Most people know I have endometriosis, and I am one of those rare cases where I have chronic pain, and numerous cysts, which I know have returned. I haven't yet been to my doctor, but I know when I do, I'm going back on my anti imflammatory, and I'll probably try to get pregnant for another 6 or 7 months, but after that I'm done trying.
After the miscarriage in January, hubby and I started trying again after we moved here in May-and its almost October-still no success. I got pregnant within 2 months of going off of birth control pills, and I haven't done anything to prevent pregnancy since I moved.
I've basically come to realization that the one time I got pregnant was it -not to throw a pity party, but I knew getting pregnant in the first place was a long shot, and even carrying to term-which I didn't do would be even more amazing.
I have a less than 50% chance to get pregnant again and my chances are dwindling because I haven't gone to the doctor yet. More than likely I have a cyst blocking my fallopian tubes again-like the last time. I'm skipping periods and all the other wonderful endometriosis symptoms I have.
So with that being said the realization isn't easy that I'll never be a mom. I hear "oh you can adopt" hundreds of times but I don't want to hear it-at least right now. Maybe in a few months when I get a clear cut yes or no about my fertility maybe then I'll be okay. But for right now I am realizing there is a more than likely possibility I'll never know what its like to have sleepless nights, E.R visits, numerous poopy incidents, pictures of me holding a newborn exclaiming everything, sickness, and everything else that goes along with kids.
The good thing though through all of this, I don't have to worry about protective measures against pregnancy
. It's still hard though considering I'm only 24-happily married, and wanted to be a mom my whole life.
Have you struggled with endometriosis?