Tuesday, 23 November 2010
I have had one "real" friend so far in life and we've been good friends for as long as I can remember. Five months after loosing her virginity to her first love, she found out she was pregnant, at 19. They are living proof the "pull out" method isn't effective.
On her due date, she actually went into labor expecting a beautiful healthy baby boy. But minutes after he was born, the doctors realized he wasn't so healthy. He has what doctors refer to as the vacterl association. He has a tethered spinal cord, imperforate anus which means he doesn't have an opening, a hole between his right and left sides of his heart, and an abnormal pulmonary valve.
He had to have a colostomy the night he was born to keep him from poisoning himself. Within the next week he had a shunt put in his heart. He stayed in the hospital for over a month. Now, he is expected to have up to 5 surgeries before he's one.
Being a mom of a child with these disorders has to be so hard. Being a teen mom has to be terribly hard as well. Both has to be exhausting.
The whole time I have checked in with her daily to see if she needed me to do anything for her, visited them, watched Grey's Anatomy with them, let her vent, and when calls late at night when I'm studying for a huge test, worried sick because she thinks she did this to her baby, I tell her no research knows why it happened and it isn't her fault. When she is frustrated that his colostomy won't stay on, I offer to do it for her.
But I don't know how to support her. I can't say "It will be okay" because, it may not ever be okay. I can't tell her it will get easier, because it won't. I don't know what to say to her. I don't know how to help her. I don't know how to be a good best friend anymore.
Does anyone have any suggestions? Could you offer advice on how I can continue to help my friend?