Tuesday, 12 October 2010

• My Far From What I Envisioned But Loving Mother

  

  I always had envisioned that the ideal mother is someone who brings you snacks when you're studying hard in your room. Someone who encourages you when you feel like you like you hit rock bottom. Someone who gives you hugs and tells you they love you. Someone who wakes up and makes you breakfast.
  
  However my mother does not do any of those things. She doesn't bring me snacks when I'm studying because she's too invested in her TV, and when I am studying she doesn't believe it. She doesn't encourage me but instead states that I hit rock bottom on my own, and ask why I couldn't do better.

  She doesn't gives me hugs but instead slaps me on the butt as a joke. She doesn't tell me she loves me but instead calls me "shumpsai" as a nickname thinking it's cute (when it means to crap your pants before making it to the toilet). She doesn't wake up to make me breakfast, because she believes if she doesn't make breakfast I have the freedom to choose what I want to eat in the morning, but in all honesty it just means she is lazy.
  
  My mother doesn't fit the description of what I always envisioned as an ideal mother but she made me cry today. Lately I've been watching a bunch of tear jerking movies of people dying, and not one of those movies made me cry recently but my mother's actions today make me weep in front of her.
  
  Since Friday I had told my mother that I would go to the library to study with a friend after school on Monday. She knew so well that she told me to bring some moon cake to give my friend. I reminded her again on Sunday that I would be at the library on Monday. However when I got home today from the library her car wasn't there.

  At first I thought "maybe she went out because she knew I wasn't going to be home", but that was not the case at all. Wondering where she was I went to my cousin's house to ask him if he knew but when my uncle saw me he freaked out. He asked me where I had been and told me my mother had been looking for me for the past three hours now.

  Apparently when I didn't get home by 6PM she thought I was lost and disappeared or might have been in some sort of trouble. He kept asking me why I didn't tell anyone where I went, but I clearly told my mother that I would be out. My uncle then immediately called her and told her I was home. The first thing I said to my mom on the phone was "Why did you go to my school... I told you I was going to be at the library, and it's not like I won't come home, you don't need to go look for me".

  She said she didn't know when I was going to be home and that made her worried. That worry amounted to her needing to drive 40 minutes to my school to find me where I was no where close to. When she told me that she was worried my eyes watered up but I didn't cry yet. Then 40 minutes later when my mother got home I told her again that "It's not like I'm not going to come home, you don't have to drive all the way to school to find me, I'll come back".

  She told me again she did it because she was worried, and she already drove there so what happen had already happen, but she was just glad I came home safely. I finally broke down and cried. I don't know how I could cry so much just from this when I couldn't even shed one tear when I watch sad movies of people dying.
  
  This is my mother. Although she doesn't own any of the characteristics of my envisioned ideal mother, she is in her own way ideal. She is my mother that prefers her TV above all other things, doesn't encourage but puts you down even lower, doesn't give you hugs but slaps on your butt, doesn't say she loves you but gives you a nickname that you would be ashamed of to be called in public, doesn't make you breakfast because she is lazy, but is someone who would drive 40 minutes to find you and is happy just to know you are safe at home.
  
  (If you're wondering why she couldn't just call me it was because I don't have a cell phone anymore (my plan ended early September), and when I asked her if I should get a new one she told me "people use to get by without cell phones and they were perfectly fine, so just pretend you live in that time, you'll be fine". And that is why she couldn't call me, but after today she decided she would get me one. Irony?)
  
  And this post wouldn't be complete in less you play Thelma Aoyama's song to Mama
  
  
  It's a sweet song about thanking your mother, which what I feel like doing. Here's the translated lyrics:

  
  20 years of my life you raised me up
  On your own you supported me
  When you pretend to be strong, when you’re a crying baby
  I resemble you in every way
  
  When I was afraid of being alone
  You protected me every day
  
  The times we cried, the times we laughed and even the times we argued and you scolded me
  Mama our time wasn’t all in vain
  At painful days you hugged me tightly with lots of love
  Mama, can you hear it? Thank you, coming from my heart
  
  When we didn’t get along, when I troubled you and was weak
  You always covered me with your heartfelt love
  
  At times when I gotten stuck you whispered:
  “It’s alright to stop, if you want to”
  Every time I’ve been moving on
  With those words pushing my back
  
  From now on I won’t give up even if there’s a wall blocking my way, so
  Mama Please don’t cry, show me your smile
  I’m gonna make the dream come true that you’ve been picturing ever since your childhood days
  Mama, our dream, let’s continue gazing at it
  
  I keep meeting people, parting from people, preparing for something, growing up
  But I’m not alone and I’m somehow not afraid
  Because you taught me how to be strong
  
  Let’s go find what’s truly important in every day of our life
  Mama, please don’t cry, I’m right beside you
  The tears we shed together are now an irreplaceable treasure
  Mama, can you hear it? Thank you, coming from my heart
  
  (Did you know I actually cried while typing this?)

  Did your mom ever do anything that made you cry (in that thankful, surprising way)? What's your relationship with your mom like?

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