Tuesday, 23 November 2010
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Speaking in the Third Person
Lora is almost 2 years old (just over 2 weeks left!) and is pretty much where she should be for her age. She is starting to use the potty, has moved to the toddler bed and is starting to use sentences instead of 1 word requests.
Most of her sentences sound something like this:
"Lora help Mommy"
"Lora go potty"
"Lora play hide-seek"I thought it was sweet how she referred to herself in the third person all the time but then I heard something from my husband's co-worker that got me worrying.
When their daughter was in 3rd grade there was a boy in her class who only spoke in the third person. All of the kids thought he was very strange and didn't like playing with him, so he tended to play alone. This boy also talked to himself while he played alone, always in the third person. He was pretty much exiled because all of the kids found him strange. She couldn't tell me if he ever grew out of it as they moved the next school year, but this boy was 8 years old speaking only in third person.
I really don't want that to be my daughter. I thought it was normal for her to talk this way until I started to think about it a little more. None of her cousins ever spoke in third person, nor do any of playmates that are close to her in age. Once I realized that I had never heard another child talk like Lora does I started getting really worried!
Is this really something I should worry about though? She isn't even 2 yet and I have faith that she will not only drop the third person narrative but also add articles, adjectives, conjunctions and prepositions to her sentences.
Aren't these things something she will just pick up through listening to the people around her? I would love to know if there are any other third person talkers out there.
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- From: SaveYourEyes@xanga
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Comments (19)
I think she's too young to be worrying about this just yet. If you're REALLY concerned, talk with her doctor.
It's a stage a lot of little ones go through. My daughter refers to herself in 3rd person also. Not always, but a lot of times. Sometimes she says stuff like "That's Jacey's cookie." and then sometimes she'll say "That's my cookie."
Don't worry about it. They do grow out of it, they soon figure out that just because other people are calling them by their name doesn't mean they have to call themselves by their own name. Just talk to her often and she'll hear you call yourself me, I, etc and learn that's what she should do, too.
on average, children don't start to use pronouns (I, me, he, she) until 2.5 and 3 years old. It is generally not seen as a concern that they speak in 3rd person until about 3.5 years (taken directly from an email from our speech pathologist).
Our monkey (who is 3) did not start using pronouns until he turned 3. Both our doctor and speech pathologist told us this was normal and nothing to worry about.
A good thing to do is to train yourself not to say "Mommy is going to go " and use I and me in place of mommy. And He in place of daddy. It has really helped our little guy.
I wouldn't stress over it too much yet. Every child is different, and will reach different milestones at different times, when they are good and ready.
I just think she doesn't understand pronoun usage at this point. I would suggest talking to your doctor, or better yet, a speech therapist!
my sons favorite saying at that age was "my love you" instead of i he always said my i just corrected him abd even though he was in speech he still said until preschool then he used the correct word
@LadyGwenivere@xanga - I thought that 3 or later would be a more normal age to start correcting it but she made it seem as though we already had a problem. Thank you for the information.
@Fairywife@xanga - I think a big part of it is the way my husband and I do speak to her, if she asks us a question like "Mommy help Lora" we usually reply in kind, "Mommy would love to help Lora". We'll all have to go through some changes, but I'm not too worried anymore.
@SaveYourEyes@xanga - no problem :) I was really worried about his speech too.. until our Dr sent us to a speech pathologist who told me to stop worrying.
It was hard for us to retrain our brains. I was so used to saying "Need Mommy's help?" to "Need my help?". But after a few months it finally clicked, and it clicked for him too.
Just remember every child is different, and develops differently, and usually at their own pace. ESPECIALLY first born children. If you try to force it, you will both end up frustrated.
You're doing good Momma!
Have you ever considered how often YOU speak to HER in the first person? "Mommy has to go to work now.. Do you want Mommy to help you?.. Give Mommy a kiss!" She might just think this is the right way to speak. Try talking more often in the first person. I'm sure she'll grow out of it.
I think you have already been given great advice. It is normal and she will grow out of it. My son is starting to speak in 3rd person less each day. I do think me not saying Mommy is going to do (insert activity) is helping as well. I've been trying to say pick up your truck instead of pick up John-john's truck.
I like to say a sentence both ways. "Mommy needs to go potty. I need to go potty." whenever i refer to myself. I don't know if it helps but i've heard our daughter using the "I" pronoun already at nearly two.
I think it is normal, when a child first starts to refer to themselves, to use the name everyone else uses to refer to them- which is the child's name. Our daughter has problems pronouncing her own name, so this might be why she's opted to use "I" already instead.
Try using both ways to say the sentence when you refer to her though. Say it how you would say it, then let her know how she should say it... something like "Lora can help Mommy! You say, 'I can help you.'" I do this often. Again, i'm not positive that it helps but it makes me feel better.
She will catch on eventually. Mostly children who have issues later on in life (especially after they've started school) with pronouns have a much broader issue than just language skills.
Kids who would avoid her over using third person are kids you want her avoiding.
I tend to speak both. ("I'm over here"/"Kari's over here.") And actually, personally, I tend to speak both pretty equally, if not more in the first person. Most children I've taken care of either don't use speak in the third person or if they do, they'll grow out it by the time they're 3/shortly there after.
I try to support the fact that a child is using (or trying to) language as well as describing what action they're (or a friend) is doing. I wouldn't be concerned but if you feel like you'd like a professional opinion about it, ask your doctor.
She's nowhere near 8 years old, so there is no need to worry. She might hear people around her say, "Does Lora want to play?" or "Is Lora hungry?" and that may be why she speaks in third person. I've heard other children speak this way, and it eventually goes away.
my brother talked in the third person when he was young and it was so adorable. i'm also studying speech language pathology, and from that perspective, i think it's normal. perhaps she has not yet learned the concept of 'I' as a pronoun, but understand that her name refers to herself. does she use words like 'you', 'she', etc? stringing 3 words together is good progress for 2 year olds. it's really fascinating how kids piece clues together and learn how to use language to communicate. she just might be a smart little girl that figured out how to refer to herself. don't worry about it unless she's still doing this at an older age.
i'm not certified and still studying, but if you are worried, it helps to emphasize words like 'i' or 'you' in conversation. If she says 'Lorna go potty', then respond with 'YOU want to go potty?' or when you are doing something yourself, say 'I am going to put on your socks' etc to increase the saliency of these words
the young boy i babysit refers to himself in third person, normally when the dogs have one of his toys. he runs over and yells, "that's JUSTIN'S!" and pulls it away. he'll also ask for things, like "justin wants an ice pop" and "can justin have an ice pop?"
as he's gotten older (a little over three now) it's mostly stopped, but he still does it every now and then.
also something to take into consideration, sometimes people will say "mommy doesn't want to play anymore" instead of "i don't want to play anymore," can probably confuse them sometimes when they're thinking of what to say.
I think this is a child's way of sorta personalizing themselves in their head. I can't remember what it was like to think & exist at that age- none of us does- but i can imagine it gets confusing at times. I actually know a lot of children who did it when they were younger. My 5 year old nephew still does it at time, but not really now he's being introduced to grammar. I don't think it's anything to worry about right now. She's only two. But when she turns 3, begin to gently correct her or even just read to her so she hears how a sentence is supposed to be formed. Children are amazingly intelligent. I don't think you have anything to worry about. =]
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Based on some of the comments above, you don't have anything to worry about. I will reiterate the idea of referring to yourself as "I" instead of mommy, I know so many parents who will not stop with all the "Mommy's gotta go" etc. The best thing parents can do is speak to their kids often, and correctly.