People are always talking about choices. Are you pro choice or pro life? Do you like chocolate or vanilla? I wonder what about those things we don't get to choose.
To be totally honest, I would have never chosen for Emily to have Down syndrome. It wasn't like I was pregnant and anticipating her birth and thought to myself "Wouldn't it be great if she had some major disability that would cause people to look at her strange and create life long health issues?" I mean, who does that?
Now admittedly, Emily has got to be the cutest child in the entire world, so when people look at her, I just tell myself they are amazed at the sheer beauty that she radiates, but there are days it just gets to you.
Tonight I had to sit down and pretty much violate my precious daughter.
She has a serious bowel issue and requires at minimum a weekly enema. I would rather hang myself than have to put my daughter through such torture, but it is either this or blockages that require surgery. Watching her cry as we go through the procedure breaks my heart. I spent the hour after just telling her how sorry that I am.
If I had the choice, I would make this bowel issue go away. If I had the choice I would have chosen that she not need open heart surgery at 8 months old. If I had the choice, we would only see doctors once a year or so instead of once every few months. If I had the choice, I would keep my heart from stopping every single time she has an unexplained fever. You see, children with Down syndrome are at a much higher risk of Leukemia and unexplained fevers could mean low blood counts which could mean the "C" word. I really hate the "C" word.
If I had the choice I wouldn't insist that they draw blood at least twice a year just to get a count on what is her "normal".
However, I didn't get the choice. Instead I was chosen.
Looking at things in that manner I realize that there is one thing I would not change if given the choice. I would not change the fact that Emily has Down syndrome. Yes, life has been a bit more scary at times, but what an amazing ride.
Never was it so triumphant when one of my children walked. I mean, Emily had been working on it for two years and the smile on that beautiful girl's face when she made it to the couch from the table was one of the most beautiful sights I have ever seen. She was so proud of herself.
Never did it seem so
mind blowing to watch my child eat with utensils. Never did the sound of a beating heart bring me to tears quite like when I heard Emily's following her heart surgery.
You see, I might not have been given the choice about Emily and Down syndrome, but even if I had been; I wouldn't have changed a thing.
Sometimes lack of choices brings the greatest reward.
True
Comments (14)
That is a very sweet blog. I loved reading it. One of my best friends in middle school had down syndrome. She was the biggest sweet heart I have EVER had the pleasure of knowing. When I almost broke my arm, she gave my arm a kiss and told me to get better soon. I almost cried. Her name was Faith, and I think that her parents knew that she would spread faith and hope in her life. Because of her, I'm a bit more optimistic. I've missed her throughout the years, and think of her often.
My second cousin is down syndrome. He is a barrel of laughs. He is so happy all the time. But, he is a handful, but what kid isn't?
I LOVE how you put that... "I didn't get the choice. Instead I was chosen". I do not know what I would do if I was blessed with a special needs child. but this post gives me the hope that if it happens, I will not be alone, and that it is doable.
Loved this post...it made me teary. I'm so sorry that you have to deal with bowel issues like that. I was thinking of my daughter and that would break my heart. You sound like a wonderful mother. And your daughter is absolutely beautiful!
I always get a big smile on my face when I see a down syndrome child. Because I KNOW they are a sweetheart. :)
And thanks for sharing this blog.
Trials like this bring endurance. I can tell by reading this that you are a great mother. I wish you the best as you watch Emily continue to grow!
Loved, loved, loved this post. Beautiful.
Wow. You are an amazing mom & woman. I think people like you & your viewpoint on the difficult things in life are why you were chosen, most likely. This is definitely an inspiring blog post, thank you. *HUGS*
amen! you are a wonderful mother who was chosen by God to raise a beautiful and wonderful child!
this post is simply beautiful and makes my eyes well with tears.
God Bless<3
This was a wonderful, beautiful read.
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