The good news first: Hannah has slept through the night for four nights in a row now!
But now to backtrack. I guess one problem about
posting on this topic on Momaroo is that some bloggers who aren't subscribers don't know the background to my problem. One poster commented with all the research against Crying It Out, and another poster just plain called me a neglectful parent. Ha! Any of you reading this know that, if anything, I need to take a chill-pill when it comes to raising my daughter.
Anyway, here's some more background information.
At 19 months old, Hannah is not an infant. (I was scolded for not tending to the needs of my helpless infant).
Hannah is a toddler, and a very smart one at that. When I ask if she needs her diaper changed, she says "Diapie!" When I ask if she is hungry, she replies, "Eat?" When I ask what she wants to eat, she says, "Cackuh" (cracker) or "fuit bah" (fruit bar). Or if she doesn't want any of those things, she has no problem saying "no!" (What toddler doesn't?) I also know all of her cries. I know what her cry sounds like during a night terror, I know what she sounds like when she's hurt, I know her sick-cry, and I know her frightened cry, usually from a nightmare. But the cry I know best is her temper-tantrum cry.
And that, ladies and gentleman, is the cry I find myself face-to-face with at 4:00am. Night after night of doing everything I could think of to meet her needs (diaper change, food, drink, playing with toys, reading a book, watching tv, and yes, even a car-ride), Hannah was still just plain ticked off. And yet so tired that she could hardly walk straight (me too, for the record). And that is when I decided that, for the first time in 19 months of her life, that it was time to start crying it out.
The method I listed in a previous post seems to work very well, although it did take her about 2 hours to stop crying some nights. (She's very willful.) I also followed some good advice I received from other mamas. Since her diaper has been a big contender in this whole process, I followed the suggestion to cut off food and drink about 1 hour to an hour and half before bedtime. But so far, the best advice I've gotten is to be sure I wear her out during the day.
Seems like a no brainer, but it occurred to me that my abnormally active toddler might need an abnormal amount of activity to burn that energy. This sounds horrible, but I've started to think of it the same way someone might walk the dog. We all know what a destructive disaster a dog is when he desperately needs his walk, so why would a toddler be any different? And shouldn't I treat my daughter even better than a pet?
So we've spent a few hours at the park every day this week, especially because the weather has been amazing. And you know what, she's slept through the night ever since. She still peeps and sometimes cries out around 4:00am (probably still wetting her diaper), but that doesn't last for more than 30 seconds, probably because she knows now that I'm not coming. The other night, she woke up at 2:30am and starting singing the ABCs (so funny), but she never got upset so I never went in.
So I apologize to those who think I'm a bad parent for letting my toddler cry it out. But guess what, in combination with a few other changes, it worked. And I would/will do it again.
Recommend
Comments (35)
Well I haven't read any of your previous posts, but it definitely didn't seem like you are a neglectful parent. Again, I can't say much about the cry it out method--I'm not a parent. So I'll just keep my trap shut.
Girl, its the only thing that works. I had to do that with my son, although he was younger when I did. But now he for the most part sleeps through the night. He has moments bc he has night terrors, and its hard going from my house to daddys and back, but hes a great little sleeper. Dont let anyone tell you what is right for your kid.
My toddler sleeps awesome after a trip to the park, or even just a walk around the neighborhood- definitely a good idea!
I think in your last CIO post I stated that I give you props for waiting until 19 months- I hope nothing I said made you feel bad, though I am all about co-sleeping and blah blah blah, that doesn't mean I think anyone who lets their TODDLER cry it out is a monster, or lesser parent than I.You let her cry it out? Oh, I am just flabbergasted and offended. I think I am going to tell my friend who is over who works in social services about you.
Oh, wait, he's laughing his ass off and now describing actual neglect and abuse cases...nevermind.
We just switched to a toddler bed from co-sleeping for my son who turned two so I try to go to him so he knows he's not alone in the house when he wakes up in the middle of the night just to fuss. I know that crying it out is in the future, but I half-expect him to crawl into our bed if we try that. Eh, I know he's fine because he sleeps through the night when he sleeps with us.
I side with you here. You aren't a neglectful or bad mother. You know what's best for your daughter...and that is sleep. Goodness knows that she won't be getting the sleep she needs when you constantly go comfort her when all she is is really tired. Good job. Kudos to you!
Yep, you know your daughter better than any one else. It amazes me how little it takes for someone to call another person a "bad parent". As if you can know it all from a few paragraphs from a blog. Geez.
And I agree with the whole wear her out thing. My daughter always sleeps better when she's worn out. I'm glad everything is working out for you!! :)
I am a no-CIO person, but it sounds like you are just trying to find a solution that works for everyone, not trying to force your helpless child to sleep on her own for your own convenience. I think it's a totally different situation. I disagree with sleep training an infant because they have genuine needs in the night, and I know some people just want to be "off duty" for the night (which would be nice for sure!), which is just kind of impossible with a baby. But it sounds like you are taking her needs into consideration and acting accordingly, and that is awesome! It sounds like you are a great mama with a very bright little girl! Her strong will may be an asset to her later in life. =)
We do CIO also, and our daughter is only 3 months old (when she was an infant, which is defined as 28 days or younger, we did not do that). Guess what? She now sleeps 8 hours+ at night, and several naps during the day. She is a MUCH happier baby now, and has started falling asleep much easier. Babies need rest just as much as they need food, so do whatever works. I am so glad you aren't afraid of speaking out about this - it seems like CIO is such a bad word in the attachment parenting happy community now. Well, we do CIO, but we also breastfeed, wear our baby, and cloth diaper, so there ya go. Not everyone fits neatly into one camp. I think if you know your baby and know their cries, and respond to them appropriately it's not neglect. I am sure there are people who abuse it though.
@marzish@xanga - I'm much like you. In all normal aspects I'd be described as an AP parent, except that I use CIO. My babies have always been too alert and too active to choose when to fall asleep. Our CIO is more like "fuss-it-out" but still, they need the sleep and I need my sanity. Just a few weeks ago my 2-month-old decided he would have nothing to do with Mama's method of rocking him to sleep. (He just stares at me or the ceiling fan and babbles happily.) I still try every now and then but usually I have to put him in his bassinet before he realizes he's tired and needs to sleep.
You're meeting her needs and only you can answer rather or not you're neglectful, not anyone on Xanga, at least.
The thing about parenting is that there is no "right" or "wrong" about it. What works for one child/family may not work for another child/family. Even within the same set of parents and two and more children, what works for one child may not work with the other child(ren).
I appluad you for not only finding out what works for you and Hannah, but also putting it into effect.
As someone who works with children, wearing the children out before any type of rest (naptime or overnight) is a good idea. Getting that extra/exess energy out is good not only for the child, but for you as well.
Find out what works with you (as the parent) and your child. I think that's one of the most important pieces for parenting.
It's a difficult choice. We tried it with our twins and it just didn't seem to work. Our son is pretty stubborn --- he would stick to the screaming. Now that they're 4 I don't really have to worry about it. But I have learned that playing soft lullaby music during the night helps. I have a Sandi Patti cd I play.
Good for you! :D
You go girl!!
If you are unfortunate enough to consider letting baby cry it out (because let’s face it, none of us PLAN to let their baby cry it out
when they are still in the womb or anything! It’s typically the last
resort for most of us.), many people want to know when it is okay to do
it. Some people would answer “never” and that is their right.
Great post I really enjoyed the topic, you have a awesome writing style and seem very well versed in the subject.
@glorious_and_free@xanga - I considered myself "against" Crying It Out until my daughter started throwing 4 hour temper tantrums that began around 4:00am, haha. Trust me, it was a last resort. But I fully agree with you that Crying It Out is inappropriate for infants. One of my friends has a daughter who is 8 months old and asked me if she should try to Cry It Out. I told her that I still think 8 months is too young but it really depends on the child. For example, when my daughter was 9 months old, she started waking up again and acting hungry. So I fed her. But all of my cousins (who have children the same age) insisted that at 9 months old, she didn't need that feeding so it was time for me to let her cry it out. Well, I followed my mommy gut and kept feeding her despite their advice, and I was SO glad I did! My daughter had dropped from the 40th percentile down below the 10th, so she desperately needed that feeding! Sometimes you have just got to follow your mommy gut. This time my mommy gut told me that I needed some tough love for my strong willed toddler. And it worked! And now we are BOTH much happier!!
@marzish@xanga - I personally think 3 months old is still a little young for Crying It Out, but if your daughter stopped crying as a result and is still gaining weight appropriately, and since she's happier now, then I guess it definitely worked for you! I'm so glad!
@Management firewall - @Rorslover@xanga - @TheLizarellaProject@xanga - @Proud2B2003@xanga - @Brilliant_Innocence@xanga - @midge4ever@xanga - @snarkius@xanga - @Nina1981@xanga - @lostonlove@xanga - @i_saw_myself_morior@xanga - Thanks for the support everyone! I truly appreciate it!
@mevlink@xanga - Well, if she ever cried in the middle of the night I would wake up and feed her (and there have been nights where she would wake up at 3 or 4 am, and I'd feed her... she's just been sleeping so much better lately). It's mainly during the day time - I just let her fuss for a few minutes and she usually falls asleep - you can tell when your baby needs a nap and they are fighting it b/c of too much stimulation. She's super bright and I can tell her different cries. We certainly don't ignore her, and I definitely don't think it's for every baby.
@averyswife@xanga - your baby sounds like mine! She is so interested in the world and every little thing that she won't just fall asleep unless you put her in her crib (or sometimes in her sling w/ a paci).
@marzish@xanga - Oh, that's definitely different. I don't even know if I would call that crying it out, haha. That's... fussing it out?
I agree, crying from overstimulation when you just need a nap is a whole 'nother story. Sounds like you definitely did the right thing by letting her settle down herself in that kind of situation!
I've let my daughter cry it out since she was 15 months old, and she's slept through the night ever since. God bless haha
@mevlink@xanga - Yeah, I think you definitely hit the nail on the head. No one knows a baby like its mother. Following your gut is so important. For me, my gut says that if my baby cries, it has a legitimate need. Even if that need is just some attention or cuddles. But there have been times too with my toddlers where the crying is different (during the day anyway), and it's a whole different situation. My kids have their share of tantrums! Both my daughter (now 4) and son (now 2) nursed in the night until they were 15 months, and then started sleeping through all on their own with no tears. I know for some people that sounds like a really long time, but it isn't when you just take it one day at a time, one moment at a time. And my body is totally used to the night wakings now. My baby is 10 months old right now, and she still nurses 2-3 times a night, but it honestly doesn't bother me. I can only speak for myself, but once I got over the "need" for 8 hours straight of uninterrupted sleep in my head, I realized that I could function just fine on 6-8 hours of sleep that I get in 2-3 hour chunks. And my babies are/were happy, gained weight well (my son was 20 pounds at 3 months, exclusively breastfed!) and slept well during the day and night (nursing at night is easier when cosleeping too). So, that's just what worked for our family! I couldn't imagine making my 3 month-old cry it out, but at the same time I don't know someone else's reasons for that, and I can only hope and assume that they are following their guts too.
@averyswife@xanga - My six month old wont have anything to do with mommy rocking him to sleep either. He does the exact same thing your child does. I chuckled when I saw your comment. My now two year old on the other hand wanted to be rocked to sleep until he was a year old and we did the CIO method.
Yaye!!! I'm glad you were able to find something that worked!
I love your analogy to walking the dog. My daughter is 22 months and We get cabin fever often when we're inside too much and i just have to take her out and let her run. It really does help her sleep better at night and for naps. High energy children need high energy activities. =)