're referring too, I think Janelles mom said it was too cold because the airconditioner was on and the outfit wasnt warm enough... also, Janelle's mother is a little older then my mom I believe, and when they were raising their children the "rules" were to always layer the baby with one more layer then the mother is wearing. The child also didn't have a blanket in his crib so wearing something warmer is understandable. But has anyone ever noticed... when Janelle talks about Jace she says things like, "I have so much homework but today... I have to BABYSIT Jace, and I can't get anything done."
Well, Janelle, I have to 'babysit' my daughter every single day, while doing dishes, laundry, cooking, schoolwork, ect. Janelle obviously does love her son, but only wants to take care of him when it's convienient for her. There have been several scenes where she gets so frusterated with him, ex: when she gets angry and tells him "if you throw the bottle again I'm not getting it for you!!" Hes is one. He doesn't understand. Janelle is 18 years old and it seems like she has a hard time understanding her 50 year old mother or one year old son and doesn't really want to try.
I COMPLETELY agree with you! Why should she stop partying if it's the only escape that she has from her mother? I believe that as a grandmother, she should have told Jenelle something like, "I will support you with your child by giving you a roof to live under but that's it. I am an older woman that can't be taking care of an infant. No babysitting, no bottle making, nothing. You are the mother and I am the grandmother. I can give advice but that's it. This is your baby, not mine." Therefore Jenelle would have realized all on her own that she really can't go out all night and continue her ridiculous ways. Her mother needs to help her, not push her away. Aaaand I would have pushed my mother too if she was threatening to take my child away!!
I expect my fiance's mother to attempt to be overbearing, but if that abusive cunt thinks she's getting anywhere near my future babies, she's got another thing coming.
@chinatown_shuffle@xanga - I think we can all agree that Janelle is pretty horrible parent, which is exactly why her mother has custody of the child, and therefore every right to step in and care for him.