For some reason the fatigue that plagued me all of my first semester has reared it's ugly head yet again. But my appetite has been ferocious. In fact at my appointment last week, the doc had to tell me to slow down the weight gain if it was possible.
I gained 7-8 lbs in a span of 4 weeks and since then, I've gained another 2 lbs. I think I've just been food deprived in the first few months that I'm indulging myself a little too much too frequently. I know I do have to watch my diet and eat as healthy as I can. I've never been a very healthy eater, I don't do the organic, all natural, wheat bread over white, light this and light that, blah blah blah. But I think I really should consider it again.
I've gotten used to the fact that I don't get more than 2-3 hours of sleep at a time. I try to cut fluids down after a certain time of night, but it really doesn't help. The slightest feeling of the urge to pee, I have to go or else I feel a feeling of impending doom. People say that it's nature's way of getting mom-to-be's prepared for those late night feedings/changing/crying.
I've been thinking a lot of my maternity leave.
At my job I'm able to take up to 9 months unpaid maternity leave. But most people just take 3 months since the 9 months come with conditions that are pretty unfavorable if you love your position. The thing that sucks is that all maternity leave is unpaid at my work.
I still can't believe that the US is one of only a handful of countries that don't have some form of mandatory paid maternity leave. I think the other countries were Lesotho, Papua New Guinea and Swaziland. That is so unacceptable. Those three months that I'm off to care for the new baby is going to be a huge strain on the pockets. Does anyone know if there is some kind of short term disability that might help cover something?
I have my 20 week scan coming up on 11/2. We'll get to find out the sex of the baby soon. It's not that it's super important, especially since it can't be altered anyone but I would love to know what to get for the baby. And for some reason, once people find out you're pregnant all they can ask is if it's a boy or girl. The answer "I don't know" is like sooo disappointing to them.
I've started to do research on baby products. Is there any websites that moms go to for reviews and/or recommendations. It's like a mission trying to navigate all these sites. The varieties, choices, colors, features of car seats, strollers, bottles, nipples, cribs are dizzying. It's no wonder the business of baby is a multi-billion dollar industry.
I might not know yet which model of what car seat I want yet, but I know I've been trying really hard to stay within a budget. Lately, I've taken a long, hard look at the parenting philosophy I want to adopt.
At this day and age it's so easy for parents to throw their disposable income pampering their children. But I want to be able to separate the necessities vs the luxuries that will become like necessities if you let it. It's hard to say I'm not going to get the big and the best for your children, because as my parents say every reasonable parent will want to provide their children with an experience that was better than their own. I had better than my parents, my parents had better than my grandparents which had better than my great grandparents. It's a cardinal rule.
But I don't want to raise my children to know a sense of blinded entitlement that I see so many children these days have. I see it in my young cousins...cell phones at 9, all the game systems collecting dust, dogs that they can't take care of.
I was lucky that my parents were there to give us their time, affection, love and material things. But I'm not blind to the fact that there is a part of my upbringing that lends to my inexplicable hoarding of all things materialistic. Somehow I want my children to be better that me in that respect. So it's not that I don't want to give them the best and the most, but I think it's important to also teach them at a young age that you don't have to always keep up with the Joneses.
As husband says, our job in this world now is not to give them everything they want, but to give them the tools so that they can get whatever they want in the long term.
It's not to say that this is going to be easy, especially as first time parents. All these bells and whistles are marketed to seem like they are the bells and whistles that are absolute necessities and that if you didn't get them you're a horrific parent. I must learn to focus on what is best for our budget. The only thing you don't sacrifice is safety and education for your children. I don't know. I'll see how I fair. Let's hope I don't get sucked in.
Did you deal with any of these issues during your pregnancy? What things are/were on your mind?
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Comments (16)
When I made the decision to use cloth diapers, glass bottles, and breastfeed, it seemed like people were trying to talk me out of it. I really hated hearing "Oh, you'll change your mind soon enough," whenever I said I wasn't having an epidural or that I was using cloth diapers.
I couldn't afford to get sucked into all that stuff they market as necessary for babies, so I found alternatives. Wipe warmer - roll the wipe in your hand first, then it's not cold. Boppy - a regular pillow. Etc. I didn't buy a crib. I bought a co-sleeper instead and when they outgrew it I bought a second playpen (used). All the clothes my girls wear were found at flea markets and yard sales, or given to me by friends.
People look at me like I'm crazy, but I haven't really spent that much money on baby stuff and I didn't need to, which makes it much easier to spend more money on the important stuff like safe car seats.
Interesting. You say you don't want to raise your kids with a sense of entitlement and yet you feel entitled to paid maternity leave. Seems a bit ironic to me.
Personally I think companies should offer unpaid leave, but it should be up to them whether or not they pay for it. After all, you're having a baby...why should a business pay you to stay at home?
I'm only 6 weeks right now, this is my second pregnancy and I'm considering cloth diapering if there's just one baby this time. I got rid of everything I had for the twins -- so we have to buy everything again -- crib, pack n play, carseat...you name it, we need it!!
I think the philosophy you're trying to adopt about spending money on your child is great! It's not about the clothes, gear, trying to keep up with the Joneses. Babies and young children don't remember what type of stroller they rode around in and what brand of clothes they wore. I definitely want to establish the same kind of attitude about money and spending on my children as well.
Also about maternity leave, you should check what the state you live in does. I believe in NY and NJ full time employees are able to receive 6 weeks of paid maternity disability leave.
Check to see if your state has paid disability for maternity leave. You may have to be with your company for a minimum amount of time first. In California we get 6 weeks of disability (about 60% of my salary) plus an additional 6 weeks paid for "bonding time." I wish I could have taken 9 months, even if half of it was unpaid. I could only take 12 weeks and still have a job when I got back.
SeeBeeWrite is totally right when it comes to baby gear. So much of is marketed to us as "necessities" when they really aren't. Sure, many of these gadgets make life with a baby a bit easier. But are they an absolute necessity? Heck no. My mom often joked about some of the items my husband and I have... "it's a wonder how I was able to raise my kids at all without that gadget!"
I had a book that was absolutely wonderful to help with decisions about what to buy. It was called "Baby Bargains."
http://www.amazon.com/Baby-Bargains-Furniture-Equipment-Maternity/dp/1889392146
I did NOT buy very much stuff for my kids, but even the thought of figuring out what carseat to buy was a little overwhelming. This book lists basically all baby gear and the approximate costs. It gives recommendations for different price ranges. (BTW - I didn't even buy the book. It was given to me by a friend.)
As for maternity leave, it definitely sucks. You can use sick time and vacation time to get paid for part of it. And you could go back at 6 weeks rather than 3 months.... ?
I also gained a lot of weight right around 20 weeks. :) Good luck!
@averyswife@xanga - i don't see how paid maternity is breeding a sense of entitlement. Just like I pay into social services in the name of social welfare in the form of taxes that are withheld and really not a choice made by myself, I feel like when it comes time for me to want to do something like start and raise a family that there is some kind of supportive mechanism. I'm an RN and nobody really talks about how much an RN really makes for a hospital. To provide even 6 weeks of paid maternity leave would be a drop in the bucket for the institution.
this is where I am glad to be Canadian. My husband even gets paid time off when we have a baby.. he can even get up to 6 months adoption leave when we finally get to adopt. I don't think its entitlement.. no more then being entitled to free health care.
and i guess im one of those weird people who see a crib as a necessity but can do without a playpen/pack n play.
I totally agree w/ your philosophy on how to raise the kids. We're trying to do things as cheaply as we can!
My work has short term disability, it pays 60% of your weekly income , max of $650 a week, but it kicks in a week aafter you take your leave and it only applies if you have been paying into it thus far. It will definately be hard for my husband and I to decide what to do about materinity leave and eventually daycare-which we have to get on the ball about, b/c as of not we cannot even afford daycare!
i think every company should have maternity leave and i think they should also have some sort of paternity leave as well b/c trust me you need it. i was blessed b/c my company does pay for maternity leave- it was considered short term disability. my husbands company does not offer paternity leave so he took a weeks worth of vacation.
as for stuff you will need... just think basics, thats all you really "need" the baby wont care what its dressed in or where it sleeps. all the baby will care about is food and being dry. we do cloth diaper as well and i love it. it saves on money and is better for the environment. i also sell them b/c i feel that everyone should have the option of cloth diapering! i would also suggest registering so people can get yall what you really need. hope that helps!
I disagree with most people's position on paid maternity leave. It's not a company's responsibility to support you while you're providing no service to them. It's their job to make money, to hire people, and pay them for a service they provide. No service, no compensation. It makes sense to me. I'm an adjunct instructor at a university, and since my baby is due in Feb., I'll have to take the whole semester off, unpaid... and summer too. So I'll be sans job and paycheck for about 8 months unless I find something else. It sucks, but it will also be nice to be home with the kiddo for a good amount of time.
It's funny, though, how into the gender of the baby people get. We decided to not to find out until it's born... and people are SHOCKED by that! Then we tell them we're planning a natural (maybe home) birth and plan to BF... haha. They look at us like we just emerged from a time machine. It's pretty funny.
i just had my little girl sept. 17. She is our first so i too went through the overwealming feelings of wanting to provide more and better things i didn't get to have. I mainly concentraited on things that would teach her and help her brain develop more. I wouldn't worry too much about the bottles. I had bought some special ones that were supposed to prevent crankyness and gas, but eventually I still had to buy different ones b/c they didn't work for her. They'll let you know what they like once they are born.
I know what you mean about ppl asking the sex. I work in retail and the customers would always ask me what I'm having. The thing I hated the most was when they would touch my belly. Some wouldn't ask and most I didn't even know, so it was really wierd.
Also, before I got pregnant I was never a healthy eater either. I loved food and ate whatever and how ever much I wanted. When I got pregnant though, my little one actually made me crave healthy foods. One thing I do want to let you know is to start eating a little healthier. Just think of your little one growing inside you. I know some of my friends have developed high blood pressure and diabetes during pregnancy because of thier diet.
Over all though I loved being pregnant and I miss it. Enjoy everything about it and by the time you know it, your little one will be in your arms. None of us first time parents know what to expect and I'm learning new things every day, so just enjoy the ride. =) Good Luck and Congrats!
-Jess
You would be surprised how much flea markets and yard sales can help. You could also try Goodwill and The Salvation Army. Youd only be paying like 30% of what it cost originally and and most of the stuff looks brand new. Good luck to you!
look on craigslist for cheap things.
You can get short term disability, but it is something you would have had to sign up before now. I am signing up soon since we are going to start trying this next summer. You have to have it for ninth months before it will pay for anything though, so it's a little too late for this baby.
@laurenalissa@xanga - Legally, fathers are allowed to take unpaid paternity leave, they can't lose their job as a result unless they are considered "key personnel."
@LorNextDoor@xangaI am pretty sure that most countries pay maternity leave out of government support, so the company pay anything at all.