Friday, 21 January 2011
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Talking with Children About Sex -How and When?
This is one topic I am really scared of approaching. The only memory I have of my mother telling me about sex is nothing at all. One thing I do remember her telling me about my period was taking me to the store, buying me a package of pads and telling me if I found blood on my underwear, it was time to put the pads there.
Now, I wonder is there any good way to approach children about sex?
What was your experience like? Do you remember any talks you had with your parents about sex? When is the good time to start talking to children about this? Have you had this talk with your kids yet?
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- From: Kampj@xanga
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Comments (35)
Yeah, I never got a sex talk. I grew up in an environment where we just didn't talk about it. It was as if, had we talked about it, it would have given me permission to go out and do it or something. I'm sure it was that way when my mom grew up, too, and that's why she didn't know how to handle it with my sister and I. So, of course, I'm a little nervous about having these discussions with my daughter, as well.
in my house, we never expressly talked about it, i learned it on my own and when i was around 13 or 14 my mom started asking me stuff and around 16 she was asking about my virginity. it was a simple, blunt, question like anything else. don't make a big production of it, and they most likely won't shy away as much.
my mom informed me of it sitting down at the kitchen table.
the whole time i was in another world so she had to repeat a few uncomfortable things once or twice lol
I don't remember the actual talk, but I do remember that I immediately blabbed all to my little cousin, who was four years younger than me and WAY too young. My aunt was about ready to KILL my mom. I don't think I was mature enough to handle that much detail.
I don't remember a lot from my childhood either. I do remember my mom taking me to a class for girls about getting periods when I was in 3rd grade. I remember that I already knew about sex (somehow) by this time. As a mom, I had learned that it was good to wait until your children asked questions about sex and then to answer the questions. That doesn't mean I was very well prepared. My oldest son asked how babies get into the mommy's tummy when he was 5. I stummbled around and ended up apologizing to him and sat down with him. I had tried the answer that God puts them in there. LOL He was satisfied with the daddy part going into the mommy. My daughter at 5 wasn't satisfied with that. After answering quite a few questions down to "eggs" joining to form the baby, I determined she had enough information. When she asked how it got out of the daddy into the mommy, I told her she was too young to know that and we'd have to talk about that when she was older. She was always a child who wanted to know EVERYTHING!!!
I also have a younger son who didn't ask questions. When he was about 7, I started reading some of the simple books that explain sex to kids. I started with the one that is for the youngest age first and allowed for questions. There is another whole aspect to this child who was adopted and had a lot of delays and other issues from neglect and abuse. But, this is also a way to bring the subject up if the child doesn't bring it up.
You might be surprised how much they are hearing from peers at school. It is good to talk with them at a fairly young age so that your can clear up any misconceptions that they may have and start open communication between you and them rather than them relying on their peers for this information.
@mevlink@xanga - I did the exact same thing with my younger sister. I don't think i was ready for it either :/
we never had a "talk".. my parents just answered questions as we asked them.
I don't exactly remember things clearly. I just remember I got the "Where did I come from?" book or whatever its called, at around the age of six. Whether I was asking questions beforehand, who knows. I doubt my parents discussed sex with me, because my mum always treated such topics quite immaturely (eg "Ooo! Rudey doos, cover your eyes!" whenever something remotely sexual came on TV). I shifted school a lot, so probably missed if/when sex education was taught in primary school. By the time I had sex ed in high school, I'd already been exposed to pornography and the like, so fairly much new most things anyway. Still, I can't help feel in regards to sex, I had a sheltered upbringing.
I took a sort of sex ed class in 5th grade, but the focus was more on puberty and the changes our bodies were going to go through. I remember it was called "loud and proud" and we had to get our parents to sign a permission form stating it was okay that we attend the class. At the end of the class, all the girls were invited to a tea party with their moms and we discussed sex a bit there.
Fifth grade seems a little young, but I know that all my friends and I already knew a little about it, so I thought it was a good time to introduce everything to us.
I got a book called "Wonderfully Made", which was from a Christian publisher.
I don't really remember the actual talk, but my grandparents (I live with them) told me i started asking questions around 4 or 5, and they tried to give me some fluffy bs story like the stork, or god puts the babies there, but i didn't like those answers so i kept asking. They finally gave me the real answers. They said i took it very well. xD Anything they didn't tell me, i learned on my own.
If i have kids i'll tell them whenever they start asking. Or if they start getting a little old (about 5th grade) and haven't asked yet, i'll bring it up.
I never had the talk. I actually found one of my relative's gross anatomy medical school texts and learned about lady and man parts there. The rest I just learned from others. My parents are Asian so the whole sex talk I guess is awkward for them as well as me. haha
I never go the talk. Some people think it is better that way, some think you start right away when they are born so it is never uncomfortable, and some pick a time when they are old enough. I am not sure which is right or if there is a right way to do it.
I never actually got the talk. I think my mom tried once when we were in the car. I was 12 and asked her to stop talking. And thats how I ended up on Teen Mom. J to the K on the latter.
I think the age you give that talk depends on environment. If you find giving one absolutely imperative then I'd recommend doing so towards the start of middle school. You'd be surprised by how often sex acts go on pre-junior high though. It's pretty disturbing. Then again I lived in an area where there was at least one pregnant teen in every class.
I honestly don't think I'll officially give a talk. It's not like he/she wont already know, you just have to trust they'll act responsibly and be available for any additional questions or concerns.
Never had the talk. Kind of learned things on my own.
At age seven, I was explained very clinically what sex was. It was like a biology lesson and I was too young to feel embarrassed. After that, I learned things from my friends and applied that to what I was taught.
Haha, I knew the basics before I was in school. I asked where babies come from, and they answered, but I honestly don't remember a conversation about it. My family is very open and honest. Mom bought me a box of condoms when I was sixteen and informed her that I had no intentions of having sex with my boyfriend until I was seventeen. Hell, she walked in while we were naked, had me smell some candles, and walked back out. At one point, Dad informed me that I should try anal. I replied, "Aready have. Didn't like it." Haha, he said that was too much information.
My parents gave me books, and if I had any questions, I could ask them. Plus, there was sex ed at my junior high, but I pretty much knew before then what sex was...
I think the best time is when they reach middle school age (9-12).
never talked about it. I just learned things on my own, haha. I wonder how I'll go about talking about sex with my children.. but I'll make sure to at least have the period talk. I never got that and I feel like it would have been a nice thing to know, instead of just seeing blood when I went pee and wondering what happened down there.
I never really had a specific talk where my mom told me exactly what sex was, but when I was about 8 years old I found her feminine products in the bathroom and asked what they were for, and she sort of explained that when a woman's body is ready to make babies, she bleeds down there and thats what those products are for. She then gave me a book describing in more detail exactly what happens to girls and boys during puberty and how babies are conceived. So I bascially learned about sex from a book. Then I learned it again in sex ed in school. Then when I got my first period my mom lectured me about not having sex until marriage because my body could now make babies. She gave me that lecture again periodically throughout high school and such. And that was bascially it. It was ok, I suppose, but I think I would do things slightly differently with my kids. I've often heard that if you dont know where to start, you can always buy a book (there are many different books on the subject aimed at kids of different ages, so you can choose one with just the amount of information you feel is appropriate for your child to know) and sit down and read and discuss with your children. Also, I don't tihnk theres a specific right age for every child to start learning about it. I guess when your kids start asking certain questions, you know they're ready to start discussing things. Although I probably wouldn't start any earlier than 7 or 8 myself. Let them be innocent children for a while.
I didnt get the sex talk. I grew up on a horse farm and saw horses having sex from an early age and figured it out with a little help from friends in school around 4th-5th grade. As awkward as it would have been I wish my parents had taken the time early on to explain it all.
I got a mini-talk when I was pretty young--maybe I asked questions; I don't remember. I know I knew the basics when I was 7. Then, when I was 11, my mom had me read this book called 'Almost 12,' which I thought was corny but informative. We then talked about it, as if it were a book for a book club. I felt awkward but secretly thankful. I wasn't allowed to attend the sex-ed meeting in jr. high, I guess because Mom thought if I learned about condoms and birth control (which I already had from friends anyway), I'd be more likely to have sex. I did (and still do) think this was unbelievably stupid on her part, but whatev. I turned out okay.
I guess I'll wait til my little girl asks questions, and give her honest, simple answers. I always appreciated that my parents were transparent!
I learnt about it when I was nine or ten in school, and my mum talked to me about birth control when I got my first boyfriend at sixteen. I told her outright when I got my first period (at aged twelve) and there wasn't anything to worry about. I think people get too worked up about this kind of thing.
I always knew what sex was, the proper names for the parts, and all of that but was never exposed to seeing anything about them until an older age. My parents where always very honest with me which is probably why I'm so well off today. And still a virgin 5 months away from being 20.
I never got the talk. I didn't know anything about sex besides the idea was to put a man and a woman together and wahlah! It wasn't until I had a boyfriend who wasn't a virgin that my eyes really opened up to sex. I looked back and sort of wish though that my mom had sat down and talked to me about sex and everything there was about it, the good, bad, and ugly. I mean, I wasn't stupid, I knew about sex and how it worked from my friends when I was 16, but I made a mistake of having sex with someone at 16 and I wish that I could have talked to my mom about it at the time. Sex was not a good subject in my house, still isn't.