In advance, I would like to apologize anyone whose feelings I may have hurt while writing and publishing this blog post. I am not speaking from anyone's point of view except my own. I do not know everyone out there and I am not aware of all instances of divorce.
I am writing this, because I am surprised by the reactions of many people out there when a married couple with children is getting a divorce. Everyone is pounding, ringing the bell: "divorce is the worst tragedy for children!"
Well, you want to know something? I prayed for my parents divorce for 20 years of my life. My parents' marriage was and is not the worst out there (no alcohol or drug abuse), but its functionality was significantly flawed. Since I can remember, my parents argued... I think I was 5 or 6 when I had a plate fly right above my head and break against the wall. I also remember sitting on the stairs, crying so hard that my kidneys hurt -out of fear that my Dad would end up killing my Mom (my Dad has permission to own and carry a gun).
There were threats of divorce for years...and they always made me HOPEFUL.
I wanted my Mom to divorce my Dad, take me and just move out anywhere. I was sick and tired of them yelling, and because I was so young I had no where to go, no where to hide.
The moment of rescue arrived when I went abroad for 5 years. I was 18 then. Finally, I was far away from all the drama and I could focus on my own life, however the news kept on arriving either way. Things were getting worse and worse back home.
A sudden change happened during the Summer of 2008. I fell ill, and I ended up in the hospital for the first time in my entire life. Even from this horrible event, something good happened - my parents realized that they could have really lost me. Something transformed in both of them, as if they noticed that they need to stop all of those fights to give me a faster and a better chance for recovery.
It has been 2 years since then, and I can really say things between my parents improved. There are no more items flying in the air, dramatic episodes when my mom would be yelling her heart out and crying because she felt betrayed or hurt by my dad.
Today, my dad says that he did not want a divorce, because of me, because he wanted to have a family. I think he followed through with this toxic marriage for some other reasons. Their dysfunctional "relationship" took a pretty big chunk of my childhood and adolescence. It drained me emotionally...
Right now I am unable to say if they have done the right thing or not, if they should have divorced at one point or another. I am unable to say how things would have turned out then. If they would get married again to other people, if I would end up having half-brothers or half-sisters...?
All I know is that I do not want to have a marriage where my kids would suffer like I did. It was unconscious torture that was performed on me by my parents.
It is so important to know when you can no longer save something, when it is destroying someone else, when it is time to simply walk away.
Do not be selfish. Do not hurt other people over and over again. Prove to yourself that you are not an egoistic sociopath...and last but not the least, do not take a chance for a happy, peaceful childhood from your children.
What has your experience with divorce been like? Do you think in some cases divorce is a better choice than staying married?