Monday, 15 November 2010
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There is No "Normal"
One thing I've found myself saying a lot lately, or I've even heard others say a lot lately is that Hannah is not normal.For example, at 20 months old, this girl talks a boatload. We already have full conversations without a problem. She tells me exactly what's going on in that little head of hers. She also has the weirdest and biggest vocabulary of any kid her age I've ever met. She already knows words like elephant, lawnmower, and basketball. She even knows mantis, as in praying mantis because her Uncle Mike has a strange "collection" of interesting animals.
She's pretty good at constructing sentences too, such as, "Uh oh, mama. Cereal bowl fall. Pick up!" or "Squirrel! Mama, look! Up there!" or my favorite, "Watch the princess? Watch movies?" She surprises me every day with news words I didn't know she knew.
But it was also reassuring to me to hear that Hannah's approach to food and eating has not been normal. One of the best pieces of advice I got before I became a parent was from one of my old bosses. He told me that just as soon as I felt as if I couldn't take one more minute of a certain stage my child was in, she'd grow out of it.
The primary time I've truly appreciated this advice was when it came to feeding Hannah. When she was a few months younger, this kid would not eat or nurse. I remember sitting down at every meal and just feeling like crying because I did not want to sit there for the next 40 or so minutes force-feeding my daughter. But that's exactly what I did.
And you could argue that you aren't supposed to force-feed a baby, that they know how much they need to eat, but that just wasn't true with Hannah. She dropped from the 40th percentile to less than the 3rd percentile in just a few short months. Even her height was stunted. My doctor finally starting talking about doing various tests on her if she didn't start gaining weight soon.
Thankfully, she soon started feeding herself. I'm so thankful that I now can sit down next to her and eat my own meal while she eats hers. I HATED spoon feeding her, but just as my boss told me, as soon as I couldn't take one more minute of it, she learned to eat by herself.
Still, that's not normal, or so I'm told. Aren't babies supposed to be roly-poly and covered in cute little baby fat rolls? Aren't babies supposed to inhale their fruits and vegetables as if they just can't get enough? But, like I said, my daughter is not normal. I'm proud to share that she is finally gaining some weight. She's still under the 10th percentile for weight, but we're making progress.
Still, I'm learning more and more that maybe there is no normal. Every kid is so different. What's normal for some might not be normal for others. And that's really okay. I used to worry because Hannah didn't sit up on her own until well after six months, she didn't start her army crawl until 8 months, she didn't crawl "normally" until 12 months, and she didn't walk until almost 16 months. But now she can run and climb and play just as well as any other kid her age.
It was so pointless to worry. I need to learn to stop comparing her to other kids, because honestly, what's "normal" anyway?
How about you, mamas? When did you finally learn that what's "normal" for your kid might not be the textbook idea of normal?
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- From: mevlink@xanga
- About Me: Wife, Mom, Literary Agent
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Comments (17)
When my eldest was nearly 2 years old, he wouldn't talk. Not at all. When he was around 12 months he would sometimes say things that he recognized. Ball, car, dog. Simple stuff, then it all just stopped. At almost 2 he was non-verbal. If he wanted something he would simply point. Everyone kept telling me that I should have him tested for autism. I told every single one of them to kiss my ass. I KNEW my kid was smart, but that he simply didn't want to talk.
I was right. He went from completely non-verbal to me wanting to say SHHHHHHH. He liked listening and understanding before he talked. I knew how smart he was, but because he wasn't talking everyone assumed there was something wrong with him. He's almost 5, and stubborn - but smart. Just like he was when he was younger. He does things his way.
I agree. There is no normal. Every child is unique.
Each child is on their own journey and time table. Each child is uniquely themselves.
No need to compare. I enjoyed reading this. It brought back memories for me. (My youngest "kid" is 25 years old. 
) Enjoy each day, each milestone, with her. They grow up way too quickly! Hugs, 
@TiPrometto@xanga - Good for you for trusting your mommy instinct! My mother in law tells me that all three of her boys did not talk until age 2 or even later. Every kid has their own priorities or yes, perhaps even stubbornness! :)
HOMESCHOOL this child. She is too bright for public school and will be bored stiff. That is not so much the early talking, some dumb kids talk early and some geniuses don't talk until they are 4. The vocabulary is something else. Don't waste her mind on public school. I bet she is talking in sentences, too, no?
@cafengocmy@xanga - Yes, haha, she already talks in sentences, although they aren't always very sophisticated: "Uh oh, Hannah fall. Get up, Hannah!" or "Owie on fingers. Kiss it, Mama." But she is SO good at remembering the names of people and things. I say it once and she doesn't forget it. I don't plan to homeschool her per se, but I plan to participate in a growing phenomenon known as after-schooling. It involves sending her to the public schools but still incorporating some homeschooling techniques in addition to her regular schooling. This kid loves to learn, and I want to do everything I can to feed that hunger.
I used to worry because my son was so small especially compared to my in-law's children who were nine months to a year younger than him. Now that he's finally filling out though I am worried about him gaining too much weight like my younger cousins did. I know I worry too much especially because most kids even out by three or four years of age.
@TiPrometto@xanga - Haha, that's what people were telling my mother about my older brother back when the autism diagnosis wasn't near as prevalent. He didn't start talking until he was three and would get his point across with hand signals. The pressure stopped though since he taught himself to read when he was three-and-a-half.
Of course, now he's an overly verbose smart-ass that will never shut up.
My older brother didn't talk for at least two years, and now he's a skilled linguist. When he had his son, we weren't surprised at -all- that he didn't feel like talking. He's 23 months now and won't ever be quiet!
it's true - there really isn't much of a 'normal', just averages. my nephew is actually a low percentile for weight too, but that's basically just cause he's so tall--he was born 2 weeks early, at 24" long! that's our genetics working their magic, haha. your daughter sounds adorable!
I think any sign of early development is a good thing. Its the late developers you got to worry about. There's was an article from the BBC recently, saying how there are British children (I'm guessing a very tiny minority) that start kindergarten still wearing nappies and not speaking well. This is not only abnormal, its just plain wrong (unless of course the child is suffering from some sort of condition, rather than just bad parenting). But yeah, if you're child is doing stuff earlier than they should be, I think that's awesome.
The only thing I was ever concerned about, was my daughter not talking very much. "they" say, that she should be putting 2 words together by 2. She wasn't. My doctor asked me if she was up to 50 words, at her 2 year check up. She wasn't. She then wanted me to enroll her in a program to help her get her speech going. I thought it was 15, not 50. She had at least 15, and right after that doctor appt, she started saying more words. I no longer worried. She's 2 months away from being 2 and a half, and she still rarely uses 2 words together, but a little. I'm not really worried. She was also a preemie, and that's something not taken into consideration. She was also a late walker, but got that in time.
Yeah, every kid is different. Every kid will develop at their own pace.
@Brilliant_Innocence@xanga - I think it's definitely important to keep her adjusted age in mind in a case like this too. I definitely wouldn't worry just yet. Trust your mommy instinct. You'll just know if/when it's time to worry.
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I remember when my first (he's 5 1/2 now) was born, he had a cousin born 3 weeks before him. I was always so stressed because I felt that my inlaws were always comparing them. And of course, it didn't help that he did everything later than her...at least physically. However, he taught himself to read at 3 1/2, and is VERY intelligent. I also know now that he's still a bit slower than other kids physically, as in he's super cautious and nervous. He doesn't like to climb or do anything that might be considered "scary". :) He'd much rather read a book or do some artwork. I now have 4 children and enjoy comparing them to each other only to see how different they all are. It's amazing. They are all wonderfully brilliant children (of course I think so, haha) but have done things so differently. My 2 year old daughter talks non stop in complete, grown up sentences, my 4 year old was walking at 10 months, and can climb anything! :) And my 6 month old is a giant 20 pounder, and is already trying to crawl. They are all different, and they are all amazing. There is definitely no such thing as normal!
@Luv2BMama@xanga - Yes! Having a cousin or other close relative born so close in age can be SO tough when you are trying your best not to "compete"! My cousin had her son 4 days after my daughter, but they had such different personalities. He was walking at 11 months, so immediately my grandmother pulled up her nose that my Hannah didn't walk until 16 months. So when she CONSTANTLY asked me if Hannah was walking yet, I'd answer really snotty like, "Not yet, but she does have X number of teeth already" because I knew my cousin's kid didn't have any teeth yet. And now Hannah can count to 10 and and sing most of the ABCs, stuff like that, and I need to be careful not to rub that into my grandmother's face that her great-grandson can't do any of those things yet. I really didn't feel the need to "compete" in these things, but my grandmother does for some reason.
But yes, my Hannah definitely has that same kind of "cautious" personality. I think that's why she was such a late walker. She never did the whole fall on her diapered butt thing. In fact, she hardly fell at all when she finally started walking unassisted. I think that's because she was going to make DARN sure that she knew how to walk perfectly before she dared to actually do it on her own at 16 months. But that's just her personality. And that's OKAY!
I hope my next kiddo is 20 pounds at 6 months, lol. At almost 21 months, Hannah is still only at 21 or 22 pounds!
Nice post!
I have said this so many times. When I saw the picture, "There is no such things as normal." this is true. I have been saying this all my life, thank you SOMEONE for writing a blog. <3
@TiPrometto@xanga - That's kind of what I'm going through. My son is 20 months old and he says a few things, but up until a few weeks ago, we got nothing greater than a grunt or two. He listened, understood, and started saying enough to much together whole sentences. He kind of skipped the single word thing and jumped into mashing them together. It's weird.. not normal... but then again that's why we're posting here. :P
My son is very shy and communicates non-verbally more than he uses his words but occasionally spits out exactly what he wants, and I'm glad I'm not the only one that thinks there's nothing wrong with that!
@Brilliant_Innocence@xanga - I understand this completely. I'm going through that with my 20 months old. He just very recently started saying things. My pedi reamed me for him doing only grunts when he was at his last checkup. o.o
Even with the borderline speech and mobility delays, though, this kid is ripping off his diaper proudly and looking for a place to hide and go. It's time to introduce a potty chair for us and I'm thinking "Of all the things he decides to control sooner than later, It's the ability to poop on queue!" LOL.