Friday, 06 August 2010
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Heartbreak of Shaken Baby Syndrome
It's not often that I read or hear a story that completely breaks my heart, but this one took the cake.
It was on our local news, yesterday.
A 7 week old baby, who had a month earlier under gone heart surgery, was now back in the hospital with "shaken baby syndrome". She had been released from the hospital on Saturday and by Sunday, when her mom and grandma went to a medical supply store, the dad called and said there was a problem. When the mom rushed home, the baby was unresponsive.
The 7 week old has pieces of her skull in her brain and the prognosis is not good. If she does survive, they expect she'll have permanent brain damage.
Now, the father, I think, denies the charges (1st degree child abuse). He said the child hit her head on the coffee table while he moved to change her diaper. How she was shaken? I'm not sure. We can really only assume that he's guilty, and if he is, I wonder why on earth he did that or what possessed him to harm his child.
I mean, I can understand the stress and frustration from a crying baby... really I can. I never got to the point where I felt like I would hurt my daughter, but sometimes even just the threat of boiling blood pressure was enough to make me walk a way a little.
Obviously, you don't want to leave the baby unsupervised, but just taking a few minutes to breath is much better of an option than shaking your baby in a moment of anger. This tiny baby was completely helpless and has no way of communicating her needs beyond crying. No baby does. It's just tragic.
I just feel... heartbroken for this little girl. She's now having to fight for her life a second time. And her mother? I can't even imagine the enormous amount of pain she's going through. They interviewed her on the news and it was enough to pull at anyone's heart strings. Oh my goodness...
Pray for little Isabella that she can survive this.
Have you ever had those moments when you're about to lose your temper or feel extremely frustrated with your baby? How do you usually calm down or get through those difficult situations?
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- From: Brilliant_Innocence@xanga
- Name: Megan
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Comments (40)
I mean, I don't have any kids, but I've babysat babies that were only a few months old.
Never had I wanted to even shake them to stop them from crying. I just held them and tried comforting them until they stopped.
I don't understand why someone would do that to a tiny baby. D:
People that could even fathom hurting a child, aren't "people" at all. They're our worlds' demons in disguise.
Let me start by saying that i have never and will never shake a baby...
but yes, i have had moments where i have needed to walk away for a moment and have some "me" time. i was very young and newly married when my son was born and getting up with him every hour and a half thru the night [he was breast fed so he woke more often] for almost 6 months was enough to drive me mad. i also had postpartum depression very badly and had no real support system beyond my husband. so i know the feeling of being overwhelmed, and when the child just wont stop crying after you have tried everything from feeding, burping changing, rocking, the swing, the car, a walk... it gets increasingly frustrating. so i would place him in his pop and play thing and go out on the porch for a moment. i knew he was totally safe in it because he couldnt get out... and after i had a minute to chill and smoke a cigarette, [yes, i smoked then... i dont need a lecture. i have since quit] i could come back in and deal with him.
A friend of mine adopted a baby who survived Shaken Baby. I would NEVER do this to my child, or any child in my care.. but....... I do have an understanding of how it could happen.
if you have ever had a baby with reflux or colic that just screams.. these heart wrenching screams that would push any parent well beyond their rational thoughts, then perhaps you could understand how this could happen. (I know someone in this situation. Screaming 8 week old 24/7. I babysit so they don't lose their minds). Look up "Period of Purple Crying".
I calm down by putting the baby in a playpen and stepping outside for my 5 min (usually never actually 5. just long enough to breath normally again). What some parents don't know is that the baby picks up on their anger and racing blood pressure and baby will scream louder. You HAVE to take a few moments to slow your heart rate, cool yourself down, before you can even make an attempt to calm down the baby.
And how to we know father did not have an underlying mental issue (ie depression) that could make him even more fragile.
But what I would really like to know is where is the proof that things did not happen as he said?
Freak strange accidents happen ALL the time. You'd be amazed at the stories I could tell that I hear from parents.
@LadyGwenivere@xanga - i don't know if it definitely applies to this case, but having worked in a hospital for 10 yrs, there are some signs that are in no way attributable to a simple fall, or hitting his head. With shaken baby syndrome, there is overall vascular damage. The repeated shaking breaks their little blood vessels and the baby will pool blood in his eyes and on a CT scan there is specific bleeding that is only attributable to shaken baby syndrome. You can look at an injury and tell usually if the damage makes sense with the fall. With a blunt trauma, there is usually first of all a skull fracture, and the bleeding will correspond with that, sometimes it can differ but not usually (there is also sometimes contrecoup damage to the opposite side of the brain - like if someone gets kicked on the left side of his head by a horse, the right side will usually have the bleeding).
Also children who have any type of special needs (like maybe this baby who had heart issues and surgery etc) are at a higher risk of child abuse. We know nothing else about this family, but I have to think with the medical evidence alone, there may be convincing argument against the father. Menkes disease should also be ruled out, because it can appear similarly on a CT image, but there are tests for that. I'm fairly certain there are no other diseases or otherwise that can appear the same.
Here is a link with CT scan images. http://www.pyroenergen.com/articles09/shaken-baby-syndrome.htm
Whenever I've baby sat, I just get really upset when the baby would cry. It doesn't make me mad, it just makes me really sad. I just want to cry with them when I cannot help them.
The only thing is...as I ponder this case (what little I see written on it) it can't just be shaken baby syndrome alone. There would be no skull fractures. Something isn't being said. Is it also regular child abuse trauma? I can't really research the case not knowing where the poster is. Ha! There must also be suspicion of abuse as well as shaken baby.
What pisses me off the most is this part: "..the dad called and
said there was a problem. When the mom rushed home, the baby was
unresponsive." Rushed home?? If he said there was a problem why wouldn't the mother have immediately told him to bring the baby to the hospital? Those precious moments could have increased her chances at survival.
I haven't ever had to put my baby down out of frustration (although, I have very easy going babies). My response when the child is crying uncontrollably is usually comfort (rocking and hushing) and giggling. Perhaps that is my response to stress? I do know though that it can be hard. Putting the child down and walking away (if the kid is safe) is so much better than anything else. I did punch a pillow a few times when my first child was awake every 45 minutes and my hubby was deployed. I was tired and frustrated, but I would NEVER have taken it out on the baby. The pillow though, definitely had it coming.
"We can really only assume that he's guilty"...this is a tragic story, my heart goes out for the baby girl, but what about innocent until proven guilty?
@sarahsmurfette@xanga - ahhhhhhhh ok that makes a little more sense as to how they can tell shaken baby victim from what the father is claiming happened. It would have been helpful if this was included in the article but thanks for the info.
@sarahsmurfette@xanga - The mother, in the article I read, said that she suffered brain damage from a skull fracture and symptoms of shaken baby syndrome. The father is being charged with first degree child abuse.
Here's the link of the article.
http://www.clickondetroit.com/news/24501428/detail.html
I rechecked it, today, because this happened two days ago. I wanted to see if there was anything new. There is not, but that's the original link I read from. I used that, plus what I heard on the news.
There are times I have felt extremely frustrated--like in the middle of the night when I am extremely exhausted and I she decides to cry and cry and not go to sleep. I guess at times It's best to just go in another room for a few minutes, plug your ears and count to 10 and sometimes just let baby cry for a few minutes while you cool down. Take a deep breath and come back to the child with a better attitude. Babies can sense tension and anxiety, too, so if you are more calm they are more likely to calm down too.
poor baby Isabella...Lord forbid
@SleepyLaura@xanga - Sadly, shaken baby syndrome isn't something that can be easily misdiagnosed or confused with something else. Well, "sadly" in the sense that it's nearly impossible to give someone benefit of the doubt when the hospital diagnoses shaken baby syndrome, because there's virtually nothing else that can create the same effects. Injuries from shaking are different than injuries from falls, etc. It's really devastating.
That breaks my heart, and her father refuses to own up to the charge.
Sometimes babies just need to cry.
That is so heartbreaking! I can't even being to fathom what it must feel like to lose your baby to something like that.
There have been very few times that my children, as infants, went on crying sprees. It's exhausting and frustrating when a child cries and cries and nothing can soothe it. Not a bath or new diaper, not nursing or a tummy massage. No fever or any sign of illness, just crying and crying! Ordinarily I can handle that, but as a new mom who is short on sleep and therefore on judgement, I have had moments where the unbidden thought came to force the child to be quiet. Such thoughts always scare me out of my frustration and make me realize it's time to take a break. I would put the baby someplace safe (usually in his crib) and lose myself in something soothing...be it a walk (if someone else is home) or a book or bath or making cookies. Then I come back to the child when I am calm and cool and happy again (if the poor thing hasn't fallen asleep in the time I was away).
Being a caretaker can be stressful and difficult, but the crying is always a temporary thing, and the smiles and happy moments do outweigh the hard ones. My heart goes out to Isabella and her family. Even the father must be devastated! Whether he is guilty or not, this hurts him deelpy, I'm sure.
When i feel over whelmed i actually just take my daughter and put her in her crib and then go into my bedroom. I also turn off all the monitors and everything in between that way i can't get stressed with her crying. My daughter doesn't normally have crying fits but when she does she goes on for hours and i have done everything possible from feeding, changing, rocking, whatever to calm her. SO in the end i just let her cry it out till she falls asleep and even the doctors have said that is fine.
There has been a few times that i have mocked her and started mock crying at her and she has shut up and gave me the "wth" look and then just played with her stuff :) lol.
I haven't been around babies who have crying problems, but even still I wouldn't dare to shake a baby. Especially my baby. If I have my babies, if they cry or scream and I can't make it better, I'll cry alongside them. Then, I'll let their father try for a while, but I'm just too sensitive to hurt my baby. The worst I could do is cry.
I would put my son in his crib, and spend a few minutes in the bathroom washing my face with a citrus scrub. The smell alone was enough to put me in a much better frame of mind to deal with his constant crying.
In many cases of child abuse that wind up in the news...it's never mentioned that the child was shaken. It's a shame! How else are we to spread awareness?
In high school, I volunteered with a group in Wisconsin called ARCh. For years, the group did a vigil for victims of abuse throughout the life span. My first year, I was proud to be a part of Wisconsin's first vigil for victims of Shaken Baby Syndrome "Hands to Help, not to Harm."
ARCh does SBS presentations to high school and middle school classes. For the longest time, we kept a banner. On it, we sewed hands signed by students across the county that vowed to never shake an infant. The banner could stretch across a football field, I believe. It is the longest in the world.
Thank you so much for this awareness piece!
I just feel... at a loss for words.
My heart is breaking for that poor little angel<3
Walk away, call your mom & complain (Lord knows I DID.), or ask for help. Not being able to soothe a baby can hurt & it can be alot to hear them constantly cry but they're not doing it to spite. I never heard of a child dying from crying too much if you take a minute or two to calm down & check yourself if it gets too much, I wish people would do that instead of hurt those precious children...
When Emma (my youngest niece) lived with us, she wasnt a crier at all except when she needed something & my feet didnt move fast enough. LOL. In fact she slept through the night. The only time she sang opera was when she was sick & I was home alone with her. My sister lived like 2 counties over & my mom at the time spent the night there after work to drive my oldest niece to school & I was calling every 20 minutes begging her to come home because I didnt know what to do. What finally DID help was a bath. It helped to lower her fever & Emma went back to sleep. It was like 4 something in the morning but at 8am when mom got back home, it was officially her time to babysit so I knew I could get some sleep.
I was a single mom with my firstborn, and his colic and clinginess tried my patience in the worst way. Eventually, I figured out that it was better to clear his crib of everything - and I do mean EVERYTHING - lay him down, leave the room, and close the door behind me, than to try to continue holding him while he screamed. I would take a few minutes to breathe and pull myself back together, then go back for another round. He would scream for hours every night, and I would wind up repeating the process a few times each night. It's the biggest and best piece of advice I offer to all new parents. Better to leave them alone in a safe place for a few minutes than to risk losing your cool with the baby in your arms.
There's an easy solution to shaken baby syndrome... don't shake your fucking baby. Does logic escape these people?!
Shaken Baby "syndrome" is a misnomer, developed by trial attorneys to stigmatize defendants and make the symptoms seem more "expert" and therefore make it seem more likely that the crime was committed. Groups like The Innocence Project and other criminal defense groups have been fighting against calling this a "syndrome" almost since the phrase was coined in the 70's; and the American Bar Association has recently come out against it as well: http://www.abajournal.com/magazine/article/battle_of_the_expert/ Which only matters, I guess, if you care about people getting a fair trial ... I do.