I am new to the whole concept of trying to conceive. My daughter Hannah (now almost 17 months old) was a pleasant surprise during the one month I forgot to refill my birth control prescription on time. (Yes, you absolutely CAN get pregnant the first month off of birth control. Who knew?)
So now we are TTC #2. And I guess I should have known that it's hard (after all, my husband works in infertility), but I never really understood. It's devastating.
We've been trying since May 2, to be precise. It has become an obsession. I eat, sleep, and breath babies and what I can do to increase our chance of getting pregnant. Every pregnant woman or new mom I see feels like a punch in the gut. I know there are plenty of women out there who aren't able to have any children; I should be thankful that I already have such a beautiful toddler. I know women who struggle for years with infertility. But let's face it, each failed cycle is absolutely heartbreaking, whether it's only been a few months or a few years.
What's hardest for me is my extremely long menstrual cycles. They aren't irregular, they are just very, VERY long. I mean 45-50 days long. My body isn't shy about communicating when I ovulate, so I don't even need to take my temperature or buy ovulation kits. But I have to wait an awfully long time to try again after each failed attempt. It feels so unfair. Why do most women get to try every 28 days or so when I have to wait almost twice as long? Do you think I should talk to my doctor about this? I've always had very long cycles, but they've always been quite regular despite their unusual length.
How about you, mamas? How long did it take you to conceive again? How did you handle each "failed" attempt at TTC? What encouragement do you have? Should I talk to my doctor about the length of my cycles or should I wait the full 12 months they typically recommend?
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Comments (26)
I'm in the same boat. We've been trying about 6 months for our second, and have had a couple times where our hopes got really high (as in, I didn't have a period for almost 2 1/2 months). My cycles are long like that, as well. It shocks me when I hear about people who aren't trying, and get pregnant when their first is 6 weeks, and I'm (and other women like you), are trying, but with no luck. I hope that things work out for you soon, and I would talk to your doctor. They may say that you should wait after a year of trying, but they could be helpful, and it will give you peace of mind that you are doing everything you can!
It took me five miscarriages and one infant loss, and about two years, and two IVF cycles.
If you go to the doctor, he/she will probably tell you keep trying anyway. They want to make sure it's really taking a long time, and three months isn't that long in the IF treatment world.
3 months is a long time?
we're going on 6 years.
my doctor's latest advice? stop trying.
Well smartass, we've been doing for a year now. Can we move on to something that might actually work?
It can't hurt to talk to your doctor! Even if it is just to get some information for you and your husband to discuss. Do you have PCOS? I have PCOS and one of the symptoms is long menstrual cycles. My husband and I tried for 7 years, 11 months, and two weeks! We are currently 14 weeks pregnant with twins!! But we went through 10 failed IUI's, a failed adoption (we had our daughter Sophia for the first 8 weeks of her life before they took us to court and got her back :() and we had a fresh and frozen IVF cycle that both did not work before this fresh IVF cycle took!! TTC is one of the hardest things we have ever been through only surpassed by the loss of our daughter. Hang in there! HUGS!!!
I think it never hurts to go and talk to your doctor if you're concerned about your cycle.
One of my dearest friends has been TTC for the past 2 years. After having no luck for the first year she went to a specialist and discovered that she had very advanced endometriosis that required laparoscopic surgery. This surgery required a healing process of at least 3 months before they could even start to try again.
Since then I've seen the emotional "punch in the gut" you mentioned above. My heart breaks for her and her husband each month when she finds out she didn't get pregnant again. :(
My thoughts and healthy baby-making wishes go out to all the couples TTC. Hang in there Mama! It sounds like there are many other readers that have experienced this turmoil and I hope you all can encourage and support each other.
I think your doctor won't even do anything until you've been trying for 6 months. Sometimes it takes longer the second time around. The older we get, the more difficult it is to get pregnant. I conceived within 2 months both times I stopped birth control. This time, though, it's been nearly four months and we still haven't conceived. I get that it's frustrating though! I always have to sit back and look at my two little boys that I am blessed with and remind myself of my friends who really struggle with infertility. Then I realize it's not so bad to have to wait a little longer. Good luck!!
My first baby was a surprise, she was conceived despite measures to prevent it. I was on the other side of the fence then, I felt so guilty being gloriously pregnant, without even trying, while I knew so many people had a hard time conceiving. It truly is not fair. Then, I was surprised when it took 8 months of actively trying before we conceived our second (we started trying when she was a year old, and I had been getting my period for 6 months already). I was never jealous of pregnant women, but I know exactly what you mean about being obsessive about conceiving! And being heartbroken every time I got my period. But in the end I learned a lot about fertility, and patience. And in retrospect I'm glad we didn't conceive right away, I think the spacing between our first two was perfect, my daughter needed that extra time as an only child. Then, our third was conceived without trying. I was told by my Dr that due to my thyroid problems after my son was born, I would probably not be able to conceive again until it was back to normal (if it ever was), and I was also still breastfeeding quite frequently, so I didn't really think about it and we weren't careful at all, then suddenly we were pregnant again!
Good luck and thanks for adding my as a friend
I guess I'm kind of, sort of, in the same boat. My husband and I are planning on TTC next month but I just stopped taking birth control this month due to a delay from my doctor who I've been trying to get a refill from. I'm a Sunday start so I've already missed a few days and figured when I do get my refill, which should be today, I don't want to go through the whole hassle of taking "two pills in one day to catch up with my regular cycle" ordeal. I believe that if it happens, it happens and it's God's way of telling me it was meant to be. I'm also very scared of the thought of not being able to conceive. I know that everyone's body is different and that some women get pregnant right away after stopping BC and for some it takes longer and I just hope that I won't have to go through the heartache of not being able to conceive. I can only imagine how difficult it is to try so hard and end up with no results. It seems frustrating. I wish you the best of luck in TTC.
I'm going to go off on a tangent here and ask a question and maybe some moms on here could help me out. I receive what I think was my period this past weekend but have not had my regular flow of a period. I usually get my period on a Fri. night or Sat. morning but didn't see spotting until Sun. afternoon. It started out with some spotting, lower abdomen cramps and lower back pains, which is normal for me when I first get my period, and then the next day some hints of blood but that was it and it ended the day after that. I've always gotten a heavy flow and was just wondering if this is completely normal or if I could consider this a period?
Have you ever tried charting your cycles? It's a part of the Fertility Awareness Method. When I'm not on the pill, I typically have long cycles (anywhere from 35-45 days), so I'm definitely planning on trying this.
I am in the same boat. Like you, I just started. I am not trying to obsess about it but it is hard not to do it. Good luck with your journey.
my older sister and her husband are TTC...
She keeps talking about waiting two weeks after to take pregnancy tests and stuph and how frustrating it is...
I do tell her to stop trying and just give it to God, and let him be in control
@SeeBeeWrite@xanga - Wow, I am so terribly sorry to hear what a difficult journey you have undergone. No, I absolutely realize that 3 months is nothing at all while TTC. My post serves as few purposes: First, to express how surprised I am by how painful it is to "fail" to conceive. I guess I expected to be: "Oh well, we'll try again next month!" But it really is devastating each time I realize I didn't conceive. I can't imagine how exponentially painful it must have been for you to experience so many losses. I also wanted to determine if my weird cycles are something that I should talk to my doctor about immediately, or after trying for a while. It took my parents 5 years of infertility treatments to conceive me, so I'm just nervous that I will experience secondary infertility. Lastly, I'm hoping that by whining on Xanga, I will ironically get pregnant this cycle. Figured it was worth a shot!
@LadyGwenivere@xanga - I completely agree that 3 months is nothing, and I'm so sorry that you've experience such a long TTC journey. I wrote because I was just surprised by how devastating it is. I was naive I guess. I thought it wouldn't be a big deal at all unless it took forever, but I've been really surprised by how much it hurts, even though I've only been trying for a very short time. I hope your doctor is ready to take action soon! Best wishes!
@orangie20@xanga - Oh my word, I am so sorry to hear about all that you have been through. What a difficult journey! I got shivers when I read that you are having twins now. CONGRATULATIONS!! That's so wonderful! My husband works in IVF and embryo adoption, so I'm well aquatinted with that lengthy process. I've only recently begun researching PCOS, and from what I can tell, the only symptom I have is the long cycles, but I've always had long cycles. The plan is to try a few more cycles, but I might mention that we're TTC to my doctor at my daughter's 18 month check up, just to see what she thinks. Congrats again!!
@careegroup@xanga - Right, I know it's too early for doctor intervention. I was just surprised by how heartbreaking it is to realize I'm not pregnant. PMS doesn't help. :)
@glorious_and_free@xanga - I think I definitely need your attitude about being glad you didn't conceive right away. I've had the exact same experience where my first daughter was completely unexpected. I guess I assumed I'd get pregnant right away this time too. I just didn't expect it to hurt so much. PMS probably doesn't help the situation. :)
@babixk1umzy@xanga - Because of the goofy timing with your pills, that just sounds like a weird period. I would definitely count it as such, or you might start bleeding again today or tomorrow. Lately I've been spotting for a day or two, then three days later my actual period shows up. It's really awful because I start thinking that maybe it's implantation bleeding, but it never is. Or go ahead and take a pregnancy test if you are still stressing, but I think that was just a weird period. Best wishes!!
@xcntrychicka@xanga - No, I have not tried charting yet. Personally, my body is so clear at communicating when I'm about to ovulate that I don't know if charting would even benefit me. My body gives me 3-5 days of warning before I ovulate. I do keep a written record of when I ovulate and when I get my period though.
We tried for 3 years to concieve (ever since our wedding night). Even though I am 23 years old I have always had irregular periods since I was 12. By doctor definition I'm infertile due to not popping out a kid the first 12 months of my marriage. We quit though in November 2006 because King Fisher was going home to his country. Insha Allah (God Willing) if the Saudi embassy approves of what we are doing to get me into the country, then Insha Allah perhaps we can begin TTC again this fall. Which means it may be 4 years of marriage before we can begin TTC again. My periods used to be every 15 days apart, average cycle now is 27 days but yes they are irregular. Thinking on it, I know it was a mercy from Allah (SWT) that we did not concieve as we were in no financial position to care for a child and King Fisher would have been forced to drop out of school and go home (since he was an international student he couldn't work in USA, as USA refuses to give non-USA citizens green card to work while they are students even though it's impossible to live in this country without working). I would advise you to see a doctor about your long cycles, it could be a problem with your hormones or your thyroid.
@mevlink@xanga - thankx :) yea it sucks.. but for some reason I am not in a rush to go back to the doctor and find out whats going on... after a few weeks of a lot of thinking, I've decided not knowing is best right now. We're going to wait until Christmas.. if I am not preggers by then, I will make an appointment. But right now we are blessed to be caring for two little boys (3 in Sept and 5 months).. and we are waiting for court to adopt the 3yr old. I know God knows what He is doing.. and I have found contentment in that.
@mevlink@xanga - Thanks so much for the advice! I was a little concerned so I called up my doctor and asked if I could be seen. I took a pregnancy test there and it was negative and he said the so called period I was experiencing was actually quite normal because birth control is supposed to help make menstrual periods lighter. What he thought was unusual was the periods I was getting before. Heavy flow, bleeding for 2-3 days and then spotting again after my period is almost finished. He said I should just consider this a normal period but if I don't get another regular period at the end of the month then I should go back and see him.
I took us over a year to conceive our first and that ended in miscarriage. Six months later I got pregnant again and now I am 26 weeks pregnant. It was tough, but worth it, I can't wait to have her in my arms so I can feel a little less anxiety about this pregnancy. You can mention to your doctor about long cycles, but if they are regular other than the fact they are long, it may just be your "normal". They probably won't do much for you at this point, until you have been trying longer.
I will agree with you that it is heartbreaking each month. I cried harder and harder each month I got my period. The doctor didn't want to look into it much because she just saw it as, I'm young with plenty of time and we hadn't been trying at least a year. After my miscarriage I just gave up on just about everything, but in the end I feel my struggle has been worth it because I am a totally different person today than I was before we started trying. I know it doesn't seem that way now, but your experiences can give you new perspectives on things and help you grow. I hope that you conceive soon, and count the blessing you have already every day (which I'm sure you do!)
@MrsCharlieBrown@xanga - I'm also terrified of miscarrying this time around. I've really been caught off guard by how many of my friends have miscarried recently, so I kind of feel like I'm next in line. I'm so sorry to hear about all you've been through, but it sounds like you have an amazing attitude about it now. And CONGRATS on your pregnancy! Best wishes to you and your little one on the way!
Most doctors will tell you to keep trying 6 months to a year, though it may be different in your case since you have longer cycles. It couldn't hurt to see a doctor, only sometimes docs can be careless with their words.