Sunday, 17 October 2010
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Do You Have True Friends?
Today I had an "appointment" to go talk with a friend. We set this time up last week when she emailed me and asked if we could get together to talk. This is a friend that I see fairly regularly, so for her to ask me to do this was a little different.
Of course, between last week and today I was pretty curious! When I got there today, I was somewhat surprised when she started sharing. She was having a hard time with something I had done, and was dealing with some different issues related to the situation and she honestly and gently told me how she was feeling.
We spent the next 2 hours talking through things, confessing, forgiving, crying, and laughing. It was one of the best conversations I've had with a female friend in a long time. It made me so grateful for true friends who confront in love, are willing to tackle tough issues in order to make the friendship stronger, and graciously forgive. I don't have lots of those types of friends, but God has definitely blessed me with a couple of special ones!
When I was younger, I thought that a good friendship was one where everything was always good and you never hurt or bothered one another (why are you laughing at me?!?
) I now know that a good friendship is one that can weather the storms of wrong words or actions and come out stronger on the other side.I think that sometimes, unfortunately, female friendships can be a bit tricky. We are such emotional creatures at times, and that can affect all of our relationships in negative (and positive) ways.
My husband frequently just shakes his head at the nature of the relationships among women. He commented one time, after watching a particular television show, that, "You ladies can really be brutal to one another!" Sadly, he's right. It really makes me think about how important it is to be authentic, lovingly honest, and gentle with my friends.
Because really, who else understands my insatiable need to eat chocolate, my dislike for having to buy bras, or my sudden need to bawl at a Hallmark commercial?
Have you ever had to confront a good friend about something difficult? Were you ever confronted by a good friend?
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About the Author
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- From: leasejw@xanga
- About Me: I am an Army Chaplain's wife, homeschooling mom to two beautiful girls, and birth doula who is learning how to really be all of those!
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Comments (31)
yes i used to have such a good female friends but we are not in touch as often as we used to anymore. i love my female friends so much. and i still missed them. it was nice having that kind of people in my life.
I wish....
But I never let anyone close enough to see underneath the surfaceNo I have not been confronted or had to confront a good friend about something difficult. I have one true female friend. We have a Great relationship. I would hope that I would never have to confront her about something that would be difficult, and would ultimately damage our relationship.
I wish. I am pretty isolated because of my situation with my children. I'd give just about anything to have that kind of friendship. Or even a casual one.
Yep i have one. My best friend has been thou it all with me and same with her. We have been best friends for 12yrs and we know everything about each other...
I don't have any friends. They'll just get in my way of being a wife and full-time student. I don't like interacting with adults anyway and find women too shallow and naive to be around anyway as I have nothing in common with them except for the fact of being female. Women's interests are not my interests, I'm not into fashion, makeup, gossip, back biting, jewelry, shoes, getting hair fixed, clothing, etc. that all women are into. I pefer being alone to interacting with people.
@wintersun -
Which is why you are on a social networking site...!?
Not all women are the same, btw. Hopefully someday you can cure your ignorance!
@lifeonacitybusem4@xanga-The reason I'm on a social networking site is because I happen to like blogging and have nothing better to do until I start school in January. You can't rely on friends or even family in some cases. My husband has tried getting me to go to his friends' houses to see their wives which I flat out refuse due to I hate being around people. Also due to the fact that I'm still learning about my husband's culture and still learning his native language doesn't do much either. Thankfully my husband is good about not forcing me to do things I don't want to do, he knows it makes me miserable being around people. I never grew up having friends anyway in school, nobody wanted to be friends with me no matter how hard I tried to make friends so I just stopped trying. In the end you can only count on God to be there for you because everyone else will leave you as soon as they use you for their own personal gains.
I actually confronted my friend over the weekend. She has been making jokes at my expense lately, and it became a little excessive to the point where I was in tears. So I said something to her, expecting her to get really angry because they were just supposed to be jokes. We are always joking with each other but she started to talk about my weight gain, acne, and insulting my intelligence. Not nice things =(
However, she was completely understanding and said she never thought it affected me that way, but she'll stop because she didn't want to hurt me. She explained that she was just making jokes and didn't mean it, but she would probably be pissed too. Of course I forgave her because she was genuinely sorry.
I don't have any friends.
i have a couple true friends. i have had one friend for ten years and men and her have never fought.. and i douobt we ever will :)
I've got a couple of friends that I can be "real" with. I thought I did when I was in high school but as we were in college, they never really kept in touch with me. And by the time we all graduated and got into the "real world," they had no interest in me. I even bumped into one of my friends' mom and she said that it would be nice if she saw me at her house a bit. I wasn't about to tell the mom that her daughter/my friend that she hadn't returned my phone calls or texts. It sucks because we were close (despite the drama).
The friends that I can be close to now know the real me and know that I don't open up that easily. Plus, I'm the type of person not to let fly the stuff that bothers me. So, if someone says something that bothers me, I'll tell them immediately. I don't hold back on that part as much as I used to. I've found that it works better for me if I say something right away. I've even told my friends not to hold back if something's bothering them.
Yes on two separate occasions I confronted two different friends about our friendship. I told them both that I felt like I was putting more effort in trying to maintain the friendship than they were. My one friend told me a couple months before that if she ever did that to let her know. My other friend had stopped hanging out with me or talking to me as much once she got a boyfriend.
Apparently I was too straight forward and honest and that conversation ended both friendships.
I tried to become friends with one of them again, but once again I was the only one making the effort.
Now I have no female friends.
Nope. I'm a cold-hearted bridge-burner. That's okay, the only friendships I've ever really had were shallow ones anyway.
Nahh. I've had a habit of making new friends every new year at school. 16 years in school and I've never stuck with one group :p I grew up with a group of girls in my neighborhood and we were pretty close growing up, but we clash now a lot of the times. I do have a sister who is only a few years older than me and I definitely consider her my best friend. My boyfriend is also my best friend. I can tell him more than I've ever been able to tell a girl and I definitely get along better with him than I ever have with a girl. I wish I had girl friends though. I imagine that having a close girl friend is really healthy and fun.
I LOVE MY GIRLFRIENDS. Except I have one that I have to tiptoe around more. Of course she's not a fan fave.
Nope. No friends at all.
Right now I only have one true friend. There is nothing that I can't tell her and trust that what I say will go no farther than me and her. I used to have a few good friends but over the years we have lost touch. I think having at least one good friend, is better than having a lot of fake friends.
who i thought was my truest friend wont even bother to message me first and puts all the blame on me that we dont see each other as much as we did.. urgh
I have two friends whom I've known for over 20 years, since we were kids. We've never really had any fights or arguments, which is odd I know, but I know that if we did, they'd still be there for me after all was said and done. They live in other cities now, and we only see each other a couple times a year, but they're still the best friends I've ever had.
This is so sad, so many of you don't have friends. Why is that? Too afraid or hurt to really let anyone come close with you? Or too busy for others because you're stuck home all the times?
Granted, some of us are really capable of being a loner, having no friends whatsoever because we enjoy the loneliness part of our lives. But even with that, we still need to have someone in our lives.It does not have to be a person, but a dog or some type of comfort for company. My mother hates people, she has no faith in them whatsoever. But she even have a dog. She always have had at least one dog she counted on all the times. I suppose that actually kept her sane enough to survive. What is so wrong about having a friend? What so wrong about NEEDING someone? @mommashannon@xanga - stop being so afraid. Let one person in your life be with you. Do you have a pet? @ZombieMom_Speaks@xanga - Don't let that happen to you. I am the same way, I isolate myself from people because I feel that the safety of my children comes first. But you need to have some time for yourself. Get out, do something. Find something you want to do. @wintersun - I can totally relate with you on that one, I cannot yet find one person since I moved to Arkansas, because they are mostly shallowed people here. Not just women. I am not demanding or encouraging you to change your mind about having friends, but really, it is unhealthy to be alone, unhealthy to let that idea of "getting in my way" because then what if you need something in your life? Who or what will you even turn to? How will you get by? I applaud you for being strong and having no fear of being alone. At least, we should respect that. But I just don't like the attitude of your way of thinking. It hurts. I can imagine you scoffing at this because, meh, why should you care about what I think? @explosive@xanga - is that by choice? @SimplyNita@xanga - I can be your female friend! @SpOnTaNeOuS_sPiTbAlL@xanga - count your blessing!! @sunflowersforlove@xanga - very true. really, it should only matters to have someone that count on and trusted in. sister and boyfriend is just perfect. but i can understand how you mean wanting to have some female friend. @mataray_702@xanga - oh yes!! definitely! @Persiankitty@xanga - I had a friend like that. We rarely ever fight. Until I moved away, she began to lose faith in me, distance can hurt friendships like that sometimes.@Momma2babies34@xanga - I have a husband and two children. I have let my husband in, it's gossipy women I don't want to let in
@mommashannon@xanga - i totally understand, none of us needs that in our lives. we already have the drama inside the house. what we need is grown up people to be able to communicate with.
@Momma2babies34@xanga - Pretty much. I'd rather just keep to myself than go out.
I have such amazing friends. I tell everyone I know that if they have a problem with me to just tell me so I can fix it. If they talk about me, I confront them and tell them exactly what I think of them gossiping. My real friends tell me everything.