Friday, 03 December 2010
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Potty Eye? Another Aspect of Parenting I Didn't Expect
“Mama, you have pee on your glasses,” is just one more thing I never expected to hear in this lifetime. Parenthood offers many opportunities.
Our latest is potty learning. Just so you know, that term drove me crazy for a while too, the PCness of it as opposed to the much more familiar “potty training.” What I’m finding, however, is that potty learning is actually much more accurate. The multitude of things one must learn about using a toilet was beyond my understanding.
Explaining to my (then) three-year-old that when he wakes up to pee and has an erection, he actually has to touch his penis while he pees. “Use your finger and push it down or the pee goes between the toilet seat and the bowl. Aim for the water. Yes you can do it without peeing on your fingers.” In the meantime, pee is covering his hand, leaking between the tank and seat, and I catch a whiff of urine as I step into the shower every morning.
The peeing in the potty thing started with trying to use kid potties but Cavanaugh didn’t like them. Neither did I, frankly. The mess of peeing into a plastic contraption, and not arcing urine over the top, was challenge enough. Add to that the likelihood that I would spill said pee on my way to pour it in the toilet and I was not a fan.
All of that was about a year and a half ago. He was fascinated originally, then decided diapers were just easier. All of the Thomas the Train and Bob the Builder underpants stopped being exciting. So we went to pants with no underwear, no diaper. Then back to diapers. About six months ago, he was interested in and ready to start peeing in the potty again. He was tall enough. It was easier. He didn’t like a wet diaper anymore. By then, I’d let go of any agenda about timing (not that I ever had a deadline (but I was sure frustrated when he clearly could pee in the toilet and just didn’t want to).
Six months ago or so, Cavanaugh decided he was ready to pee in the potty again. Fine by me. Maybe he was just waiting to get tall enough. Standing up and peeing into a grown-up toilet was so much easier than the plastic potties, even if it meant using a step stool or letting Cavanaugh stand on the tops of my feet so that his penis would clear the rim.
I asked Cavanaugh’s dad and fathers of other small children how they were teaching boys to pee (or how they peed themselves). Do you use hands? No hands? What about the dribble at the end? The consensus was that peeing is messy business. I encouraged Cavanaugh to tip a little so his pee would aim down. That resulted in his resting his head on the bottom of the toilet seat as it was propped up against the tank. Those things are nasty. So is being just tall enough that your testicles rest on the rim of toilets where other men have dribbled. Then came peeing with an erection. We’re still working on that one.
In July, when I accidentally forgot to put him in a nighttime diaper, Cavanaugh woke up in the morning dry. Then didn’t want to wear diapers at night anymore. We’ve had a handful of accidents in four+ months, so I’ve been thrilled. Cavanaugh wakes up, not so thrilled, announcing, “Mama, I’m leaking” and we make a quick run to the restroom.
Can I just tell you that is one of my least favorite ways to wake up, topped only by his not waking up beforehand so that the puddle is in the bed and Cavanaugh is in tears because his pants are wet. He also is upset when he spills water on his pants, so it’s not even embarrassment at having an accident. There is no shame, only the assurance that accidents happen and that’s why we have to practice. The rest of this potty learning business though feels like walking through the house in the dark.
How’s it going for you?
Post from MamaTRUE
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About the Author
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- From: mamatrue
- Name: mamatrue
- About Me: Sonya S. Feher is stay-at-home-mama to Cavanaugh True. She found out she was an attachment parent when she and Cavanaugh were invited to a playgroup full of AP families. Loath to admit she had no idea what AP was, she went home and Googled it. Sure enough, her new friends were right. Since then, she has become a co-leader of the South Austin chapter of Attachment Parenting International, a contributing editor for API Speaks, and a columnist for The Attached Family. She blogs about parenting at http://mamatrue.com and writing at http://sonyafeher.com. You can contact her at mamatrue (at) sonyafeher (dot) com.
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Comments (21)
We did Potty Learning in 3 days. It was easy.. we did day and night time together. It was fabulous.
Our Ethan was 21 months old. It has been almost a year, and he has about 1 accident every 10 days or so at night. He very, VERY rarely has an accident during the day time (the last time was when he was sick).
Good luck!
Ugh! I'm dealing with potty training my daughter right now. I have two older children, my 1st son was so easy. He fully potty trained (daytime only) in a week. My 2nd son was a bit more difficult to teach. He was/is very stubborn, and if it wasn't his idea, he wasn't gonna do it! We started around 2 1/2 tried for several months, until I got tired of cleaning poopy underwear, and the absolute refusal to care, and we went back to diapers. Finally, the week of his 3rd birthday, he said he wanted to use the potty, and that was it. Now, my daughter, she's 2 1/2, and we are working on this potty training business. She's been in underwear, she uses the toilet for pee (though waits for me to send her, never tells me she has to go), but will not poop in the potty. It's very frustrating, and I'm tempted to go back to diapers like I did with my 2nd son. Let it be her decision, maybe we'll have better luck.
I've been fortunate to not experience much of that.
Logan potty trained himself on Christmas 2 years ago. He was 2 years and 2 months. He started peeing in the potty randomly when he felt like it at 18 months roughly.
I never potty trained him at all. I made a potty available. He didn't like it either, he liked the big people potty (and it was easier for me).
He just grabbed his butt one day and was like, "I have to potty NOW!" and he pooped in the potty...after that he refused a diaper and was in underwear 3 days later. We had a few "didn't make it in time" accidents in the first year because he did potty train so young and I was expecting those as they're normal up to 6 years of age. Then he went through a phase when he was nearly 3 where when he was mad at me he'd pee on things. I made him clean it up and otherwise ignored it and it went away in a few weeks.
From personal experience (12 years of childcare), it is absolutely pointless to potty train until your kid can talk (exceptions can be made for special needs) because no matter how well the can communicate non verbally you can't hear non-verbal in the backseat when you're driving 75mph on the freeway. And them not being able to tell you makes it more frustrating for them.
The one thing in the related field of this topic that I never expected to hear happened last weekend.
I wake up to tears at 5am Saturday morning. "I ablablahbrlabhd"
"What?"
"I arglabled bed"
"Huh?"
"I PUKED IN MY BED"
After an hour of clean up (hubby helped without me even asking it was awesome and unexpected). He was snug back in bed with a cup of water and a large plastic bowl I deemed the "Puke Bucket".
7:00am
*puking noises*
I get up to check on him, expecting full clean up...as he's only 4 and I figured the concept of Puke Bucket wouldn't sink in.
"LOOK MOM!!! *puke* I'm puking in my *puking while smiling all proud* PUKE BUCKET!!!"
I laughed, high-fived him (never imagine high fiving your kid for that), cleaned out his bucket, and got him more water.
It was the most disgusting AND adorable thing ever.
Ugh. I'm sooo tired of it all. But most days we persist with the undies. And most days he has an "accident" ...that's really on purpose just 'cause he feels like it. I know he can hold it, 'cause he's never had an accident when we're out somewhere.
That's just peeing. Poop is a whole different story. The day that kid poops (really poops) on the potty, we're getting him a pony or something. Seriously.
And I've always heard that kids can stay dry during the day but nighttime comes later-- but he always stays dry all night, even though we use pull-ups. Further proof that physically he could be trained if he wanted to.
Ugh.
I'm glad you were wearing glasses.
Boy, do I remember those days. Yes, boys must hold their penis down while urinating whether they are sitting or standing. If they do not pee goes Everywhere, except in the toilet.
I have to say, this post made me laugh. I absolutely hated every single stupid second of potty training, and still do. My almost 4-year old is completely potty-trained, day and night. It took over a year of all kinds of stories and battles similar (and some worse) to yours. But he is in undies, of his own free will, day and night. However, he has magically "forgotten" how it feels when he has to go. So he holds it now...for hours...and hours. And HATES when I ask him to go. But if I don't ask him/remind him/make him go...then he holds it. Not poop. Just pee. I'm so furiously annoyed with the entire thing. And now my 2-year old is showing interest in the potty and I want to hold off as long as possible I hate it so much! LOL
I am not a parent myself, but I do have a friend who has a 5yr old boy and 3 yr old girl. The boy potty trained when he was 2 or 3, but the girl refuses to potty train, even though she has already shown that she can use the toilet if she chooses(she has done it, just refuses to stop wearing and using diapers). To potty train the boy she used cheerios. She would put them in the toilet and tell him to aim, so it was fun for him and gave him a reason to use the big people potty.
When my mom was potty training my brother, she put food coloring in the toilet water and put cheerios in there and told him to aim at the cheerios. For me (a girl) she just put food coloring in the water.
Mine are all trained! Yipeee ten kids and not a single one will have to get married in diapers. I kept telling folks that they'd all be trained before they got married but we had our doubts about a couple of them. ;-P
@RainDropPixie@xanga - Must say I loled at your puke bucket story.
this may sound dumb but boys can have erections at that young age?
@the_Undercloud@xanga - While in the womb actually.
oh i needed this today.
My monkey is 3 (as of Sept) and he just does not care.
I am not sure his brain is connected to his bladder.. unless he is asked.
I just do not know what to do... Im ready to quit and put him back in diapers.
@the_Undercloud@xanga - and have dry orgasms too. one of my nephews will lie on his stomach and rub to get one - 3yo
My son tried early and was good about daytime potty, but still wet the bed till he was quite a bit older. I think that was a separate problem though. I used to get mad as hell at him when he was between about 2.5 and 5, because he would go to the toilet and spray all over the toilet, walls and floor. He had a long, tight foreskin, and refused to pull it back, so it was a little spray nozzle! We took him to a urologist because I thought it was too tight, but the doc said it was fine, and actually got mad and chewed us out for "wanting to have him circumcised un-necessarily." I got mad at the doc because I never said that. I just wanted him evaluated to make sure it was all good. So, Dad cleaned up the pee every time.
@JDNCL@xanga - omg copy and burn to a cd your child's attitude to the potty so we can program our children that way, you would make a fortune!! im so envious!
@bibiker@xanga - not to question your choice, but i thought it was traditional or encouraged for boys to be circumcised at birth, easier to keep that area clean and whatnot. also no "spray nozzle peeing" i assume. just wondering why the doc would get mad at his imagined mere suspicion of circumcision
@RainDropPixie@xanga - im glad im not the only one who doesnt think its crazy to just wait til the kid can talk and tell you when they need to potty
@slit_the_light@xanga - Well, no. Circumcision is culturally done in the Jewish faith, and during WWII, the physicians in the U.S., at least, started doing it routinely at birth. They did it without consent from the parent(s). My Mom was angry with her doc when she found out that he had circumcised me in the delivery room without her permission. Why did they start doing this? Because that was one way that the Nazis identified Jewish men and boys during the holocaust, so if they circumcised every male at birth, that would end that method of ID. The cultural norm has changed now, and most males are uncircumcised. Why remove skin that is also sensitive? I have heard that females like it better if it is "cut" but since I am not a female, I can't say. I know I like males that are "uncut." As for the doc getting mad, I don't know. It took me by surprise. I assume it was because when you are older, it hurts like hell for a long time. At least that's what I heard. Never had a foreskin that I was aware of, so I don't know.
When my cousin was a little kid they called up his grandma to tell her about the potty training. When it was his turn to talk he said "Grammy, I learned how to pee today!" then proceeded to put down the phone and pee on it. And my uncle is like "Conner, nooooo!"
And last year on a youth trip we did bible school for little kids in Tampa. My friend was sitting on the floor with a little girl in his lap when she stood up and peed over his lap. It. was. so. funny. Until I had to clean her up. But then, it was still a little funny.