Tuesday, 14 December 2010
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I'm NOT a Fan of Pregnancy
Before I had my first child, I heard so many friends (and others) carry on about how beautiful pregnancy was/is. They would talk about "that glow" that all pregnant women get, how healthy their nails and hair were and how happy they felt, despite morning sickness or any other side effect of being "great with child".
I fall in the opposite camp. Though I recognize the miracle that birth is philosophically and scientifically, the beauty of the entire process is virtually lost on me.
Interestingly enough, all three (successful) of my pregnancies were quite easy and uneventful. I didn't experience morning sickness. There were no complications and I never was relegated to bed rest. What I find even more ironic about this, is that many of the people I know who had the worst pregnancies are the same ones who resolutely proclaim the beauty of it!
Maybe it was because they had such a difficult time that they learned to genuinely and profoundly appreciate what came of that struggle.
Then there was me. Firstly, having done my fair share of babysitting back in the day, I had decided that having kids was NOT on my Christmas list. But marriage happened and some concessions were made and now I have three.
I remember attending a four year old's birthday party with my oldest daughter, being great with child (my third). Who knows who or what had peed in my cheerios that morning or what horrible hormone demon had possessed me that day, but I was commiserating the irritations of pregnancy and how I hadn't even wanted kids in the first place (for the record, do NOT try this with people who do not know and appreciate you well), much to the apparent horror of another mother in the room.
Please don't get me wrong! I wouldn't take them back for all the money in the world, no matter how much they drive me crazy! I love them with every bone in my body and would jump in front of any large moving object of destruction if it meant preserving their lives.
But pregnancy...
Maybe I should just list reasons I don't/didn't appreciate it as fully as other saintly mothers.
- hemorrhoids
- proctologists
- always feeling fat
- stretch panel pants
- swelling feet
- uncontrollable urges to eat
- stretch marks
- summer
- other strange and random pains
- being kicked from the inside
- the inability to sleep on one's back (my preferred position)
- raging hormones that made me into an unrecognizable monster at times
- internal exams
- regular weight checks
- OBGYNs who won't listen
- That sweet crap you have to drink for the blood sugar test
- The constant wondering if everything was fine
- other people's sudden apparent lack of anything else to talk about besides babies
- inevitable flack for any name you choose
- strangers touching your belly
- advice (everybody's got some)
- birth stories (everybody feels the need to tell theirs)
- Did I say stretch marks?!?
And I'm just getting started...
So I officially go on record as the unsaintly mother who probably doesn't deserve the children she has, but you will all be happy to know that I have rectified the situation by sending my dear, patient husband to the urologist while I was pregnant with my third, to ensure I don't find myself in that situation again (barring divine intervention).
Lastly, my children are healthy, beautiful, and as far as I know, well adjusted. As soon as I saw them and held them, I decided they were okay and absolute keepers (this is a joke, please take it as such!).
Kudos to you who love pregnancy! I appreciate our differences and hope you'll give me the same grace.
I'd love to hear what you hated (or even what you loved) about being pregnant.
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About the Author
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- From: chelleannette@xanga
- About Me: I'm an almost 40 mother of three teenagers, two crazy fat dogs and one husband. I live in and love New York City. In the last five years or so I've taken up French, shooting for eventual fluency and possibly picking up one day with the man after the kids are gone and moving it all to France. I also learned how to play tennis in the last few years and have, consequently become obsessed with the sport and acquired the delusion of playing on the WTA seniors tour or in a grand slam (Watch out Serena!) Living passionately, I want to see, smell, taste and feel the world through relationships, travel, food and whatever else life throws at me. Still waiting to discover what I want to be when I grow up!
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Comments (62)
Everyone's experience is different.
Thank god.
I can't imagine being one of those women that had a horrible experience;
as you seem to have had..
this is why girls are afraid of getting pregnant and having a child.
because women like you make it look HORRIBLE.
PS.
If your doctor won't listen.... the'y're not a good doctor; or even one that you should stick with.
YOU tell THEM. Not the other way around.
I used to like it too, but now I hate it after having 3 c-sections. I want more children but knowing that I'll have to get cut open again really makes me cringe, not to mention the recovery process. Oh, and thus far I'm starting to feel like children aren't the biggest blessings anyone could have. I have a 3, 2, and 9 month old. Maybe I should've planned better, but then again too late for that :p
i'm 13 weeks into my second pregnancy. i am agitated as all hell. i feel sorry for my son because since we stay at home he gets the brunt end of it :/ he wakes me up in the morning yelling for his juice, cries if i don't jump out of bed asap to get it. *sigh* i've been so tired and frustrated this go round. i cannot WAIT for this to be over.
i am sorry but if you hate being pregnant why did you do it 3 times?
After 6 years I have finally accepted that I will not have birth children.
but i would have given anything to go through what you got to experience.
@ohletitbe@xanga - Oh, boohoo. Maybe more girls should be scared of getting pregnant.
during my pregnancy, I wasn't so appreciative. Especially in the beginning. I puked 3 or more times a day, had no energy to work, etc. Then, the puking never really went away. I dealt with it my entire pregnancy. I lost 30 lbs. However, I loved feeling the movement. That was really the only part I enjoyed. Well, that and being treated like I was fragile and I did enjoy how I looked pregnant. Now that I'm not pregnant, I do miss it. That may sound crazy, because of how sick I was, but I do. I definitely do want to do it all over again and be more appreciative of having the experience. Bed rest was a blast, too. lol. Not. I'm thankful I only had bed rest for 1 week. I don't know how women do it for weeks on end or, worse, the whole pregnancy. Yeah, some aspects aren't so grand and fun to deal with but, over all It was worth it.
I love how "summer" is a reason. I totally get that one. But mostly, I liked being pregnant.
(I say this three years later. When I'm pregnant again, I may change my tune.)
i loved not having my period. i hated everyone telling me congrats. both weren't planned and I never really wanted kids in the first place either, and i'm only 22 so its like "congrats on messing up and making it harder on yourself!" Yes, I do love my kids... Would I have waited a bit longer so I could better my life? Yes.
100 and 10 % agreed. I just cannot believe you went back for a second (and third!) helping.
My pregnancy was tough. My labor was tough. I love my son and can't for the life of me imagine not having him... but I never want to do that ever again. I am perfectly content and overjoyed to just have my sweet only child.
@ohletitbe@xanga - I am sure she did not write this as a way to scare women away from having kids BUT with today's world of young girls trying to get preggers just to be on TV.... yeah maybe some people should scare them about pregnancy.
@lonelyandbroknheartd@xanga - Amen sista! Totally loved not having periods OR migraines. Migraines were actually the reason I got pregnant in the first place. I was on the pill and it was causing more frequent migraines. Two weeks after I went off - BAM! Pregnant! Yes, I should have taken precautions and probably would have had I been able to see my immediate future of the madness that is a mother of three small children under the age of 4. My bad and I take full responsibility for that. As I said, I wouldn't take my kids back for all the money in the world, but that doesn't/didn't make pregnancy any more enjoyable for me.
@mydearparker@xanga - haha! As you may have noted, I'm not (or haven't been) all that bright at certain times in my life. But, would I say it was worth it? Sure. I love my kids.
@mydearparker@xanga - no I see all the time "And THIS is why I don't want to go through child birth."
when women write about their birth stories and stuff.
And let me tell you; I hate to be one to sound brash. But most women on here when they write about pregnancy are complaining to the fullest extent they are allowed.
Swelling this; back pain that; cravings; can't eat this;
how horrible.
LOL
and to be honest I think it's funny how little women that post on here know about what's going on with them. THAT makes me even more upset; to be honest.
sorry but I don't feel sympathy for people that willingly subject themselves to torture (aka pregnancy) LOLOLOl (kidding of course)
I seriously am grateful that my pregnancy was pretty peachy and stuff; I can't wait to be pregnant again.
@SeeBeeWrite@xanga - why are you such a bitch all the time?
Who shit in your frosted flakes. little girls aren't scared of it because they have no idea what it entails even. Because of people posting stuff like this (every symptom under the sun)
Thanks for your unnecessary two cents though. really appreciated it. ya whiner.
@ohletitbe@xanga - So just to be clear... you'd rather all women lie and not be honest about their experiences during pregnancy? You actually want them to say, "Oh my yes dear, it was all absolutely wonderful! A cake walk really!" When really they battled horrible acid reflux, painful swelling, abnormal bleeding, aches so damaging they required bedrest, and a love affair with their toilet from all the frequent vomiting visits?
Women who are looking to become pregnant should know every variation of pregnancy that can happen. Some women skirt through pregnancy and it isn't that bad... my mother was this way and it seems that you were too. But does this mean the lucky few that had a wonderful time during pregnancy are the only ones allowed to share their experiences? No way.
When I was pregnant I felt so alone because every woman in my family only had wonderful things to say about their pregnancies and how well they handled it. I felt like I was the only woman that ever had all these promblems and complications during pregnancy. Finding posts like this and ones past where women actually admit that pregnancy wasn't as magical as every other women says it is made me feel so much better. It was support I needed to know I wasn't alone. It was nice to know I wasn't the only one miserable through most of pregnancy.
I could understand where you are coming from if the OP was to say these things happen to ALL pregnant women. But she does not say that. In fact, she puts herself in the minority because she didn't have a wonderful time pregnant. Besides, I think Momaroo does a pretty good job of balancing the loving pregnancy posts and the not loving pregnancy posts.
@mydearparker@xanga - I'd rather not all women over exaggerate.
It's not as bad as most people make it out to be. Complaining about regular stuff that they knew to expect. Sure; it's unpleasant- but you don't see people openly complaining about hemorrhoids and such. Give me a break.
and yeah; that's exactly what I said; word for word. You're so spot on!!!!
I had symptoms like everyone else. vomiting in the first through second trimester;
sciatica pain; fatigue; painful bowel movements.
But to be honest my pregnancy WAS a cake walk. Even despite those few symptoms.
It's not THAT bad. I just hate seeing women over exaggerating.. every time I read one of these
"I have 2349038234 symptoms; I hate pregnancy" posts.
It honestly makes me roll my eyes.
even though i had both of my babies early first at 33 weeks and second at 28 weeks. and one was natural and lne was c-section. and i started having contractions at 4-5 months preg with second one (28 weeker) i loved being preg and if i was not high risk and my baby is now 12 years old. i would have done it many more times. Even after my 2nd was 28 weeks and a c-section yes i would have done again if i was able to if i wanted to risk me or the babys life. My sister had morning (allday) sickness the whole time she was preg with her last 2 kids. I could not feel for her since my pregnacies went so well except preterm labor. But like i said i loved every bit of it
If something was giving you 2,349,038,234 symptoms.... wouldn't you hate it as well?
Just as you hate seeing women over exaggerate pregnancy problems, I hate seeing women under rate them. It makes me roll my eyes to see women say how great their pregnancy was and then in the same breath chime in about all the problems they had. If you really had all those problems and if they really were noticable you wouldn't say your pregancy was fantastic. Besides, there is no way to know if she is over ezaggerating her symptoms or not unless you experienced every single one of her symptoms. This may be hard for you to realize but some women actually do have a lot more than the few symptoms you mentioned. My list was quite long and no it was not over exaggerating, it was being honest about the dramatic limitations pregnancy put on me. As you put it... for you, it was not THAT bad. For some women... it really is THAT bad.
If you want to say that throwing up after every meal, sciatica pain, fatigue, and it hurting everytime you poo as a cakewalk then by all means, you go ahead and define it that way. I on the otherhand do not view a cakewalk as having those symptoms. Your symptoms must not have been that bad otherwise you would be able to understand why someone would say they dislike being pregnant.
Oh and about the hemorrhoids... maybe she isn't complaining about those because she doesn't want to over exaggerate and describe something she didn't have. I know if I would have gotten one, you can better believe I would have talked about it.
I know it's physically not very glamorous, but man what I would give to have the chance to experience it.
i decided a long time ago that i'm not having babies.
Pregnancy has been the worst experience of my life. (<--- not an exaggeration) My mother was honest with me and told me it "sucked ass" and its overrated-I agree. I suppose it is a terrible experience we must endure at some point to fully appreciate what our mothers went through but I can assure you I will not be reliving this again. My son (28 weeks now) will be an only child! I was on ortho-tricyclen (yes I took it regularly, same time every day) and have cysts in my ovaries I don't know how he was conceived. Hubby had just came back from Afghanistan and I had not seen him for 9 months; must have had some strong swimmers ;) I'm happy for my little boy's arrival but I think you can provide best for only one child. Never again.
@vetpet91@xanga - LOL - that's what I said too! Now I have three. One of my cousins said the same thing. Now she has seven.
I find nothing magical or miraculous about pregnancy and babies. Every time my boyfriend says he wants kids someday, I just cringe and make jokes that he's gonna have to find a second girlfriend for that. :P ahhh, god help me when/if i have to go through this!
9, 11, 16, and 21 are the only things I didnt like/experienced. I felt great during pregnancy. but almost a yaer and a half afterwards, I def want to wait a little while to get pregnant again.
@SeeBeeWrite@xanga - true story.
@ohletitbe@xanga - Fuck off. You're a dumbass.